We are His Plan

I can't remember a time that I wasn't curious about people and the stories they've lived. Because of this, I've had heard many stories, some exciting and fun, some painful and hard to hear. Because I love to listen, I have had the privilege of knowing women who moved past extremely painful things to become loving, kind, and compassionate. It is a sacred privilege to hear these stories and to see the impact painful things have had and watch as people choose to forgive things that most would deem unforgiveable. It is also exciting when survivors take responsibility to change maladaptive ways of dealing with pain, life, and relationships so they can become the women God designed them to be.

One surprising thing I've discovered over the years, is that the circumstances surrounding one's conception can have a huge impact on how a person sees themselves. Some knew without a doubt that they had been planned, wanted, and celebrated. Knowing that helped them navigate the hard things that came against them. On the other hand, some were told or discovered on their own that they were accidently conceived. Those whose parents embraced the pregnancy and celebrated them believed they were wanted even though an accident. They, too, drew on their parent's love and acceptance to get through the hard.

Those who weren't celebrated have believed they were simply tolerated or that they were unwanted and they have carried shame. Some knew their conceptions was the reason their parents got married. Those who handled that news well were those who had healthy families who openly discussed their questions and who were reassured they were wanted, loved, and a source of joy. But, those who found out on they were unplanned and lived in families that refused to talk about these things struggled and took on the shame of their parents.

Some have said they knew through either their parents actions or words that they were neither planned or wanted. These often struggled with the belief that something was innately wrong with them to cause their parents to reject them physically and/or emotionally. They couldn't identify what it was in them that caused rejection, but they were sure it was their fault. I have even known a few that found out they were the product of one night stands or rapes. They struggled because they weren't the product of a relationship, just sin or violence. Some had been told that their dads wanted their moms to abort them and some were survivors of attempted abortions. Most felt grateful to be alive, but grieve daily at how easy it is for some to end a life.

There are ladies who were the product of rape. They knew they were treated with less warmth than their siblings and some suffered physical abuse at the hands of mothers and believed it was because they served as a reminder of  the perpetrator who harmed them. These often bear great shame, wondering if the evil of a rapist father could be residing in them or passed down to their children.

Some shared that they believed their moms got pregnant to hold on to a boyfriend or a husband who wanted to leave. Some felt loved because the parents worked hard at making the marriage work and in the process of that they became good parents. Others ached because theirs dads acted as if they felt trapped or their moms projected frustration on them as they were a reminder of the failures in the marriage and their manipulating ways.

We can't change the facts surrounding our conception or our birth. But, the Word of God can change how we view these events. Psalm 139 tells us that in God's eyes we are not mistakes, accidents, interruptions to plans made, or manipulative actions to be reckoned with for a life time. "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." Our God was there in the womb with us, lovingly forming us according to His will and His plans.

Our God is a creative God! He designs and created us with intentionality and with purpose and values us enough to send a Savior to redeem us. He is loving and kind and never ever avoids us. He never abuses us and never treats us with disdain because we interrupted His plans. We are His plan--beautiful and unique, fearfully and wonderfully knitted in the womb. We are not an embarrassment that He would rather not acknowledge, He called us from the womb by name. We are not a source of shame or a reminder of a careless, shameful mistake once made. He delights in us and has purposed every single one of our days before they came to be.

In addition, the Bible tells believers that we are born again by His will. John 1:12-13 says, "But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." Not only was it God's design for us to be born physically, it was also His will that we be born again spiritually and with that spiritual birth we are also adopted as His sons (Ephesians 1:5). We are no longer outsiders wishing we could feel at home in a family. By faith, we have received a new heritage with the saints of old and we are treasured members of His family. No one can ever take that away from us. The Lord--He is faithful and He will never abandon us.

When Satan reminds us of our fleshly roots, we want to remind him that in God's eyes, there was never a time we weren't loved, never a time we weren't wanted, and never a time we weren't a central part of His plan. When this truth takes a hold of our hearts, the lies that the Enemy whispers to try to shame us into despair lose their power over us. We are His plan and His plan is always perfect.

Valued by the Creator

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

Matthew 10:29-31

What is it that I really value? I know I tend to value things like my home, my car, and anything else I consider to be a big budget item. I also tend to value sentimental things like a ring given to me by loved ones, family photos, or letters from friends and relatives that have passed away. I value people with whom I have relationships. However, I have struggled with my own value and worth as a woman. I work in a ministry that has support groups for eating disorders and survivors of childhood abuse and sadly many of the women in those groups struggle as well because they suffer great shame and self-condemnation. There are a lot of different reasons women don't see themselves as valuable or precious to anyone, even the Lord. A while back I heard a lady make a statement that drove a God's truth deep into my heart. She said, "The way we measure the worth of someone is by the length that someone will go to for them."

I thought long and hard about that statement. Most of us know we are precious to God because we are a part of his creation. We have all heard that, but sometimes it just goes in one ear and out the other. Now in light of the lady’s statement, we can also deduce that Christ went to great lengths to show us how much He values us and loves us. The first thing that Christ did was to leave the comforts of His heavenly home and take on the confinement of a human body. It’s hard to imagine how God who has limitless creativity, power, and knowledge would want to inhabit a human body with all of its needs, limitations, and aches and pains just to reveal His Father’s heart to His creation. Secondly He was beaten, mocked and then died a cruel death on a cross so He could solve our sin problem. Psalm 103:10-12 says, "He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." He died a horrible death so He could remove sin and shame from us. When we really think about that we can't look at ourselves in a negative way. For whatever reason and with all that we have done wrong, God valued us enough to send His Son to earth. Christ valued us enough to submit to His Father's will by taking on flesh, suffering pain, persecution, death, and shame for us and paying the ultimate price for us to be reconciled to God–amazingly we can’t do anything to make Him value us more than He already does.

It’s important to realize we can do nothing that would cause God to value us less. Isaiah 49:15-16 says, "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Nursing is one of the most precious, tender, and intimate acts between a mother and a child and it’s neat to see that God uses that to describe His care for us. Humans are fallible and often pain is caused when a child's needs aren’t met. Yet, God promised us that He will never forget us and that we are ever before Him. We can't help but wonder if the engraving He is talking about in the passage was a reference to the future suffering He would go through on the cross. Even after He was raised from the dead His scars remained. A God who has power over death or who could heal a man of leprosy could have healed His body without the scars--yet He chose to leave the scars–maybe as a reminder of the value He placed on us. We aren’t worthless–He bought us with His life!

I can’t help but wonder if you struggle with self-worth as I did. I hope you have a deep understanding of your value as a child of God. I wonder if those of you who don’t value yourselves have been deeply wounded by another. I wonder if some of you were like me and struggled with such strong perfectionism that you despised yourself because you fell so short of the standard you set. Or maybe you struggle to believe the God who created you can get past your sin or imperfection to love and value you. Can you grasp that His value of you was shown in the death He died for you? Can you believe He holds you near and dear to His heart in ways no other person can? Can you let His truth transform your negative worth into a healthy self love?

Prayer: Father, we thank You that when we were sinful and enemies of Yours that You still loved us enough to send your Son to earth. We thank You that He valued us enough to live among us and to suffer pain and even death for us. When we are getting knocked around in this life and tempted to believe the lie that we have no worth help us to remember what lengths Christ went to so He could demonstrate to us how much You valued us. Apart from You we are depraved and hopeless. But in you we have purpose and eternal value. In You, we can rejoice because we are being molded in to the women you designed us to be. Amen.