Real Radical Risky Relationships

There have been times in my life that I have been richly blessed with deep relationships. There have also been times that real relationships were so few and so shallow that I struggled with deep loneliness. Ironically those lonely years occurred when I was struggling with emotional pain. And even while I was begging God for deep friendships, I guilty of isolating and pushing people away. My isolation didn't look like living in a cabin in the woods, it took the form of hiding behind the busy roles I played--a wife, a home-schooling mama of five children, and being involved in busy ministry as volunteer youth worker.

After one long season of loneliness, I began to crave connection but realized I was somewhat terrified of being vulnerable enough with others to connect. I searched the Scriptures for what relationships should be like. I started with Matthew 22:37, "...You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Saw and the Prophets." To me this verse indicates that the Christian life is a life that can only be lived out in the context of relationship--first in our relationship with God and then i our relationships with other people.

I looked at Jesus life and realized and realized real relationships are both radical and risky. Jesus' relationships were radical as they were governed by sacrificial love. Of course His greatest sacrifice was His life. Most of us will never have to lay our physical lives down for others, but to love well requires many daily sacrifices Jesus made in His relationships. This includes the sacrifice of time, of comfort, of energy, of plans, of emotions, and of resources. This is a radical concept in our culture, which tends to applaud isolating qualities of independence, business, and self sufficiency. We can learn a lot about radical, risky relationships by looking Jesus' relationships in the gospels.  

Christ took risk simply by calling people into relationships. Some happily came, some didn't. To offer friendships is risky for us, too. We may experience rejection. We may experience having someone  accept us, but be unwilling to give us as much as we pour into the relationship. We may experience someone accepting us, but then bailing out at the first sign of distress, conflict, or hard stuff. Hopefully some of our relationships will become mutually balanced relationships with staying power like Christ had with most of disciples. And, yet we shouldn't be surprised by these risks, for even as Christ's friends who were the most committed to Him deserted Him when the going got rough.

Real relationships are risky because they require disclosure. Christ took many risks in disclosing things about Himself and His mission to others. As He disclosed, many flocked to Him--some with good motives and some with bad. As He disclosed some got so angry with Him that they rejected Him and eventually had Him killed. In these days, we are beginning to experience similar risks and have similar outcomes when we take those risks. When we share our hearts, our pasts, our dreams, and our beliefs, some will like us while others will be hostile towards us. Yet, we're called to be like Christ and to reach out to others, pouring both love and truth into their lives.

Without real relationships our thinking and viewpoints can become skewed and distorted. This is because we have the tendency to develop blind spots. I have fortunate enough to have had precious friends point out parenting flaws and give me creative ideas for disciplining and discipling my children. I have had other friends point out disrespectful flaws in my relationship with my husband, giving me the opportunity to grow and change as a woman and wife. I have also had friends who lovingly pointed out the differences in what I said I believed and what I was showing I believed through my actions, giving me the opportunity to help my head beliefs become heart beliefs that drove more consistency in my life.

Real, radical, an risky relationships draw others to the faith. Acts 9:36-42 describes Dorcas as a woman who was always doing good and helping the poor. The poor in her days included women who were widowed and she often made them clothing. When she became sick and died, the widows gathered to grieve and they sent for Peter. When Peter arrived, the widows showed him the robes and other clothing Dorcas had made for them. Peter cleared the room and raised her from the dead and widows rejoiced to see her. The Bible says many believed after the miracle, but I can't help but also believe that some were initially drawn by the love they had observed.

Radical, risky relationships have the potential to be avenues of healing. When I think of healing relationships, I think of the relationship between Naomi and Ruth. Naomi was grieving and had became depressed and somewhat and bitter. Who could blame her. She had lost her husband and both of her sons. In her bitterness she doesn't seem all that loveable to me and does what she can to push her daughter-in-laws away. She decided to move to her home town and pushes so hard against her girls that one actually leaves, but Ruth refuses to leave her. Even though Naomi is so bitter she claimed God has come against her, Ruth makes a committment not only to stay with her, but to follow Naomi's God. Naomi's pain ran deep in the loss of a spouse and both sons. Yet, Ruth, even in her own pain as a young widow was committed to helping Naomi bear the pain she felt. Ruth loved so well that others in her home town told Naomi she was better off with Ruth than her own sons. Eventually God provided a kinsman redeemer and provided a husband for Ruth and a grandson for Naomi to love.

I love that God created us for relationships. I hope that we, as believers. don't ever just settle for shallow and comfortable relationships. I hope that we will find the courage to form real, radical, and risky relationships, for it is in those types of relationships that we become the most like Jesus.

Avoiding Unwholesome Talk

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, 
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, 
that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, 
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 
along with every form of malice. 
Be kind and compassionate to one another, 
forgiving each another, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:29-32

One of the ways we can shine brightly in a world filled with darkness is by the words we choose to use in our everyday lives. Before people trust Christ, their speech is often characterized by angry, corrupt communication. Paul, who wrote Ephesians, is a good example of this. Before he trusted Christ, he was known for "breathing out threats and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord." After Paul trusted Christ, his words reflected a life governed by love and a passion to share the gospel. His words reflected a desire to teach believers how to relate to their heavenly Father and each other. 

The Holy Spirit, in sealing us as God's children, called us to a higher standard in the area of speech. Sadly our speech is not all that different from nonbelievers'. Our speech often reflects what's going on in us. To change speech we need to begin to keep our hearts pure by letting go of bitterness and working through our anger. Doing this has the potential of keeping us from evil speaking we might be tempted to do. We cannot get rid of those things without confessing them to God and asking Him to remove them and replace them with His tenderhearted compassion.

Pure speech is also easier if we are quick to forgive each other. I found this easier to do when I realized I have already sinned more against God than any person has sinned against me. The least I can do is to forgive those who offend or hurt me. While that realization excites me, it also makes me feel pretty vulnerable. It means I have to become willing to take risks and be willing to put myself in the position of being hurt again and again. To be honest, there are times I want to protect my heart and put up walls so thick no one can penetrate them. However, after I spend time sitting at Jesus' feet and experience His love, I find I don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit by building walls. After spending time with Him, I become more willing to love and risk being hurt. 

It is important to remember it is in living in Christ's presence, that the Christian life becomes more than a set of rules or a fear of making God angry. It becomes a relationship with a living, personable, loving God. I realize my actions can hurt Him because of the love He has for me. In His presence I am more willing to risk being hurt by forming Christ-centered relationships. In His presence, I am willing to risk ridicule by being “different” and using words that edify and minister grace to those who hear them. In His presence, I want to love as boldly as He does—even if it means rejection. I at times even get brave enough to risk a person's anger by pointing out the sin that hinders their relationship with God. 

I have come to realize to have the kinds of words I want in my mouth I have to walk with the Savior and let Him reveal the hurts with which I haven't dealt and allow Him to heal them. I've had to be humble enough to ask Him to replace anger with tenderhearted compassion. I've had to ask Him to melt my bitterness and replace it with His limitless forgiveness. I've had to ask Him to replace the fear of being hurt again with a bold faith that counts on His faithfulness to heal and sustain me with His love. I've had to ask Him to deal with my pride that handles relationships apart from Him. I have to let Him peel away the layers of self-protection so His love shines brightly through me!

Hebrews 10:24 says that we are to provoke one another to love and good works. I think that includes spurring one another to speak words that reflect love. I want the Holy Spirit to fill me so my words minister grace and love to those who hear them? May I encourage you to let the Holy Spirit strip you of the things you use as self-protection so the light of His love can shine brightly though you?

Prayer: Father, thank you so much for the intimacy that comes from having your Holy Spirit seal us into your family. Thank you so much for loving us and for dwelling in us even though at times our words and our actions grieve you. Thank you for the Spirit's work in our lives that melts anger, dissolves bitterness, and erases evil words before we speak them. Thank you for giving us the grace to forgive. Please fill us with Your love and let that overflow into words that edify others. Father, we live in a hurtful world where angry hateful words are hurled at us and around us daily. Please let Your truth and Your love reign in our hearts and minds so that we meet those words and situations with Your grace being protected by your love. Amen.