Even if the Worst Comes

The last year has been a tough year for me emotionally, as it has been for you. The hardest thing for me has been the comments in social media and the news that is written to evoke fear in the hearts of those reading them. I even hear similar remarks when I speak to people in person. It even occurs in Christian circles when someone says something like, "If we don't repent we are going to be in big trouble and God is not going to bless us during this election." As events unfolded January 6th, the comments in the media took on an even more hyperbolic and fatalistic tone which increased my anxiety. On Sunday I listened to a sermon/chat given by Ben Stewart and Louis Giglio of Passion City Church and passion and hope began to replace the gnawing anxiety that had been rising over this last year. As I process the fatalistic comments in light of Louis and Ben's chat the words "even if the worst comes" keep ruminating through my head. 

If things continue to radically change and our voices are silenced and policies that God-fearing people have been calling for get reversed, I want to live in a way that honors my God. As I think about the people whose stories were told in the Scriptures, I realize I want to be like the brave and faithful ones. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Nehemiah. When he heard the people who had survived Israel's exile were struggling and shame-filled because the wall of Jerusalem had been breached and its gates had been destroyed, he wept and mourned and fasted, continually praying before his God. His prayer was powerful as it acknowledged God's greatness and faithfulness of God and it confessed the sins of His people. It was powerful as he beseeched His God to be attentive to the words of those who feared His name and to give them successes and mercy in the sight of their enemies for His name's sake.  

If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his brothers and later cast into prison because of a false accusation. He probably felt like the worst had come into his life. Yet, he remained faithful to his God and lived a life marked with such integrity and diplomacy that those who enslaved him raised him to a high position, enabling him to prepare Egypt for a great famine. This brought him face to face with those who had sold him out and allowed God to weave forgiveness in his heart as well as a deep abiding trust in His plans. This hard that he had faced put him in the place to provide for Israel during the famine, ultimately saving the blood line of Christ. If the worst comes, I want to be a Joseph to save lives--the lives of the unborn, the abused, the marginalized, and those in need. I want to live in such a way that integrity marks my life and makes God's light shine through me so that those in power take notice and begin to want those things as well. 

If the worst comes, I want to be an Esther. She was a young Jewish woman who lived during the time that the Medes and Persians took over Israel and through some crazy circumstances she become a queen. Her uncle notified her that Haman was planning to destroy all the Jews in the land, which meant even her life was at risk. Esther didn't react out of the fear she must have felt. She acted wisely, instructing her uncle to gather all the Jews in the region to fast and pray for her for three days and nights. Then she courageously went to the king uninvited. During a feast she had requested in her meeting, she exposed Haman's plot to kill her people. Because of her courage in the face of danger and uncertainty, Haman ended up being hung from the gallows that he had prepared for Esther's uncle and the lives of her people were preserved. I want to live in such a way that the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ would be deemed valuable and precious enough to be preserved. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Daniel. He was a young man when Babylon besieged Jerusalem. He was taken into captivity because he was good looking, wise, educated, and competent to stand in the Babylonian palace. They were given Babylonian names and forced into what we would call a reeducation camp. But Daniel resolved to not defile himself with Babylonian foods and took a stand for him and his friends and God filled them with more strength and wisdom than the Babylonians. Daniel later shared the Lord with the king when he interpreted the king's dreams. Because he earned favor with the king, his friends became rulers over provinces and Daniel remained in the palace. Daniel and his friends refused to bow down to the king's stature. Three were rescued from a fiery furnace and Daniel from a lion's den. The thing for which I admire Daniel the most is his faithfulness. He received visions from God and became a prayer warrior like no other. His prayers like Nehemiah's proclaimed the truth of who God is and the truth of their nation's sins and rebellion. He also acknowledged their failure to not listen to the prophets. He then implored the Lord to turn His anger away from Jerusalem and to show them His mercy. I want to be a Daniel who was known as someone who spent enormous amounts of time on their knees and pleads God's mercy over my people. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Steven who in the face of great persecution continued to share the gospel. In the face of martyrdom, he came face to face with people who were so enraged and hate-filled that they gnashed their teeth at him. He turned his eyes towards heaven and saw the glory of God and was filled with the Holy Spirit and said, "Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God." And as the stones began to pelt him, he said, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. Lord, do not hold this sin against them." I want to be a Stephen who can pray for my enemies in life and in death. 

If the worst comes, I want to be a Paul. He was a faithful servant who suffered much for the cause of Christ. Even though he was shipwrecked, beaten, and put in prison, he remained faithful and penned some of the most powerful epistles we have. He loved well, prayed continually, evangelized, discipled, and courageously confronted abusers who infiltrated the church. I want to be a Paul who was a shepherd and teach others how to live out their faith in a world that isn't paradise. I want to do as he instructed the Colossians. I want to be found laboring with other believers near and far, faithfully lifting them before the Lord. I want to guard my heart and mind that I might not be deceived by the enemy. I want to quench immorality, impurity, evil desire, and covetousness, malice, slander, and obscene talk. I want to speak truth from a compassionate heart, a kind spirit bathed in humility, meekness, and patience. While I want to be a warrior for the Lord, I also want to be known as someone who forgives and prays for her enemies. 

In closing, when I was in college, my dormitory was overrun by male students demanding the right to be in the women's dorms. (I know that tells my age!) The national guard was called in and tear gas was shot at students and into dorm rooms and there were guns everywhere. I was terrified. So, as much as I am puzzled, frustrated, and even angry about some of the things going on in our country I understand our people have been traumatized and many are reacting out of that trauma. Let's agree to peacefully disagree about all sorts of things and let's agree to pray faithfully for our families, churches, communities, and country every single day. Let pray that we can continue to be a beacon of hope for the world even if the worst comes. 

Life Interrupted

I wonder if others are getting as weary of being "stuck at home," waiting for "life" to begin again. When the government first told us to shelter in place, it was to be for two weeks and I thought, "Piece of cake, we can do this." But now it seems like there is no end in sight for my state.  After listening to one of our pastor's sermons this week, I realized that I need to reframe my thinking so I don't become completely discouraged and overly frustrated.

When the shelter-in-place order was given, I had to shut down our support group ministry and have often thought about how much I hate having the important work we do with our ladies interrupted at such a crucial time in the group process. But this pandemic and this sheltering in place orders was not a surprise to our God. I know there are valuable lessons for each of us to learn about our God, about ourselves, and about life in general, if we are willing to learn. I have been thinking about different people in the Bible who went through things that may have been perceived as interruptions to what God was going to bring about in their lives and will share about two of them.

First, we have Joseph. He was highly favored by his father, who gave him a beautiful coat of many colors, designed to signify his favor towards him. Young Joseph then had two dreams, both of which indicated his brothers would bow down to him. He made the mistake of telling his brothers about his dreams and they were jealous and despised him and sold him into slavery. Joseph, the man who believed he would rule over his brothers landed in Egypt, living the life of a slave.

Pharaoh noticed that everything Joseph did was blessed by God and he gave him an important position in his home. Pharaoh's wife started making advances towards Joseph and he refused her advances. She then accused him of rape and he was thrown into person. Joseph's life as a slave--seems to have been interrupted once again.

There Joseph sat, until the chief butler had a dream Joseph was able to interpret. Joseph asked the butler to remember him when he got out of prison, but the butler didn't. It wasn't until Pharaoh had a dream that needed to be interpreted that the butler remembered Joseph. When Joseph interpreted the dream, it became clear there would be a great famine and they had seven years to fill storehouses. Pharaoh was thankful and put Joseph in charge over the land, knowing he would have the wisdom needed to store things for the future.

It was because of Joseph and his work in Egypt that his brothers came to Egypt, seeking food during the drought. There they ended up being under Joseph's leadership and had to rest in his mercy. It was because of the interruption in Joseph's life that the nation of Israel was preserved through the famine. I also believe Joseph learned all sorts of things about God and His grace as he navigated and prepared for the hard, grieved the betrayal of his brothers, and worked through the important issues of forgiveness.

Second, we have King David, who was anointed by the prophet Samuel to be king after Saul. This was awkward as Saul was still alive, but David served Saul with integrity waiting for God to fully elevate him to his kingship. After a great military victory, the Israelites praised David so much Saul was consumed by jealousy. Even though David was a faithful servant, who performed music that soothed Saul's tortured soul, Saul turned on him and tried to murder him. David, the anointed king, ended up hiding in a cave. His brothers and father, who were now at risk joined him there. They were soon followed by everyone who was in distress, who was struggling with debt, and who was discontented and David became captain over all 400 men. I bet David had assumed when he became king, he would be in Jerusalem living the good life, not in a cave training a much of malcontents to be soldiers. Yet, in that cave he remained faithful to what God gave him, showed great restraint when he refused to kill Saul as he trusted God bring about his kingship.

I can relate to these men and the interruptions they faced in what they had thought their lives would be like. I thought this year would be different than it is. I hoped we would work with our ladies in our ministry and give them a celebratory sendoff at the end. I thought we would continue attending church every week. I had realized I needed to socialize more and had committed to have more sweet fellowship over coffee or lunches with friends and here I sit. I thought my husband and I would get travel and may be go camping with grandkids. I thought I would get another book done. Right now, maybe that last one has potential if I can keep my focus during this crazy time.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk to Joseph and David, whose lives seem to have been interrupted like mine. I can't, but I can read their thoughts during their struggles in the Word. Joseph who wept so loudly that the whole palace heard him was able to extend grace to his brothers, saying, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good." God used that interruption to grow him enough to forgive the impossible and to save Israel. And the Psalms...they are so full of David's thoughts, questions, and painful emotions being countered beautifully by his knowledge of His God and His trust in His sovereignty, power, love, and goodness. With out reading the Psalms we might not know how personable and safe God is to run to. Their words are more powerful when I remember they were not omniscient, they were everyday people like me. I know that Greg Laurie announced that 50,000 people have accepted Christ during this pandemic. On line church during this hard has opened the flood gates, removed blinders, and turned people's hearts to God. In light of these stories I can reframe my thinking from being stuck at home waiting for life to begin again to being in the middle of something great God is doing in and through his Church.

I don't know what all God is doing through this pandemic and sheltering order, but I do know that He is good and that He is the embodiment of perfect love. I am also confident that nothing can stop the work He is doing in and through each of us. So, I daily choose to trust Him as my husband and I seek His wisdom in how to live out these days of life seemingly interrupted. I am thankful that I am a follower of Jesus and that I have prayed more faithfully for those who are sick, those who are struggling with addictions, and for those who are grieving unexpected changes and big losses. I have also taken time to notice and celebrate births, marriages, graduations, and other milestones from afar. I have taken advantage of this time to enjoy sermons from all sorts of speakers and have gained some good perspective of God through this. And I am confident that our God--He is perfectly good even when life is interrupted.

The Importance of Voice

Several years ago, I was working as a volunteer with youth and loved it. Then hurtful things happened and I found my voice being silenced and my spiritual gifts being negated. I had a couple of people I trust ask me if maybe God was using those things to redirect me to a different ministry where I could use my voice, experiences, and gifts freely. I wrestled with their words and could not decide if leaving was a redirection or running from a difficult situation God wanted me to work through. One night I went to bed and dreamed I was walking down a busy street and every person I passed had empty eyes and no mouth. I woke up with tears pouring down my cheeks, begging the Lord to please give people their voices. God used the dream to develop a new passion in me--a passion to help people regain their voices, speak their stories and move past pain they have endured. It led me to start writing curriculum and to start a support group ministry in which women find safety and are encouraged to use their voices. In our groups they get to tell their stories, knowing their stories will be treated with respect and they will be heard and treated with compassion. In this ministry we get to walk along side of women as they connect to the Savior so deeply they find hope, healing, and freedom from their pasts.

Well-meaning parents sometimes say things that shame children into silence, causing them to quit using their voices to tell their stories and express their emotional pain. Sadly, that pain actually signals that something is wrong and needs to be corrected, leaving them unprotected. The kinds of words that silence kids are: "Don't feel that way!" "You must have misunderstood what they said (or did)." "Don't be a baby." "Don't let you sister know she hurt you and maybe she won't do it anymore." "Other kids don't feel (or cry) the way you do!" "Hush, we can't talk about that person that way. We will ruin his reputation. (hurt our church’s testimony)." "Tell them sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." "Stop that crying!" "If you keep crying, I will give you something to cry about." "Put a smile on your face right now!" "We don't do anger in this house!" "Grow up!" Sometimes these messages given are silent or subtler. Maybe a child is only acknowledged or given attention when they smile and don’t complain. A lot of kids are never asked why they are sad, scared, or don't want to participate in activities. 

Believers' responses to emotional pain and hard stories are not always better. Take the issue of anger. We can forget there is an anger that is righteous. Christ demonstrated it several times. Yet, when I shared about the bullying my kids were experiencing on a daily basis, I was admonished by a believer for not forgiving. I honestly forgave daily, but it didn't stop the bullying or the pain we experienced as a family. Those who are hurting may first try to share anger over their mistreatment. They are often quickly silenced by admonitions to forgive, reminders that believers are supposed to be full of joy, or a Bible verse quoted in a condescending way. These things silence people, leaving them with their pain intensified by the secondary emotion of shame, causing people to deny and to bury both the story and the emotion deeper. What we need in those moments is for someone to acknowledge the pain underneath our anger. Sexual abuse victims' voices are silenced when they are asked what they were wearing, what they were drinking, and what they did to provoke the predator. They are also silenced when they are met with skepticism or told something that indicates they aren’t believed.

Take the issues associated with anxiety provoking events. Several years ago, one of our sons was in an ATV accident and his spleen ruptured. He when into surgery in serious condition and had complications that included fluid building up around his heart. I stayed with him in ICU for 12 days and then another six days in a regular room. During that time there was a lot of talk about another major surgery on a young man that had already had four units of blood given to him, severe pain caused by being cut from chest bone to pubic bone, who just wanted to be home. After we finally came home, I went to church and a woman asked how we were doing and I started telling her about everything we went through. Instead of letting me talk, she quickly put her hand on my arm and said, "Oh, he is fine, now isn't he?" She may have been uncomfortable with my story and emotions and just wanted me to be ok. Though she may have thought she was helping me, what she did was silence my voice, causing me to stuff emotions that were intensified by the shame behind the message that it was not okay to talk about what we had experienced. I am thankful for counselors and friends who let me use my voice to tell that story until I had drained all the emotions.

To be honest, I get frustrated by those who tell people facing anxiety provoking events that they are sinning for feeling what they feel and for sharing their concerns. Can we not just turn to the person and ask them in that moment if we could pray for them or what we could do to help instead of judging them? We could pray God would meet them in the middle of their hard, that He would give them the strength they need to face each day, that He would calm their fears, and give them insight into what He is doing. We could pray His love would overwhelm them as they journey through difficult times and that He would show them things about Him that they would not otherwise see.

We are friends with a family whose little boy had stage four liver cancer. The mom shared posts on Facebook that included their journey and the Bible art she was drawing that helped her get through those long days of hospital stays. Every year she shares the memories that come up on her page about that time. I have never once thought, "Oh, she should be over this by now.!" When she shares I am reminded of what God did with that sick little boy, with his parents, with his extended family, and with his church. I believe every time she shares those posts I am privileged to hear her voice and watch her continue to work through the medical trauma they all experienced. Some want the church to be a place where everyone is happy all the time, but it isn’t. While we pray for healing, God doesn't always choose to heal. Maybe there are lessons for us in how to love and show compassion in the hard-ongoing painful situations God is working in. Can we allow people to grieve when they need to and to express their concerns even if it is uncomfortable for us or makes us realize God doesn’t fit into a nice and neat little box?

Our God is a communicating God. His word contains stories about real people who had real emotions just like you and me and they had a need to share their stories, too. Think about Joseph who was sold into slavery and suffered so many injustices as he did his best to live well. When those brothers who had sold him showed up at his door needing food, he had a lot of emotions to work through. He cried, He wailed, and he tested them. Those tears and the working through the abuse he suffered was what enabled him to fully forgive his brothers and see God's redemptive plan fully unfold before him so that he, in his grace, preserved the nation of Israel.

When we read Paul's letters to the various churches we catch bits and pieces of his story written in them. I don't believe when he wrote and preached about his past history of trying to destroy the church that he didn't feel remnants of grief over the deaths he caused and the families he destroyed. At the same time, I believe he was overjoyed at the grace God showed him and it motivated him to write and preach the powerful things he did. When he talked about the suffering he endured relationally and physically as a missionary, he penned and preached those things with the same feelings we might experience in those situations. His voice has served generations of believers, including us. From him we learn about the depth of God's grace, and the richness that comes in persevering in the hard.

If we aren't willing to hear others' voices and the stories they tell and if we are not willing to walk through the emotions that arise in the telling, we are missing out on powerful redeeming stories that God is actively writing. We also miss out on the opportunity to witness God's lavish grace. As I watched the trial of Dr. Larry Nassar, who sexually abused hundreds of girls, I was infuriated by his predatorial attempts to manipulate the survivors into feeling sorry for him and the judge into silencing their voices in the court room. But the judge did not put up with it. She gave everyone who wanted to speak the chance to use their voice. In doing so, she validated their stories and the pain they suffered at his hands. We need to remember we do not have the right to silence other's voices either--not with platitudes, not with admonitions, not with pats on the arm followed by, "Now, now everything is ok.!" Neither do we have the right to silence others' hard questions about where God was, where God is, or where God will be in their painful stories. We are called to show the same compassion Jesus showed and that includes allowing people to use their voices. Giving importance to another’s voice is giving value to the person and their story.

The Beauty of the Semicolon

Recently I wrote about the importance of the ampersand to me. Well, there is grammar symbol that is quite popular right now. This symbol is tiny, but the meaning behind the semicolon is huge. A semicolon is used in writing when an author could end a sentence, but chooses to keep going instead. It is a way of keeping one's thoughts informally separate, but connected. Project Semicolon began in 2013 when Amy Bleuel wanted to honor the father she lost to suicide. Even though she, herself, struggled with depression, she saw the semicolon as a symbol of hope. Soon others began using the semicolon symbol in recovery because they were fighting a battle with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicidal thoughts and their will to continue on. The semicolon symbolized their belief that this is not the end, but a new beginning. Even faith-based organizations are beginning to refer to the semicolon as a way of telling others, "My story (Your story) isn't over!"

As a survivor I battled hard with depression, negative thoughts, and an unrelenting eating disorder that manifested in every possible way. I remember so many times feeling hopeless and wishing life would end to end the struggle, yet, choosing to hang on by a thread. And in choosing to hang on by a thread, I always found God was faithful to show me there was meaning in life after the hopelessness I experienced. And my story, His story in me, continued. 

As I've contemplated the whole movement of the semicolon I've realized the Scriptures are full of semicolons--you know those moments where those living the stories felt hopeless but God intervened with a God semicolon, providing hope, showing that the story continued. 

I don't know about you, but when I read about Eve with Adam by her side, talking with the Serpent, my chest tightens and everything in me wants to scream, "Stop! Don't listen to the Deceiver! Adam, stop her!" But she bit, and for a few moments I feel so hopeless. It could have been the end of the story, but God sought them out and sacrificed animals to clothe them, promising to send His Son to save them. And the Story continued.

In Genesis we read the story of Noah. The earth was full of sin and every thought of man was evil to the core. It was the end of the end, but God called on Noah to build and ark because He was going to judge the earth. Noah obeyed and through his actions He preached. Then the sky darkened, God shut the door, and the boat rocked as the floods came, destroying all life outside the ark. Eventually the lands dried and God gave Noah and his family a rainbow, a visual semicolon in the sky, to remind them of His mercy and grace and to remind us He saves His own through judgment. And the Story continued.

Oh, and there was Joseph, who was favored by his father, but despised by his brothers who sold him into slavery. He wound up in Egypt and chose to live a life full of integrity, only to be falsely accused and imprisoned. I am sure he felt like he reached the period in his life story several times; but each time God preserved his life and gave him dreams Joseph alone could interpret, and as a result he was able to preserve the life of the Egyptians through a long drought. Then one day it became obvious that the period he thought had ended his old life, when his brothers sold him, was really another semicolon in God's story. God used what his brothers meant for evil to preserve the life of Joseph and the nation of Israel. And the Story continued.    

There was Naomi who lost her husband and both of her sons while living in a foreign land during a drought. She grieved long and hard and the grief turned into depression and bitterness. She returned to her homeland for the end of her story; but God gives her a semicolon in the form of faithful daughter-in-law who was accepted by a kinsman redeemer and provided Naomi with heirs to love and a grandchild to be in the lineage of the Savior. And the Story continued. 

There was Elijah who God called to confront Ahab and the prophets of Baal who were stealing the hearts of His people. Elijah challenged them to a spiritual duel. The 450 prophets of Baal set their altar and called on their god to ignite the altar. They cried out from morning until noon and their god didn't answer. So, they continued to cry aloud and frantically cut themselves with swords and lances to prove their devotion, and he didn't answer. To the people who were following Baal and to the people who were torn between Jehovah and Baal it had to have been a moment they thought their story was ending; but God revealed Himself as Elijah called the people to himself. He built an altar in the name of the Lord with twelve stones and surrounded it with a deep trench. He put wood on the altar and cut the bull in pieces and laid it on the altar. Next he had them pour 12 jars of water over the offering, saturating the offering and wood and filling the trench with water. Elijah called upon the Lord so the people would recognize Him and turn their hearts back to Him and the fire of the Lord consumed the burnt offering, the wood, the stones, the dust, and the water. God showed Himself to be the true God of Israel. And the story continued.

There are other semicolon stories we could consider. There is the story of King David who had several moments he thought his life would end at the hand of Saul. He thought his kingship could end in moral failure when he abused his power, both taking another man's wife and murdering him in the aftermath. Emotional hurts like the death of his son and the problems between his children could have eaten the hope out of any parents’ heart, but God intervened, calling him the man after God's own heart. We could look at the story of Esther, Daniel and friends, and other prophets sent to Israel to warn them of sin and judgement. But instead, I want to move to the most significant semicolon in history, Jesus. 

Jesus came on the scene after a long period of silence in which God provided no prophets. I can't help but wonder if some feared God was done with them and viewed the long silence as a period to God's dealing with Israel. Then, God gave them what at first seemed like an unassuming semicolon in the form of a babe born in a manger. He grew. He taught. He called disciples. He confronted hypocritical, spiritually dead religious leaders. He cast out demons. He calmed angry seas. He healed the sick. He gave hope until He was taken captive, illegally tried, stripped, beaten, mocked, crowned with thorns, spit upon, and hung upon a cross for all the world to see. The world grew dark as our sin was laid on Him. And He died, but God! God, finding His sacrificial death a satisfactory payment for our sin raised Him from the grave, giving us all the living hope of the semicolon. 

The living hope of the semicolon means there is no sin too big or too dirty His blood can't cover it. Redemption means there is still a sense of purpose and meaning after moral failure. There is still life to be lived with joy after harsh painful losses. There is hope after each and every relapse. There is meaning for life lived with the anguish of mental illness. There is hope after broken relationships through reconciliation or with the invitation to repentance and restoration. And even in a life racked with a terminal illness there is hope, because for the believer death is the semicolon and the rest of the story is lived in glory--glory where there will be no more pain, no more sin, and no more tears. The beauty of the semicolon is that it places us face to face with Jesus who is the author of the redemption stories we live. 

Love Part 4--The Unending Cycle of Love

One of the most interesting passages I've found on love is Ephesians 3:16-19, "That according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." 

When I think of someone praying for strength, I tend to think of it as strength she needs to accomplish a difficult task, strength to withstand trials running runs long and hard, or strength to withstand temptation in which the flesh craves something that never satisfies. It is good to pray for strength in those times, but this passage indicates that Paul prayed for people to have the strength--strength to comprehend the love of God! While we comprehend and know God's love to a point, if we are honest we admit there is a part of us that knows to the core that a love like His love is incomprehensible!

When I realized I struggled with a stronghold of not believing I was loved, I spent some time exploring God's encounters with people--people just like you and me--who had infirmities, who were held captive by sin, who were struggling with unbelief, who were plagued by demons, who were lonely and looking to fill that loneliness in wrong places, who were longing to find significance through positions and power, many of who were mistreating others in the process that is until they encountered Jesus.

Those encounters were like no other encounters because the love encountered was pure, unselfish, unadulterated, and life-changing. His love touched lepers, restoring life to dying limbs. His love touched a woman caught in adultery, granting her life instead of stoning and silencing self-appointed judges. His love healed a bleeding woman who reached for the hem of His garment, restoring strength and giving physical, spiritual, and social life. His love granted sight to the blind, giving them the ability to see both the physical and the spiritual. His love granted acceptance to the woman encountered at the well who was rejected by five husbands as well as her community. His love touched the deaf and gave the mute a voice.

The depth, the breadth, and the height of His love becomes more vivid as we examine His prayer time in the Garden. As He entered it He felt sorrow so deep He was close to death. He wrestled long and hard with His Father's will, so full of angst His blood-tinged sweat dripped. As He prayed, His spirit was strengthened and love motivated Him to obey, to choose the cross, to bear our sin in His body, to experience God's wrath so we would not.

We are called to love as God loves, but it is impossible to do without experiencing it. We may have experienced at salvation, but we need experience daily . We do this by choosing every day to trust His love by taking God at His Word. We even do this when the circumstances we face are hard, when relationships are breaking down, and when the enemy is telling us we are unloved, unseen, and forgotten. By faith we believe and we His love to be as real and tangible for us today as it was when He walked the earth and He demonstrated it on the cross. We can find love in the difficult, broken, confusing, and loneliest places because His love never fails. When we memorize and mediate on verses that speak of God's love, His love will permeate our souls, becoming a strong, core belief that enables us to cling to Him no matter how hard life gets.

We can also read and reread about God's encounters with people. God revealed specific things about Himself when He related to the people in the Bible. When He encountered a barren couple surrounded by a culture that worshiped fertility Gods, Love called them out and provided them a man child in their old age, proving He was the Creator--the giver of life, the giver of joy, and the author of godly sex.

When He encountered young Joseph, He gave him dreams that stirred conflict between him and his brothers. They rejected him and betrayed him and sold him into slavery. But the boy clung to God who gave hope when he landed in a pagan nation. Then God provided food for him and his family in a famine by empowering the boy to love and forgive, and in doing so He preserved the Messiah's bloodline.

When He encountered the lady at the well, He ministered to her shattered heart, revealing to her and to us that He accepts, loves, and heals hearts that were used, abused, rejected, and treated like yesterday's garbage.

When He met the adulterous woman brought to Him in the temple, He exposed us to His grace, revealing that His acceptance sees past our sin to what we can become in Him.

When He reached out and touched the dying, rotting flesh of lepers, He showed He not only gives life to decaying flesh, but that His healing touch cleanses even when we feel the most untouchable.

As we examine God's encounters with people and look at those touched by His miracles, teachings, and prayers, we can't come away unchanged. Not only do each of the stories show restoration of human hearts, they show the restoration of relationships to a Holy God.

The more we meditate, the more we uncover of His grace. Through meditation we realize the first thing the Leper felt was the touch of God, the first thing the blind saw was His face, the first experience of unconditional acceptance at the well was being seen and heard by God Himself, the first exposure to grace the adulteress had was seen in the eyes of the only One who had a right to condemn.

Not only is God's love being showered on us, it is His desire to love others through us. He doesn't want us to continue to love in the mediocre selfish ways we are so prone to. He wants us to love sacrificially and unconditionally as He does. To do so we must choose to trust His love in the hard and choose to bask in it in the good. Because Christ loved even in exhaustion, grief, denial, desertion, and rejection, we can, too, with His help. His love strengthens us when we choose to love in the hard. We experience it as we love in the hurt. We experience it when we love the hard to love. We experience it as we love in rejection.

We will be more motivated to love when we remember His greatest act of love was expressed through the pain of the cross. As we we are rooted and grounded in His love, we are strengthened to begin to comprehend it, which strengthens us to love as He loves which strengthens us to comprehend it which strengthens us to love. No, I didn't accidentally repeat myself. For as long as we are fully present and plugged into our relationship with God we are in an unending cycle of comprehending His love and loving as He loves. I pray that God will strengthen you to comprehend the heights, the depths, and the breadth of His love.     

Suffering Well-- Part 2: A Man Like Joseph

There is a man named Jacob whose family was one hot mess. To start with he had fallen in love with a woman and worked seven years to marry her. But his father-in-law substituted his older daughter for the bride and he had to work another seven years for the one he loved. For several years the loved was barren and the unloved wife was birthing sons to earn love. Eventually there were twelve sons in all--two from the loved and 10 from the unloved.

So the family had two wives vying for one man's affection and Jacob who himself made some serious parenting mistakes. He loved one son, Joseph, more than his other sons and he made him a colorful coat, conveying his favoritism. Second, when Jacob sent his older sons out to tend sheep, he sent
Joseph to check on them and the reports he gave Jacob weren't always favorable and who likes a  tattle tale?.

Then there was a matter of dreams. God gave Joseph dreams, indicating his brothers would all bow in submission to him. Being 17, he did what teens would do--he bragged. In the midst of a family with two wives competing, a dad with rotten parenting skills, a son prone to bragging, and slew of sinful natures smoldering, the sibling rivalry grew into a great big, ugly hatred. 

After the coat giving, the dream bragging, and the hatred growing, Jacob sent Joseph once again to check on his brothers. When they saw him coming, they plotted to kill him and planned to tell their dad he was killed by an animal. But one brother with a smidgen  of integrity left suggested they  throw him in a pit instead. When Joseph arrived, they stripped him of his identity as the favored one when they stole his coat. They threw him into a pit and sat down to eat, which showed just how hard their hearts had become and how deeply rooted their hatred was When a caravan traveling to Egypt came, they pulled Joseph from the pit and sold him as a slave, showing his bloodied coat to their dad and Jacob grieved the grief parents grieve on losing a child.

That seems like enough hurt for one person to go through for a lifetime. But, there was more suffering in the story God penned. Joseph was bought by Potiphar, the captain of the guard and  Potiphar realized God was with Joseph and put him over his whole house. Potiphar's wife tries to seduce him and he runs away as she grabs his outer garment. Angered by  rejection,  she claimed he  attacked her and her lie lands Joseph in prison. He rose to leadership in the prison and ruled with integrity over other prisoners. Two prisoners dreamed dreams Joseph interpreted. One was released and promised to remember him, but didn't. Not until Pharaoh dreamed dreams no one in Egypt could  interpret. The freed prisoner tells about Joseph and Joseph is summoned to interprets the dreams that revealed seven years of plenty would be followed by seven years of famine. Pharaoh makes Joseph a ruler and tells him to prepare Egypt for the famine and he does.

As I read, I wished the story were written by a woman because a woman would have told us what Joseph thought and what he felt. But the story makes Joseph seem super human. Initially, we aren't told about his grief and I wonder if his grief  was overshadowed by his need to survive. We aren't told about anger that would kindle in a human heart betrayed by one's own flesh, that was falsely accused of rape, and that was forgotten and left in prison. Maybe it was because he focused on the steadfast love of God and His blessings that were poured out on him in each circumstance he faced.

As a human, Joseph had choices to make. He could put his eyes on the injustices he experienced and the suffering he endured or He could put them on God who was at work in His life. He could choose to focus on people who did him wrong and grow a hatred of his own or he could focus on God who is sovereign and in control of what appeared a mess. He could choose to lie in bed at night and plot the revenge his brothers deserved or allow God to fill him with peace and grace freeing him to be who God created him to be. He could focus on the mistakes his dad made, showing favoritism and asking him to tattle or he could choose to forgive. He could focus on his dream-bragging ways and hate himself or he could focus on Gods grace and allow Him to grow humility that could dissipate the pride that had dwelled in his young heart. 

We eventually get a glimpse of the pain Joseph endured. During the famine his brothers knocked on his  door to buy grain. He recognized them, but they didn't know him. Joseph devised a plan to get them to bring his youngest brother to him. When they returned he invited them to a feast. When Joseph saw Benjamin, he was overcome by emotion and ran from the room to weep. When he decided to tell his brothers, he was so overcome with emotion that he wept so loud the whole household of pharaoh heard him. He revealed his identity and his brothers returned home to bring their dad and their families to live in Egypt under Joseph's rule. Joseph extended them grace, telling them what they meant for evil, God meant for good.  

There are several things we can  take from Joseph's story. First, God's plans will not be thwarted by man's schemes. The brothers bowed to the bother they sold. A modern story that also reflects this truth  is the Jim Elliot and Steve Saint story. God sent them to people as His witness and the people  murdered them. But God wanted these people's hearts and sent their wives and families back and  used them and their grace to win the people's heart. That abuser. That user. That slanderer. That betrayer. That murderer. They cannot stop God's plans.

Second, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in God is a God who blesses. God blessed Joseph in Egypt. He blessed him in Potiphar's house. He blessed him in prison. When we take our eyes off of our circumstances, off those who wrong us, off those who hate us, off of the disease we have, off the broken relationship that stings, off the job we lost, and put them on God we will be able to see God's blessings.  

Third, God may take us to some places we don't want to go, so He can bless people as He blesses us. Potiphar was blessed. The jailor was blessed. Joseph's family was blessed--all because God blessed Joseph. My friend Mary Esther was taken through a cancer battle with her two year old son and she kept her eyes on Jesus and experienced His blessings daily. As they sat with their son after surgery and through chemo, the medical staff, their friends, their church family also experienced the blessings with which God was blessing them. In addition, someone gave her a journaling Bible and she share the pictures she began drawing during that dark time and her journaling has gone viral. More and more people are being blessed by their story and just as Joseph's trust in God saved people, her trust is showing people the way they can be saved.    

Fourth, there is nothing wrong with grieving losses and expressing pain. Joseph held his pain close until he could contain it no more and he grieved long and hard right in front of this brothers. I have a hunch his pain did a lot more convicting than anger ever could have. His pain, the grief their father experienced, and their fear of retaliation may well have been the chisels God used to soften their stone cold hearts. 

Finally, there is  no offense so big that a heart in the hand of God can't forgive it. Joseph was hated. Joseph was thrown into a pit. Joseph was stripped of his identity. Joseph was taken from the pit only to be sold as a slave. Joseph taken to a foreign land, falsely accused of rape, cast into prison, and forgotten by someone he helped. Yet, he worked hard, rose to power, and saved lives, preserving the line of Jesus.

Suffering well allows God to do his work in us, in our families, in our church, in our community, and even in our nation. Suffering well allows us to experience God's love and blessing even in the hard. Suffering well allows us to see how God works in and through us. Suffering well produces patience, which endurance, which produces hope.

Forgiveness Part 2--This Thing Called Forgivenss

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience,

bearing with one another and, if one has a

complaint against another, forgiving each other 

as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."

Colossians 3:12-13

 

The above verses make it clear that as God's chosen people we have been made holy and that we are beloved. It makes also it clear that He calls us to clothe ourselves in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience -- all of which are Characteristics of our Jesus. It makes it clear that we have been called to bear with each other and forgive each other because we, ourselves, have been the recipients of such extravagant grace. 

 

If we're brutally honest with ourselves, we have to admit we sin in so many ways. We sin through our actions when we are unkind and unloving as well as our through our inaction when we fail to show kindness and love. We sin through our words when we gossip, say hateful things, tell lies and half truths, and when we spew venom in an outburst of rage. We sin by our silences--those silences we hold  in an effort to manipulate and punish, refusing to express love, forgiveness, affirmation, gratitude, or even gentle confrontations that call loved ones out of darkness. We sin through the display of prideful attitudes that give proof to the fact that we view ourselves better than another or succumb to patterns of narcissistic wounding, failing to see our own value and worth as image bearers of the Creator. We sin through harsh judgments towards another (or ourselves) formed by the comparisons we make. We sin by withholding love, nursing grudges and seeking control to protect our hearts. We commit sin as we don't deal with idols of our hearts that get in the way of radical real relationships we were created to have with the Creator.  

 

In the last post I shared Dan Allender's definition of loving our enemies as "a movement of grace to embrace those who've sinned against us and to offer restoration to those who've done us harm." Enemies can be any one, even loved ones, who have wounded our hearts. Enemies can be those we know well and those we barely know. They can be people we know now, or people from our past to which we are in bondage because of the unfinished work of forgiveness.

 

Many authors believe forgiveness is only about the heart of the forgiver, but I believe that it is about the one who is in need of forgiveness as well. Forgiving has a lot to do with loving and inviting another to move away from the darkness they are perpetuating by their actions. 

 

True forgiveness can only flow from a heart deeply that is deeply connected to God. Forgiveness is in part hungering for restoration, but it doesn't mean restoration is automatic. It doesn't mean we continue to put ourselves in harms way or at the disposal of emotional abusers. It means as we relate to God, we refuse to be peace keepers and become peace makers. It means we long for restoration and become willing to live in that state whether restoration happens or not. This can be a painful state, but this grief is a different kind of pain than the pain of ongoing abuse or of heart hardened by the refusal to feel. It is the pain that comes naturally with loving from a compassionate, tender, and fully alive heart. It is a pain that allows us to continue living, experiencing joy and hope. When offenses wound hearts and tear down relationships, forgiveness is possible only by drawing near to God through prayer and allowing Him to love through us. We must understand the heart of God always longs for restoration of a godly relationship, and to be like Him means we long for restoration. But like God we also calmly and firmly state  boundaries with clear goals and clear consequences. Confronting feels risky because we can't control another's response and possibly could live a life time longing for another to be restored to both God, and us. But, again, that longing softens a heart rather than shrouding it in un penetrable walls and harsh judgments. 

 

In order to love like this we have to be willing to revoke our right to take revenge. Joseph is such a good example of a man who was intimately acquainted with pain and Biblical forgiveness. His brothers betrayed him, some wanting him dead and then agreeing to sale him into slavery. Many years later, after some ups and downs, his brothers come face to face with him in Egypt where he had been elevated to a high position. When their father died, they feared revenge was on the horizon, but Joseph tells them he knows what they did was for evil, but God meant it for good. He didn't minimize or excuse their behavior, nor did he shame them or lord it over them. The story shows him working through his emotions and his pride melting into humility. Face to face he acknowledged the ugly facts of their story were a part of the larger redemptive story their God was writing. Its an honest account of a man struggling to revoke His right to take revenge and allowing God to change their hearts as He had his. He showed himself to be like Jesus. He had every  reason to not trust them and every reason as a governor to take their lives in response to the sin they perpetrated and the suffering He had endured as a result. But, like Jesus he acknowledge their sin and extended them grace and offered them physical life by providing food which ultimately was an offering of spiritual life by reminding them of their God and the redemption story He is penning. 

 

When we look at forgiveness in this way we realize forgiveness flows from working through our pain with God. It flows from a heart that is transparent, not in denial of what has happened or the pain it's caused. It's not pretending something didn't take place and that we are okay. Forgiveness isn't about getting another person to see they owe us some kind of penance to repay a debt, it is about letting go of the debt. Forgiveness isn't about repression of, the denial of , or the dissociation of emotions. For both anger and pain flow from passionate hearts. That was true for Jesus and it is true for us. Forgiveness allows us to use that anger constructively rather that destructively. It allows us to rage against things like misunderstandings, misbehaviors, and deception, rather than at an image bearers. When we deny anger we experience in loving relationships, we run the risk of allowing sin to destroy love. We have to understand that godly people experience anger, but we use the anger to motivate us to move relationships towards reconciliation and mutual respect. Anything less may look peaceful, but it belies a heart full of turmoil and has the propensity to keep an erring brother or sister in bondage to sin. True forgiveness works through issues so that we don't live with a heart alienated driven by timidity, caution, and fear.    

 

In his book, The Art of Forgiving, Lewis B. Smedes points out that we can't change or forget past wounds, but that forgiveness can heal those wounds. He also points out that forgiving changes  bitter memories into grateful ones, cowardly memories into courageous ones, enslaved memories into free memories. Forgiveness restores dignity and self-respect that the enemy tries to destroy. Forgiveness melts pride into humility.

 

When we choose the path of forgiveness, we refuse to let our past and those who perpetrate sin control us. We refuse to use energy to deny, to cover up, to suppress emotions, or to protect our hearts which frees us to love and move past the past. When we refuse to nurse our wounds and lay them before God, we find there is a lot more good, a lot more hope, and a lot more joy to be had. When we refuse to hold on to anger and pain we find that a tender heart is more pliable and loving and allows us to live out of what we want to be, not what the accuser tries to define us as. 

 

Forgiveness isn't easy, and many of us are called to forgive what most normal healthy people would deem unforgiveable. But godly forgiveness allows us let go and surrender our heart and the heart of an offender to Jesus, the one who bore the wrath of God for our sin so that we could be reconciled. In my next post I want to share  some practical information on how prayer can draw us to the heart of our God and enable us to move past our emotional pain, even the unforgiveable ones. I hope you will take the time to read it as it will help you understand that we are never ever alone in this thing called forgiveness. For where there is a need for forgiveness, no matter how great the offense, our God, our great and mighty God, meets us there. 

 

 

Meeting God in the Face of Rejection

"For I am sure that neither death nor life,

not angels nor rulers,

nor things present nor things to come,

not powers, nor height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from

the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

 



My church has been covering a series on fear and yesterday the topic was the fear of rejection. It covered the story of Jacob found in Genesis 32:22-32. I loved the sermon because I have never met a person who hasn't been hurt deeply by rejection at some point in their lives. Some of us have experienced rejection when a friend quit being a friend. Some can relate to rejection by being left off the invitation list of an important party. Some can relate because we had a boy friend or girl friend decide the relationship was no longer working even though love was expressed and commitments were made.  Some could relate to rejection because a bully rallied a class full of kids to ostracize one.   

 

As adults we relate when we experience rejection when bosses over look us or women excluded us from girls night out. We relate when those in our church overlook our giftedness or choose to victimize us through gossip or slander. Some have experienced rejection when marriages ended and it wasn't just the rejection of a spouse that hurt. It was the rejection of friends choosing sides. Sometimes there have been rejections due to changes in life stages. Maybe friends without kids no longer wanted to socialize after our babies came or friends turned away when we were overwhelmed with a special needs child. 

 

There are also those pesky little everyday rejections where spouses don't "feel like" loving or  communicating. There are rejections experienced when children rebel or reject our values.   

 

There are also some experiences in life that may be perceived or interpreted as rejections. They may be real rejections or may be we experienced them as rejections because of the way we interpreted them. Some of these types of rejections are when a parent, grandparent, or teacher seem to favor one child over another...something that could be true or something that could be a perception.  Maybe it was being the last child chosen for sports teams. Those choosing may have simply wanted to win and chose those who played the best, but it feels like a rejection to the child who isn't best. Maybe it felt like rejection when a friend chose to go shopping with another friend for the day. In our heads we know it is okay and not rejection, but in our neediness it feels like that. 

 

There is another type of rejection...where one feels rejected as a person. It may have been a parent silencing a talkative child or punishing a creative child for coloring outside the box, causing the child to believe the person they were created to be was not acceptable. It may have also been a parent withholding love as discipline or a parent not meeting the basic needs of time and affection that caused the child to believe they weren't good enough or were too much.     

 

As I was listening to the sermon yesterday three other stories came to mind of people who had suffered rejection and how God met their needs in the face of that rejection. The first woman that came to mind was Hagar. She was the handmaiden of Sarah. As such she didn't have a lot of power or control over her own life. God had promised Sarah and Abraham a baby in their old age and it didn't happen right away, prompting Sarah to "help" God fulfill His promise. By following the customs of the day, she had Abraham lay with Hagar who conceived a child in her place. When it happened the women understandably have all sorts of feelings and attitudes towards each other and Sarah sends Hagar away. God sends Hagar back. After Sarah births her own child, she sends Hagar away again. Alone in the desert with the child she had born at her mistress's request, she sits down and weeps. God meets her there, speaking hope into her rejected heart and assures her that He will make her son into a great nation. Hagar ascribes to God the name El Roi, which means the God who sees me! God saw Hagar in the pain she was experiencing from rejection and He met her there. 

 

The second woman who came to mind was the Samaritan woman who came to get water from a well. She came in the heat of the day, indicating she was avoiding social contact and Jesus surprised her by asking her for a cup of water. She was surprised because Jewish men didn't relate to Samaritans, especially those who were women. He engages her in a conversation as a way of revealing who He is to and in an effort to get her to own who she is. At some point Jesus asks her to bring her husband and she says that she doesn't have one. He tells her she was right in saying she had no husband and reveals that He knows she had been married five times and was now living with a man who was not her husband. We need to understand some things about the culture of her day. To be divorced she would have been taken to a public place where judgments happened and declared her unfit as a wife.  She wasn't just rejected one time, she experienced the shame of this rejection five times. In addition, living with someone who chose not to marry her left her scandalized. Jesus met her where she was. I am not sure how much choice a woman had in those days, but today when women go through serial marriages, they are often looking for someone to fulfill the void left by rejection they have experienced. God revealed to her the love, acceptance, and validation humans show will always pale and always fail in comparison to the love, acceptance, and validation of our Great God. I remember one lady telling me that if she knew in her first marriage what she knew about God now, she would not be divorced for the third time. 

 

Rejection hurts! It hurts enough when it is private and only know to a select few. But it has to hurt even more when it is so public and so shaming. Notice, Jesus sought her out and met her where she was at, just like God had done with Hagar. This is really significant, because sometimes when we are experiencing rejection by a human, the enemy does all he can to convince us that we are unlovable and rejected by God as well. It strikes at the very core of our heart where we wonder if we were too much, not enough, or both. But, rejections is mostly about the heart of the rejector and their inability to love well. When we fail to remember that God seeks out the rejected, we may be prone to seek out relationships independently of God to numb our wounded hearts. But, we, as hurting people, don't make  wise decisions. In fact, we may choose relationships that set us up for a whole lot of rejection and pain. 

 

The third story that came to mind was the story of Joseph. First, He was thrown into a pit by ten of his brothers.and then taken out of the pit and sold as a slave to some Egyptian men. We aren't told of a face to face reckoning meeting like Hagar and the woman at the well had, but as we read the story of Joseph, we see God had His hand on Joseph's life and Joseph remained faithful to God no matter what came his way. He was raised to a high place in the government and provided a plan that saved the nation from famine. He ultimately saved the lives his family and when they sought his forgiveness, he was able to grant it and tell them that even though they meant what they did for evil, God had meant it for good.     

 

So, how do we live in the face of rejection? First, we want to remember that God meets us there. We cannot listen to the lies of the enemy that would tell us different. Sometimes, we'll experience Him  directly and sometimes we'll sense Him through faith. Sometimes we'll experience Him through others sent to encourage us and at other times we experience Him through solitude and wrestling as we expose grieving hearts to His healing love. 

 

Second, we want to remember that rejection by another person isn't proof that we have been neglected or rejected by God. He is ever faithful, no matter what others do. He has promised that nothing can separate us from His love, so by faith we can look to Him trusting His goodness.  

 

Third, it is wise to take time to grieve and to ask God to teach us what we need to learn to grow through the pain of rejection. He may want to show us a fault we need to correct that drives others away. I believe Joseph resolved a pride issue, growing into a humble man who waited on God to fulfill His plans. God may even want to do a deeper healing of pain a current rejection surfaced, which I suspect was the case for the lady at the well. 

 

Finally, when we look at Jesus, we can't forget that He was well acquainted with rejection. John 1:10-11 says, "He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, yet the world did not know Him. He came to His own people and His own people did not receive Him." His own family didn't recognize Him. the nation rejected Him. A disciple betrayed Him while His friends denied Him. His heavenly Father even forsook Him as our sin was laid on Him. 

 

Surely we can trust a God who willing experienced such rejection for us. Surely, we can and look to Him to minister to our rejected hearts and remember that His love is big enough to fill every void and to see us through the emotional pain of rejection. He is the One who will never, ever desert us. With Him we don't have to ever worry about being too much or not enough. He loves us at our worst and draws us to the center of His heart, freeing us to be our best. Maybe the journey of rejection is a journey that leads us to the love that never fails.