A Man Like Boaz

My church recently finished a study on the book of Ruth. The timing of the series was so prevalent to the culture we live in as the "Me, too" campaign unfolded. For too long women who have been victimized have been asked questions that implicate them as being in the wrong place at the wrong time, wearing the wrong thing. Even women, who should know better, say stupid things that cast blame on survivors, heaping even more shame on victims already drowning in sea of toxic shame. But the truth is, each person's actions are an indicator of what is in their heart. When a predator preys it is because of his heart, not his victim’s. I definitely believe that women need to raise daughters who walk with strength and dignity and who can command respect because they know they are deeply loved, fully accepted, and chosen by One who gave His life for them. But, that is no guarantee that they won't be harassed, molested, or raped.

We need to quit buying into the lie that men are victims of their bodies and just can't help themselves. We need to teach our sons that they don't prove their manhood by undressing women with their eyes and catcalling at them as they walk down the street. We need to raise our sons to understand they don't prove their manhood by asking women for what is not appropriate outside the marriage covenant. We need to raise sons who understand it is manlier to date and court a young woman with integrity that it is to get her drunk, so he can add another notch to his belt. We need to raise our sons to understand that real men do not wound women through sexual harassment and/or sexual assault. For a while, I thought maybe I was just being unreasonable to expect men to be different; then I read the story of Ruth and came across a man named Boaz.

Ruth was a widow from Moab living in Bethlehem with her mother-in-law, Naomi, who was bitter over the loss of her husband and both of her sons. As was customary, Ruth went to a barley field hoping to glean what the reapers left. She ended up gleaning in Boaz's fields. When he approached the fields, he saw her, and he asked about her. Upon hearing that she was the daughter-in-law of Naomi, he approached her. He was kind as he instructed her to not leave his field for other fields and to stay with the women that were working for him. He provided her with water and with food and even instructed his workers to pull some grain from their bundles and leave it so that she would have ample grain for her and Naomi's needs. He treated the young foreign woman with upmost respect and provided food and drink for her and Naomi. He protected her as she was vulnerable to mistreatment and assault.

I think every woman, at some level, desires to be treated like this. When I was in college, I had to walk by the cafeteria late at night to get back to my dorm after my class. I had been victimized as a child and I was nervous because several women had reported that they had been assaulted by athletes on our campus. As I came around the corner of the building, there was a group of athletes standing there. They started catcalling and I panicked and started walking even faster. When I started walking faster, they took it up a notch calling me all sorts of vulgar names. That night I longed for a Boaz, to step out of the crowd of guys who had enough integrity to speak kindly to me and to offer to walk me through the crowd so that I knew I could safely get home.

When Ruth told Naomi about Boaz's kindness, protection, and provision, Naomi explained Israel's provision for widows through a kinsman redeemer. At Naomi's instruction, Ruth bathed and anointed herself with perfume and went to the threshing floor and uncovered the feet of Boaz and laid there at his feet. He awakened and she asked him to be her redeemer. Even in the darkness of the night with a woman lying at his feet, Boaz integrity shined bright. He could have taken advantage of Ruth, but he listened to her and treated her with respect. He knew there was a closer relative who had the right of redemption, and he wanted to legally take Ruth as a wife without disrespecting the relative who was entitled to do so. As soon as it was light enough for her to go home safely he sent her on her way, protecting both her reputation and her purity. He asked for the right to marry her and it was granted. 

So, where did Boaz learn to treat women so well? Why was his heart so open and protective of the foreigner living in his community? I think maybe he learned it from his dad and his mom. His mom was none other than "Rahab the harlot" who was saved when she hung the scarlet chord from her window when the walls of Jericho tumbled down. Some people think that it was one of the spies that she hid that took her as his wife. Maybe Boaz learned from watching his dad demonstrate love and grace to his mom through kind words and protective actions. Or, maybe Boaz learned to be kind and full of integrity in his relationships with women from watching his mom suffer through the leers from men and the gossip of women who knew of her questionable past. Maybe it came from watching his mom be snubbed for being a foreigner living in Bethlehem and from the cruelty he endured as a product of a mixed marriage. We don't know for sure, but we do know that Boaz grew to be man of impeccable integrity and maybe, just maybe, our culture would begin to change if we began to raise each of our sons to become a man like Boaz. 

Becoming Safe People I

"My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, 

don't show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting

 with a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes

 also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes

 and say, "Here's a good seat for you",but say to the poor man, 

"You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet,"

 have you not discriminated among yourselves and 

become judges with evil thoughts."

James 2:1-4—Part 1

I have been blessed by having a few friends with which I felt totally safe. They rejoiced with me when I shared good news. They cried with me when I hurt. I could share my failure with them and know they would not think less of me for failing. They showed compassion to me when I stumbled and then asked me how they could support me as I got back on track. They allowed me to be the person God created me to be instead of trying to fit me into a cultural or church mold. Each one of us needs safe people with whom we can be real. And God has called us to be safe people as well. We are going to look at five character traits of safe people. This will help us see what is needed to develop godly relationships.

First, a safe person allows a friend to be the person God created her to be. This is taken form Psalm 139:13-14: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." A safe person recognizes each person has been wonderfully created by God and accepts her exactly the way God created her. This includes one's outward appearance. God created bodies of all sizes and shapes and safe people never encourage someone to do unhealthy things to obtain an unrealistic size. It also includes the way God created personalities. A safe friend will accept a friend’s personality type and not try to force her into being an extrovert when she is an introvert and visa versa. She will recognize her abilities and encourage her to develop them and use them. She will allow her to be all God wants her to be and won't hinder her growth whether it be physically, emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. She will encourage her to grow, think her own thoughts, and express herself with out fear of rejection. She will encourage her to enjoy the passions God put in her heart. If she loves music she will let her sing. If she loves animals, she will not think it dumb or less spiritual to spend time with them. If she loves sports, she will root for her when she plays and be interested in how her team is doing. If she loves to read, she will take an interest in what she is reading.

Secondly, a safe person accepts a friend as a part of the body of Christ. I Corinthians 12:13-31says, "For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body…whether Jew or Greeks, slave or free…Now the body is not made up of one part but many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them, just as He wanted them to be…And the eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!'” God combined the members of the body so there should be acceptance and concern for each other. A safe person recognizes a friend’s unique God-given blend of personality, experiences, gifts, and passions and wants her to fulfill her unique role in the church. She will encourage her friend to stretch to find out how and where God wants to use her. She’ll allow her friend to shine in her strengths and be one of the first to affirm her when she does. She’ll also allow her friend to show her weaknesses without judging her and be willing to come along side of her when she is struggling to overcome them. 

Thirdly, a safe person will allow a friend to be real with what she doesn't have. John 20:25-28: "Then he said to Thomas, "put your finger here; see my hand. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Notice that Jesus did not get angry and disown Thomas for doubting, but invited Him to examine the truth. A safe person allows a friend to wrestle with truth until it becomes her own. This is also a principal that can be taken in a physical sense. From the beginning verse in James we see we should not show partiality towards the rich, but also accept the poor. One mom shared her shock in hearing her daughter and her friends looking down on girls in PE for not buying their bras and underwear at a higher priced store. It grieved the mom that her daughter was judging someone for what she did not have. Wise Mama that she was, took away the fancier bras and bought her bras from a discount store. (To be continued...)  

Prayer: Lord, you are the safest person that lived. You loved us in our sin, our pride, and our ignorance. Help us to connect with safe people who reflect your love. us allow others to be the person you created them to be. Amen.