Honoring One Another

Our church recently started a sermon series on honor. The first sermon was given on Mother's Day and was on the topic of honoring women. From the sermon one could draw the conclusion that if men honored women the ways Jesus honored them, there would be no need of a "Me too, movement." Afterward, I looked up a few verses on honor and landed on Romans 12:10, which says, "Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor." Can you imagine what our culture would be like if we all did that? Sadly, our culture is not doing a good job of honoring one another.

One of the places the lack of honor shows up is in our school systems. Many of the students do not respect authority figures. When teachers are presenting lessons, some students tune the teacher out and some disrupt the lesson by talking, sharpening pencils, being argumentative, or choosing to pick at another student for the answer they gave. When some students are being corrected by teachers, they cuss at the teachers or spread ugly rumors about them. Some teachers have even been assaulted by students on the campus.

I used to be shocked when someone said their child was being bullied, but now I am not even surprised. And, when I say bullying, I am not talking about a kid who gives another child dirty looks, a kid who abruptly quits being a child's friend, a group of kids excluding a child at lunch time, or a kid excluding a classmate from his or her birthday bash, as painful as those things can be for children to navigate. I am talking about kids whose language is filled with strong hate speech--harsh words that strike at the very core of another child's confidence and worth. I am not talking about kids gossiping, as wrong as that may be, but kids who choose to spread blatant lies, vulgar lies about another student. I am not talking about childhood scuffles where tempers got out of hand at recess, but physical assaults in which a kid pounds another child's face until he has a concussion, where  a child is tripped, pushed, punched, and threatened every time he walks down the hall. I am talking about gangs of kids beating students to the point they are hospitalized. I am also talking about sexual harassment, and not just the ogling every woman has come to expect, but the grabbing, the groping, and even full on rapes that occur on campus. The students lack respect for one another.

The culture of dishonor that is prevalent in schools is a reflection of the culture in which our kids are growing up. Dishonor impacts every area of our lives, including the work place, the businesses we visit, the places we worship, and yes, even our own homes. I am grappling about the heart issues that are at the root of our culture's dishonorable behavior. I suspect it has something to do with gender contempt that is a result of seeing it in the home, a result of abuse, a result of business that leaves parents too worn out to treat each others well, or the result of failing to instill honoring behavior in  children through the teaching and enforcement of God honoring boundaries. It could be partly do to the fact that our culture doesn't value life the way it once did. It could be that we as a nation no longer view people as image bearers of the Holy God. It is a very complex issue, I am sure. But, for today I simply want to invite other Christians to humbly take an honest look at ourselves, our attitudes, and our relationships to see if we are modeling honorable behavior or are we guilty of disrespectful behavior.  We have an opportunity in this dark climate of dishonor to shine bright by honoring one another and in doing so modeling Christ to the world that desperately needs Him.

As I am writing this, I  feel convicted about how lazy I've become about showing honor to my spouse. I realize how important it is to process what honor looks like in a practical sense. The first place a child learns to honor others is in the home. Their eyes see how Mom and Dad treat one another. Do they see Dad looking at Mom with eyes of love or see him ogling other gals? Do they hear Dad speak highly of Mom or do they hear words of criticism that exposes his dishonor towards her? Do they see Mom greet Dad joyfully at the door or do see her passivity in acknowledging his homecoming? Do they hear Mom express gratitude to Dad for his contributions to the family or do they hear Mom criticizing him for never being enough? Do they hear Mom extoling Dad's virtues or see her tearing him down for his weaknesses? Do they see Mom and Dad showing honor in the little things--like saying "please," "thank you," and "Can I help with that?" Do they see Mom and Dad manipulating one another or having honest conversations in which the necessary negotiations can build a heathy family? Do they see Mom and Dad exchanging smiles when they catch each other's eyes across the dinner table or the disrespect shown through impatient eye rolls? If a child visits a parent's work place, do they see a picture of the other parent on the desk? Do they model proper respect for legal authorities when stopped for traffic violations? We must remember that honor or the lack of honor is seen the most in the little things done in our every day lives.

Are Mom and Dad teaching children to show honor to others? Do they teach them to honor the other parent or allow them to name call and sass without giving consequences? Are there consequences for a child who shows disrespect to a teacher at school? While parents must be their child's strongest advocate, helping him or her use their voice assertively, they must also teach them to use it respectfully. A child who doesn't respect parents or teachers, will become a narcissistic grownup who loses jobs because he or she won't respect bosses. Do parent's teach their children how to treat siblings and friends? Do they teach them the energy expended in tearing others down can give them a better quality life when it is expended in showing honor? Do they teach them to resolve conflict in honorable ways or allow them to retaliate, seek revenge, or spew hate-filled words that can never be retracted? Do they teach children to respect grandparents? As a newlywed, one of the things that impressed me the most was how respectful my spouse  was towards my mother, my grandmothers, and my great grandmother. When we visited them, he greeted them with a huge smile, made great eye contact with them that said they mattered, and he helped them to their seats at the table.

I can't help but wonder how different a family might be if each person in it understood that with belonging to a family comes specific obligations and one of those obligations is to try to out do one another in showing honor. I think most of us want to be honorable people and we need to remember that honor or lack of it is shown through our  attitudes, body language, speech, willingness to listen, and through heart felt empathy. Oh, that we would become families who desire to honor God by obediently honoring one another. How might that begin to impact our schools, our churches, our communities, and our culture?

Obligations that Come with Privilege

"May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your, O Lord, my Rock, and my redeemer."
Psalm 19:14

Several years a go a great movie came out that was called, Ever After. There is a line in the movie that I believe illustrates an important Biblical truth. Danielle says to her beloved Prince who hated the obligations that came with being a prince, "You have been born to privilege and with that comes specific obligations." There have been times I've rejoiced in being born again as a beloved child of the King of kings. There have been other times I haven't liked the idea that as a believer I'm held to higher responsibility. Over the last several years God has been convicting me that being His child comes with specific obligations, especially when it comes to the words that come out of my mouth and the thoughts I think that no one sees.

To me, it is very scary to think my words not only have the potential to promote healing, encourage, or build up others, but they also can deeply wound hearts. It's even scarier to think the inappropriate thoughts I don’t take captive could rise to the surface and crush others’ souls. It is sobering to think I can choose to either speak a lie or choose to share God's truth. I can choose to damage someone's reputation by broadcasting faults or I can preserve their dignity by pointing out their strengths. I can push a brother who's stumbled away from God with judgmental words and attitudes. or I can get between him and the sinful path he is headed down with loving confrontation. But, scarier is the realization that my words can either draw nonbelievers to the Savior or they can drive them further away.

Even though our salvation is totally based on God and His grace, I believe, as God's children, it is imperative for us to assume responsibility for our thoughts and our words. Matthew 12:36 says that we will give an account for every word that comes out of our mouth and James 3:10 tells us that that we should not be both cursing man and blessing God with our mouths. Paul, in his Epistles, tells us to put away evil speaking, filthiness, and foolish talking. Proverbs also contain many principles about our words. For example: "A worthless person, a wicked man, walks with a perverse mouth"…"Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are His delight"…"The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts."

Several conversations I've had with people over the years have reminded me we live in a brutal world. Students walk halls of schools in which vile language is accepted as the norm. Both teachers and/or parents tell them they will never amount to anything. Peers add to their pain by telling them that they are hated, stupid, or ugly on a regular basis. Women are sexually harassed in the school's hallways and in the workplace on a daily basis. Employers degrade employees with harsh words that tear at the heart. Hate is spewed in internet in posts for which their is no accountability.

As a parent, I wish I could take back words I hurled in anger at my children. In a world that is so perverse in its speech and in a world that takes delight in hurting others, we as children of God have an obligation as people born to privilege to make a difference in the lives of others with words carefully chosen that can be a soothing balm to wounded hearts. Our words carefully chosen can preserve another's dignity. Our words carefully chosen can provide correction while building others up. Our words carefully chosen can draw others closer to the Savior and to the heart of the Heavenly Father. Our words carefully chosen can allow us to fulfill the purpose for which we were created and to which we were called at salvation. Our words carefully chosen can save us from a whole lot of shame, grief, and regret later. 

It is important to realize the following verse is is more than a command. It’s an issue of the heart. Matthew 12:35-36 says "…For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things." What would it take for us to be a people whose hearts bring forth good and refreshing words? It would take us spending time in God's word and letting His Truth correct our thinking and softening our hearts with His love. It would take us sitting before God and asking Him to look inside and purify our thoughts that we may be afraid to face because they reveal the depth of our depravity. It might require letting God uncover buried hurts so He can heal them, because hurting people are people who usually hurt others. It might require we let Him heal our hearts so we aren’t so inclined to spew bitterness we feel on others. It may take us sitting quietly before Him and letting Him cut away our envy, desire for strife, and our pride. I don't think we can imagine the impact we could have in this world as God's Ambassadors if we became a people whose were passionate about honoring The Creator who purchased us with His own Son with our thoughts and with our words. If we become a people who seek to honor God above all else, we can become a people whose words reflect His heart, His love, and His hope. We can be people who cease to wound others, facilitating healing and reconciling a world broken and hurting. Are we willing to face and confess ugliness we hide and allow God to transform us? 

Prayer: Father, place in us a passion to honor You with our words. Give us words that facilitate healing rather than wounding people. Give us words that convey love, not hatred. Give us words that speak hope into lives of other people rather than robbing them of it. Give us words that will reflect Your love and Your truth rather than Satan's hatred and his lies. Father, look deep down into the deepest part of our hearts where only You can see. So often that is the place that our most shameful thoughts and attitudes reside. These are the thoughts that have the potential to overflow into our words and our actions. Look in side of us and examine our heart and reveal to us everything that is not Holy, that does not reflect Your character, and does not speak of your love. Purify us to be Your instruments of reconciliation, hope, and healing. Amen.