Life Interrupted

I wonder if others are getting as weary of being "stuck at home," waiting for "life" to begin again. When the government first told us to shelter in place, it was to be for two weeks and I thought, "Piece of cake, we can do this." But now it seems like there is no end in sight for my state.  After listening to one of our pastor's sermons this week, I realized that I need to reframe my thinking so I don't become completely discouraged and overly frustrated.

When the shelter-in-place order was given, I had to shut down our support group ministry and have often thought about how much I hate having the important work we do with our ladies interrupted at such a crucial time in the group process. But this pandemic and this sheltering in place orders was not a surprise to our God. I know there are valuable lessons for each of us to learn about our God, about ourselves, and about life in general, if we are willing to learn. I have been thinking about different people in the Bible who went through things that may have been perceived as interruptions to what God was going to bring about in their lives and will share about two of them.

First, we have Joseph. He was highly favored by his father, who gave him a beautiful coat of many colors, designed to signify his favor towards him. Young Joseph then had two dreams, both of which indicated his brothers would bow down to him. He made the mistake of telling his brothers about his dreams and they were jealous and despised him and sold him into slavery. Joseph, the man who believed he would rule over his brothers landed in Egypt, living the life of a slave.

Pharaoh noticed that everything Joseph did was blessed by God and he gave him an important position in his home. Pharaoh's wife started making advances towards Joseph and he refused her advances. She then accused him of rape and he was thrown into person. Joseph's life as a slave--seems to have been interrupted once again.

There Joseph sat, until the chief butler had a dream Joseph was able to interpret. Joseph asked the butler to remember him when he got out of prison, but the butler didn't. It wasn't until Pharaoh had a dream that needed to be interpreted that the butler remembered Joseph. When Joseph interpreted the dream, it became clear there would be a great famine and they had seven years to fill storehouses. Pharaoh was thankful and put Joseph in charge over the land, knowing he would have the wisdom needed to store things for the future.

It was because of Joseph and his work in Egypt that his brothers came to Egypt, seeking food during the drought. There they ended up being under Joseph's leadership and had to rest in his mercy. It was because of the interruption in Joseph's life that the nation of Israel was preserved through the famine. I also believe Joseph learned all sorts of things about God and His grace as he navigated and prepared for the hard, grieved the betrayal of his brothers, and worked through the important issues of forgiveness.

Second, we have King David, who was anointed by the prophet Samuel to be king after Saul. This was awkward as Saul was still alive, but David served Saul with integrity waiting for God to fully elevate him to his kingship. After a great military victory, the Israelites praised David so much Saul was consumed by jealousy. Even though David was a faithful servant, who performed music that soothed Saul's tortured soul, Saul turned on him and tried to murder him. David, the anointed king, ended up hiding in a cave. His brothers and father, who were now at risk joined him there. They were soon followed by everyone who was in distress, who was struggling with debt, and who was discontented and David became captain over all 400 men. I bet David had assumed when he became king, he would be in Jerusalem living the good life, not in a cave training a much of malcontents to be soldiers. Yet, in that cave he remained faithful to what God gave him, showed great restraint when he refused to kill Saul as he trusted God bring about his kingship.

I can relate to these men and the interruptions they faced in what they had thought their lives would be like. I thought this year would be different than it is. I hoped we would work with our ladies in our ministry and give them a celebratory sendoff at the end. I thought we would continue attending church every week. I had realized I needed to socialize more and had committed to have more sweet fellowship over coffee or lunches with friends and here I sit. I thought my husband and I would get travel and may be go camping with grandkids. I thought I would get another book done. Right now, maybe that last one has potential if I can keep my focus during this crazy time.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk to Joseph and David, whose lives seem to have been interrupted like mine. I can't, but I can read their thoughts during their struggles in the Word. Joseph who wept so loudly that the whole palace heard him was able to extend grace to his brothers, saying, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good." God used that interruption to grow him enough to forgive the impossible and to save Israel. And the Psalms...they are so full of David's thoughts, questions, and painful emotions being countered beautifully by his knowledge of His God and His trust in His sovereignty, power, love, and goodness. With out reading the Psalms we might not know how personable and safe God is to run to. Their words are more powerful when I remember they were not omniscient, they were everyday people like me. I know that Greg Laurie announced that 50,000 people have accepted Christ during this pandemic. On line church during this hard has opened the flood gates, removed blinders, and turned people's hearts to God. In light of these stories I can reframe my thinking from being stuck at home waiting for life to begin again to being in the middle of something great God is doing in and through his Church.

I don't know what all God is doing through this pandemic and sheltering order, but I do know that He is good and that He is the embodiment of perfect love. I am also confident that nothing can stop the work He is doing in and through each of us. So, I daily choose to trust Him as my husband and I seek His wisdom in how to live out these days of life seemingly interrupted. I am thankful that I am a follower of Jesus and that I have prayed more faithfully for those who are sick, those who are struggling with addictions, and for those who are grieving unexpected changes and big losses. I have also taken time to notice and celebrate births, marriages, graduations, and other milestones from afar. I have taken advantage of this time to enjoy sermons from all sorts of speakers and have gained some good perspective of God through this. And I am confident that our God--He is perfectly good even when life is interrupted.

Living in Desperate Places

One of our pastors recently preached on John 4:46-54. This is an account of an official who was so desperate to save his son's life that he walked a marathon to beg Jesus to come and heal him. Pastor Matt described the man as being in a desperate place--we all know that place. It is where life, as we know it, has been turned upside down and we found ourselves at the end of the proverbial rope, feeling powerless and unsteady. It is that place that we know only God can help us. As I listened to the sermon, I thought about a few of the desperate places I've been in that were similar to this man's.

One of the desperate places I experienced occurred the day I turned ten years old. My family was planning on celebrating my birthday, but an unexpected phone call radically changed our plans. My mom's aunt had had a serious stroke and was in intensive care in another town. Our celebration turned into several intense weeks as we traveled most evenings to the hospital she was in. Because they did not let children visit patients, my brother, sister, and I either sat in the car or in the lobby waiting while my parents and grandmother visited my aunt and uncle. The first night we went, my uncle came downstairs to visit with us kids and he cried. It was the first time I had seen him cry and his emotional pain scared me. And each time the phone rang at our house, my mom feared the worst and ran to answer it, choking back sobs before she knew who was calling.

I now know I experienced powerlessness as I watched the adults ride an emotional roller coaster that was full of ups and downs and scary turns. As a ten year old, I couldn't do anything to make my aunt get well and I couldn't do anything to take the pain away the adults were experiencing. All I could do was pray the simple prayers of a ten-year-old heart. I don't remember the prayers I prayed, but I do remember wanting her well and for things to be like they were before she got sick. I also remember desperately wanting God. I remember peace flowing through me as He met me in the fear of death, the fear of possible loss, the anxiety of seeing my caretakers hurting, and in my admitting I didn't know what to do.

The second desperate place that came to mind was when our son had an ATV accident. I met him at the hospital and we were told his collar bone was broken in several places. He had told the triage nurse he felt like he was bleeding inside and she noted it in his chart, but the ER doctor dismissed it as radiating pain from his collar bone. They sent us home and several days later he came out of his room an ashen gray. This time the ER doctor discovered his spleen had ruptured and his belly had filled with blood. When they wheeled him away, we assured him we would see him when he woke up, secretly fearing the worst. I was desperate and knew there was nothing I could do to guarantee the outcome I wanted. I was drawn to God and afraid of Him at the same time. I knew He had the power to heal him but in HIs sovereignty He also had the right not to. I was too tied up in knots too pray eloquent prayers, but felt His presence growing bigger, ever reminding me He was with us. There were complications and he remained in ICU for 12 days and the hospital floor for another 4. I left to shower and walk during the nurses' shift changes. In the shower tears flowed freely and on walks the prayers flowed directly from my heart to God's. I knew God was near.

The third desperate place that came to mind was when my daughter-in-law was put in the hospital on bed rest during her pregnancy. She and my son were on the other side of the country, making daily decisions that no parents should ever have to make to get their child here safely. As my son kept me posted, I felt the same feelings of powerlessness I had felt as a child. All I could do was listen and tell him I was available to him anytime he needed me. I daily poured out my heart to God, telling Him everything I longed for in regard to my kids and their daughter. And God met me there in the middle of passionate prayers. We were at the beach when my son called with the news that they had no more choices left, but to deliver our granddaughter early. She was three months a head of schedule and a very sick little baby. Our son's voice was so solemn as he gave us the news. My heart ached for them and I stayed up all night praying for them as a family, asking God to intervene and to let her live. Our son called back the next morning and said the x-rays that morning showed no sign of the infection that was there the night before. There was hope even though the next couple of months were critical for her. But our little granddaughter held on and was soon thriving and her parents found the strength to survive the ups and down of preemie life.

There have been several other desperate places for me. I could recount them, but for now they are not as important as the lessons I learned from them. I learned that God can always be found in desperate places, but to find Him I had to choose to lean into Him through radically honest prayers. I learned that desperate places have been the fertile soil for my faith to grow exponentially as those places brought me face to face with what I believe about myself and what I believe about my God. I learned that there is a very real Enemy and if I don't continuously pray, he preys on me, trying to convince me that desperate places are proof that God stopped loving me. I learned that deep intimacy with God happened as I leaned into Him in the hard, praising Him for who He is and what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do in the future. I learned that my faith was purified in the hard as it brought me face to face with my limitations against the backdrop of His pure character and His powerful attributes, essentially reminding me He is God and I am not. I learned desperate places purify my heart as I have to decided if I really want Jesus or if I just want His benefits. I learned desperate places expose my tendency to make idols out of the things I desperately want and that idolatry is broken when I am put in a place that I have to give the desires of my heart to the Lord.

As I sat listening to the sermon, many people came to mind--people who have experienced desperate places in the past--people who stood over child sized coffins weeping, people who dealt with cancer in that came in its ugliest forms, people who suffered through horrendous abuses whose cries went unheard, people whose lives were turned upside down by someone's decision to drink and drive, people who watched their hometowns burn to the ground, people who watched homes being swept away by floods, and people who were suddenly laid off, wondering how they could feed their families. I wondered what lessons they learned about themselves and God. I wondered how they survived their desperate places on a daily basis and how their faith grew.

I thought of people who are currently living long in desperate places--people living with debilitating pain of chronic illnesses no one can see, people watching as their loved ones’ minds slip away, others watching loved ones with sharp minds whose bodies begin to cease functioning, those living with infertility and unfulfilled longings, displaced people who are beginning the long process of rebuilding, and those who suffer in the aftermath of mass shootings with PTSD and flashbacks they cannot control.

I also thought of those who will find themselves in desperate places this next year. Maybe they will be parents who will get that call from their soldier's commander because he won't be coming home because they sacrificed their life on the battle field. Maybe it will be the woman whose doctor calls to say her test is positive and the prognosis is serious. Maybe it will be the parents of a college student receiving news that their student has been missing for several days. Maybe it will be the business man whose auditor will tell him that someone swindled so much money from his company that bankruptcy is imminent. Maybe it will be the couple whose marriage begins to crumble under the weight of betrayal, untreated mental illness, or self destructive addictions.

I wonder, will they lean into Jesus or will they run from the very One who wants to minister to their heart? Will they see His infinite goodness or will they believe the lies the enemy speaks as he tries to destroy their faith and harden their tender hearts? I am praying for them because I know that as much as I care, we have a Savior that cares infinitely more who is longing to reveal Himself more fully to them. I know He is seeking to instill in them a hope big enough to allow them to fully live in the desperate places.

God’s Kind of Care!

"Give Thanks to the Lord, call upon His name;

Make known among the nations what He has done;

And proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing to the Lord,

For He has done glorious things;

Let this be known to all the world.

Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,

For great is the Holy One of Israel among You."

Isaiah 12:4-6

            When I am struggling with painful circumstances, I find it difficult to believe God is working on my behalf. I wonder if others feel that way, too, or is it only me? One time I was struggling with a painful situation and these verses jumped out at me and grabbed my heart. I was convicted, because I know when God seems to be silent or when He is waiting to answer what I consider an important prayer request, I can get despondent. But I have come to realize when He has me waiting, He answers my smallest prayer request to show me He remains intimately involved in my life. One of the times He did that was right after we had moved to California. God seemed so distant during our transition and even though we prayed for guidance, He didn’t seem to be directing us to any particular church. I asked God half-heartedly one morning to send a cool breeze to the field in which my husband was working. He was not acclimated to the California desert heat, and was coming in exhausted from it. That night I asked my husband how his day had gone. Without knowing anything about my prayer request, he told me it had been a good day, because a cool breeze had come up in the field in which they were working. 

Another time that I was struggling with a long-term trial, it seemed God was silent, refusing to act. At that time my husband was struggling to put an old car back together after he had dismantled it. I could tell he was frustrated, so I asked God to guide his hands so he could put all of the parts back in the right places. That night he told me he had forgotten where all the parts went and all of a sudden he was able to do it. I felt blessed in both situations by such specific answers to such specific prayers for my husband. I don't know why God chose not to make my painful situation end or make His guidance to a new church home more obvious. However, I do know He showed me He cares about the smallest things because he provided a cool breeze on a hot day and gave one frustrated husband the knowledge he needed to put an engine back together. If God is at work in the little situations, surely I can trust Him to work in the bigger more difficult long-term situations. 

I have come to realize I don't see all God does. I can't see the changes He is making in another person's heart. I can’t always see what He is accomplishing by answering one prayer with a yes and one prayer with a no and still another with wait awhile. I also realize I don’t always measure God’s care in the same way He does. There were times in the past that I thought His care was stopping a hard trial. But, now I realize God measures His care differently. He might perceive it is more caring to teach me to trust Him in the midst of a trial like illness, persecution, slander, or financial hardship than it would be to stop it. He might perceive it more caring to teach me to obey Him when I am apathetic, tired, ill, don’t want to, or am afraid to than it is to make my life easier. He might find it more caring to teach me to love like He does, which may include learning to repay evil with good, mercy for meanness, and grace for hurtful words. He might find it more caring to develop in me the ability to cling to the promise of the resurrection in the face of death. He might find it more caring to reveal Himself to me as a provider than taking away our financial stresses. He definitely is more concerned with developing His character in me, than my personal comfort.

"Sing to the Lord." "Shout aloud and sing for joy." Wow those are powerful commands! When I sing do I sing to the Lord? When is the last time I shouted and sang for joy? One night at a football game we sat by the head coach’s wife and we witnessed her passion as she rooted for her husband’s team. Believe me, she shouted and cheered passionately and it was fun to watch. However, as I was sitting there watching her, I thought about a lady I had led to the Lord in Mexico. We sat there smiling and nodding at each other afterward, but inside I wanted to do what this lady was doing at the football game. I wanted to stand up and jump up and down for joy. I wanted to run out the door and shout to the mission team that this mom became a believer. I wanted to scream from a mountain top that this beautiful lady had been translated from a kingdom of darkness to a kingdom of light. But I didn’t, I just sat there smiling at her. I wonder what held me back from being so passionate over this lady’s decision. I also wonder why I don’t shout for joy when we watch someone being baptized, when my children or friends make godly choices, weep for their friends, or share Christ. I’m not sure why I don't, but I do know God deserves more applause and a louder shout than a winning football team. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against giving applause for jobs well done, just against not giving God the applause He deserves. I am the most guilty of this. I know I’ve have been on the verge of shouting for joy and have held back. If I believe God is Holy and great why don’t I shout it? 

When life is hard and I believe God has forgotten me and I am frustrated by His silence, I benefit from spending time in His Word and reviewing what He has done in my own personal life. He has cancelled my sin, paid my debt, and translated me from the Kingdom of Darkness and placed me into His glorious Kingdom of Light. He has made me fit to be partakers of Christ's inheritance and has given me gifts and abilities to use. He has promised to never leave or forsake me! This list doesn't even include the personal things God has given me--godly friends, meeting needs abundantly, the person who shared Christ with me, emotional and physical healing, a new heritage, and a changed heart. Interesting, recounting my blessings returns me to a place the place of joy--the place God desires me to dwell. It also fills my heart with praises…whoa, if I’m not careful…I just might start shouting that God cares!

Prayer: Father, please open our eyes to Your involvement in our lives. Help us to believe the truth of the glorious things Your Word says You have done, are doing, and will do. Free us of all that keeps us from shouting and singing for joy! Fill us with the desire to proclaim Your Holy name among all people, including our families, friends, classmates, co-workers, communities, and nations. You are great and greatly to be praised! Amen.