Even if the Worst Comes

The last year has been a tough year for me emotionally, as it has been for you. The hardest thing for me has been the comments in social media and the news that is written to evoke fear in the hearts of those reading them. I even hear similar remarks when I speak to people in person. It even occurs in Christian circles when someone says something like, "If we don't repent we are going to be in big trouble and God is not going to bless us during this election." As events unfolded January 6th, the comments in the media took on an even more hyperbolic and fatalistic tone which increased my anxiety. On Sunday I listened to a sermon/chat given by Ben Stewart and Louis Giglio of Passion City Church and passion and hope began to replace the gnawing anxiety that had been rising over this last year. As I process the fatalistic comments in light of Louis and Ben's chat the words "even if the worst comes" keep ruminating through my head. 

If things continue to radically change and our voices are silenced and policies that God-fearing people have been calling for get reversed, I want to live in a way that honors my God. As I think about the people whose stories were told in the Scriptures, I realize I want to be like the brave and faithful ones. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Nehemiah. When he heard the people who had survived Israel's exile were struggling and shame-filled because the wall of Jerusalem had been breached and its gates had been destroyed, he wept and mourned and fasted, continually praying before his God. His prayer was powerful as it acknowledged God's greatness and faithfulness of God and it confessed the sins of His people. It was powerful as he beseeched His God to be attentive to the words of those who feared His name and to give them successes and mercy in the sight of their enemies for His name's sake.  

If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his brothers and later cast into prison because of a false accusation. He probably felt like the worst had come into his life. Yet, he remained faithful to his God and lived a life marked with such integrity and diplomacy that those who enslaved him raised him to a high position, enabling him to prepare Egypt for a great famine. This brought him face to face with those who had sold him out and allowed God to weave forgiveness in his heart as well as a deep abiding trust in His plans. This hard that he had faced put him in the place to provide for Israel during the famine, ultimately saving the blood line of Christ. If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph to save lives--the lives of the unborn, the abused, the marginalized, and those in need. I want to live in such a way that integrity marks my life and makes God's light shine through me so that those in power take notice and begin to want those things as well. 

If the worst comes, I want to be an Esther. She was a young Jewish woman who lived during the time that the Medes and Persians took over Israel and through some crazy circumstances she become a queen. Her uncle notified her that Haman was planning to destroy all the Jews in the land, which meant even her life was at risk. Esther didn't react out of the fear she must have felt. She acted wisely, instructing her uncle to gather all the Jews in the region to fast and pray for her for three days and nights. Then she courageously went to the king uninvited. During a feast she had requested in her meeting, she exposed Haman's plot to kill her people. Because of her courage in the face of danger and uncertainty, Haman ended up being hung from the gallows that he had prepared for Esther's uncle and the lives of her people were preserved. I want to live in such a way that the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ would be deemed valuable and precious enough to be preserved. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Daniel. He was a young man when Babylon besieged Jerusalem. He was taken into captivity because he was good looking, wise, educated, and competent to stand in the Babylonian palace. They were given Babylonian names and forced into what we would call a reeducation camp. But Daniel resolved to not defile himself with Babylonian foods and took a stand for him and his friends and God filled them with more strength and wisdom than the Babylonians. Daniel later shared the Lord with the king when he interpreted the king's dreams. Because he earned favor with the king, his friends became rulers over provinces and Daniel remained in the palace. Daniel and his friends refused to bow down to the king's stature. Three were rescued from a fiery furnace and Daniel from a lion's den. The thing for which I admire Daniel the most is his faithfulness. He received visions from God and became a prayer warrior like no other. His prayers like Nehemiah's proclaimed the truth of who God is and the truth of their nation's sins and rebellion. He also acknowledged their failure to not listen to the prophets. He then implored the Lord to turn His anger away from Jerusalem and to show them His mercy. I want to be a Daniel who was known as someone who spent enormous amounts of time on their knees and pleads God's mercy over my people. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Steven who in the face of great persecution continued to share the gospel. In the face of martyrdom, he came face to face with people who were so enraged and hate-filled that they gnashed their teeth at him. He turned his eyes towards heaven and saw the glory of God and was filled with the Holy Spirit and said, "Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God." And as the stones began to pelt him, he said, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Lord, do not hold this sin against them." I want to be a Stephen who can pray for my enemies in life and in death. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Paul. He was a faithful servant who suffered much for the cause of Christ. Even though he was shipwrecked, beaten, and put in prison, he remained faithful and penned some of the most powerful epistles we have. He loved well, prayed continually, evangelized, discipled, and courageously confronted abusers who infiltrated the church. I want to be a Paul who was a shepherd and teach others how to live out their faith in a world that isn't paradise. I want to do as he instructed the Colossians. I want to be found laboring with other believers near and far, faithfully lifting them before the Lord. I want to guard my heart and mind that I might not be deceived by the enemy. I want to quench immorality, impurity, evil desire, and covetousness, malice, slander, and obscene talk. I want to speak truth from a compassionate heart, a kind spirit bathed in humility, meekness, and patience. While I want to be a warrior for the Lord, I also want to be known as someone who forgives and prays for her enemies. 

In closing, when I was in college, my dormitory was overrun by male students demanding the right to be in the women's dorms. (I know that tells my age!) The national guard was called in and tear gas was shot at students and into dorm rooms and there were guns everywhere. I was terrified. So, as much as I am puzzled, frustrated, and even angry about some of the things going on in our country I understand our people have been traumatized and many are reacting out of that trauma. Let's agree to peacefully disagree about all sorts of things and let's agree to pray faithfully for our families, churches, communities, and country every single day. Let pray that we can continue to be a beacon of hope for the world even if the worst comes. 

They said, "Yes!"

A couple of weeks ago our nation experienced another mass shooting. This shooting was different, in that the shooter had victims lie on the floor and then asked them to stand up one at a time. When one stood, he asked if he or she was a Christian. If the answer was yes, he shot to kill; if the answer was no, he shot to injure. It reminded me a little of the shooter in Columbine High School who also had asked his victims if they were believers, shooting them when they said yes.

As I viewed the news stories about Umpqua, my heart hurt because a small community suffered so many losses and it will hurt for years to come. I also grieved because those who were present that day suffered a horrible trauma and trauma forever changes the lives of those who experience it. Many people will have to work way harder at living because of one person's hate-filled actions.

I found myself contemplating many things that day--What drives a person to hate believers enough to shoot them? What gives people the courage to say, "Yes," when it will cost them their life? How will those who denied their faith deal with their shame? And how do I deal with this seizing fear that wells up in my own heart as I think of those I love possibly dying because of their faith?

There is and will continue to be a lot written about the psychology behind mass shooters by people way more qualified than I to write on that topic. I find myself drawn to write about the questions I have been pondering, but I do so with fear and trepidation because when lives are lost for the sake of Christ, I feel like I am standing on Holy ground and want to write in a way that honors God, honors those that were martyred, and honors those who suffered tremendous loss.

First the hatred people feel towards believers goes way back. The Bible is full of accounts of hatred, first, towards Israel and then towards Christians. Some who hate believers may have cause for their anger--some may have been spiritually abused by legalistic people who covered their own shame by shaming them. Some may have been victimized by believers who judged and shamed them for their sin, rather than showing them God's grace. Some may have been  sexually, psychologically, emotionally, or physically victimized by someone claiming to be a Christian while church leadership remained passive in the face of their pain. Maybe they had the gospel forcefully crammed down their throats with out experiencing Christ's love through those bearing the message. Maybe they were simply overlooked and ignored and treated as invisible individuals, not worthy of acknowledgement.

On the other hand, maybe they hate believers because we remind them of the God-hunger etched in their hearts by the Creator. Maybe, that hunger is what triggers shame that they cover with anger and hatred. Maybe that shame was inflicted on them by others or maybe they donned it themselves by the choices they made, choices they regret and can't undo. Maybe they hate believers because their shame runs so deep they can't face the pain of it long enough to look into the loving face of the Savior who frees humans from the shame they bear. Maybe they hate believers because they see something in them they desperately want, but are afraid to seek. Maybe they hate believers because giving up the pride of trying to control life is too scary. Maybe they hate believers because admitting they need a Savior feels too vulnerable and unsafe. Maybe believers lives expose the darkness in their own souls and they hate that. So, they hide, they blame, they hate, and they murder.

There was also the very real possibility that the shooters hatred was fueled by the Enemy who is ever seeking to devour, destroy, and demolish God's people. Unresolved issues in people's lives  leave them open to all sorts of demonic influences that distort the thinking, causing destructive thoughts, destructive patterns of behavior, and the making of ungodly vows that drive hateful behavior. Those distorted perceptions blind people to the Truth.

When I think of the courage it took for the students at Umpqua to stand and say, "Yes," I feel  humbled. I thought of a guy I was interested in during my sophomore year in college. He asked me if I was a Christian. I admitted that I was, but I played down the importance of my faith, because I feared he would reject me. The guilt and shame I experienced afterward have helped me stand firmer in my faith since that time. But here were students the same age as I was who were staring down the barrel of a gun when they were asked the same question and they did not waver. When the first person was shot for saying yes, I think it would have required even more courage for the second person to say yes, and then the third, and then the fourth...

When I think about what gave them the courage they displayed, my thoughts are drawn to Stephen who was also martyred for his faith. In Acts 6 Stephen was described as a man who was full of grace and power. He was known for speaking with wisdom and for having a bold Spirit that offended nonbelievers who were in rebellion against God. Acts 7 tells us those nonbelievers responded to Stephen's last sermon by becoming enraged to the point that they were gnashing their teeth at him and they immediately dragged him out of the city where they stoned him. But the Lord  graciously  gave Stephen a vision of the Jesus standing at the right hand of God. As they stoned him he commended his spirit to Christ and then in a gracious act cried out for mercy to be shown to the crowd. That same Spirit that indwelled Stephen indwelled the believers who stood firm in their faith at Umpqua. I wonder if God gave them the same vision?

The Bible says the death of the saints in precious in the sight of the Lord (Psalm 116:15). It says that the spirit who is behind the martyrdom of believers will ultimately and completely be destroyed (Revelation 17)! The believers who were killed in Umpqua join a great cloud of witnesses found in Hebrews 11:35-38. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release so they could rise to a better life. Some suffered mocking, beatings, imprisonment, and death by stoning, sword, being sawn in two, and we could add guns. Some lived destitute. Some were afflicted. Some were mistreated. And God said of them that the world was not worthy to have them.

I also believe the precious Saints at Umpqua are with those mentioned in Revelation 6:9-11. John saw them in His vision when the fifth seal was opened and he wrote, "I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. They cried out with a loud voice, "O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth? They were each given a white robe and told to rest a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and their brothers should be complete, who were to be killed as they themselves had been." (ESV) God will honor both their faith and their deaths. The last part of that passage seizes this grandma heart of mine. It indicates there will be more deaths of believers who bear witness of Jesus. It could be me or you or those we love.

A part of me prays for my loved ones' protection, and another part of me prays that God will instill in them and in me a faith so strong we could stand firm and say, "Yes!" even while looking down the barrel of gun.

The faith of martyrs in precious to God. It stands in the Faith Hall of Fame with-- the faith of Abel and his acceptable sacrifice, the faith of Enoch who never saw death, the faith of Noah and his life-saving ark, the faith of the nomadic Abram, the faith of Sarah and little "Laughter" who suckled her post-menopausal breast, the faith of Isaac and blessings he spoke over Jacob and Esau, the faith of Joseph and his bones returned to Israel to wait for the resurrection, the faith of Moses and the first born Hebrew children who escaped death by keeping the first Passover, and the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets all of which conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, received promises, stopped mouths of lions, quenched power of fire, escaped death, or became made mighty warriors despite plaguing weaknesses, and the women who received back their dead by resurrection.

It remains a mystery why one's faith results in a miracle and another's faith results in death. But we know God notices faith. He saw the martyrs Umpqua and He cared. By their testimony they showed that God is real, that God saves, and that this life is not all there is. The enemy would have us believe he won that day and that their deaths prove that God doesn't care. But, the truth is because of their faith the enemy has lost yet another battle in the war he has waged on God.

I will be praying for those who lost sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters, teachers, or friends. I long for God to fill them with His peace and His love. I long for Him to make His presence very real as they grieve their losses--the loss of people, the loss of a sense of safety, the loss of future holidays, graduations, weddings, children and grandchildren.  I pray that they would be able to work through their anger and fully forgive, not because the shooter deserves it, but because they want to honor the faith of their loved ones and the God of which they testified. I pray that in spite of the deep pain they experience they will be able to eventually reconnect to joy. I pray they will be surrounded by people who understand grief, who won't rush them or speak wounding platitudes to them.

I wonder if there might be victims who denied their faith to preserve their lives. I fear that if there were some, they might bear much shame. Some will say they could not have been "real" believers because they denied the faith, but I suggest that Peter's story tells us something very different. He denied Christ three times in one night and the Lord Himself sought him out and restored his calling. If some denied Him, I pray their faith would be strengthened and their shame transformed. We can all learn from their stories just like we learn from Peter's. God can use this event to strengthen their faith--just as He used Peter's cowardice to help him become a humble preacher who went on to preach some of the most powerful sermons ever voiced in the face of great adversity. Our God never  gives up on His children.

Finally, I pray for us who believe and still live--that we would be strengthened by the testimony of the witnesses in Umpqua whose testimonies included the giving of their lives--that we might live with hearts fully devoted to Christ. I desire for others to see our "Yes!" by our words, by our actions, by our attitudes, by our lives, by our deaths, and by our loving obedience to Jesus, who gave His own life for us.