The Gift of Friendships

 This summer our church is doing a sermon series on topics from the book of Proverbs. One of the sermons was on the wisdom of having Godly friendships. Ironically at the time of this sermon one of my dearest friends is in the process of moving. We have chosen to lean into change this will bring to not only us, but to the many who call her friend. Not only has she been a friend, but she has also been a partner in the ministry that we serve in together. We recently had a going away party and I am going to share some of the thoughts I shared with her at that party. Her name is Tanna and I started by sharing adjectives for the letters of her name

T -- tactful, talented, thoughtful, trustworthy, tenacious

A -- admirable, ambitious, affectionate, adventurous

N -- natty, natural, nectarous, neighborly, nurturer

N -- noteworthy, noble, nourisher, nice, nifty

A -- altruistic, approachable, amiable, amazing, awesome

The emotions I have felt about Tanna leaving have been big. I am experiencing a big sadness that there will be so much physical space between us, that her face won't be seen at our Monday night groups, Sad that coffee and lunch dates will be so far apart, that our plans of a long-term partnership in ministry have ultimately been changed by our good and loving Abba.  

I am experiencing a big anger that the timing of her move is out of my hands as it should be. For we both truly want to follow hard after our God. 

I am experiencing big anxiety for her and all the new she will experience and anxiety for me as I have come to rely heavily on her wisdom, stability, encouragement, and ability to see things my emotions sometimes keep me from seeing accurately, and her validation of the things I sense and the emotions that at times still feel crazy to me. 

I am experiencing big fear that her new people at first might not recognize all the beauty, wisdom, and intelligence she brings to the table, which I know doesn't make sense cause those attributes are so pronounced in her. I also am experiencing fear in wondering if I can keep doing what I do with this huge gaping hole her absence will create in our beautiful ministry "family." 

Over the last few weeks, the most dominate emotions that keeps bubbling to the surface is gratitude. 

Gratitude that we have gotten to be in each other's lives for the last 16 years. Because of this I have had the privilege of watching her grow from a a young lady who could barely make eye contact and who often shook her head "NO," as if she didn't believe her own words to the confident princess-warrior she is now. She continues daily to fight for her own growth, her family's growth, and the growth of every woman who has been in one of her groups or who has simply crossed her path as friends.

Gratitude that she and God allowed me to be her prayer director as she walked through a healing prayer. It allowed me to hear more of her story and enabled me to recognize the miraculous growth God has done in her life. 

Gratitude for her sweet friendship and encouraging words and patience big enough to hear the same stories over and over when events trigger that pesky old stuff. Gratitude for the many times you have seen attitudes or heard things said with a sting and quietly and unassumingly let me know you saw it and reminded me it wasn't something I made up in my head, but a heart issue in another's soul.     

Gratitude that Tanna have been such an excellent sounding board for meeting and retreat prep, for writing that felt so vulnerable that it needed to be said out loud, and a willingness to listen to my blog posts, especially the most prophetic ones or the more vulnerable ones that tell more of my story to the world, as those felt a bit too scary to post.

Gratitude that her partnership in ministry changed from me being her mentor to having a mutual friend who became as a friend and cheerleader to our other ministry leaders. Gratitude that she has always be able to readily see others' strengths and point out how they can best fit into the ministry we do. Gratitude that she can see past all of our weaknesses and see where God is taking us. Gratitude that many have found her to be a safe person and that she has been so proactive in building relationships and offering rich encouragement to our team.

The things I desire for Tanny are many. I desire she go in the adventurous spirit of God's princess-warrior to wherever God leads her. I desire for her to be brave even when she might feel scared, unsure, confused, or invalidated, I desire for her to continue to use her beautiful strong voice to bring healing truth to the lives of women she has yet to meet. I desire for her to foster the same types of friendships in her new location that she fostered here--cause those ladies need Jesus with skin on, too. I desire for her to continue to look to our great God for help as she has been doing. I desire for her to continue doing the hard work of fostering healthy relationships with her family because that is what bondage breakers do.

Lastly, I most strongly desire her to continue to shine ever so bright as spending time with Tanna has been spending time with Jeus with skin on. As I have watched her navigate this move, I have seen her lean in to the hard with a willingness to experience both the big painful and the sweet joyful emotions. I have seen her align her thinking with God's truth, and because of that she has represented her Abba well.

So, Tanna girl, continue to grow and continue to represent Jesus well and you will do for others what you have done so well for us. You were one of the most surprising gifts God gave me in a move I drug my feet on.      

   

Every Gift Counts

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: 

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, 

but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, 

in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 

Just as each of us has one body with many members, 

and these members do not all have the same function, 

so in Christ we who are many form one body, 

and each member belongs to all the others. 

We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. 

If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 

If it is serving let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 

if it is encouraging, let him encourage; 

if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; 

if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; 

if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Romans 12:3-8

Paul begins this passage by telling the Romans to not think more highly of themselves than they should. Paul's basis for this statement was that he knew he had once been transformed from a man who had hated and tortured believers in the name of God into a missionary who introduced many people to Christ. He is reminding us we are all are sinners saved by a holy and righteous God not because we deserved it, but because it is His nature to bestow grace on people. It is because of this that God has called us and invited us into a relationship with Him allowing us to be called His children.

Next, he takes them to a more outward perspective as he reminds them they are all part of the body of Christ--the church. He reminds them the church is made up of many individuals who have different functions within the body. God gives each of us a unique blend of abilities, passions, desires, and experiences to do things that nobody else can do. He names some of the gifts in this passage (others are found in 1 Corinthians 12). The gifts that Paul lists are: 

prophecy--telling forth the truth according to the word of God 

ministering--coming along side of people and helping them

teaching--being able to understand and communicate God's word

exhortation--encouraging people to live obediently to God's word

giving--the ability to see needs and give abundantly to meet those needs

ruling--shepherding and helping believers mature

mercy--the ability to be merciful and forgiving beyond what is normal 

Spiritual gifts even flow over into our everyday lives. The way a mature believer reacts to a situation is controlled in part by their spiritual gifts. For example, if a child spills his milk, the prophetic parent would confront him for his carelessness. The parent with the gift of ministry would quickly bend down and help the child clean up the mess. The parent with the gift of exhortation would exhort the child to be more careful in the future. The parent with the gift of teaching would try to discern why the milk was spilled and help the child see that by not filling the glass so full he could prevent a future spill. The parent who has the gift of mercy would care more that the child might be embarrassed and experience shame and try to alleviate the uncomfortable feelings. The parent with giving would be more concerned with replacing the milk spilled.  

I had a friend named Cathy. And we decided for a period of time to study the Bible together. I was going through a rough patch and I needed that fellowship. She had the Spiritual gift of faith. When we first started meeting it was funny to me because she honestly shared how she could not understand how people had doubts about God because from the time she accepted Christ she had never doubted God, His love, or His sovereign plans for her life. We grew up in very similar family structures and didn’t experience Christ in our childhood homes. I loved her faith but I often found myself wrestling with the truths in the Word before they become a part of my core beliefs. 

Every time we met I could show her things from the scriptures we were studying that she didn’t know. It was only because I had grown in my faith by struggling to trust God's words. She in turn often exhorted me to trust God in the ways I hadn't. During one of our early studies I encouraged her to give freedom to others to express their doubts and she would be able to see God use her gift to speak hope and faith into their lives. I definitely benefited from her faith as did many others. I could express my doubts to her freely without fear of rejection and know that she loved me doubting Thomas that I was. I knew she accepted me and loved the encouragement she spoke into my heart. I walked out of our studies always filled with hope and a whole new perspective on faith. She in turn was safe enough with me to tell me she didn’t know how to say something to someone who had doubts so we would look up Scriptures and find answers and figure out a way to speak hope in a way that was beneficial to the hearer. She often asked asked me for my insight into passages we read and when it was one that I had struggled through I could give her all the ramifications of what that passage had come to mean in my life. It was a really blessed Christ-centered, body-life relationship! 

Let me ask you, what are your passions, gifts, and abilities? How can you use them to build up others in the body? Are you able to value your spiritual gifts and benefit from the spiritual gifts others as I did Cathy's? Do you value your spiritual gifts? Do you accept other's gifts as important as your own? Do you encourage others to use their gifts?

Prayer: Father, thank you for your grace and for taking each of us out of the muck that we use to live in. Thank you for gifting people with special abilities and placing them in the body of Christ as You desired. Thank you for the prophets, teachers, helpers, givers, and merciful people You have put in my life. Give each of us the courage and strength and insight to use our abilities and passions in ways that honors and glorifies You and build up the body. Amen.