There were times I embraced fear and faced it for fun's sake. For example, as a child I sometimes got to stay up late and watch scary shows with my parents. As each show built towards it's climax, I found myself moving closer to one of my parents until it was over. Sometimes my dad growled or grabbed our legs as the tension was mounting, and we all screamed and yelled at him, while we were moving closer to him to feel safer. I loved the closeness I felt as we snuggled to watch those shows. I also loved the memories of those shared experiences as they gave us something common to talk about in later years.
One fear I've never had a desire to face or overcome is my fear of snakes. My first encounter with a snake was when I was riding a bicycle with training wheels on it. I rode down the street, and then when I came back to our house, there was a huge coiled rattlesnake in the road. I stopped just short of it, jumped off the bike and ran to the house. I entered the house and calmly announced the snake in a manner that belied the huge fear pounding in my chest. The fear of snakes grew more when I was a teen and was hiking with my dad. We came upon a loud sound echoing in a canyon. All of a sudden my dad took me firmly by the arm, turning me around as he started walking faster. I had never seen him look that concerned. So, I asked him what the sound was. He told me there apparently was a large den of rattle snakes somewhere in the canyon we were approaching. He explained that the sound we heard was them rattling at the same time and that because of the echo, he couldn't pinpoint where they were and knew it wasn't safe to proceed in that direction. To this day if I see snakes in person, I am frozen with fear and scream.
I 've had other fears that weren't as terrifying, but were just as real and impacted my life in huge ways. I feared my parents would get a divorce long before they did and lived trying to control things out of my control to prevent that. I feared abandonment and developed people pleasing tendencies that made relationships unhealthy. I feared the airplanes that flew overhead during the Cold War years and would plant myself near my parents when I heard them. I struggled with anorexia and spent years fearing food and the number on the scale until it consumed my life. In high school I feared death and refused to sleep more than few hours at a time and lived exhausted through my teen years. As an adult I feared I would not be able to walk again after I suffered a severe break to my ankle and I pushed myself more than was healthy, which increased the arthritis in that joint. I have feared I might lose one of my children to asthma, a ruptured spleen, pancreatitis, celiac disease, or other health issues with which they have struggled. I have feared social situations and speaking engagements to the point I avoided both even though I much wanted to do those things. There were times I have feared being outside in wide open spaces, walking on wet pavement, or feeling strong winds blowing in my face. And, as an abuse survivor I have feared both what I remembered and what I couldn't.
When I wrote, Embracing a Feeling Heart, I read Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear written by Ken Nichols. He explained that fear is built into our emotional make up from the point of conception and that it was given to us to motivate us to take action when we are not safe. When we perceive danger or potential harm, fear can actually energize us, speeding the blood flow through our bodies, enabling us to think more quickly so we can take action and meet the perceived danger head-on. It can also motivate us to flee or play dead when that would work better. The Bible even tells us that fear can motivate us to seek God and to trust in the finished work of Jesus on the cross. It can even alert us to addictive, self destructive behaviors that are destroying our lives.
Nichols points out that when fear is irrational it can paralyze and control us. This kind of fear most often has a spiritual component to it. Satan, who is a master at deceiving us, feeds us lies that can make routine battles appear gigantic. Because of that Satan can turn us into cowards who live lives plagued by chronic fear. Or, he can whisper just enough tidbits of false information to stir just enough fear to cause us to live mediocre lives, requiring very little risk. Satan also likes to stir up confusion which can lead to more fear.
When I was pregnant with our third baby, we had a guy break into our home and as a result I went through a period of time where my life was consumed with irrational fear that hindered my daily life. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't reenter our home after shopping unless my husband was home. I jumped and screamed every time one of my kids touched me unexpectedly. I began to tell myself that I didn't have to be afraid, because the guy was gone and our doors were secure. I also began to memorize Scriptures that had to do with fear. One that I repeated over and over when I fell asleep was Psalm 4:8, "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for you alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety." While I think it was normal to experience fear with what had happened, the calming of my spirit with the Word bears witness of the spiritual component to the irrational fear I was dealing with.
During this pandemic, we are experiencing fear. It may come in the form of anxiety, panic, or strong fear. It may be covered by denial or anger, but it most likely there lurking under the surface trying to make itself known to us and we would do well to listen to it. For me, it has surfaced some fear of being around others, which I hate but must admit is probably healthy. It has also surfaced an irrational fear of breathing air as I wonder what little viruses are making their way into my lungs. It has also resurfaced a fear that I have always had of dying alone and has surfaced a fear of not being able to provide for ourselves, which has always been important to us.
Sometimes we intensify our emotional states by believing lies that can stir up additional shame. Some of the lies we tend to believe about fear are:
- Fear is sin
- Adults shouldn't be afraid
- "Good" Christians don't experience fear
- I can't survive the experience of fear
- I am fearful and can do nothing about it
- If I feel my fear, it will consume me.
But the truth is:
- Fear is a God-given emotion that helps us stay safe and make healthy decisions
- Emotionally healthy adults do experience fear and that is okay, especially in the face of a pandemic where health is at risk, people have to isolate, and many are losing jobs
- Christians are not exempt from danger and fear is beneficial
- Irrational fear can be identified and managed with truth
- We can learn to tolerate fear when we practice sitting with it instead of numbing it or denying its presence
- We don't have to be a slave to our fears, we can face them, deal with them, get help and support if need be
- We are capable of doing work when needed to change our fearful mindset
- Feeling and acknowledging the experience of fear can keep it from overwhelming us
- For the believer death has lost its sting and the truth is that the best is yet to come so choosing to focus on one day at a time, praying for God's wisdom, loving well, and trusting God's numbering of our days is truly done in with a heart that perfectly loves can calm our fears.
This pandemic has stirred in many of us a strong fear of weaknesses in our body and/or our health. The fear of becoming extremely ill, incapacitated and on a ventilator, or dying is real. We want to remember at this time, is that focusing solely on those fears can increase stress, which can cause more physical problems. We have the power to choose to focus on things that bring us joy and fill us with peace and a sense of gratitude. We can focus on the truth that God can manifest HIs strength in our weaknesses and choose to focus on things of eternal value. Those of us who are older can accept aging is a normal part of life. Second Corinthians 4:16-18 offers this hope: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
Let us remember our God isn't isolating from us, His is with us and His ears are turned toward us inviting us to pour out our troubled hearts to Him. Let us continually lift up our president and vice-president in prayer asking God who has all wisdom and power to guide them as they lead us through this ongoing crisis. Let us continually ask God to protect our medical personnel who are continually facing this virus on our behalf, putting their own lives at risk. Let us continually ask our Jehovah Jirah to provide for the needs of those who have lost jobs. Let us continually ask our Abba to comfort those who have lost loved ones to this unseen enemy. Let us continually be asking the Holy Spirit to miraculously heal those alone in the hospital rooms surrounded by equipment and masked people. And let's do spiritual battle with the Enemy who is feeding us with his ugly lies to keep us paralyzed in fear. While we are isolating for protection, let us remember that our God is more powerful than the threat we're facing and let's use this time to focus on Him and His great love. Our church buildings may be empty this Easter, but the Savior--He is still alive and active in us. There is no better time than now to be on our knees crying out for Nations full of lost, hurting, and fearful souls. Prayer has a way of energizing and clarifying what is truly important to us. Prayer cant each us to love well in ways that we haven't even though of yet. Stay safe. Pray continually. Give thanks. Lets remember that fear will lose its grip when we listen to its message and view that message through God's truth.