From Fear to Faith

 In 2012 one of the pastors who had a huge impact on my life passed away. I wrote a note on Facebook called "From Fear to Faith" and thought I would edit it and share it here as we are living in times in which fear covered in anger is rampant. I hope that may someone struggling with fear might be comforted and find courage and peace in Jesus, just as I did.  

In January of 1977 my husband and I moved to Mississippi so he could get his doctorate from State. Oh, we were young and moving across the country while I was pregnant with our first child. The night we arrived in Starkville, it was freezing cold, and I was very sick with a kidney infection. We followed the hospital signs to get to the emergency room. The doctor kept me in the hospital for several days, leaving my husband to unpack the U-Haul. A guy he had met at a conference happened to drive and see Joel unloading the trailer. He stopped and helped him and then invited him to dinner with some guys from his church. He got there and met their pastor, who was nicknamed Nap. For a year, we attended another church that had more young student couples and forged some great friendships, but after a year most of them were finished school and left. One of the men we knew told us that because I had such a thirst for Bible knowledge that Emmanuel Baptist Church would help me find the answers to the questions I had. We to the little Baptist Church, where Nap taught verse by verse at least four times a week and stayed there for seven years.

When we first attended, I was very fearful, but if anyone would have asked if I was a believer I would have said yes. Maybe I was a believer, but if I was a believer, I was a terrified one. Every time I sinned or even thought I might have sinned, I confessed over and over and asked Jesus into my heart again and again and again. Right after we married, we had heard some preaching on the Book of Revelation, and I woke up several times crying from nightmares about end times. When I arrived at Emmanuel, I was still fearful and trying desperately to be good, thinking I could earn God's love and bet to heaven.

About the time I began to relax and enjoy our new church, Nap announced he would begin a series on the book of Revelation. I was struggling with my parent's divorce so I went in to talk to him about that and during that conversation I also told him about my fear of the Book of the Revelation and told him I wasn't sure I could handle the series. He suggested I read the little book, Come Lord, Jesus by Mark G. Cambron and then come talk to him. I began to see the grace of God in that little book on Revelation and how it matched what Nap was preaching on Sundays. We met many times and talked about the gospel and eternal security and a bunch about the love of God. Over time, I realized I believed what God said in His Word and that Christ's payment for sin was enough to secure my salvation.

I fell in love with Jesus during the time I spent at that church. I hungered and thirsted to know everything about Him and had to have driven Nap crazy with questions, but he was patient and loving and kind to this needy young believer. I loved his bear hugs as they were tight and purely given. I loved his love of the Savior. It never ever waned, no matter what came his way. I loved his love of God's grace and a pure gospel. I loved his style of teaching and answering the questions I and many others had, because his answers were never his thoughts or opinions, they were straight from the Word! I loved the consistency of his teaching; the truth never changing as he moved from book to book...it was always grace. And he lived out that grace even in the mundane parts of his life. He fiercely protected the flock with which God had entrusted him. His heart grieved as many of his flock were moved to other parts of the world, but he still considered us a part of his Emmanual family.

I remember one time he was preaching on the persecuted church, I went up to him afterward and told him, "Nap, I don't have to worry about anyone persecuting me, because I always prostitute myself." He responded with, "I know, Babe!" but his eyes were twinkling like crazy. So, I quickly thought through what I had just said and got embarrassed. I screamed, "NO!" and he chuckled and said, "I didn't think you meant what you said." I typed the bulletin for several years and I often made him special bulletins with funny announcements he could not read to the church. But I knew he saw them when he came out with twinkle in his eye and a great big smile on his face.

The last week I lived in Starkville, I went by to see him one last time and I asked him some hard questions I had never voiced before about God's sovereignty over things like abuse. There were no glib answers give, but as I turned to leave, he called my name and I turned around, "Wendy, God is Good! Don't ever forget He is Good!" And I heard his voice say those same words over and over in my head when I went into counseling to recover from the pain in my past! Nap also listened to my pain when my best friend lost her babies then again when I lost her. I loved the sound of his voice when he taught. It was a slow southern drawl that calmed my anxious heart after someone broke into our home and comforted us as a church when we buried our loved ones.

One more thing I loved about Nap was that He never said things like, "Jesus, is coming back, you better get ready." He simply lived His life always excitedly looking for our Jesus to return. He was faithful until the very end. Nap was at a camp preaching and sharing the gospel and passed away later in the evening. That very night I was in a worship service, here in California and we sang one of his favorite songs, "Nothing but the Blood of Jesus" and my heart was full of joy as it reminded me of Nap and his impact on my faith, not realizing our gracious God was orchestrating that moment in my life at the time He was welcoming him home. I love that Jesus has riches to share with His faithful servant that bore so much fruit in His life.

I have lived in California with a contentment that is still slightly overshadowed by a homesickness for people who had become a loving spiritual family for this homesick, pregnant, scared wife. This last week I have seen a lot of pictures from Ikthoos, the Camp Nap and others started. The kids who were little campers when we lived there are all adults who are faithfully filling his footsteps as they love kids and teach them how to study the Word to lift their beautiful voices in praise.

Even if the Worst Comes

The last year has been a tough year for me emotionally, as it has been for you. The hardest thing for me has been the comments in social media and the news that is written to evoke fear in the hearts of those reading them. I even hear similar remarks when I speak to people in person. It even occurs in Christian circles when someone says something like, "If we don't repent we are going to be in big trouble and God is not going to bless us during this election." As events unfolded January 6th, the comments in the media took on an even more hyperbolic and fatalistic tone which increased my anxiety. On Sunday I listened to a sermon/chat given by Ben Stewart and Louis Giglio of Passion City Church and passion and hope began to replace the gnawing anxiety that had been rising over this last year. As I process the fatalistic comments in light of Louis and Ben's chat the words "even if the worst comes" keep ruminating through my head. 

If things continue to radically change and our voices are silenced and policies that God-fearing people have been calling for get reversed, I want to live in a way that honors my God. As I think about the people whose stories were told in the Scriptures, I realize I want to be like the brave and faithful ones. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Nehemiah. When he heard the people who had survived Israel's exile were struggling and shame-filled because the wall of Jerusalem had been breached and its gates had been destroyed, he wept and mourned and fasted, continually praying before his God. His prayer was powerful as it acknowledged God's greatness and faithfulness of God and it confessed the sins of His people. It was powerful as he beseeched His God to be attentive to the words of those who feared His name and to give them successes and mercy in the sight of their enemies for His name's sake.  

If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his brothers and later cast into prison because of a false accusation. He probably felt like the worst had come into his life. Yet, he remained faithful to his God and lived a life marked with such integrity and diplomacy that those who enslaved him raised him to a high position, enabling him to prepare Egypt for a great famine. This brought him face to face with those who had sold him out and allowed God to weave forgiveness in his heart as well as a deep abiding trust in His plans. This hard that he had faced put him in the place to provide for Israel during the famine, ultimately saving the blood line of Christ. If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph to save lives--the lives of the unborn, the abused, the marginalized, and those in need. I want to live in such a way that integrity marks my life and makes God's light shine through me so that those in power take notice and begin to want those things as well. 

If the worst comes, I want to be an Esther. She was a young Jewish woman who lived during the time that the Medes and Persians took over Israel and through some crazy circumstances she become a queen. Her uncle notified her that Haman was planning to destroy all the Jews in the land, which meant even her life was at risk. Esther didn't react out of the fear she must have felt. She acted wisely, instructing her uncle to gather all the Jews in the region to fast and pray for her for three days and nights. Then she courageously went to the king uninvited. During a feast she had requested in her meeting, she exposed Haman's plot to kill her people. Because of her courage in the face of danger and uncertainty, Haman ended up being hung from the gallows that he had prepared for Esther's uncle and the lives of her people were preserved. I want to live in such a way that the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ would be deemed valuable and precious enough to be preserved. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Daniel. He was a young man when Babylon besieged Jerusalem. He was taken into captivity because he was good looking, wise, educated, and competent to stand in the Babylonian palace. They were given Babylonian names and forced into what we would call a reeducation camp. But Daniel resolved to not defile himself with Babylonian foods and took a stand for him and his friends and God filled them with more strength and wisdom than the Babylonians. Daniel later shared the Lord with the king when he interpreted the king's dreams. Because he earned favor with the king, his friends became rulers over provinces and Daniel remained in the palace. Daniel and his friends refused to bow down to the king's stature. Three were rescued from a fiery furnace and Daniel from a lion's den. The thing for which I admire Daniel the most is his faithfulness. He received visions from God and became a prayer warrior like no other. His prayers like Nehemiah's proclaimed the truth of who God is and the truth of their nation's sins and rebellion. He also acknowledged their failure to not listen to the prophets. He then implored the Lord to turn His anger away from Jerusalem and to show them His mercy. I want to be a Daniel who was known as someone who spent enormous amounts of time on their knees and pleads God's mercy over my people. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Steven who in the face of great persecution continued to share the gospel. In the face of martyrdom, he came face to face with people who were so enraged and hate-filled that they gnashed their teeth at him. He turned his eyes towards heaven and saw the glory of God and was filled with the Holy Spirit and said, "Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God." And as the stones began to pelt him, he said, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Lord, do not hold this sin against them." I want to be a Stephen who can pray for my enemies in life and in death. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Paul. He was a faithful servant who suffered much for the cause of Christ. Even though he was shipwrecked, beaten, and put in prison, he remained faithful and penned some of the most powerful epistles we have. He loved well, prayed continually, evangelized, discipled, and courageously confronted abusers who infiltrated the church. I want to be a Paul who was a shepherd and teach others how to live out their faith in a world that isn't paradise. I want to do as he instructed the Colossians. I want to be found laboring with other believers near and far, faithfully lifting them before the Lord. I want to guard my heart and mind that I might not be deceived by the enemy. I want to quench immorality, impurity, evil desire, and covetousness, malice, slander, and obscene talk. I want to speak truth from a compassionate heart, a kind spirit bathed in humility, meekness, and patience. While I want to be a warrior for the Lord, I also want to be known as someone who forgives and prays for her enemies. 

In closing, when I was in college, my dormitory was overrun by male students demanding the right to be in the women's dorms. (I know that tells my age!) The national guard was called in and tear gas was shot at students and into dorm rooms and there were guns everywhere. I was terrified. So, as much as I am puzzled, frustrated, and even angry about some of the things going on in our country I understand our people have been traumatized and many are reacting out of that trauma. Let's agree to peacefully disagree about all sorts of things and let's agree to pray faithfully for our families, churches, communities, and country every single day. Let pray that we can continue to be a beacon of hope for the world even if the worst comes. 

Fear Will Lose its Grip

My earliest memory of fear is kind of funny. When I was three or four years old, my dad watched westerns on TV and in those westerns there were lots of battles between cowboys and Native Americans. At that time we lived in West Texas and drove into El Paso to get groceries and as we drove home at dusk the terrain looked similar to the terrain in the westerns. I often became nervous and hypervigilant as I gazed out the car window, expecting Native Americans to come over the hills on horses to attack us. It was an irrational fear, but I didn't realize the shows were about a different time period in history and we were not in any danger of being attacked.

There were times I embraced fear and faced it for fun's sake. For example, as a child I sometimes got to stay up late and watch scary shows with my parents. As each show built towards it's climax, I found myself  moving closer to one of my parents until it was over. Sometimes my dad growled or grabbed our legs as the tension was mounting, and we all screamed and yelled at him, while we were moving closer to him to feel safer. I loved the closeness I felt as we snuggled to watch those shows. I also loved the memories of those shared experiences as they gave us something common to talk about in later years.

One fear I've never had a desire to face or overcome is my fear of snakes. My first encounter with a snake was when I was riding a bicycle with training wheels on it. I rode down the street, and then when I came back to our house, there was a huge coiled rattlesnake in the road. I stopped just short of it, jumped off the bike and ran to the house. I entered the house and calmly announced the snake in a manner that belied the huge fear pounding in my chest. The fear of snakes grew more when I was a teen and was hiking with my dad. We came upon a loud sound echoing in a canyon. All of a sudden my dad took me firmly by the arm, turning me around as he started walking faster. I had never seen him look that concerned. So, I asked him what the sound was. He told me there apparently was a large den of rattle snakes somewhere in the canyon we were approaching. He explained that the sound we heard was them rattling at the same time and that because of the echo, he couldn't pinpoint where they were and knew it wasn't safe to proceed in that direction. To this day if I see snakes in person, I am frozen with fear and scream.

I 've had other fears that weren't as terrifying, but were just as real and impacted my life in huge ways. I feared my parents would get a divorce long before they did and lived trying to control things out of my control to prevent that. I feared abandonment and developed people pleasing tendencies that made relationships unhealthy. I feared the airplanes that flew overhead during the Cold War years and would plant myself near my parents when I heard them. I struggled with anorexia and spent years fearing food and the number on the scale until it consumed my life. In high school I feared death and refused to sleep more than few hours at a time and lived exhausted through my teen years. As an adult I feared I would not be able to walk again after I suffered a severe break to my ankle and I pushed myself more than was healthy, which increased the arthritis in that joint. I have feared I might lose one of my children to asthma, a ruptured spleen, pancreatitis, celiac disease, or other health issues with which they have struggled. I have feared social situations and speaking engagements to the point I avoided both even though I much wanted to do those things. There were times I have feared being outside in wide open spaces, walking on wet pavement, or feeling strong winds blowing in my face. And, as an abuse survivor I have feared both what I remembered and what I couldn't.

When I wrote, Embracing a Feeling Heart, I  read Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear written by Ken Nichols. He explained that fear is built into our emotional make up from the point of conception and that it was given to us to motivate us to take action when we are not safe. When we perceive danger or potential harm, fear can actually energize us, speeding the blood flow through our bodies, enabling us to think more quickly so we can take action and meet the perceived danger head-on. It can also motivate us to flee or play dead when that would work better. The Bible even tells us that fear can motivate us to seek God and to trust in the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It can even alert us to addictive, self destructive behaviors that are destroying our lives.

Nichols points out that when fear is irrational it can paralyze and control us. This kind of fear most often has a spiritual component to it. Satan, who is a master at deceiving us, feeds us lies that can make routine battles appear gigantic. Because of that Satan can turn us into cowards who live lives  plagued by chronic fear. Or, he can  whisper just enough tidbits of false information to stir just enough fear to cause us to live mediocre lives, requiring very little risk. Satan also likes to stir up confusion which can lead to more fear.

When I was pregnant with our third baby, we had a guy break into our home and as a result I went through a period of time where my life was consumed with irrational fear that hindered my daily life. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't reenter our home after shopping unless my husband was home. I jumped and screamed every time one of my kids touched me unexpectedly. I began to tell myself that I didn't have to be afraid, because the guy was gone and our doors were secure. I also began to memorize Scriptures that had to do with fear. One that I repeated over and over when I fell asleep was Psalm 4:8, "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety."  While I think it was normal to experience fear with what had happened, the calming of my spirit with the Word bears witness of the spiritual component to the irrational fear I was dealing with.

During this pandemic, we are experiencing fear. It may come in the form of anxiety, panic, or strong fear. It may be covered by denial or anger, but it most likely there lurking under the surface trying to make itself known to us and we would do well to listen to it. For me, it has surfaced some fear of being around others, which I hate but must admit is probably healthy. It has also surfaced an irrational fear of breathing air as I wonder what little viruses are making their way into my lungs. It has also resurfaced a fear that I have always had of dying alone and has surfaced a fear of not being able to provide for ourselves, which has always been important to us.

Sometimes we intensify our emotional states by believing lies that can stir up additional shame. Some of the lies we tend to believe about fear are:

• Fear is sin
• Adults shouldn't be afraid
• "Good" Christians don't experience fear
•  I can't survive the experience of fear
• I am fearful and can do nothing about it 
• If I feel my fear, it will consume me. 

But the truth is:

• Fear is a God-given emotion that helps us stay safe and make healthy decisions
• Emotionally healthy adults do experience fear and that is okay, especially in the face of a pandemic where health is at risk, people have to isolate, and many are losing jobs
• Christians are not exempt from danger and fear is beneficial
• Irrational fear can be identified and managed with truth
• We can learn to tolerate fear when we practice sitting with it instead of numbing it or denying its presence
• We don't have to be a slave to our fears, we can face them, deal with them, get help and support if need be
• We are capable of doing work when needed to change our fearful mindset 
• Feeling and acknowledging the experience of fear can keep it from overwhelming us
• For the believer death has lost its sting and the truth is that the best is yet to come so choosing to focus on one day at a time, praying for God's wisdom, loving well, and trusting God's numbering of our days is truly done in with a heart that perfectly loves can calm our fears.

This pandemic has stirred in many of us a strong fear of weaknesses in our body and/or our health. The fear of becoming extremely ill, incapacitated and on a ventilator, or dying is real. We want to remember at this time, is that focusing solely on those fears can increase stress, which can cause more physical problems. We have the power to choose to focus on things that bring us joy and fill us with peace and a sense of gratitude. We can focus on the truth that God can manifest HIs strength in our weaknesses and choose to focus on things of eternal value. Those of us who are older can accept aging is a normal part of life. Second Corinthians 4:16-18 offers this hope: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

Let us remember our God isn't isolating from us, His is with us and His ears are turned toward us inviting us to pour out our troubled hearts to Him. Let us continually lift up our president and vice-president in prayer asking God who has all wisdom and power to guide them as they lead us through this ongoing crisis. Let us continually ask God to protect our medical personnel who are continually facing this virus on our behalf, putting their own lives at risk. Let us continually ask our Jehovah Jirah to provide for the needs of those who have lost jobs. Let us continually ask our Abba to comfort those who have lost loved ones to this unseen enemy. Let us continually be asking the Holy Spirit to miraculously heal those alone in the hospital rooms surrounded by equipment and masked people. And let's do spiritual battle with the Enemy who is feeding us with his ugly lies to keep us paralyzed in fear. While we are isolating for protection, let us remember that our God is more powerful than the threat we're facing and let's use this time to focus on Him and His great love. Our church buildings may be empty this Easter, but the Savior--He is still alive and active in us. There is no better time than now to be on our knees crying out for Nations full of lost, hurting, and fearful souls. Prayer has a way of energizing and clarifying what is truly important to us. Prayer cant each us to love well in ways that we haven't even though of yet. Stay safe. Pray continually. Give thanks. Lets remember that fear will lose its grip when we listen to its message and view that message through God's truth. 

These Isolating Times

Isolation has been a great teacher for me. The first time I experienced a long period of isolation was sixteen years ago when I suffered a severe break to my right ankle. I was house bound as I could not drive and was experiencing a great amount of pain that pain meds didn't touch. I had been a very active person, walking daily and serving in a youth ministry that kept me busy for many years. Then all of a sudden I was sitting at home, alone much of the day.

God was gracious in that when my husband picked me up to take me to the hospital, God impressed upon my heart that this season was for a reason. At first I didn't know what God meant by season, but soon found out. As the orthopedic doctor was looking at my quickly expanding ankle I said, "I guess I won't be walking for six weeks." He looked up from my ankle with concern on his face and gently said, "If you do walk, it will probably be a year from now. It is a bad break." I came home and looked around my living room and thought, now what? The first few weeks were spent mostly dealing with pain. My daughter supplied me with funny movies to watch and brought her first born over several times a week so I could just snuggle with him, which helped a lot. I began to learn important lessons about three weeks in to the isolation.

The first lesson I learned was about loneliness. When everyone was at work, I was alone for many hours and began to experience loneliness. At that time I wasn't good about asking for what I needed or wanted, so I didn't reach out, which increased the loneliness I experienced. When I realized what I was experiencing, I picked up Elizabeth Elliot's book on it to see what she had to say. As I read it, I realized what made loneliness hard to bear wasn't the loneliness itself, but what I was telling myself about it. I had come to believe the experience of loneliness was proof I was rejected, defective, or seen as unlovable. However, I learned loneliness is a God-given emotion that serves to remind us we are created in the image of God, which means we are created for connection--connection to God and to each other. When I understood that, the shame I felt over the experienced of loneliness melted away. I realized there were some things I could do to initiate time with friends and family. I had to swallow pride and ask for rides to lunch, appointments, and to attend a class I wanted to take, all of which cut down on the hours I felt alone.

One sweet lady from our church, brought by a meal for us to enjoy and as she was leaving she said, "I can't wait to hear what you learn about God through this time." Her simple words radically changed my perspective. I realized in that moment I didn't want to miss out on anything God might want to teach me. And, He was so gracious. I continuously felt His presence with me for that nine months. My quiet times were rich, my heart full, and my prayer life fulfilling. Then one day I picked up a prayer journal I had kept for counseling. In it were things I had written to God about some of the traumas I had experienced earlier in life. Even though I had shared them with a counselor, I didn't experience a lot of emotion in the writing or the reading of them. I opened the journal and read the letters out loud to God and I felt His love wash over me and I wept, finally able to grieve the things I had been processing in counseling. I realized I had been too busy to fully enter into the healing process, but God used that injury to slow me down to feel and to heal. Looking back, I am so thankful for that experience because I got to experience the truth of God's daily presence in my life. I not only got to experience God as my Abba (daddy), but as both the Wonderful Counselor and Comforter. He lead me to write curriculum during that time that in turn has been used to comfort others as I was comforted.

And now here I sit again isolating because of the Covid 19. At first, it didn't seen like such a big deal, as we are retired and I have been an author for the last 16 years. However, about a week into it after one of the newscasts, I realized how anxious I had become and how much I was missing the freedom to hang out with my family and friends. One of my granddaughter wanted to come while she was off from school and her gym was closed and her parents had to say no because it isn't safe. Our grandkids that live an hour away can't come down and hang this spring break. Even the ones we live close to are becoming more cautious--we might share dinners sometimes, but always have to ask if everyone is fever free and avoid the usual bear hugs. I have a husband, son-in-law, and a grandson who are extroverted sanguines and find isolating really hard and when they run to the store to get out some it increases my anxiety a lot.

So, what is God teaching me this time? First, He is teaching me that love doesn't always look like a warm hug. Sometimes it means shutting down support groups you love to keep everyone safe. Sometimes it looks like a wave instead of a handshake. Sometimes it looks like a text message that contains a funny meme or a funny picture that depicts an inside joke. Sometimes it looks like a Facetime call. It sometimes looks like people standing on individual balconies singing as the sun sets. It sometimes looks like a Zumba teacher blasting music from her porch, leading neighbors in a class as they participate in their own yards. It sometimes looks like parents getting creative in helping children do school work and learn life skills like laundry and cooking. It sometimes looks like an exercise laid out with masking tape and toys and a mom cheering her preschooler for completing it. It sometimes looks like a child standing on a fire place fervently praying his heart out after hearing he may not get to return to school this year. It sometimes looks like preachers preaching to empty auditoriums so we can still hear sermons and worship together. It sometimes looks like a tired president and his staff giving us updates on a daily basis. It sometimes looks like living room concerts being played and cast by all kinds of musicians willing to share their gifts. It sometimes even looks like taking a firm stand with the sanguine in our lives, reminding them they can be a part of the solution or be the problem. It sometimes means being patient with people who are panic buying and hoarding, knowing it may not be selfishness driving them, but fear. I am also finding in the midst of what feels like chaos, God's relentless presence is my stability as well as my peace in the anxiety that keeps bubbling up.

I have come to believe this season of isolation is an opportunity for the church to shine brightly and because most of my communication is in writing I want to be careful of every word I write. Some of the harsh things I have seen online cause me to cringe, because I don't believe they accurately describe the Father's heart. Ez. 18:23 says, "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the sovereign Lord. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" As believers, we would do well to reflect first on our own lives, the state of our own hearts, and the health of our own relationships before we point fingers at others. We know from the news, that the church needs revival just as much as anyone else in this world. So, I hope we all can speak God's truth with a clear and clean conscious, having taken the logs out of our own eyes first. I hope we speak it in such a loving way that others will be drawn to the very heart of the God who loves them enough to die and bear the wrath of God for sin for them. Let's try to reflect God's character in such away that others want to come near Him.

Battles Won in Unlikely Ways

When I was a young adult, we landed in a church whose biggest strength was it's Bible teaching. We not only heard expository sermons, we had many opportunities to participate in Bible Studies through the week. One of the Bible study leaders said he loved to read the Bible because it is book full of love stories, epic battles, and stories in which flawed main characters were redeemed, transformed, and thrust into the middle of God's epic story. Under his teaching I became more interested in the battle stories, especially ones fought and won in unlikely ways. These battles contain valuable lessons for us because it is written on the heart of every believer to be a hero or a heroine fighting battles, whether they be physical, emotional, or spiritual in nature. If you don't believe me, threaten a parent and you will see either a "papa gorilla" or a "mama gorilla" rise up to protect their young ones. Let's look at four different battles fought and won in the most unlikely ways.

First, we have the battle between Israel and Goliath. The Philistines gathered for battle at Socoh, which belonged to Judah and Saul and his men had essentially "drawn a line in the sand" for them. A Philistine named Goliath was a giant of a man who was dressed in heavy armor and carried a huge spear. He taunted the men of Israel twice a day, yelling for them to send someone brave enough to fight him so the winner of the fight with him could settle the battle between Israel and the Philistines. Saul and his men stayed put because they were all afraid. When David brought his brothers food, he  heard Goliath mocking Israel and asked, "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?" David's brothers thought him presumptuous, but it didn't deter him from volunteering to fight Goliath. David armed with only five smooth stones and a slingshot approached Goliath. Goliath came closer with his shield-bearer in front of him and when he saw how young David was, Goliath cursed him, evoking the names of his false gods. Undaunted, David shouted back, "You come to me with a sword, spear, and javelin; I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. He will deliver you into my hand. I will strike you down and cut off your head and feed your body to the birds so all will know the Lord saves." When Goliath rose to meet David for battle, David slung one stone, striking the Philistine in the forehead. When Goliath fell, David took Goliath's sword and cut off his head. Israel won because David knew who how powerful His God was and trusted Him for the victory.

Second, we have the battle of Joshua at Jericho. God told Joshua he would give the city, its king, and its men of valor to him. As God instructed, Joshua told his men to take up the Ark of the Covenant and let seven priests bear seven trumpets of rams' horns before the Ark. He had armed men pass before the Ark and a rear guard follow it. He had the priests continually blow their horns as they marched around the city once a day for six days. Then on the seventh day he had them march around the city seven times and on the seventh time when the priests blew their trumpets, he had the men shout in recognition that the Lord had given them the city. When they shouted, the wall fell flat and they captured the city. I wonder what Joshua's warriors thought when he told them to march instead of waging an attack. I wonder what it would have been like to shout in joy for a victory that hadn't even happened yet. Their actions exposed their faith. Israel won, because they listened to God and did as He instructed.    

Third, we find God instructing Gideon to downsize his army so Israel wouldn't take credit for the upcoming battle. Gideon sent home 22,000 soldiers and kept 10,000. But, God told him that was still too many soldiers. He had Gideon tell the men to go down to the water to get a drink. Most of the soldiers knelt, leaning over to get their water, but 300 of them dipped their hands in and lapped water from them. God told Gideon he would win the battle with these 300 men. God sent Gideon, who tended to be fearful, down to spy on the enemy and he overheard a man telling a dream to one of his comrades. The comrade recognized the dream as a prophecy about Gideon and His army being victorious. When Gideon heard this, his heart was filled with encouragement and he worshiped God. He then returned to his camp and told the army of 300 to get up. He divided them in to three groups and gave them all trumpets and lit torches that they hid in jars. They surrounded the city, blew their trumpets and smashed their jars and cried out, "A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!" The Lord set every man's sword against his comrade. Can you imagine coming against a large army armed only with a trumpets and torches? Can you imagine seeing a battle waged and won in front of you without ever having to raise a sword? Israel won because they believed God and did what He commanded.

Fourth, we have a battle won by Jehoshaphat. His men warned him a huge army was coming to wage war. He was afraid and proclaimed a fast and went to God's House to pray. He said, "O Lord, God of our fathers, aren't You God who rules over all kingdoms and nations? In Your hand are power and might, so that none can withstand You. You drove out the inhabitants of our land and gave it to us as a forever possession. We come to you now because the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, whom You would not allow us to invade are coming against us. Will you execute judgement on them? We are powerless against them and do not know what to do. But, our eyes are on you!" The Spirit of the Lord said, "Do not be afraid of this great army, for the battle is God's. Go against them tomorrow. You will not need to fight. Just stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord." The next morning Jehoshaphat rose and said, "Hear me, Judah and believe in the Lord your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed." He appointed singers who wore holy attire to march before the army. When they began to sing and praise the Lord, the Lord set an ambush against the armies of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir so that they destroyed each other. Israel won because they believed God and stood firm.

I believe God was very intentional in about sharing these accounts with us. Maybe God put the story of David and Goliath in the Bible to remind us not to be like the men in Saul's army who were afraid because of they listened to the enemy who has a very big mouth. The enemy wants us to cower in fear, believing he has more power than he does. If we are  not careful, we can become paralyzed by  fear that is irrationally based on the enemy's lies about God. We can cower in fear as He reminds us of our insecurities, our weaknesses, and our failures. We can hide in shame as we listen to the names he ascribes to us--names that are meant to shame. Maybe God also wants us to understand that one man or one woman who has faith can defeat the enemy and impact a whole community.

Maybe God put the story of Jericho in the Bible to remind us that God uses a lot of different methods to accomplish His plans and that His methods may not make sense to our finite human brains. All we have to do is keep marching, keep trusting, keep obeying, and keep praising God for the victories He will give. Maybe He was also telling us that there is no wall too big, no enemy too powerful, no temptation too strong, and no spirit so evil that He can't defeat when we fully trust Him and are obedient to that which He calls us.

I love the battle of Gideon and his small little band of men. I can relate to Gideon having fear. He thought he was showing God trust when he sent home 22,000 men and kept 10,000 men with him. But God stretched His faith by sending home 9, 700 more men home, leaving Gideon with only 300. That isn't typically done when there is a large army nearby. I love that God understood Gideon's fear and graciously turned that fear into courage by allowing him to hear the prophetic vision to which Gideon responded with faith and worship. Maybe God put this story in the Bible so we would understand that when he calls us into new territories filled with darkness, it doesn't take huge armies to make an impact. It only takes a small band of faithful warriors bearing the light of Jesus and proclaiming God's truth to the nations. We tend to think these battles are ours, but in reality they belong to God who is sovereign over all. The enemy cannot thwart the plans of our great God.

Maybe God put Jehoshaphat's battle in the Bible so we could learn how to face fear by understanding its source is often rooted in a sense of powerlessness. Maybe He put the story in the Bible to remind us that when we are afraid, we can unashamedly bring our fear to Him, declaring who God is and who we are in relationship to Him and by reminding ourselves of His promises. This story show us that we can defeat the enemy through worship. Max Lucado says worship isn't about performing, preparing our hearts for sermons, or making our hearts feel warm and fuzzy, it is spiritual warfare! Worship defeats the enemy by drowning out his lies and melting our fears and doubts by reminding us who God is and what He has done and what He will do in the future. We can become victorious believers, filling our lives, our homes, our places of work, and our churches with worship. We can even be victorious over besetting sin, by facing down the strong temptation with worship, after all  temptation is nothing more than a call to worship.

The Christian life is a war zone and will continue to be so until Jesus returns for His Bride. Because of this, there will be times we experience fear. It isn't a sin as some would have you believe. It is merely an emotion. What we do with that fear will determine whether or not we are victorious. Our battles, like those fought by David, Joshua, Gideon, and Jehoshaphat, will be won in unlikely ways when we live worship-filled lives. For in worship, we find ourselves taking thoughts captive to God's truth, admitting our powerlessness, re focusing our eyes on the all powerful One, and becoming overcomers by the word of our testimonies. The battles are not ours, they are the Lord's and they will be won in the most unlikely ways. 

Fear is a Four Letter Word

Several years ago I wrote a book on emotions and in that book wrote a chapter called, "Fear is a Four Letter Word:. In that chapter I shared that my earliest memories of fear are from my preschool years. My dad often watched old westerns with battles between cowboys and Native Americans. At the time we lived in west Texas and we drove from Salt Flats to El Paso to get groceries. I remember being hypervigilant and watching out of the car window afraid Natives would come riding over the mountains to attack us. My mind didn't grasp that the westerns my dad watched reflected a different time period than the one in which we were living. My fear was irrationally based on childish perceptions, not on facts.

Many believers think fear is a sin, but it is a protective, energizing emotion when it is operating in a healthy way. In fact, we can't display courage unless we are experiencing fear. We know fear is built into our emotional makeup from conception as babies jump in the womb in response to loud sudden sounds. God put fear in our emotional make up so it could motivate us to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Fear warns us of potential danger and energizes us by speeding up blood flow so that we can think and act more quickly. It motivates us to flee, fight, or play dead.

Fear can sometimes help to bond people. This occurs when we embrace fears together, especially when we do it for fun's sake. I did this watching Alfred Hitchcock's shows with my family as a young child. We  snuggled close to our parents as the show built towards its climax. Sometimes my dad would growl or yell, "BOO!" just before am exciting part. We would scream, jump, and then all laugh. Our family felt close during those times. I also experienced this when I faced my fear of heights, riding rollercoasters with my kids and climbing a rock wall with our youth group. Even though I experienced fear in those situations, I knew I was with people I trusted and we bonded as we talked and joked about our fears, encouraged each other, and then debriefed afterwards. These things provided shared memories and these memories provide points of instant reconnection when one of us says, "Do you remember that time...?"

Because we live in a fallen world, fear can becomes irrational. If this happens, it can paralyze and control us to the point it becomes a stronghold in our lives. Irrational fear, can make us cowardly if we give into it. This occurred in the book of Numbers when the Israelites were to enter the Promise Land. God had instructed Moses to send a man from each tribe to check out the land. Forty days later, the men returned with pomegranates, figs, clusters of grapes so heavy they had to be carried by two men. All agreed they had found the land of "milk and honey" God described. Yet, only two of the twelve believed Israel could take the land with the Lord's help. They had all observed people of large stature living in the land and ten of them felt so intimidated that they refused to take the land, missing many years of blessing. In their fear, they forgot about God's power and His faithfulness to them. Our fear can make us forgetful, toe.

Irrational fear sometimes has a spiritual component to it as Satan is a master deceiver and can make routine battles look unbeatable, everyday trials look insurmountable, and daily temptations look undefeatable. If we buy into his lies, Satan can turn us into cowards, experiencing chronic fear and living mediocre lives. Cowardly fear can come out in the fear of rejection, which keeps us from reaching out to others, leaving us bound by loneliness. It can come out in the fear of failure, which keeps us from taking risks that would help us develop our talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts. It can come out in the fear of abandonment, which keeps us focused on self, instead of loving others well. Hence, irrational fears can cause us to miss out on relationships and opportunities in education, jobs, and ministry.

Unhealthy fear has the potential to cause confusion, which increases the fear we are experiencing. We see this in the book of Judges when God instructed Gideon to call 300 men to surround the Midianite camp, carrying trumpets and clay jars hiding lit torches. He told them to surround the camp, blow their trumpets, break their jars to reveal their torches and shout, "A sword for the Lord and Gideon!" This caused sudden fear among the Midianites and, in their subsequent confusion, the Midianites drew swords on each other. Kind of looks like what Satan and his legions do in our churches today, doesn't it? He knows each of our vulnerabilities and insecurities and attacks in a way that causes fear-fueled confusion. This confusion paralyzes us, keeps us stuck, misconstrues reality, stirs up strife, and causes us to attack each other. Every time I have experienced conflict in the church, there was a great amount of confusion concerning it and at the root of the conflicts was some sort of fear.

When fear becomes a stronghold, it draws our focus away from God and zaps our energy, leaving us with little power to obey. We see this when Saul and the Israelites were facing Goliath. Goliath was a large man with a big mouth. He stood on the mountainside taunting Saul and his army. God had told Israel He would defeat Goliath on their behalf, but they became so afraid that no one took action. Only young David believed God and had the courage to face down the giant. Sadly, Saul's fears became more irrational as time went on. He began to fear his faithful servant, David, tried to kill him and ultimately his fear led him to commit suicide. His fear had become an idol, one that he spent much of his life trying to appease, to no avail. Fear ruled his heart and drove him to carry out ugly, ungodly actions.

In his book, Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear, Ken Nichols pointed out that there are 366 "fear not's" in the Bible. Contrary to what many believe, these were not given to us to admonish us or to shame us. When God says not to fear, He follows it with sweet reminders of His presence, His faithfulness, and His power. Fear doesn't have to be a four letter word when we realize it gives us opportunities to be courageous and grow in faith. When we call fear sin, it is because we have forgotten the Bible is a book about a relationship between a God and the people He loves. It is not a list of do's and don'ts written from an angry God waiting to zap us. It is written with from a heart filled with love that desires to protect us and our relationship with Him. His telling us not to be afraid is similar to us lovingly telling our children not to be afraid because we are with them, have knowledge they don't have, will protect them, and can identify irrationality behind many of the fears they have. We can be thankful God won't obliterate our fear as it not only helps us stay safe, it is the very thing that drives us to Him.

(Ken Nichols, Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear; Wendy J. Mahill, Embracing a Feeling Heart ) 

The Blame Game

The blame game has its roots firmly planted in Eden. After Adam and Eve ate a piece of fruit forbidden by the Creator, they covered their nakedness and hid themselves from the presence of the Lord. The Creator found them and asked them if they had eaten from the fruit. Adam responded by blaming Eve first and then God, reminding God that He had given him the woman. Eve blamed the Serpent who had deceived her. I used to think their blaming was simply an attempt to avoid owning their sin and that is partly true. But, I also think blaming was an attempt to discharge the uncomfortable feelings they were experiencing for the first time as a result of their sin.

Prior to this day there had only been one way in which the couple could sin and that was by choosing to eat the fruit God had forbidden. As long as they did not eat it, they fully enjoyed each other and lived naked and unashamed. They also enjoyed interacting with the Lord regularly. Immediately after eating the fruit, they were overwhelmed with shame as revealed by their desire to cover themselves. They were no longer comfortable in their own skins and no longer free to be open with each other. Along with the shame they experienced, they became fearful as revealed by their choice to hide from the One who had created them.

Shame, guilt and fear--those uncomfortable emotions we all want to avoid. Guilt leaves us with a sinking feeling in our hearts, reminding us of our disobedience, rebellion, and desire to do our own will rather than God's. Shame causes faces to glow hot, heads to drop, eyes to avert, and bodies to slump in an attempt to hide. It comes as we begin to believe we are the choices we've made and wonder if we are not enough and too much at the same time. Guilt and shame so often give way to fear, which can leave us shaken to the core as we believe we will be rejected if we are truly known. Fear can also be born out of a belief that we have lost perceived control--control of what other think about us, control over the relationships we've broken, control over others, and control over our circumstances. Out of the need to dispel these vulnerable emotions, blamers often take on anger, which feels more powerful. And that anger comes out in angry words being vented like a hot volcano spewing lava and that anger births blame.

I have had many interactions with people who have adopted blame as an integral part of their defense mechanisms. They are no longer blaming just to avoid facing their sin, but they are also blaming as a way of coping with all sorts of painful emotions. I have known people who are struggling with depression that hasn't been diagnosed who, in their pain, look for someone or something to pin the anger on.

Some people get stuck in patterns of blaming themselves for everything. This placates their fear of rejection as they believe if someone looks too closely at them or their lives they will walk away. They believe by "beating themselves up" noone else will. This shields them from the discomfort of healthy confrontations, from the fear of rejection, and from the fear of someone else's anger if they were to confront ungodly, unhealthy behaviors hurting them. Sadly, this turns anger inward, resulting in depression and loneliness, which in the long run feels worse. It also keeps people from having mutual relationships in which iron sharpens iron, something we need for both personal growth and the growth of true intimacy.

On the other hand, some practice blaming others. These people often come across as angry and critical as they project their anger outwardly. Sometimes it's global anger in which they are angry at the whole world. Sometimes it is anger projected at God whom they believe hasn't acted on their behalf. Sometimes it is at a people groups, the government, or religious organizations. Sometimes the anger is aimed at a specific person because they hold that person responsible for their happiness or because the person triggers their insecurities or reminds them of something painful they've experienced. Blaming others tends to give someone a feeling of power because they believe if they can find out who is to blame they can fix it. The anger blamers experience can alleviate the discomfort of feeling vulnerable emotions, but can destroy relationships as they lash out at others.

It is important for us, as believers, to understand blaming may make us feel more powerful and in control in the face of pain or the aftermath of sin, but that is a false sense of control. Blaming is the opposite of the accountability to which God has called us. It stops us from leaning into the mistakes we have made and learning from them. Brene Brown says that we gravitate to blame because it is much faster than accountability and I think she is right.

However, for us Christians, accountability is an integral part of the sanctification process. It is a vulnerable process that requires courage, humility, and a lot of time. It includes things like the ownership of one's actions and emotions and that feels risky. It includes the confession of one's sin and hurtful behaviors that have harmed relationships and that feels risky. It includes developing the empathy to hear another's point of view, while giving up the tendency to defend, deflect, or blame and that feels risky. It includes the boldness to share how another's actions have impacted us and to ask for change and that feels risky. It includes forgiving and asking for forgiveness and that feels risky. It includes a committment to do the hard work required for personal grown and change and that feels risky, too. The most important truth to remember is that God took a risk on us when He sent His Son to die in our place for our sin. No one wins when they play the blame game, but we win when we put on humility and lean into God in our failure and our pain, allowing Him to work in our hearts and our lives.      

  

Is God Mad at Me

Last night our pastor made a couple of statements that brought back some hard memories. He said pastors know that to make parishioners feel guilty all they have to do is ask them how they are doing in their prayer lives or with sharing their faith. This is because most of us believe we fall short in in these two areas. He said many people want to know if God is mad at them when they fail to do what He has instructed them to do. When he said that, I remembered the years I have struggled with believing God was angry at me for sinning. This would hit me hard when I went to bed at night and replayed my day in my head so I could make sure I confessed every single sin.

The fear I felt as I confessed sin was often overwhelming. This was because I did not understand the benevolent side of God who viewed believers as His children. There were times I expected God's wrath to hit me like a lightening bolt. An example of one of those times was when I was going outside and the wind caught the screen door and slammed it hard on my hand, hitting it between two of the bones. Waves of pain ran up my arm into my shoulder as a curse word slipped out of my mouth. I looked so terrified my mom laughed, but she didn't realize I wasn't afraid of her, I was expecting God's wrath to hit me like a lightning bolt because those words had come out of my mouth. It never occurred to me that God would be concerned about his daughter's injured hand and the pain she experienced that day.

When I went to bed at night, I replayed each day in my head to make sure I confessed every single sin I committed. During my prayers, my anxiety and fear of God would rise for several reasons. One reason was that I was such a perfectionist that I judged every conversation and every action harshly. That left me constantly feeling like a failure, believing God was always angry and disappointed with me for not being the perfect Christian. I also believed He was exasperated with me for not always speaking the right words into every situation or always performing perfectly in ways that would bring glory and honor to Him. Looking back at those times, I now realize some of my harsh judgments were because I didn't grasp that when people were unhappy with me because of the faith I was living out loud, that was between them and God. When they were unhappy with me, I always assumed I had failed and then felt guilty when the real issue was that they were feeling convicted and got angry at me for the discomfort they felt.

Another reason I struggled with fear and guilt was that I had an eating disorder. When I read new "diet" books, I viewed their rules as God's law and committed to keeping the rules perfectly. I felt guilty every time I ate a bite of something not on the good food list and confessed that as sin to God. I ate a diet of almost zero fat, no breads, and very little food. I was close to a hundred pounds and believed I was extremely overweight and sinful for being so. I believed God was angry and disappointed that I didn't eat a perfect diet, weigh a perfect weight, and wear a smaller dress size. I didn't realize He had created my body to need a balance of fats, carbs, and proteins and I didn't grasp that eating could be an act of worship when it was done with a grateful heart. I didn't understand that the Lord is pleased when one of His daughters put the food He gifted her in her body so that it could thrive and she could have the energy she needs to serve Him. I waisted so much time and energy on guilt that was based on lies.

I had other misconceptions of what I believed sin was. A part of that came from my melancholic temperament. To stay safe I viewed things from a very black and white perspective. Things were either all right or all wrong. That lead me to believe that there was an absolute way to do things that would be right in every single situation. When I left home and met all sorts of people, I found people from different walks of life, different churches, and from different parts of the country had very different views of what was right and what was wrong. My list of wrongs and potential ways to sin grew with every person I met. Over time it became exhausting!

Then we landed in a little Baptist church in Mississippi. This church was different than any church of which I had been a part. Our other churches had pastors who mostly evangelized, which left me in a state of wondering if I was really saved. But in this church, the pastor gave a clear gospel, spelling out God's grace every time he spoke. At the same time, he taught the Word verse by verse, taking as long as he needed to get through a book. In addition, the pastor loved to answer questions. Many of us were young college students or young marrieds and we were hungry for knowledge of God and His love. We were nurtured and taught the word of God by the pastor and the deacons and the Sunday school teachers. After church we often had pot lucks or went to lunch and continuously discussed the Bible and asked questions about the sermons and about how to apply the Word to life.

Overtime, my views began to change. I no longer viewed God as an angry, distant God who sat in heaven, waiting to punish people who failed. Instead, I viewed Him as a God who loved so much He became not only the just, but the justifier. I saw Him not only the lawgiver, but the law fulfiller. I not only saw Him as a judge, but the Sacrificial Lamb who bore His judgement--God's wrath for sin. I saw Him not only as the Sovereign One who has the right to determine my days and my journey, but as the Good Father who walks me through life step by step, revealing Himself and His grace to me as He reveals hidden sin in my life in a loving way. I no longer saw Him as a God who expected me to already be a better person, but as a God who understands my brokenness and the ambivalence with which I struggle in wanting to do His will while my flesh is clamoring to do mine and gives me the strength to make better choices. I no longer saw Him as a God who expected me to not be broken, but as the God who gives me counsel as He heals my brokenness.

I came to realize that the condemnation that had plagued me for so long was the work of The Enemy and that God calls me to repentance through His goodness. I began to relax and lean into God in faith, fully trusting His finished work on the cross and His loving care in this life I am living. I began to see the Christian life as less black and white and more in shades of gray where love can often determine actions that need to be taken as I trust God to give me wisdom abundantly.  

So, is God mad at me? The answer to that is a resounding, "NO!" The proof is in the Word. Romans 5:9 says, "Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God." The disciple known as the one Jesus loved even said, in 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son.

Are You Giving Life to Faith or Fear?

When I was a child, my family lived in the beautiful town of Williams, Arizona. I have reconnected with several people from there through Facebook. One of those friends is a man named Bill Sutton who was born and raised in Williams. He attended college At Northern Arizona University and became a schoolteacher and local newspaper writer. He then became a judge for 20 years and was awarded the McKeachem Award for being the nation's outstanding non-attorney judge. He is the founder and president of Yes, I Can, Inc. as well as the founder and president of his own company, Wise Choice Alternatives. I have enjoyed reading his Facebook posts, especially his posts called Thought for the Weekend. This weekend's post was called "Peace on Earth." He graciously gave me permission to share it here. I hope you enjoy it and benefit from it as much as I did!

Thought for the Weekend: Peace on Earth

Bill Sutton

       With Jeff being home this week, I'm reminded of a Christmas story of when he was a toddler, and unable to sleep because of a terrible fear. He screamed in the night, and I arose from my bed to see what was the matter. He said that he was seeing a giant bug on the wall of his room. He was pointing to an area directly above the little lighted Christmas tree. I told him that there were no giant bugs, and to go back to sleep. He soon screamed again, and again I had to tell him and show him that there were no giant bugs. The third time he screamed, I was getting mad, and went into his room to tell him to knock it off. Then what to my sleepy eyes should appear? A foot long shadow of a bug; Jeff had much to fear! What was going on was that a tiny box elder bug was climbing on the Christmas tree, and every time it climbed on a light, the shadow of the bug projected on the wall! He was right, in his own little eyes. I felt like the Grinch for getting mad at him.

       Jeff's story is a lesson for all of us. Fear gives big shadows to small things. What you focus on, you give power and life to. Once Jeff saw it was a common box elder bug, we had a prayer time, and soon he was nestled all snug in his bed. He went from fear to faith in minutes.

       What you focus on, you give power and life to. Do you give life to your faith, or life to your fear? Fear won't take away tomorrow's troubles, but it will take away today's peace.

       On the night of Jesus' birth, there were shepherds in the fields, probably looking in wonder at the beautiful star shining through the night. Then an angel appeared and they were terrified. Then the angel said, "Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be for all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord." The angel replaced their fear with great joy and faith, because of the truth. Just like Jeff.

       Everyone has fears, so how do we go from fear to peace? First, when those fears start taking over, ask God for help. Let him show you what is truth and what are lies about your circumstances and about your tomorrows. And maybe most importantly, quit giving life to your fears by talking about them so much. That gives your fears a much bigger shadow that will follow you wherever you go. You may have some big fears and big problems, but always remember you have a bigger God. Ask God to help you trade your fears for faith, and bring peace to your life, starting this Christmas.

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." ----- Luke 2:14

I love the picture of the bug casting a big shadow in Bill's article and the fear it caused for his young son. In the support groups we run at our church, we often deal with fears. Some of our fears are very real and based on truth. leaving us to have make some hard decisions to stay safe and some of our fears are based on lies that cast big shadows like the one Bill's son saw. Those lies can cause fears that leave us paralyzed and unable to move forward. When we share our fears with the wrong people who can't discern the lies that create the enormous fear we experience, the fear only continues to grow. But if we choose to talk about our fears with wise people who help us discern the difference between the lies we believe and the truth, the shadows grow smaller and we can walk more securely in our faith. The truth is ruminating on lies casts big shadows resulting in paralyzing fears, while ruminating on God's truth puts things into perspective which keeps our fear from overwhelming our faith. 

Is it really a Great Big Wonderful World?

I come from a line of women who cared deeply for pets, who were down on their luck. When I went to visit my mom and grandmother, I often found new pets with special needs. At one point, they had a blind dog, one who suffered seizures, and one with severe arthritis. It seems those genes of compassion have been handed down to our youngest son. When he bought his first home, he decided he to get a puppy. He went to the pound and was somehow smitten by a sweet female dog that he named Sweet Dee.  

Recently I got a chance to meet Dee and she is a sweetheart. During our visit, he told me her story. She was in the womb when her mother was confiscated in a police raid. The mom and the puppies she was carrying could not be adopted until after everything was settled in court. So, Dee was born in the shelter and lived in it for fourteen months. Though her physical needs were met, some of her emotional needs weren't. Her whole world was a kennel. When he walked her out to the car, she was terrified. When they walked into his house, she didn't understand she could explore the house like most puppies would. When he took her outside and showed her the backyard for the first time, she was overwhelmed and stayed by his feet. When he went to bed the first night, he invited her on to the bed, and she wouldn't come. It took her awhile to understand she could climb on the bed and sleep with him. 

She quickly bonded with him and a whole new set of issues popped up. She would get so anxious when he had to leave her alone that she would get sick all over the room. So, he had to crate her and she soon learned to undo the crate so he kept her in a room that he could easily clean. With consistent love and provision, she slowly adjusted to life outside the kennel. Now. she is a bit more comfortable experiencing parks, beaches, and people who are loving and kind toward her. She can easily revert back to fearful behaviors in new situations, but each time she seems to overcome them more quickly. He shared that once she has done something wrong and realizes it, she gets so anxious that her bad behaviors escalate. While he disciplines her, he has to lavish her with love at the same time so she will calm down and stop the behavior he is correcting. It does a mama's heart good to see a son's love, patience, compassion, and discipline helping a neglected pup with a hard start overcome fear and anxiety, making it possible to live a good life. 

As I sat and watched my son and Sweet Dee interact, it reminded me that sometimes we don't know what to do with people who have suffered emotional trauma and neglect. Fortunately, my church is different. It has given me the freedom to build a support group ministry that serves women who have been emotionally traumatized. Many of the women who come into our groups come in anxious and fearful much like Sweet Dee. In some the fear and anxiety are visible, but in some it is well hidden by confusing, self-protective behaviors. Sometimes those behaviors cause others to view them as people who need extra grace. Maybe in home groups their anxiety causes them to be overly talkative, abrasive, or defensive. Maybe it causes them to be overly sensitive, exhausting group members who believe they must walk on eggshells around them. Maybe they appear to be quiet or closed off, leaving group members struggling to connect with them. Maybe they have a lot of drama going on in their lives and eat up prayer time with dramatic narratives, but do little to end the drama. Maybe they come across as rigid and unbending, needing everyone to agree with them to be okay. Maybe they are stuck in sin they, causing some to doubt their salvation because they give into sinful behaviors and addictions again and again--be it alcohol, drugs, food, porn, people, shopping, or self-harm, drama, etc. Or maybe they have trouble trusting God. 

I have been that extra-grace-needed person and people were either trying to fix me or ignoring me because I was so needy. I also have been that person who readily smiled but who was so closed off that little was known about that state of my heart or the dreams I dreamed of fulfilling. I have been that person who struggled to trust an awesome God to help me for fear I would find out I wasn't worth helping. And I am ashamed to say I have also been that home group member irritated, confused, and impatient with the ones who ate up time telling stories instead of talking about the lesson, the ones addicted to drama who presented the same prayer request over and over instead of confronting or setting godly boundaries that could evoke change. I have been the group member confused by the one who continued to wallow in victimhood instead of choosing to live in freedom and joy. 

As I spent time in a Christian counselor's office, I became more self-aware, I went through a stage where I was so frustrated at how I reacted and responded to situations. I truly wanted to be a person who wasn't as socially awkward as I was, who didn't interpret events, words, and body language through a lens of trauma. I said to my counselor that I didn't understand why I did what I did. She suggested I read the book, A Child Called "It." When I went back to the therapist, she asked me what I thought of the book. I told her what I liked about it and how I felt about Dave and the story he lived. She then asked me what I thought of his behaviors once he was rescued. It hit me then that his behaviors made perfect sense in the context of his story. She pointed out to me that she viewed me the same way. Even though my trauma wasn't as severe as the boy in the story, it was still trauma and I had developed behaviors that protected me. Some were wise behaviors and some were maladaptive behaviors that didn't serve me well, but those behaviors were deeply ingrained in my brain and because they were tied to trauma they still pop up when I feel unsafe. But, now I don't have to act on them, I can choose more wisely how to respond. The more time that passes and the more practice I get, hopefully I will act and react out of the person God created me to be. But, for the majority of traumatized people, recovering is a life-long process. It is, in my opinion, the Biblical process mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13:11, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." Traumatized people have to work hard to give up childish ways because trauma has sealed those ways so deep within them.   

There are several things we can do to help people who've been traumatized grow past trauma. First, we can recognize people are living redemption stories penned by God. Our church has begun to publish written stories and show video clips of people sharing their stories. I love this, because it makes it safe for us to share and it helps us to understand each other in the context of our stories. We also see this in our support groups. When women come into group and work on their trauma, we see protective behaviors and defenses that in and of themselves don't make a lot of sense. After they tell their stories, we find their responses and defense mechanisms make perfect sense. As they continue to work and experience godly love, acceptance, and grace, they reach a place they begin to make changes they need to make and find themselves in the place Sweet Dee found herself when our son first brought her home. Freedom, healthy relationships, trusting God and other people, joy and happiness, and peace are as inviting to the traumatized as our son's home and back yard was to Dee. Yet, as inviting as those things are, they are scary, because they are unfamiliar. 

It takes time for traumatized people to believe they are safe with a group of people, especially when they were traumatized by people who should have loved them and kept them safe. It takes time for them to wrap their minds around the fact that both God's sovereignty over trauma and His great love for them are true. It takes times to trust God will give audience to their concerns when the people in their lives ignored them. It takes time for them to not be afraid of this strange new feeling rising up in them, that we would define as joy, when joy they experienced in childhood was crushed in horrific ways. It takes times to believe one comes to Christ for the power to overcome sin when they have been told repeatedly that the way to God is to give up that sin. It takes time to trust others when they were so deeply wounded by the people they should have been able to trust. It takes time to trust that people can love them and give them attention when life is calm and good when the only way they got attention as children was to create chaos. It takes time to believe one can be so filled with the love of God that they can be more concerned with loving others that trying to milk love out of another's love starved heart. 

I want to be someone that recognizes the hard-to-understand behavior and defenses that seem to simultaneously invite me in and push me away hide painful stories that need to be told. I want to be someone who refuses to judge people's actions and attitudes, instead showing curiosity about the story behind them. I want to be a someone who chooses to walk alongside of people who are "coming home" for the first time and "exploring a great big beautiful world" that feels so unsafe, allowing them to draw on my courage and hope when they need it. And I want to be a person so connected to God that when another's actions and reactions test my love, I can love consistently enough that the fears of the wounded are laid to rest and they can begin to live a life no longer defined by trauma, but by the love of God; and so that the question asked in the title of this post, “Is it really a great big wonderful world?” can be answered with a resounding, "YES!"

Now What?

This election year has been a grueling year. The biased media, the name calling, the slander, the lies, and the spinning of opponents's words has been divisive as well as frustrating as we try to discern what candidates can represent us best. I'm even afraid I've even unknowingly born false witness by sharing some posts on social media. I don't know who to trust anymore for accurate information about candidates and issues. There is so much conflicting info that I took the bait in the moment and passed on false information and, as a believer, that hurts my heart. Some of the stuff being written by believers is unbelievable. But, I know God knows and He is not a God of confusion and contradiction. His Word is consistent and sufficient. Sadly some of the behavior of people saying they are believers makes us look crazy to the very people God called us to love and to witness. There has also been Christians who used guilt, shame, fear, and intimidation to get people to vote for their candidates. This is a subtle form of spiritual abuse.

I realized yesterday the unease I've been feeling isn't new. It is fear--a fear that I first felt as a little girl living in Arizona when Barry Goldwater ran for president. I met him and thought he was nice and I was excited someone from Arizona was in the race. I told my my great aunt that I wish I could vote for him. She told me if he won we would go to war and my Dad would be drafted and killed. She triggered fear and shame in me that I didn't know how to express. So, learned to keep my mouth shut during election years.

Then when I got married a lot of churches were teaching out of Revelation and I was feeling uneasy. In addition, my in-laws happened to be legalistic and my father-in-law freely shared his opinions and his judgments. Just about every candidate was demonized by him or someone like him and the chief insult at the time was to label a candidate as the "anti-christ." I remember walking away from those conversations full of fear and dread and expecting a catastrophe to follow every election. Yet, the sun rose the next day and I went to work just like any other day and I didn't see horns growing out of the presidents's heads. I really doubt that this is what our founding fathers had in mind.

I have some very wise friends who do a lot of research on current events and laws and I have felt safe asking some of them questions. Some told me nicely who they were voting for and why. Some have simply conveyed all the options there are without revealing their candidate of choice to me. I knew these friends will value me both as a person and a believer regardless of how I voted. Today, I am mostly wondering how we as a nation begin to heal from all the craziness and hate-filled speech that has transpired in the name of elections.

Last night as I was praying several things came to mind. First, the church is still the church, no matter who wins. The church is a body of believers that knows no borders. The church is not, nor ever has it been the USA. I think some of the frustration I've felt is because I forget that and I begin to expect non-believers to think like I do and that is wrong. I have realized I was looking for a president like I would look for a pastor and maybe next time I will approach it differently. I have four years to pray about that.

Second, I desire my religious freedoms to be respected and protected. But if they aren't, that doesn't end my responsibility as God's ambassador. If persecution comes and religious freedoms are threatened, I don't want to cower in fear or be driven by bitter anger. I want to live godly just like Daniel did in Persia. Just like Joseph did in Egypt. Just like Esther in the king's court. Just like the Apostles did in the early church. And just like the cloud of witnesses found in Hebrews 11, who both lived and died by faith in God who is good both in life and in death.

I can't be like them if I respond to the world with ungodly tactics. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Though that verse was written to Israel, not to the USA, I believe we, as a church, can apply it. God wants us, as a church, to be humble, to pray, to seek His face, and to turn away from sinful patterns. We don't have to think exactly alike to be unified around our mission. We can't carry out our mission if we hurl insults and hateful words at each other and those to whom we are called to go. We certainly can't expect a non-believing culture to respond to Christ unless we love like He loves and live in a way that draws the unsaved to Him.

I wonder what will happen if we responded to elections, no matter who wins, by putting on humility and confessing our sin both individually and corporately. What if our men  become known for their godly behavior in the church, in the work place, and in the home. What if their tongues show honor to their wives and other women and to those in power. What if our women become known for respecting their spouses and showing strength, modesty, and integrity in the workplace. What if those who are parents and grandparents raise children who walk with integrity, strength, humility, and passion about God and people? And what if every church acknowledged and confronted its own sin, and did its best to mend relationships harmed in the fallout of sin. What if we extend both grace and truth to those who are searching so hard for answers that really won't be found in any other than God?

Third, maybe we need to get more comfortable with the concept of loving enemies. We are all feeling like we've made a few enemies both in the church and outside the church during this election season. I used to think I was good at loving people--that is until September of 2011. I remember right after 9/11 watching the news and seeing people scream, "Death to America," while facing an enemy much more personal here at home. I was at our church when some of the conflict rose its ugly head and I stepped outside to just breathe. I looked up to the sky and cried out from the depth of my heart, "You say to love our enemies, Lord, and I really want to do that. I just don't know what love looks like in the face of hate! And it hurts so much to be hated! Please help!"

The Lord brought to mind Jesus, and how He wrestled with the Father's will in the Garden and how He determined to do His Father's will. And in that will He heard the words, "Crucify Him!" chanted in the same way I heard "Death to America." He faced false accusations repeatedly just as I had and then He laid down His life, was beaten, was humiliated, and was nailed to a cross with all of our shame and guilt placed upon Him...and the cry of His heart in the middle of it all, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." For me that became the first step in learning to love my enemies.

Loving may also require us to forgive believers who've bullied and insulted us in their zeal to get their candidate elected, which, to be honest, is hard for this survivor to do. It means we let go of our unreasonable expectations of non-believers and love them where they are at and treat them with the respect that any human created by God should be treated. It means putting on humility and honoring the leader God chooses for us today. It means praying for them and living above reproof and doing our best to be at peace with all men. Maybe if I, if we, do our part it will open doors for conversations the Holy Spirit might use to turn people's hearts towards the God who created them and loved them enough to die for them. We need to remember hatred will never bring about repentance. It is the goodness of God that does. I just want to make sure that His goodness is visible in and through me. Maybe, just maybe if it is, it will begin a movement back to church unity and the healing of the hatred that flowed through our land in the name of the election.

So, now what? Maybe it is as simple as keeping our eyes are on Jesus even in election years and maybe it is as simple as making sure our hearts are seeking His so our Words reflect His Words and our actions reflect His heart to a world in need of a Savior.

Now What?

This election year has been a grueling year. The biased media, the name calling, the slander, the lies, and the spinning of opponents's words has been divisive and frustrating as we try to discern what candidates represent us best. I'm even afraid I've unknowingly born false witness by sharing some posts on social media. I don't know who to trust anymore for accurate information. There is so much conflicting info that I am sure some lied and I took the bait in the moment and, as a believer, that hurts my heart. Some of the stuff being written by believers is unbelievable. Bit I know God knows and He is not a God of confusion and contradictions. His Word is consistent and sufficient. Sadly all of the junk out there makes us look crazy to the people to whom God called us to love and to witness. In addition there have been Christians who used guilt, shame, fear, and intimidation to get people to vote for their candidates. This is a subtle form of spiritual abuse.

I realized yesterday the unease I've been feeling isn't new. It is fear I am well acquainted with--a fear that I first felt as a little girl living in Arizona when Barry Goldwater ran for president. I saw him in person and thought he was nice and I was excited someone from Arizona was in the race. I happened to tell my my great aunt that I wish I could vote for him. She told me if he won we would go to war and my Dad would be drafted and killed. She triggered both fear and shame in me that I didn't know how to express. So I learned to keep my mouth shut during election years.

Then when I got married a lot of churches were teaching out of Revelation and I was feeling very uneasy. In addition, my in-laws happened to be very legalistic and my father-in-law very free with opinions and judgments. Many candidates were demonized by him or someone like him and the chief insult at the time was to label a candidate as the "anti-christ." I remember walking away from those conversations full of fear and dread and expecting a catastrophe to follow elections. Yet surprisingly the sun rose and I went to work the next day and no horns grew out of the presidents's heads. I doubt that this is what our founding fathers had in mind.

I want to say I have some very wise friends who do a lot of research on current events and laws and have felt safe asking some of them questions. Some told me nicely who they were voting for and why. Some have simply conveyed all the options there are without revealing their candidate of choice to me. I knew these friends will value me both as a person and a believer regardless of how I voted. Today, I am mostly wondering how we as a nation begin to heal from all the craziness and hate-filled speech that has transpired in the name of elections.

Last night as I was praying several things came to mind. First, the church is still going to be the church tomorrow, no matter who wins. The true church is a body of believers that knows no borders. The church is not, nor ever has it been the USA. I think some of the frustration I've felt is because I forget that and I begin to expect non-believers to think like I do. I don't have a right to expect that. I have also realized I was looking for a president like I would look for a godly pastor and maybe next time I will approach it differently. I have four years to pray about that.

Second, I desire my religious freedoms to be both respected and protected. But if they aren't that doesn't end my witness and my responsibility. If persecution comes and religious freedoms are threatened, I don't want to cower in fear or be driven by bitter anger. I want to live godly just like Daniel. Just like Joseph. Just like Esther. Just like the Apostles. And just like the cloud of witnesses found in Hebrews 11, who both lived and died by faith in God who is good both in life and in death.

I can't be like them if I respond to the world with ungodly tactics. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Though that verse was written to Israel, not to the USA, I believe we, as a church, can apply it. God wants us, as a church, to be humble, to pray, to seek His face, and to turn away from sinful patterns. We don't have to think exactly alike to be unified around our mission. We can't carry out our mission if we hurl insults and hateful words at each other and those to whom we are called to go. We certainly can't expect a non-believing culture to respond to Christ unless we love like He loves and live in a way that draws people to Him.

I wonder what will happen if we respond to the election, no matter how it turns out, by putting on humility and confessing our sins both individually and corporately. What if our men  become known for their godly behavior in the church, in the work place, and in the home. What if their tongues show honor to their wives and other women in their lives. What if our women become known for respecting their spouses and showing strength, modesty, and integrity in the workplace. What if those who are parents and grandparents raise children who walk with integrity, strength, and passion about God and people? And what if every church acknowledged and confronted its own sin, and did its best to mend relationships harmed in the fallout of such sin. What if we extend both grace and truth to those who are really out there searching so hard for answers that really won't be found in any other than God?

Third, maybe we need to get more comfortable with the concept of loving enemies. We are all feeling like we've made a few enemies both in the church and definitely outside the church during this election season. I used to think I was good at loving people--that is until September of 2011. I remember right after 9/11 watching the news and seeing people scream, "Death to America," while facing an enemy much more personal here at home. I was at our church when some of the conflict rose its ugly head and I stepped outside to just breathe. I looked up to the sky and cried out from the depth of my heart, "You say to love our enemies, Lord, and I really want to do that. I just don't know what love looks like in the face of hatred! And it hurts so much to be hated! Please help me!"

The Lord brought to mind Jesus, and how He wrestled with the Father's will in the Garden and how HE determined to do His Father's will. And in that will He heard the words, "Crucify Him!" chanted in the same way I heard "Death to America." He faced false accusations repeatedly just as I had and then He laid down His life, was beaten, was humiliated, and was nailed to a cross with all of our shame and guilt placed upon Him...and the cry of His heart in the middle of it all, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." For me that became the first step in learning to love my enemies.

Loving enemies may also mean we forgive believers who've bullied and insulted us in their zeal to get their candidate elected, which, to be honest, is hard this survivor to do. It means we let go of our unreasonable expectations of non-believers and love them where they are at and treat them with the respect that any human created by God should be treated. It means putting on humility and honoring the leader God chooses for us today. It means praying for them and living above reproof and doing our best to be at peace with all men. Maybe if I, if we, do our part it will open doors for conversations the Holy Spirit might use to turn people's hearts towards the God who created them and loved them enough to die for them. We need to remember hatred will never bring about repentance. It is the goodness of God that does. I just want to make sure that His goodness is visible in and through me. Maybe, just maybe if it is, it will begin a movement back to church unity and the healing of the hatred that flowed in the name of the elections.

So, now what? Maybe it is as simple as keeping our eyes are on Jesus even in election years and maybe it is as simple as making sure our hearts are seeking His so our Words reflect His Words and our actions reflect His heart to a world in need of a Savior.