I Want to Throat Punch Some People!

It has been a hard week for me, emotionally. It isn't because of what is going on in my personal life. It is because of what is going on in our world. First, I was invited to host a book table at a Sex Trafficking Symposium at Saddleback Church in Orange County. We've had a few traffic survivors attend our Passionate Heart Ministry and I have worked with a few at the rescue mission and thought I had a good idea of what we would be hearing. However, a couple of the speakers brought video clips with the purpose of helping people see sex trafficking for what it truly is, convincing me it isn't something done by women voluntarily. Even though they take money from the John, the pimp takes the money from them.   

Just like victims of childhood sexual abuse, victims of trafficking have come to that scene with vulnerabilities that increased the likelihood they would be manipulated into “the life.” Some of them were vulnerable because they ran away to escape sexual abuse experienced at the hands of people who should have nurtured and protected them. Some became vulnerable because their parents kicked them out when they got addicted to drugs or alcohol. Some became vulnerable when their needs weren't met and they grew up without a sense of belonging to family. And a guy or gal from a gang, a bottom, or a pimp befriended and groomed them with the promise of being a part of their family. Sick as that sounds, it fulfills a deep need written on their hearts in the womb. I worked with one gal who was a single mom that met a couple at a PTA meeting. They befriended her when she was lonely. She began to frequent bars with them and then drinks were spiked and she was drugged and became addicted, pimped, and videotaped without her knowledge.   

It is scary to know some of the youngest girls were lured into “the life” by men and women pretending to be someone close to their ages on social media pages. They developed an online relationship and soon the kids thought they were in love with a fake person and ran away to be with them. Instead, they ended up in the hands of a pimp, only to be drugged, raped, and trafficked. Some videos we saw were posted by pimps proudly showing how abusively they treat the women they "own." The language, the physical violence, the drugs dispensed, the bragging-- it hurts the heart. I became angry because they seem to think they are tough, powerful, and ever so manly. But, they are the embodiment of pure evil.  

A lot of drug dealers found out they make more money selling humans. I won't write the words they use in that lifestyle, but they are ugly words. These women and girls, men and boys are stuck because they have no money, are addicted to the drugs provided, desperately want to belong, and fear for their lives if they run. Some women become "bottoms," which is the pimp’s right hand woman. Bottoms become horribly abusive to those under them. They recruit, train, and control through threats and abuse. They have to do this or be beaten worse than anyone. There is a status in that community that comes with top positions and what they will do to maintain a position sickens the heart. 

We are mistaken if we believe they can leave if they want. It is hard to get out of “the life”, because the conscience becomes seared when one is living only in that setting. To come out of “the life” and return to a more normal, moral setting shines a bright light on what they have done to survive and the shame that rises up within them is unbearable, causing some to commit suicide. Some of them don't have job or people skills and if they do, police records make it hard to get a job. It is becoming a generational business as they draw young guys and girls into it, some being their own children and some not. Children drawn in know no other life. I came home sad for the victims, but angry enough to throat punch some pimps. 

Then, on Monday, we heard about the bombing in Manchester that killed and injured young kids, parents, and young adults who were doing nothing but attending a concert. With the work I do, I know those not injured will suffer emotionally from the trauma of the event. They will never ever be the same. And these men think they are so powerful, so manly, and so spiritual because they believe they are earning special rewards for carrying out horrible deeds. What is manly about killing a child? It makes me sick to think back on all the terrorist attacks that have been reported. The terrorists who carried out the attack in southern California dropped their baby off at grandmother’s house and went and shot up his co-workers, and then shot it out with the police. And there is Boston, Florida, and all the European bombings...and it makes me want to throat punch some terrorists and those who recruit and train them.  

Then, this morning I read a response Leslie Vernick, a godly author and counselor, wrote to a pastor who had given bad advice to a woman who was in an abusive relationship. The woman’s marriage started out great and then over time her husband disengaged, withdrew to his basement, and become very angry. He started verbally assaulting her and the kids. Though it hadn't escalated to physical violence, his tongue was caustic and he had thrown both words and objects in anger. I've heard similar stories and in many cases the husband was battling an addition to pornography. The woman sought advice from her pastor who didn't point out the Biblical steps in handling his sin. Instead, he told her she should try harder to be a good support to him and that her emotional pain had at its root pride. That is spiritual abuse at its worst! No one in the church should be silenced when they are being mistreated and abused. It is time for churches to quit blaming victims and deal with the sin in the body.   

It reminded me of the number of women in our sexual abuse support groups. Some of them were abused by parents who were involved in the church or by youth pastors, pastors, or other leadership in the church. Those brave enough to speak out when they were young were often told not to say those kinds of things because dad could go to jail, the pastor's family could break up, or the reputation of the church could be ruined. It hurts my heart to think of the little girls too ashamed or too afraid to tell. But, it hurts my heart even more when they did tell and were silenced--literally sacrificed for the false reputation of the families and the church. It makes me want to throat punch some abusers, some pastors and some parents who would rather sacrifice kids than deal with sin in a Biblical way. 

I could go on and on with the things that make me want to throat punch today. I want to throat punch men and boys who think it is manly to objectify women and look them up and down as they walk down the street. I want to throat punch guys that think it is okay to grope women in the work place or in a public line. I want to throat punch men who think it manly to intimidate women and demand sex. I want to throat punch men who think it is okay to drug women and rape them. I want to throat punch judges who let them off scot free. I want to throat punch parents who neglect their responsibilities of loving, nurturing, teaching, and disciplining children, making them vulnerable to abuse, addictions, and trafficking. I want to throat punch people behind the abortion industry who make their money performing abortions on women they have deceived into believing abortion doesn't hurt the mom or the child, convincing them that the best way to handle sin is to perpetrate another against an unborn baby.  

As I have been processing these feelings, I came to realize there is an enemy bigger than the pimp, bigger than the John, bigger than the bottom, bigger than the terrorist, bigger than the misguided misogynistic pastor, bigger than the men caught in sexual addiction, and bigger than doctors performing abortions, and bigger than neglectful parents. All these people have been deceived by the Enemy who is seeking to devour and to destroy those created in God's image. Every one of these people doing such tremendous harm to others was formed in the womb by God's own hands just as their victims were. They have made choices to harm others partly because the enemy deceived them so they would be in the business of destroying other image bearers and in that process of believing and obeying the lies they themselves seem to have lost the ability to bear the image of God they were created to bear, that is unless God steps in and redeems. 

The Enemy is the one that has deceived men into thinking it is manly to pimp and create porn, to be aggressive and abusive, and to control wives and children through manipulation and intimidation. It is the enemy telling parents it is okay to ignore their family. It is the enemy telling girls it is okay to rectify one sin with another. It is the enemy telling them “the life” will fill the need of family. It is the enemy that causes people to become so entrenched that it seems normal to live a life of degradation and defilement. It is the enemy telling terrorists their salvation comes through murder. And it is the enemy telling us in our churches that these things don't have anything to do with us.  

We have got to remember truth. A man is never more manly than when he loves well, respects women, provides for his family, is in involved in his family, models godly morals, and bears the image of His Savior. He is never more manly than when he controls lustful appetites, wandering eyes, and his temper. He is never a more manly than when he teaches his sons to love and respect their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, and spouses. He is manly when he protects his daughters, loving them well, teaching them to let the Savior be enthralled with their beauty. They are manly when they guard their hearts both as a single and a married man, fighting with all of their might to preserve their purity and their marriages. 

And women--they are more beautiful when they get their love needs met by God and find a sense of purpose fulfilled as they engage with their kids, teaching them how to love God, themselves, and others. Women are never more beautiful than when they walk in truth and model a modest heart and empower their daughter to choose wisely who and when to date. And they are more beautiful when they have blown it when they own a mistake made, and recognize that grace and community can help them navigate the consequences of sin, allowing God to redeem even the sinful choices they made. 

And the church--it is never more godly than when it acknowledges the sin in the body and deals with it adequately. That means dealing graciously with unwanted pregnancies in a way that maintains the dignity of the mother and preserves the life of the baby while at the same time dealing with the root causes of the sin. That means being willing to deal with pornography, sexual addictions, and calling on men to openly take a stand against sex trafficking and porn use. It means being willing to deal with perpetrators of domestic violence, misogynistic attitudes, and teaching young men to appreciate God's plan for sex inside of a covenant marriage. It means loving well and teaching young people to be fulfilled in Christ so they don't look for love in sinful ways. 

I believe we all have the potential to be deceived and to sin to the point that God's image in us is no longer visible. That should terrify us. That should humble us. That should bother us enough to want to catch our tendency to sin in its earliest stages. It should bother us enough to drive us to the Word to see what God's plan for His people is. It should bother us enough to fall down and worship the one who can preserve His image in us. 

As I am contemplating how big God is, the desire to throat punch dissipates. I know the Enemy was defeated at the cross, his time is short, and he is angry and writhing like a snake dying. And I want to consistently worship God, remembering He is more powerful than he who is in this world. I pray against the Enemy's schemes and boldly proclaim God's truth to counter the Enemy's lies. I want to get out of my comfort zone and challenge the church to consider if we are doing all that God has called us to. Are we doing church God's way or hiding and perpetuating sin? Are we going where sinners live with the gospel, or hiding behind the comfort of the white washed walls? Are we willing to be around people with "rough edges" to share the gospel or are we reaching out only to those resembling us? Isn't it true that we can render the Enemy powerless by living as God has called us to live? Every prayer spoken, every act of worship, every demonstration of love, every testimony spoken aloud, every heart healed, every knee bowed in repentance, and every relationship healed through forgiveness, and every godly choice made are things that silence the Enemy and render Him powerless. Could it be that those are the spiritual throat punches God has called us to throw?     

God Meets us in our Needs

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the LORD takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay O my God!

Psalm 40:17

 

     About twelve years ago I was sitting in the office of a man who was a pastor turned therapist. I had come to him struggling with depression and an eating disorder. After a rough week I came in and told him I was struggling with really strong self-contempt  and hated myself. He asked me what I hated about myself and I said the first thing that popped into my head, "I hate it that I am so needy." He whipped out his Bible and flipped it to Psalm 40:17 and had me read it out loud. Then he said, you know this was penned by King David, who was called by God, "The man His own heart." Then he posed the question to me, "If David had needs and God called him that, why is it not okay for you to have needs." I had a really hard time answering that question then.
     Since that time, I have pondered my needs, how I think we as believers view needs, and sometimes how the church responds to needs. Let me say up front that my church and several other churches in my community have done a lot to meet the special needs of people by forming ministries designed specifically to meet those needs. One church opened its doors to the deaf community and allow a small church of deaf people to meet there. I believe one hearing couple who loved deaf people helped to bring that about and they still serve there. My own church asked for volunteers to work with special needs kids. One of my friends whose daughter has severe problems because of cerebral palsy has benefited from the ministry of very loving people. These are just two examples. I think education has helped the church desire to meet the special needs of very precious people. It hasn't always been that way. I have heard horror stories of people who were told not to bring their special needs kids back to church. The problem was that they probably weren't equipped to handle the needs, but the way it was said left the parents feeling their children was not loved or wanted.  

     I was faced with some interesting dilemmas last year tat reminded me of neediness. Our church does outreach in a poverty stricken, drug entrenched, educationally starved area of town. I lead a ministry designed to help women find healing from past sexual abuse. A couple of those ladies asked to be in a group. We put them in and some of them did very well. Some of them really struggled, because their needs of food, shelter, and safety made it difficult for them to do the work we were doing. To be honest it complicated the group process and I had to let go of the goals and desires I had for these ladies and meet them right where they were at, while at the same time continuing to lead the group in the group process. It would have been easier to tell them they weren't ready, but I knew that God called me to love these ladies just like the others from more affluent backgrounds. We, as leaders, did try to recognize their more imminent needs, while giving them an exposure to the healing work of our groups. Some nights they needed to learn about boundaries. Some nights they needed to have physical needs provided. Some nights they needed to know how to handle domestic violence and a host of other things before they could look at the emotional impact of their past abuse. Ultimately, they needed most to begin to understand that God loves them, desires to heal them, and is fully capable of redeeming their stories. They needed to understand more about God's grace and His forgiveness to begin to understand how to give both grace and forgiveness to those who wounded them so deeply. Their healing journey may have looked different, but in all honesty it hit me that the deepest need of each woman in the group was the same, no matter what side of town they were from.
     About the time I entered counseling, there was a new term, "EGR," being used in the church in reference to people we find a bit more difficult to love or to relate to or who may require extra time and energy in our home Bible group. EGR stands for Extra Grace Required. In our home group, there was a young guy who said up front that he knew that he was the ERG for our group. I laughed along with everyone else. But, I was convicted in my spirit that night, that those of us using the EGR term were being prideful. I pushed the conviction to the back of my mind. I continued in counseling and over the course of a few years learned a lot about my own dysfunctions and at times was overwhelmed with shame because of them. Then one of my best friends died and I went to a community I had lived in as a young bride and mother. The man who was like a spiritual dad to my friend and I, sat by me at the visitation and I was so overwhelmed with shame of how needy I was during the time I had lived there. I was hungry for all of God's word and called numerous times to ask Bible questions. My husband was in school and I was having babies and had some post partum depression and severe loneliness and I called to talk about that. I personalized everything at the time so I talked to him for hours about relationships and how to get along with people. But at the core of that, neither he or I knew was that I was struggling with some unbelief. I believed the things that had hurt me at the very core of my being made me a second class citizen in the family of God. I knew I was saved. I knew God loved me because I was His creation. But my ability to relate and trust God was broken by things in my past. I was hating my needs because I knew that there was nothing that filled them. As much as I was loved at church, in my home, by my spouse...I felt so empty, so needy, and I hated that feeling.
     As I began to find healing for the things in my past, I began to realize, God had created me in love with needs that drive me to Him. I began recognize the lies I believe and to accept that I wasn't loved in a second class way. He died and took my sin in His body....it wasn't just hammered to a cross...it was etched into His body as He hung between heaven and earth and in turn for my sin He imputed his righteousness to me. The suffering He bore was proof that He cares about sin and that He understands what it is like to live with the consequences of another's sin.
     It hit me recently that in God's eyes, we are all ERG'S! Just as children or adults with handicaps have special needs that can be best met by someone with training, we all have needs that only Christ can meet. The rub is that sometimes to learn how to let God meet the needs we have we have to have the freedom to wrestle with the needs in light of God's sovereignty with out being shamed for it. I am so thankful that my spiritual dad listened, answered questions, and reassured me over and over. I am so thankful that he didn't push me away and act like I was too needy even for God and the church. The last time he saw me he hugged me and held both my husband and I tight for the longest time. He grinned from ear to ear conveying that he was glad to see us...no attempt to hide from us, just joy from seeing us.
     I have had the privilege of seeing and hearing the deaf pastor preach and seeing an interpreter sign the words of favorite songs. It is just so beautiful. My friend showed me pictures of her daughter being in the wedding of a very gorgeous couple. There was great joy, love, and acceptance of her daughter and her special needs that day...she was give honor by being in the wedding party. She was given the chance of experiencing what "normal" people experience. It was beautiful. I experienced Jesus in the core of soul because no matter how needy I was, a godly man showed me He in his words, actions, care, and patience what Jesus was like. Where there is great needs there is a great opportunity to experience love and to give love. Maybe, just maybe a good adjective for needs is "beautiful." Beautiful needs strips me of the pride of trying to meet needs apart from God. Beautiful needs that are not met fester and cause such pain inside that I went to all of the wrong places to have them met...but all I need to do is fall at the feet of Jesus in honest transparency. He is the one and only One who can heal my pain and meet my needs.Beautiful needs give me the opportunity to love as He loves--with patience, kindness, grace, and truth.  Beautiful needs give me the opportunity to be His hands and feet to a World desperately needy world. There is now no shame in needs for as I live I see my neediness gives me the understanding I need to quit looking at others as ERG's to be tolerated and see them as people with needs as beautiful as mine.  

Beautifully Clothed

"I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
And arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout to come up,
and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make
righteousness and praise spring up before all the nations."
Isaiah 61:10-11

God's grace never ceases to amaze me. It is early in the morning…before my second cup of coffee, my morning walk, my morning prayers, and my morning shower. Because of that, the truth of being clothed with His beautiful salvation and His beautiful righteousness is a little hard for me to grasp. Especially with the fog that clouds my mind the first hour I am awake. On top of that, I went to bed in need of God's grace and woke up thankful I could clothe myself in it! There is not a day that goes by I don't blurt out an angry word, have a hateful thought I would never want others to know about, or miss an opportunity to share the love of God with someone desperately needing it. There are also times I am aware of needing deeper intimacy with God, but seek relief from the discomfort of my need by turning to other things instead of allowing Him to meet the need. At those times I feel like the ugliness of sin and self-centeredness on the inside is visible to everyone and I want to withdraw from others and flee from God's presence. Amazingly, His love is strong enough and constantly tugs at my heart so I don't give in to those impulses and I embrace the truth that because of Jesus I have been clothed in His righteousness.

Over time I've learned God's love doesn't depend on how I feel. Even when I am at my worst and my own mind is telling me I am unlovable, the Scripture says He loves me and is constantly inviting me into His Holy presence. As I sit and wait in His presence, His ears are turned toward me, inviting me to share my heart with Him in complete transparency. As I pull back the layers of the garbage that are there, He rises up to meet me with His complete mercy and His relentless grace! He reminds me over and over that Christ's blood has covered my sin and my selfishness and He has planted His righteousness in my heart through the Holy Spirit. As I come to Him and lay sin and shame at His feet and voice the pain of deep needs, He meets me there. He causes His righteousness to spring forth from me like a seeds planted in a garden. That righteousness works itself out in a deep passionate love for God and for others. The work He has done on the inside becomes visible and beautiful like the ornaments a bride and groom wear, making me more grateful for His grace! His righteousness working out in my life is more consistent, more humbling, and more beautiful than the righteousness I try to muster up myself. It is in the process of letting the Lord look into the messiness of my heart and cleanse it and heal it that I return to joy and become who God designed me to be. I will rejoice in my Lord and be joyful in my God.

Just think, If you know the Lord, you, too, are clothed in His righteousness like a bride is clothed for her wedding day! It doesn't matter how we feel or what we've done or what we've thought--Christ's blood covers it all. In His grace, God chooses to do beautiful work in us! Let's commit to not hiding who we are, but openly sit at His feet and remember who He is. Let's pour our hearts out to Him, laying our sin, hurt, anger and doubt at His feet. Let's let Him cleanse, heal, and give us His peace and His courage. Let's let Him replace our morning "yucks" and evening "guilt" with adoration and praise for He has clothed us in beauty.

Prayer: Father, thank you for your grace that I need on a daily basis. Thank you for allowing me to lay my sin and my shame at His feet. Thank you for the righteousness you impart to me that springs forth from my innermost being. Please search my heart for anything and everything that dishonors you or hinders my relationship with you from growing deeper. I praise you for you are the Sovereign Lord who will make your righteousness spring up in your people before all the nations. Amen.