I Want to Throat Punch Some People!

It has been a hard week for me, emotionally. It isn't because of what is going on in my personal life. It is because of what is going on in our world. First, I was invited to host a book table at a Sex Trafficking Symposium at Saddleback Church in Orange County. We've had a few traffic survivors attend our Passionate Heart Ministry and I have worked with a few at the rescue mission and thought I had a good idea of what we would be hearing. However, a couple of the speakers brought video clips with the purpose of helping people see sex trafficking for what it truly is, convincing me it isn't something done by women voluntarily. Even though they take money from the John, the pimp takes the money from them.   

Just like victims of childhood sexual abuse, victims of trafficking have come to that scene with vulnerabilities that increased the likelihood they would be manipulated into “the life.” Some of them were vulnerable because they ran away to escape sexual abuse experienced at the hands of people who should have nurtured and protected them. Some became vulnerable because their parents kicked them out when they got addicted to drugs or alcohol. Some became vulnerable when their needs weren't met and they grew up without a sense of belonging to family. And a guy or gal from a gang, a bottom, or a pimp befriended and groomed them with the promise of being a part of their family. Sick as that sounds, it fulfills a deep need written on their hearts in the womb. I worked with one gal who was a single mom that met a couple at a PTA meeting. They befriended her when she was lonely. She began to frequent bars with them and then drinks were spiked and she was drugged and became addicted, pimped, and videotaped without her knowledge.   

It is scary to know some of the youngest girls were lured into “the life” by men and women pretending to be someone close to their ages on social media pages. They developed an online relationship and soon the kids thought they were in love with a fake person and ran away to be with them. Instead, they ended up in the hands of a pimp, only to be drugged, raped, and trafficked. Some videos we saw were posted by pimps proudly showing how abusively they treat the women they "own." The language, the physical violence, the drugs dispensed, the bragging-- it hurts the heart. I became angry because they seem to think they are tough, powerful, and ever so manly. But, they are the embodiment of pure evil.  

A lot of drug dealers found out they make more money selling humans. I won't write the words they use in that lifestyle, but they are ugly words. These women and girls, men and boys are stuck because they have no money, are addicted to the drugs provided, desperately want to belong, and fear for their lives if they run. Some women become "bottoms," which is the pimp’s right hand woman. Bottoms become horribly abusive to those under them. They recruit, train, and control through threats and abuse. They have to do this or be beaten worse than anyone. There is a status in that community that comes with top positions and what they will do to maintain a position sickens the heart. 

We are mistaken if we believe they can leave if they want. It is hard to get out of “the life”, because the conscience becomes seared when one is living only in that setting. To come out of “the life” and return to a more normal, moral setting shines a bright light on what they have done to survive and the shame that rises up within them is unbearable, causing some to commit suicide. Some of them don't have job or people skills and if they do, police records make it hard to get a job. It is becoming a generational business as they draw young guys and girls into it, some being their own children and some not. Children drawn in know no other life. I came home sad for the victims, but angry enough to throat punch some pimps. 

Then, on Monday, we heard about the bombing in Manchester that killed and injured young kids, parents, and young adults who were doing nothing but attending a concert. With the work I do, I know those not injured will suffer emotionally from the trauma of the event. They will never ever be the same. And these men think they are so powerful, so manly, and so spiritual because they believe they are earning special rewards for carrying out horrible deeds. What is manly about killing a child? It makes me sick to think back on all the terrorist attacks that have been reported. The terrorists who carried out the attack in southern California dropped their baby off at grandmother’s house and went and shot up his co-workers, and then shot it out with the police. And there is Boston, Florida, and all the European bombings...and it makes me want to throat punch some terrorists and those who recruit and train them.  

Then, this morning I read a response Leslie Vernick, a godly author and counselor, wrote to a pastor who had given bad advice to a woman who was in an abusive relationship. The woman’s marriage started out great and then over time her husband disengaged, withdrew to his basement, and become very angry. He started verbally assaulting her and the kids. Though it hadn't escalated to physical violence, his tongue was caustic and he had thrown both words and objects in anger. I've heard similar stories and in many cases the husband was battling an addition to pornography. The woman sought advice from her pastor who didn't point out the Biblical steps in handling his sin. Instead, he told her she should try harder to be a good support to him and that her emotional pain had at its root pride. That is spiritual abuse at its worst! No one in the church should be silenced when they are being mistreated and abused. It is time for churches to quit blaming victims and deal with the sin in the body.   

It reminded me of the number of women in our sexual abuse support groups. Some of them were abused by parents who were involved in the church or by youth pastors, pastors, or other leadership in the church. Those brave enough to speak out when they were young were often told not to say those kinds of things because dad could go to jail, the pastor's family could break up, or the reputation of the church could be ruined. It hurts my heart to think of the little girls too ashamed or too afraid to tell. But, it hurts my heart even more when they did tell and were silenced--literally sacrificed for the false reputation of the families and the church. It makes me want to throat punch some abusers, some pastors and some parents who would rather sacrifice kids than deal with sin in a Biblical way. 

I could go on and on with the things that make me want to throat punch today. I want to throat punch men and boys who think it is manly to objectify women and look them up and down as they walk down the street. I want to throat punch guys that think it is okay to grope women in the work place or in a public line. I want to throat punch men who think it manly to intimidate women and demand sex. I want to throat punch men who think it is okay to drug women and rape them. I want to throat punch judges who let them off scot free. I want to throat punch parents who neglect their responsibilities of loving, nurturing, teaching, and disciplining children, making them vulnerable to abuse, addictions, and trafficking. I want to throat punch people behind the abortion industry who make their money performing abortions on women they have deceived into believing abortion doesn't hurt the mom or the child, convincing them that the best way to handle sin is to perpetrate another against an unborn baby.  

As I have been processing these feelings, I came to realize there is an enemy bigger than the pimp, bigger than the John, bigger than the bottom, bigger than the terrorist, bigger than the misguided misogynistic pastor, bigger than the men caught in sexual addiction, and bigger than doctors performing abortions, and bigger than neglectful parents. All these people have been deceived by the Enemy who is seeking to devour and to destroy those created in God's image. Every one of these people doing such tremendous harm to others was formed in the womb by God's own hands just as their victims were. They have made choices to harm others partly because the enemy deceived them so they would be in the business of destroying other image bearers and in that process of believing and obeying the lies they themselves seem to have lost the ability to bear the image of God they were created to bear, that is unless God steps in and redeems. 

The Enemy is the one that has deceived men into thinking it is manly to pimp and create porn, to be aggressive and abusive, and to control wives and children through manipulation and intimidation. It is the enemy telling parents it is okay to ignore their family. It is the enemy telling girls it is okay to rectify one sin with another. It is the enemy telling them “the life” will fill the need of family. It is the enemy that causes people to become so entrenched that it seems normal to live a life of degradation and defilement. It is the enemy telling terrorists their salvation comes through murder. And it is the enemy telling us in our churches that these things don't have anything to do with us.  

We have got to remember truth. A man is never more manly than when he loves well, respects women, provides for his family, is in involved in his family, models godly morals, and bears the image of His Savior. He is never more manly than when he controls lustful appetites, wandering eyes, and his temper. He is never a more manly than when he teaches his sons to love and respect their mothers, sisters, girlfriends, and spouses. He is manly when he protects his daughters, loving them well, teaching them to let the Savior be enthralled with their beauty. They are manly when they guard their hearts both as a single and a married man, fighting with all of their might to preserve their purity and their marriages. 

And women--they are more beautiful when they get their love needs met by God and find a sense of purpose fulfilled as they engage with their kids, teaching them how to love God, themselves, and others. Women are never more beautiful than when they walk in truth and model a modest heart and empower their daughter to choose wisely who and when to date. And they are more beautiful when they have blown it when they own a mistake made, and recognize that grace and community can help them navigate the consequences of sin, allowing God to redeem even the sinful choices they made. 

And the church--it is never more godly than when it acknowledges the sin in the body and deals with it adequately. That means dealing graciously with unwanted pregnancies in a way that maintains the dignity of the mother and preserves the life of the baby while at the same time dealing with the root causes of the sin. That means being willing to deal with pornography, sexual addictions, and calling on men to openly take a stand against sex trafficking and porn use. It means being willing to deal with perpetrators of domestic violence, misogynistic attitudes, and teaching young men to appreciate God's plan for sex inside of a covenant marriage. It means loving well and teaching young people to be fulfilled in Christ so they don't look for love in sinful ways. 

I believe we all have the potential to be deceived and to sin to the point that God's image in us is no longer visible. That should terrify us. That should humble us. That should bother us enough to want to catch our tendency to sin in its earliest stages. It should bother us enough to drive us to the Word to see what God's plan for His people is. It should bother us enough to fall down and worship the one who can preserve His image in us. 

As I am contemplating how big God is, the desire to throat punch dissipates. I know the Enemy was defeated at the cross, his time is short, and he is angry and writhing like a snake dying. And I want to consistently worship God, remembering He is more powerful than he who is in this world. I pray against the Enemy's schemes and boldly proclaim God's truth to counter the Enemy's lies. I want to get out of my comfort zone and challenge the church to consider if we are doing all that God has called us to. Are we doing church God's way or hiding and perpetuating sin? Are we going where sinners live with the gospel, or hiding behind the comfort of the white washed walls? Are we willing to be around people with "rough edges" to share the gospel or are we reaching out only to those resembling us? Isn't it true that we can render the Enemy powerless by living as God has called us to live? Every prayer spoken, every act of worship, every demonstration of love, every testimony spoken aloud, every heart healed, every knee bowed in repentance, and every relationship healed through forgiveness, and every godly choice made are things that silence the Enemy and render Him powerless. Could it be that those are the spiritual throat punches God has called us to throw?     

The Dark Night of Gethsemane

Guest Blog 

by,

Dr. Brent Van Elswyk, PhD

In the movie, The Return of the King, there is a quiet moment before the terrible battle between Gondor and the devilish hordes of Mordor, when Pippin and Gandalf are standing outside on a balcony in Minas Tirith looking at the violent dark clouds gathering. Pippin says, "A storm is coming." To which Gandalf said, "This is not the weather of this world. This is the devise of Sauren's world. A broil, a fume that he sends ahead of his host." Later Pippin says, "It is so quiet." to which Gandalf replied, "It's the deep breath before the plunge." The fear and tension keep growing in Pippin until he finally says, "I don't want to be in a battle, but waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse." 

For Jesus, the Garden of Gethsemane was a "deep breath before the plunge," the moment when He could clearly see the violent dark clouds of Calvary gathering. In many ways, Gethsemane was harder for Jesus than Calvary. The spiritual battle Jesus came to fight was fought at Calvary, but it was in Gethsemane that He waited terrified on edge of the battle He could not escape. Those Garden hours were the darkest hours, but it was in those dark hours God's grace shined brightest. 

On the way to Gethsemane, Jesus predicted the disciples would all desert Him. He had already predicted Judas' betrayal and then He quoted the prophet, Zechariah, "I will strike the Shepherd and the sheep will be scattered." Peter was offended at the suggestion he would desert the Lord, and quickly asserted, "They, all might desert you, but I never will!" But Jesus knew Peter would not only desert Him, he would deny Him with curses. For Jesus, Gethsemane and Calvary were lonely places. He faced and fought these battles totally alone as friends abandoned Him. 

Gethsemane was an olive grove and its name meant oil press which indicated there was an oil press there. A press had a heavy beam that was lowered onto a sack of olives and weight was increased until the oil of the olives was squeezed out. When Jesus arrived at Gethsemane, He left eight of the disciples at the edge of the garden and took Peter, James, and John further into it. As the four walked in the Garden, Jesus’ spirit filled with angst and He said, "My soul is sorrowful even to death." Like the weight added to press the oil out of the olives, the weight of sorrow for what was to come pressed on Him so heavily it almost killed Him.

In the Garden, Jesus didn't face His death like many human heroes who shook their fists in the face of the evil they faced. Jesus appeared weak, scared, and trembling. Before, Jesus had shown unflinching courage in the face of danger. But this night, Jesus sensed something and was deeply troubled by it. The word troubled means "shocking horror." What Jesus sensed horrified Him, putting Him under such stress that He sweat drops of blood. Here is the Son of God, who with words spoke the universe into place, who walked on angry waves, who calmed fierce storms, who cast out demons, who healed diseases, who brought the dead back to life, so horrified that His capillaries were bursting. He fell to the ground and, crying out to His Father.

This wasn't a normal fear of dying. As Gandalf had said this was not the weather of this world. What Jesus saw in the quiet of the Garden was Hell with its hoards and its unspeakable horrors opening in front of Him. As one person put it, the coming battle was a "boiling cup mixed with all the sin of the world, the full assault of demonic hordes, and the fierce wrath of God." On this night, the fierce wind of hell washed over Jesus and He cried out to His Father. But, this time there was no response. While Jesus had always enjoyed immense intimacy with His Father, in the hour Jesus needed Him the most, there was nothing but silence. Looking for comfort He stumbled back to His disciples and founding them sleeping He cried, "I need you to be with me! Can't you stay awake?" He went back to His Father, praying again and again. And was met with silence each time. 

Could it be that God has already begun to turn His face away from Jesus? It appears Jesus' soul had already begun to experience abandonment by the Father--The Father He had lived to please. Yet, when He needed the Father the most, the Father remained silent. He sought His Father and found Hell instead and for the first time in all eternity Jesus was totally alone.

Have you ever felt totally alone? Maybe a close friend turned deserted you when you needed their support. Maybe a spouse betrayed you. Maybe your parents failed to protect. Maybe your grown children have chosen to not let you see your grandkids. Jesus had the same sense of being desperately alone. Jesus also experienced the pain of rejection. And this rejection was in the closest relationship He had and the reality is that the closer the relationship the more painful the rejection.

In that moment, Jesus experienced desertion, aloneness, rejection, and the equivalence of an eternity in hell for us. For Hell is the complete abandonment by God. The "deep breath before the plunge" for Jesus was in the Garden as Jesus stared into the horror of hell and voluntarily chose to go to hell for us. I've always thought what made Jesus' death so bad was the horrors of the crucifixion with its public humiliation and its pain, but that wasn't what filled Jesus with angst in the Garden. It was the abandonment by God that horrified Him. He looked full into the cup of God's wrath and was overwhelmed to the point it almost killed Him and cried out, "If there be any other way, let this cup pass from me." And Jesus resolved to go to the cross and on the cross all the filth, moral rot of the human race, the immeasurable foul weight of all the sin of human history was poured on the perfect, sinless Jesus. And His Father, with whom He had only known perfect fellowship, abandoned Him, pouring all of His hatred of sin on Him. That is why Jesus staggered in the Garden, crying, "Father remove this cup from me." In His humanity, Jesus desperately wanted the cup to be removed from Him. He wanted to avoid the cross. He wanted to avoid drinking from the cup of suffering. But His prayer—it didn't end with, "Remove this cup." It ended with, "Yet, not what I will, but what you will!"

The hand that increased the weight on Jesus' soul was the loving hand of His Father. That hand was put there to save you and to save me! And what was pressed out of Jesus was pure, undefiled love. Isaiah 51:17 describes God's wrath like a cup full of toxic poison! The wrath was for our rebellion, our selfishness, our immorality, and for our sin. In Gethsemane Jesus decided to step in the way the cup of wrath we deserved, drinking it all so not one drop of God's wrath could touch us. That was why He could declare on the cross, "It is finished!"

The purest essence of the gospel is about substitution. Jesus lived the life we should have lived. He died the death we should have died. He drank the cup we should have drank so there would not be condemnation left for us because by faith we are in Christ Jesus. It isn't just that God felt merciful towards us, but every bit of God's justice and every bit of His condemnation for sin was put on Jesus so there was nothing left to pour on us. Salvation offered by faith is a free gift.

In Gethsemane, we see the love of Jesus fully displayed. When He rose from His prayer and left the Garden, the internal battle done, we never again see Him wavering again. He faced humiliation, illegal trials, mocking, scourging, and crucifixion with unwavering resolve because of His love for us and His obedience to the Father. In the Garden He found the peace, the strength, and the resolve to go to the cross unshaken. Satan may have been destroyed on the cross, but he was defeated in the dark of Gethsemane. The victory was set in stone when Jesus resolved to drink the cup for us.

Without the agony of Jesus in the garden and without the pain He bore on the cross there would be no Resurrection, no freedom from our sin, and there would be no comfort for our own suffering. Perhaps God let Jesus see this horror before the cross so we could see Jesus choosing to go to the cross knowing full well what He would experience so we could see the fullness of His love for us.

Hebrews 12:2 says that for the joy set before Him He endured the cross. What was the joy set before Him? It couldn't be the approval of God, He already had that. It couldn't be the Kingship of the Universe, He already had that. The only thing He gained from the cross was us. He was doing this to save us because He loves us. And we want to hold on to the truth of His love in our dark hours when we suffer and feel utterly alone. We can look to Gethsemane and realize Jesus didn't abandon us when He faced the horror of Hell and He surely won't abandon us in our pain. If we do feel abandoned by God, we're believing a lie. He went through Hell to rescue us and our names are engraved on His palms and Jesus cannot forget those who names are etched on the palms of His hands. When we feel abandoned, we can visit the Garden again and again and preach the gospel to ourselves. The true beauty of Gethsemane is that we are the undeserving recipients of the pure love that was pressed out of the Savior during His dark night in Gethsemane.    

                                       

*Based on a sermon given by J. D. Greear 

               

Suffering Well--Hope for the Homesick

When we first got married we moved to Mississippi so my husband could go to graduate school. While there we joined a church that was gifted with excellent teachers and loving friends. I felt more at home there than any place I've lived. Eight years later we moved away and I've adapted and had a lot of joyful experiences, but there has always remained a tinge of homesickness for my former church. When I read Daniel, I can't help but wonder if he experienced that same feeling I do.

Daniel and his young friends loved God and were committed to following hard after Him when King Nebuchadnezzar besieged Jerusalem and took them captive because they were among the healthiest, brightest, best looking, and wisest young men in Israel. The king commanded the men to be taken to Babylon where he changed their names, and ordered them to learn a new language and the ways of the Chaldeans.

I can't imagine being a captive and having my name changed. It would be like having someone try to wipe out my identity, my heritage, and my past experiences. Nor can I imagine what it felt like being taught about false gods and being expected to embrace them. This kind of indoctrination indicated that there wasn't plan for the young men to ever return home. It was a wise plan for a king, but a hard plan for the captives. In an effort to win the young men over, he ordered them to be housed in the palace and served from his own rich foods. But Daniel didn't want to be defiled by palace foods and requested the Jewish menu with which he has been raised. It was an important step, because the dietary laws were closely tied to worship and Daniel was subtly taking a stand and clinging to His God.

Daniel was made a ruler over a province when he interpreted a dream for the king and he placed three of his friends in leadership positions, stirring jealousy in the hearts of the locals. When the king made a statue to be worshiped, the Chaldeans  saw their chance to turn the king against Daniel's friends who refused to bow to the statue. The Chaldeans and told the king they wouldn't bow. The king became enraged and ordered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to be brought to him. He threatened to make them fuel for a hot furnace and they still refused to bow so they were bound and cast in a furnace so hot it killed the guards throwing them in. But when the king gazed into the furnace He saw four men very much alive standing in the flames. In awe, he called the men out and gave glory to God who had stood with them, forbidding anyone to speak evil of their God.

When Darius came to power, the Chaldeans saw an opportunity to get rid of Daniel. Because they had seen Daniel praying, they asked the king to forbid people to petition anyone but Darius for a period of time. Faithful Daniel did as Daniel always did. He prayed to His God and as a consequence spent the night in a lions' den. When the king returned, he found Daniel unscathed and ordered the nation to fear Daniel's God.

Daniel and his three friends faced their suffering courageously and remained faithful to God despite their captivity and mistreatment. Their faith-life was so noticeably different that it irritated some and intrigued others. The young Jews stood strong in the face of persecution. We must remember, as humans, Shadrach, Mesheck, and Abednego didn't know if they were going to be burned or saved and Daniel didn't know if he would be eaten or or protected, but they chose to remain faithful to God.

Daniel 9 shares one of Daniel's prayers. It shows where his heart is in regard to God and the long captivity he endured. I am summarizing the prayer as I want to learn from it and I believe its appropriate for our time: "O Lord, you are great and awesome! You keep your covenants and love with a steadfast love. We've sinned, acted rebelliously, and turned aside from your commandments. We've not listened to the prophets who spoke in your name. Lord, to you belongs righteousness, but to us open shame because of the treachery we've committed against you. To you belongs mercy and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against you. Because we transgressed your law and refused to obey your voice, the curse and oath written in the Law have been poured out upon us. You confirmed your words, which you spoke against us, by bringing upon us a great calamity, yet we have not entreated your favor by turning from our iniquities and gaining insight into your truth. Because of this you have kept the calamity upon us, for you are righteous in all your works. You brought your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand, and made your name great, but we've done wickedly. Lord, according to your righteous acts, let your anger and wrath turn away from Jerusalem. Because of our sins and iniquities of our fathers. Jerusalem and your people have become a byword among those around us. Please, God, listen to my prayer for mercy, and for your own sake, Lord, make your face shine upon your sanctuary. God, incline your ear and open your eyes to see our desolation. We don't plea because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. Lord, forgive, pay attention, and act, because your city and your people are called by your name." 

There are several lessons we can learn from Daniel and his friends. When given the choice of to obey man and live or obey God and die these men chose obedience, making it clear they trusted God and His plan for them. They didn't have foreknowledge; they simply knew and trusted their God. They didn't see captivity as an abandonment by God and chose to draw near to Him during it. Daniel's prayer showed us God was faithful and true to His word. He also came to realize that captivity wasn't due to a flaw in God's character, but a sin problem with Israel who lived in open rebellion at the time. Even though Daniel was obedient and faithful, he identified with the sin of his people and he humbly confessed it to God and pleaded for mercy on their behalf. As a faithful person, Daniel didn't show a sense of entitlement and demand justice for himself, Instead, he prayed for the restoration of Israel because she bore God's name and he wanted God's name to be magnified, not mocked.

When we face hardship, the enemy wants us to believe we're abandoned by God. When we're obeying and trusting, we may believe we are entitled to a life of ease. Oh, how we often forget we live in a country where babies are daily slaughtered, where families are disconnected from each other, where sexual integrity is challenged on every front, where gain is obtained through dishonest means, where more humans beings are being trafficked than ever before, and where the church has allowed itself to be more influenced by the world than the Word. If we are honest, we will admit we live in a culture not much different than Daniel's and many people who claim to be believers have resorted to bullying, shaming, and rejecting instead of loving and sharing the gospel of grace. I want so bad for us to be "Daniels" who look at the suffering and persecution beginning to happen as an invitation to return to the heart of our great God. I would hope we let suffering humble us and that we would begin to pray fervently, not for an end to our suffering, but for the suffering to do its godly work in us, in our churches, and in our nation. Suffering is never just about us, it is about a family,communities, churches, and countries and through suffering we know God is calling His people to trust Him and display His grace as never before. Whatever God has in store for us as a nation and whatever we endure, we will be blessed if we trust Him and respond to the calling to be intercessors and faithfully confess the sins of our families, our churches, our communities, and our nations. We tend to talk about "they" instead of realizing we have a shared identity with the "they" who carry out atrocities that bring on all of our heads great shame.

Daniel's prayer showed, as aged man, he still had a heart for his original 'home" much like I do for my Mississippi home. But as ambassadors of our great King, maybe the suffering and discontentment we feel living in a Godless nation will be used to draw our hearts and minds to our heavenly home so the prayers we pray will be from an eternal perspective instead of earthly, fleshly perspective that wants easy and wants safe.  In God, there is always hope for the homesick heart! In God, there is always peace and purpose to be found in the suffering.

I am the Lame Begger

Sometimes when I am in church, I am blessed with two sermons at one time. One is  the  sermon  being given by the pastor and the other is the sermon the Lord presses on my heart. Last Sunday I had one of those experiences as one of our pastors was teaching through Acts 3:1-10.* My mind was completely engaged in the sermon and I was feeling excited as I heard the concepts Pastor Brent shared. His sermon in a nut shell was, "God interrupts the usual with the unusual to do the undeniable."

This Biblical account is centered around a man who had been born lame. Because of this defect, he was not allowed to worship in the temple and would have been ostracized by his  community because people believed birth defects, illnesses, or other afflictions were often a result of a person or his family's sin. He was unable to work and his needs were provided when people took mercy on him and carried him to the Beautiful Gate of the Temple so he could beg. Daily he sat.  begging  those who came to the temple to pray at the same time every day. The disciples came to pray as was their custom. And the man sat there day after day begging and begging...so used to people walking by that he no longer looked up as he begged. 

However, this day was different. The disciples stopped and Peter looked down at the man and asked him to look at them. The man looked up and they told him they had no money to give him, but would give him what they did had. Then Peter said, "In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" He then took the lame beggar by the hands and raised him up. The man didn't just stumble up stiffly like someone who had not used his legs in a long time. He leapt up as his legs became strong. He took a few steps but his joy was so great that he couldn't contain it. He started leaping and praising God as he entered the temple for the first time ever to worship his God.

I love this man's response! I love his joy. I love it that God worked through the disciples to make this man whole. As I read through the gospels and Acts, I often find myself asking the same questions  Pastor Brent posed in his sermon, "Why him?" "Why here?" and "Why now?"

God may have chosen this man because He knew the man would rise up and praise Him unashamedly and many people would see the undeniable power of God and be drawn to the Savior. Maybe God wanted people to see the joy and praise that flowed out of the relationship that healed. Maybe when Christ had been by there before, the man's heart wasn't ready to receive healing or Him, but now he was. Or maybe it was just God's will for it to occur on this day, at this time, to this man.

During the sermon I was pondering the fact that Jesus didn't heal every person and was wondering why He chose who He chose. That is when the second sermon began to unfold in my mind. Every person Jesus touched is someone I can relate to and this time it was no different. Maybe, God chose to heal the lame beggar to show me and possibly you that we are all lame beggars.

We were all born spiritually dead and as a result were defective in the sense that the part of us that was to connect our hearts to the heart of God was unable to do its job, just as the man's legs couldn't do their job. In and of our selves we aren't good enough to enter the family of God and we needed Jesus to give us a way in, just as the beggar needed someone to make him whole so he could enter the Temple. So often, we feel defective as a result of our sin or the sin that was inflicted upon us by others and it is God who can free us from that feeling. 

We are also like the lame beggar, crying out for what we think we need, when what we really need is more understanding of Jesus. So many of us spend years asking God for things and we are asking amiss either because we don't recognize our true needs or we don't realize how big our God is.

We ask Him to make people love us, not realizing we already  possess a love so rich it fills the deepest holes in our hearts so we can become more about giving love than receiving it.

We ask Him for acceptance, not realizing He has taken us out of the Kingdom of Darkness and accepted us into His Kingdom of Light and we are now called  His chosen ones. We honestly can't be anymore accepted than that! All we have to do to feel accepted is to embrace the truth.

We ask for healing from addictions, eating disorders, and emotional pain, thinking if we could be set free that we could be close to God. But the truth is that by leaning in to Jesus and being close to Him we live out victory through His power being displayed through our weaknesses.

We ask for wisdom, not realizing that by having Jesus, we have been given the mind of Christ and we can tap into His wisdom by spending time with Him in His Word.

We ask God to free us from the crippling shame with which we are plagued, not realizing the way out of shame is bringing the shameful things to Jesus's light.

When we ask God for something, what we are often really needing is to draw near to Jesus and allow Him into the hidden parts of our lives so that our relationship with Him grows deeper, more powerful, and more satisfying. As believers, we have a God who takes the crippled and makes them whole. We have a God who can show us our true needs. We have a God who can help the unbelief that keeps us from seeing all that we already possess. Oh, that we would never ever forget that we have a  powerful God with a great big heart whose resources are infinitely enough to meet our every need. Oh, if we only believed the truth, then we would be filled with the same uncontainable joy the lame beggar had. After all, aren't we are all just different versions of him?

*This sermon can be heard by going to http://www.riverlakeschurch.org/index.php/watch-and-listen/sermons/the-lame-beggar-healed

Worshipping in the "No"

A pastor told me he had read my post "How Long the Waits," which is a post on prayer. He had enjoyed the post, but mentioned I had not addressed the "no" answers to prayer as thoroughly as I had addressed the "yes" and "wait" answers. I told him, I didn't struggle with the "no" as much as "wait" because when answers come quickly and are clearly "no," I know I've been heard and can move on while the "wait" leaves me feeling unheard and unseen. As I reread the blog in preparation to address the "no" answers, I realized my response wasn't as true as I had alluded to several significant prayers that had been answered through "waits" that turned into "no's." Some of those were listed in the blog when I explained that sometimes the answers I got left me full of shame and an obsessive heart searching for hidden sin that might have hindered my prayers.

"I don't know how many times I would find myself waiting on God and find shame and guilt rising in my soul. leaving me obsessively searching my heart for the hidden sin. Over time I learned more about prayer, but occasionally the guilt would come flooding back like it did when I prayed my parents' marriage would be healed, but it ended in divorce. Like it did when I had been praying for a friend to receive Christ and he died in unbelief. Like it did when I had prayed for a friend to conceive, but she died without ever bearing a child. Like it did when I'd been  praying for a friend to find a mate and it never came to be. Like it did when I prayed for healing for a friend battling cancer that eventually took its toll and friends and family had to let go and say goodbye. Like it did when I prayed for God to heal a friend's sick heart, but she died of congestive heart failure. Like it did when I was praying for God to lift the fog of depression but it lingered for several years more. Like it did when I was praying a friendship would be restored, only to realize it won't happen this side of heaven"   
   

These prayer requests were emotional prayers because I prayed for people I loved dearly. Some felt complicated because sometimes the answer looked like it was "yes," then it turned back into "wait," then looked like a "no," and then repeated. An example of this is when I prayed for my parents' marriage to be healed. Their marriage was one of severe ups and downs, threats of divorce, separations, and reconciliations, and ultimately ended in a painful divorce. All of this taking place from the time I was conceived until they divorced when I was pregnant with my second child. I have been contemplating the "no" answers this week, trying to figure out exactly how I feel about them. There is more in my heart in regard to the "No," than I originally thought.

First, some prayers that were answered with a clear "no" were easy to accept and move past. Sometimes it was because I had little emotional attachment for whom I was praying. If I don't know someone well, I don't experience as much emotional energy praying as I do when I pray for close friends or family members. "No" can also be easy to accept and move past when I've prayed and it becomes obvious that God's answer is "no" and His answer alleviates suffering, as it did in the case of my friend, Karen. She received a diagnosis of lung cancer and was not given long to live. She lived several years past the doctors' predictions and loved God, trusting Him until the end. She reminds me of the group of saints mentioned in Hebrews Chapter 11:39-40 who remained faithful through severe hardships, "And all these, though commended through their faith did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect." Although God did not answer our prayers for the full healing of her body, He granted her extra years and the strength and grace to fight valiantly the cancer ravaging her body. She died in faith, believing He could heal her, but her healing occurred in heaven. God's "No" ultimately alleviated her pain and suffering. The years of her fight taught me a lot about faith and about trusting God in the hard.

Other "No's" have been harder to take. I prayed for years that God would heal a friend of a heart condition. I knew the answer went from a "wait" to a "no" when she passed away in her sleep  from congestive heart failure. I struggled with the "no" because I experienced Jesus in my relationship with her. She loved well, forgave quickly, was slow to anger, gave lavishly, and had a heart for others to know God. As I grieved, I knew God had the power to heal her and had chosen not to in this life. It pulled at my heart strings because she left two kids, a husband, and a slew of friends missing her. I don't know why God chose the time He chose to take her home, but when I look back I see God's gracious hand all over the situation. I had called her the week prior to her death and for some reason neither of us wanted to get off of the phone. We had talked regularly, but that day our conversation lasted hours and took on deeper transparency than any of our other conversations. We affirmed our love for each other and celebrated the long friendship we had in spite of the miles between us. She shared that even though she had deeply grieved the loss of three babies when we lived close, she was blessed and thoroughly enjoying the two children God had allowed her to raise. I shared with her the blessings of being a mom to my children. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced, and we challenged each other to love well and to forgive readily. As we hung up, something in me sensed it was our last conversation. I shook it off, but soon after that call a mutual friend called to tell me she was gone. She got choked up and couldn't speak and I gently told her I already knew it was Millie.

The love and comfort I received from the church at her funeral and from our last conversation helped me navigate the "No." In her death, I was given the privilege of seeing things she had done to help that church grow in  ways God wanted it to grow, but she would have never told me about those things herself. Sometimes I wish I could pick up the phone and call her, and I feel a wave a grief that I can't. Yet, I am confident the God she exemplified is good and is faithful to His promises. His taking her home alleviated the painful and scary symptoms she had described to me in that last conversation. I know the impact she had on the church, her friends and her family is ever  evident.  Her impact helped many become lovers of God and lovers of people. I know she is still singing praises, but now I know she has the joy of singing praises to the Lord, face-to-face.

As I look back at other "nos" I realize there were seasons of life in which the "no" answers challenged my faith and caused me to close myself off from God. I was afraid to ask, fearing the "no" because I believed it to be a pronouncement of judgment on me and my walk with God. I have since accepted we all have a fleshly sinful core that runs deep. But it is really all about God's grace and His grace is always bigger than my sin. It His is grace that saved me and it His is grace that is slowly and surely transforming me. It is His goodness that leads me to repentance, not a fear of "no' answers and surely not the fear of not having the approval of others over my spirituality.

For a time I also struggled with the idea that the "no" answers meant I was less loved than others who share how God answers their prayers. But as I look back at my life I see something more about how God has relentlessly pursued me. I never deserved it, it is all of grace. I didn't ever physically run from God, but I did run emotionally from Him by closing off my heart and living in an emotionally  numbed state. One day I finally realized that whenever I "ran" there would always come a point that I felt like I hit a proverbial wall, emotionally and spiritually and I am thankful that "wall" that I ran into was Jesus, Himself.

I have come to realize God doesn't work the same way in everyone's lives. Three mothers can ask God to heal their children. God takes one home. He heals one. He teaches one how to live with chronic illness. Yet I believe God relentlessly loves all three mothers and the children for which they prayed.

Four mothers can pray for their sons or daughters to return safely from war. Yet, one comes home in a coffin, one comes home seemingly unscathed, one comes home with emotional wounds running deep to the core, and one comes home with missing limbs. Yet God loves all four mothers and the children for which they prayed.

Several dads pray for their drug addicted children to come home and get clean and sober. Yet one has to identify his son in the morgue. One has to pass his daughter on the street corner, prostituting herself on the street to pay for her habit. One has the joy of watching his child work hard for sobriety, return to Christ, and help others overcome their addictions. And God loves every dad and the children for which they prayed.

Several moms pray as their children struggle with depression. One loses a child to suicide, one sees her child healed, and one watches as her child learns to find joy in the midst of the depression. And God loves the moms and the children for which they prayed.

Then their are catastrophes like the Twin Towers. People prayed for family members to be rescued.  Some came home and some didn't. Then there were those who had last minute changes in flights and their lives were spared. There were some who stopped to help others and lost their lives because of the sacrifice they made, while there were some whose lives were spared because they too had paused at just the right moment as they were helping someone. Yet, somehow I believe God loved
relentlessly and was pursuing people in the midst of what appeared to be chaotic abandonment. And God, He loved them--those who lived, those who died, and those struggling still because of what they experienced that horrific day.

There are times we, as Christians, judge others who have prayed and have received life altering "no's." We act as if they were somehow more sinful, less worthy, or less faithful than those whose prayers were answered with resounding "yeses." Maybe, just maybe, we do this because we're uncomfortable with a God whose ways are bigger than our ways, who is not bound by our human finite minds, and who can say "no" to the things we so desperately desire. We want a magic formula to insure we get what we ask for, but maybe prayer isn't so much about the answers as it is about the relationship we develop in the humility of the asking.

Not one of us has everything figured out about prayer. When a tsunami hit Thailand several years ago, many believers claimed it to be God's punishment for overt sex trafficking of children occurring there, not realizing it is happening here in our own communities. Maybe some traffickers died that day, but so did victims and believers who never trafficked anyone. Yet, in the aftermath grace was visible in the midst of horrific trauma and Christ was extended through believers who went in and provided relief and that tsunami access to those who needed Jesus and those who needed help out of the trafficked life. Many things, we tend to be so judgmental about, are invitations to be Jesus' hands and feet to people who have been made vulnerable by the Master's design so that they might  recognize they need Him. Those things making them vulnerable are our calling to meet their need.

I watch as women struggle with God's sovereignty over abuses they experienced. Many prayed God would protect them and carry great shame because He didn't. They mistakenly believe His lack of protection to be a pronouncement of their worth. But the truth is there were people who turned their heads, pretending not to see. Some believed healing would come from understanding the "why's" now understand that it came from a transparent relationship they developed with God as they wrestled honestly with Him over His seeming lack of protection. That wrestling helped them accept that their life story as a redeeming life story God, Himself, is still penning.

I have learned over a long period of time with a lot of wrestling that I can lean into God in total honest transparency when life is hard. The harder I lean into Him, the more I can see His goodness as He reveals it in the "yes" answers, in the "wait awhile" answers, and in the "no" answers. As I boldly, specifically, and continuously pray I want to have an open heart that accepts that His ways are not defined by me, but by Him. I want to believe whole-heartedly that He is fully present even when I don't sense Him and when I can't understand what is happening. It is in prayer that I find my relationship with Him growing and the more real I am the more I pray like Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is then that I see His will revealed not only in His Word, but in the way He chooses to answer prayers. God is not mean. God is not manipulative. God is not seeking to control me with fear. God is not seeking to destroy me. He is gracious and every action and decision He makes is filtered through love scarred hands and a heart that has been pursuing me relentlessly. I can't help but wonder if the "no" answer is often the intervention God uses to bring me to the place I am humbled enough to open my heart fully to Him. And maybe it is the prayers I pray and the praise I give in the aftermath of the "no" when my heart has been laid bare and doubts have surfaced that allows me to exercise faith and participate in worship in its purest form as I proclaim, "God is good!"

How Long the Wait

I am reading the Sacred echo*, by Margret Feinberg. Her third chapter is titled "how long?" I love the chapter because it speaks to one of the struggles I've had with prayer--"the waits." For years it seemed like I would pray and then just wait and wait and wait to see if the prayer was answered. When the waiting got long, I found myself giving up because I felt invisible, unloved, ignored, and unworthy. I also found that unanswered prayer often left me filled with shame and guilt because I had heard pastors say unanswered prayers indicated that there was sin in our lives. I don't know how many times I would find myself waiting on God and find the shame and guilt rising in my soul leaving me obsessively searching my heart for the hidden sin. Over time I learned more about prayer, but occasionally the guilt would come flooding back--

• like it did when I prayed my parents' marriage would be healed, but it ended in divorce
• like it did when I had been praying for a friend to receive Christ and he died in unbelief
• like it did when I had been praying for a friend to conceive but she died with ever bearing a child
• like it did when I'd been  praying for a friend to find a mate and it never came to be 
• like it did the time I'd been praying for healing for a friend battling cancer, but it eventually took it toll and friends and family said good by 
• like it did when I prayed for God to heal a friend's sick heart, but she died of congestive heart failure
• like it did when I was praying for God to lift the fog of depression but it lingered for several years more
• like it did when I was praying a friendship would be restored only to realize it won't happen this side of heaven      

Don't get me wrong, I can fill pages with answered prayers--a son who survived a ruptured spleen, a thriving granddaughter who survived a traumatic birth three months early, a friend who shared how God had healed her grieving heart after losing three babies, allowing her to enjoy the two she had, infertile couples conceiving when they were told conception was impossible, our friends' grandson surviving leukemia, other friends' grandson surviving liver cancer, addicts walking in victory, victims finding voices, wounded souls finding deep joy, lost souls finding salvation, prodigals returning to serve, deep healing conversations at just the right time, and words of affirmation that have filled hungry souls and imputed God's hope just as souls were running dry.

Margret shares in her book that she has learned to look for themes that have played out in her life because they teach her things that God may be doing in her life. One of the themes she'd noticed was the theme of waiting and she began to ask the question "Why so much waiting?" As she searched the Scriptures she saw that it is a theme that was woven through out the Scriptures. God is waiting, Creation is waiting. We are waiting. One of the things that makes waiting hard is that we tend to forget that God is waiting with us. She also found that many before her asked, "How long must we wait?" In fact the first person to ask how long was God, Himself. In Exodus  10:3 God asks Pharaoh through Moses and Aaron, "How long will you refuse to humble yourself before Me? Let My people go, that they may serve Me."

After finishing the chapter, I have been thinking about the waiting and realized the waiting has done some significant transforming work in my life. First, it has exposed areas of unbelief that I didn't know existed. Sometimes the unbelief had to do with God's character. I could say God was good, but there were times in the waits God showed me I doubted His goodness. I could say God is love, but in the waits God showed me I was not believing He loved me in a real and personal way. I could say God is all powerful, but in the midst of the waits God showed me that at times I doubted He had the power to do what I was asking. If someone was really sick, I prayed half heartedly for healing, because it was the right thing to do, but in my heart of hearts I struggled to believe He could and/or would heal broken bodies.

Many years ago when we moved from Mississippi a friend called often to see how I was adjusting. We spent a good part of the time talking about God, His character, His power, and how He acted in the days the Bible was being written. I believe she had the spiritual gift of faith and I soaked up godly wisdom from those conversations. I began to pattern my prayers after her prayers and after the prayers found in the Scriptures and I began to see a difference in me as my eyes and heart became more open to what God was doing when He seemed active and when He seemed inactive.

A few years into the journey I realized I struggled with unbelief in that I didn't fully believe what God said about me in His word. This made it difficult for me to come boldly to the throne of grace. It made it hard for me to persist in prayer as God instructs us to. When I began to choose to embrace my God-given identity, I began to pray more often, more persistently, and more expectantly.  

Second, after my faith began to develop I realized the waiting stirred up passion in me that was new and exciting. The first time I became aware of this was on a short-term mission trip in Mexico. We had prepared our students to teach and minister to children in Mexico through a student lead Vacation Bible School. We helped the students prepare and we prayed with them that God would bring the children to the churches we would be at. The first day we went to the church we were assigned to and only a couple of children showed up where as in the past the church had been packed. Our students went back to base camp, defeated. At the worship service that night other sites were giving glowing reports of their day. Finally, a student stood up and said that she was glad they had had a good day, but then she began to cry and shared passionately how she longed to have a chance to shower the kids with love and to share Jesus with them. The more she shared, the more passionate and the more powerful her words were. When she sat down the leader looked over our team of hurting teens and gently said, "Your day was not wasted. God was still at work. He has used this day of waiting to grow a passion in you that was not there before." I don't think a student or an adult took a conversation, a teachable moment, or prayer request lightly the remainder of that week.

That was only a one day wait, but I have had other "waits" that went on much longer. In fact, I am still in the middle of some. As I continue to persist in prayer I find the passion still growing. I long for the lost to find God in ways I never have before. I don't just hope the prodigals will return, but passionately long for God to meet them on the horizon, bathing them in His lavish grace. I don't just kind of hope wounded hearts find healing, I crave it. I don't just hope married couples might be reconciled, I deeply long for it because in reconciliation they will see something of God they won't see any other way. I no longer just half heartedly lift up grieving souls who need God's comfort, I persistently and passionately pray they get to see His goodness in the pain of their grief, and will experience Him personally as the Comforter.

Third, I realize the "waits" help purify my heart. Before I prayed because it was the right thing to do. But when I pray during times of waiting, I find it builds compassion and love in a heart that was once numb and that drives me to pray more often. It purifies my motives because it brings me face to face with my pride and my desire to appear more Spiritual than I really am. The longer the wait the more the prayer becomes about God and the person for whom I am praying. I have realized that God has used the waits to help me learn to love the things He loves and to hate the things He hates. As He puts passion, Holy desires, and deep longings in my heart, I realize He is sharing His heart with me and I am longing for others to see His goodness in the darkness permeating this land. I am longing for His holiness to shine brightly in this sin-filled world. I am longing for His love to replace the hatred so prevalent today. 

Fourth, praying "during "the waits" have brought healing to my heart. I often share that in our home group that our pastor taught a lesson on waiting. He asked us at the beginning why waiting was so hard for us to do. I remember I couldn't answer the question for myself. When He shared that God has His hears turned towards those who wait upon Him, I realized why the waits were so hard for me. When I was waiting, I had this picture in my mind of God just walking right past me as I called out His name and requested something. I felt unheard, overlooked, and unloved. After I saw that He had his ears turned toward me, I began to picture the wait as an invitation to keep on talking to Him. And in those waits buried pain surfaced and was given to Him. In those waits doubts were expressed and cares were cast on Him. In those waits fear was faced and courage was found. And in those waits deep wounds were shared that only the Healer could heal. I think sometimes when we come to Christ and trust Him as Savior we get the idea that we are just to put on a happy face and pretend that life is perfect. But the reality is when we pretend we don't experience fully all that God is...the Healer, the Comforter, our source of strength, our source of power, our source of humility, our source of courage.

Finally, one of the best things I uncovered in the waits was intimacy with God. When my dear friend lost her babies and I lived far away, the only thing I could do was to pray for her and I did so daily. When a young friend walked away from God for a season, all could do for her was pray and I did so daily. When a couple in our Bible study struggled with infertility and longed for a child, all I could do was pray and I did so daily. When our granddaughter came early and was in the NICU for so long all I could do was pray. When far away friends were dying of cancer all I could do was pray so I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. As I write this another friend is terribly sick and has been in critical care for over twenty days and the passion I feel for him and his family overwhelms my soul and all I can do is pray--so I pray and pray and then pray some more. As I pray passion grows, doubts dissipate, pride melts and I find myself feeling closer to God, realizing as never before that God is just as much in the wait as He is in the activity. It reminds me most that we are all waiting for Christ to return so our redemption is complete. We are all waiting so there will be no more sickness, no more pain, no more death, and no more ungodly rulers for Jesus will reign perfectly. Sometimes God gives me glimpses of what He is doing during the waits, but other times the waits remain a mystery--a mystery with benefits--the benefit of transformation, of purification, of healing, of a growing faith, and a deeper sense of God's relational presence in our lives.

*the Sacred echo, Margaret Feinberg, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2008)

Forgiveness Part 3--The Power of Prayer in Forgiveness

"Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,

and whose sins are covered."

Romans 8:4

 

The more I researched the topic of forgiveness, the more I realize how complicated a subject it is. It's complicated because of the way we define forgiveness and the way we take verses out of context without considering the whole counsel of the Word of God as we formulate our views on forgiveness. Some material says we forgive only if a person repents, apologizes, or changes their behavior. Some material says we have to forgive for God to forgive us. 

 

Some of the confusion comes from intimately lacing restoration and reconciliation with forgiveness. Some of the confusion comes from emphasizing the need to forgive without emphasizing the need to do work to rebuild trust and a healthy relationships after betrayal occurs. Some relationship shouldn't be restored because restoration prevents a person from experiencing painful consequences that may lead him or her to repentance. Sometimes restoration without repentance places us or loved ones in danger and that is never okay. Some of the confusion comes from seeing forgiveness as the sole "fix" for our wounded hearts. Forgiveness doesn't release us from pain, just from the compulsive replaying of offenses and the seeking of revenge. Some confusion may even come from the church using forgiveness as a way of avoiding confrontation and the living with the consequences of sinful choices. 

 

I recently attended a marriage conference with several workshops and plenary speakers, many of which touched on forgiveness. As I listened, I realized that forgiveness alone doesn't take away our pain. Forgiveness requires humility and a relinquishing of our desire to get even, to hurt another as much as we have been hurt, and to see justice done our way in our timing. Forgiveness doesn't automatically grant restoration and reconciliation. Repentance and a willingness to do what ever it takes to take responsibility for one's actions is required for that. Forgiveness doesn't erase the past, it gives us a way to live with it without letting it control our present or our future. Forgiveness isn't saying what happened doesn't matter, it saying I trust God with this person and with my pain. Forgiveness isn't easy, it requires great faith and a work of God's Spirit in us.

 

So, the question we often find ourselves wrestling with is, "How do I reach the place I can forgive, when it feels impossible?" In a nut shell, the answer is prayer. I know, it sounds like a religious platitude, but please bear with me as I explain what I mean by it.

 

Because God wants us to be radically honest with Him, I believe we need to be honest with Him where we are at in regard to pain and forgiveness, trusting that He will meet us there. If we don't want to forgive, we can begin by asking Him to give us the willingness to forgive. If we are willing, but don't know if we are capable of forgiving a particular offense, we can ask Him how we can get to that point. If we are willing and believe we have reached a place of forgiveness, we can then ask Him what does forgiveness look like in that relationship and if He wants us to confront or to consider reconciliation or restoration or simply to release the person and get out of the way so God can do His work. 

 

So, what do we do with all of the messy feelings that get in the way of our choosing to forgive? There are two types of prayers that help us work through our feelings and enable forgiveness. The first is to talk to God about the person. Be like a child and tattletale to God to your hearts content. David did this type of thing in many of the psalms. Tell God what happened, how it impacted your life, your heart, and your relationship with the person. Tell God what you had needed and wanted from the relationship. Try to be emotionally honest with God, naming the emotions you are experiencing, the why's you have on the tip of your tongue, and how you are feeling about God's call to forgive.

 

Don't be tricked by the tempter to stay at the anger stage. Look under the anger and identify hurt, disappointment, sadness, and frustration.  Write out lies you believe and vows you may have made to protect your heart from more pain and come back to the truth of who you are in Christ and to the truth that the offender, is a broken image bearer.

 

Check for distortions in thinking--are you embracing all or nothing thinking? Are you employing catastrophic thinking? Is a past hurt being triggered by the present hurt?  Are you personalizing things that aren't really about you? Then ask God to show you the truth of the situation and His work in it. I did a lot of this kind of work with a Christian therapist. I wrote out the process letters and read them and processed them and prayed over them in her office. It was a freeing work because I was encouraged to be radically honest and as a result realized God didn't zap people because they were angry or hurt. It was also freeing to me to have someone hear the garbage in my heart and head and display God's grace to me in the midst of anger and frustration and sadness. This helped me see that the ugly parts, the weak parts, and the wounded parts could be seen and heard and treated with dignity, kindness, respect, and grace. I think God must hate the pretense of pretending everything is fine when it isn't...yet so often we require that of other and of ourselves. What if the way out of the pain and anger is a process that frees us to let go and embrace our humanness and the humanness of others who bear the image of our Creator?.   

 

Secondly, as your emotions began to heal, we can love the person we consider to be our enemy by praying for the person. I often use Scripture so that I am not just praying my judgments of the person. If the person is a nonbeliever, I pray for their salvation and God's mercy to be fulfilled in them. If the person hasn't repented I pray for that, so that they can be set free form the bondage of their sin. If a person is a believer, I pray through Scriptures like the ones found in Paul's letters that outline the characteristics God wants for them. For example, if I were wounded by gossip, I might pray that God will help the person speak words that build up the hearer. If I were robbed, I might pray that God would help the person become a giver. I would maybe even write their initials in a prayer journal with the reference for the verse. I also pray any other verses that come to light as God's Spirit prompts me. After praying for a person who had harmed me, I felt God's Spirit impress on my heart that no one had ever prayed for the person before. What a privilege to be the one who did!

 

In closing, I know some of you are probably thinking if she only knew my story. I know life is painful and that we live in a sin-filled world and that the Enemy would do anything he could to convince God's people that the wrong they have suffered is beyond forgivable. I have even cried out to God for precious friends who have had to forgive what in my mind and my heart seemed unforgiveable and then be privileged to watch them work through the issues that needed forgiving. It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, but it was so freeing for them and they were filled with love and joy that most people never ever possess because they were obedient and willing to see God work. When we accept that boundaries are okay for safety and repentance can be required for restoration, we can let go of fear and began to seek God in order to heal and to forgive. When we don't short change the process of forgiveness by excluding the work of confrontation and the work of building godly relationships, we allow God to turn ugly situations in to beauty. When we let God meet us in our pain, we will recognize the works of grace and forgiveness are actually opportunities in disguise to pour love into others' messy lives in the same way that God, Himself, has poured into our. Maybe, just maybe, our ability to forgive is intimately tied with how big our faith is...and God is in the faith-growing business. 

 

See Beth Moore's book, Praying God's Word for more help on forgiving!

Jealousy a Breeding Ground For Sin

"We shall not find any ground for complaint against this Daniel

unless we find it in connection with the law of his God."

Daniel 6:5    



One of the major themes in the book of Daniel is the sovereignty of God. But, there are many sub themes woven through the story as a result of men's refusal to accept God's sovereignty over every area of their lives. When Daniel was about eighty years old, he was one of three high officials over King Darius' court. He became distinguished above all of the leaders. This was because Daniel had so much integrity that Darius knew he could trust him with much power. The rest of the high officials had to report to Daniel. When Darius planned to put Daniel over the entire kingdom, the pride in the other officials' hearts was tickled, stirring them to compare their positions with Daniel's and then their pride birthed jealousy. They wanted more, thought they deserved more, and they plotted to get more. They knew at some level they lacked something Daniel had so they watched him in an effort to find his faults. But when they couldn't, they became more jealous and plotted to attack Daniel's faith, noting he was a man of prayer gave them the ammunition they needed for a malicious plan of attack. 

They went to King Darius with their plan that they knew would tickle kingly pride. They asked him to establish an irrevocable ordinance stating that for thirty days that whoever petitioned a god or any other man beside the king would be put to death. The king's pride was ignited. He signed the decree.

Even though Daniel knew the king signed the document, he faithfully did what he always did. He went to his upper chamber, and facing his beloved Jerusalem, he knelt in prayer. Oh, how I wish his prayers were recorded! We could learn so much from his prayer life. For over sixty years, he was held captive, serving in a foreign land. For sixty years, he consistently prayed--humbly meeting with his God.

The officials reported him to King Darius who was bound by the irrevocable ordinance. Darius threw him in a den of lions and remorse melted the pride that burned in the king's heart and he spent a sleepless night pacing. Upon arriving at the den the next morning, he saw that Jehovah had shut the mouths of every hungry lion in the den, sparing Daniel's life. Darius sentenced those who had drawn up the malicious plan and they were torn to shreds by the very lions who sat with Daniel through the night.

Oh, I long to be a Daniel in this culture I live in. But, I tend to be like the jealous officials. I was talking this week with a counselor friend about this issue of pride and how it plays out in my life. And he shared an illustration that is so graphic it made me smile. He said in comparison to God we are all just worms and we have this tendency to get our eyes off of God and start comparing ourselves to other worms. We think, "Oh, wow look at that worm, he has a pretty red stripe, I wish I had that. But at least I am not fat like that worm. Oh, wow, I am really glad I am not all fuzzy like that fellow. Oh, and that hook on that worm is just not stylish! Oh, and I wouldn't want to eat dung, at least I get to eat mulberry leaves and spin silk!" How often I am a worm comparing myself to other worms!

Who of us hasn't compared our bodies, our intelligence, our spiritual gifts, or our positions with those of others. Whether the comparisons are positive or negative, they tend to trigger our ugly friend  pride. The pride that says, "I am all that!" as well as the pride that says, "I am not enough."

But, it was the Creator who made each of us, delicately designing us in just the right way. He was the one who distributed spiritual gifts and talents according to His infinite wisdom so we could fulfill our God-given purposes. When I am looking up and comparing myself to the Creator, I am humbled that He wants to use me, this worm, at all and I find myself content in fulfilling the plans He drew up for my life. In humility I can rise up and be a Daniel in this culture. In humility, the glory for who I am and what I accomplish goes to Him who deserves it.

It scares me to think that when I compare myself to others, I can be like malicious officials. Oh, I may not approach the president with a malicious plan, but I begin to covet things. I covet spiritual gifts God didn't deem best for me and I fail to use the ones He gave me. I covet positions God didn't ordain me to have and fail to fulfill the one He placed me in. I covet friendships others have and fail to nurture the beautiful ones God gave me. I covet ministries God didn't call me to and neglect the ones He placed in my care. I even find myself looking down on another, thinking that the gifts, callings, talents, healing, and friendships God has provided have somehow make be better than another.

Even scarier, is that in a prideful state, the tempter comes and I tend to bite...gossip, slander, stirring a pot of conflict, feeling bitter over slights, rejoicing in another's pain or judging another in a failure...oh it can get really, really ugly here when my eyes are on man instead of God. 

So the solution lies in doing as Daniel did. Looking towards my true "home," comparing myself only to my Abba. There I can bask in the love shown on the cross. There His blood covers my ugly friend, pride, and the sins that are born out of it. There I am humbled and content to live life as He graciously scripted it. Basking in His love births contentment and along with it a desire to love as He loves, quieting the fleshly clamor for more recognition, more acceptance, more love, and more power.

I am learning to love the fact that His holiness exposes sin, the tendency to compare, unholy pride, and the tendency to love so poorly. For this exposure always brings me to my knees, draws my gaze upward where His holiness exposes my messy heart, and allows me to find my true joy in His lavish grace. How I hate that it seems to be all about pride, but, how I love that it is all about His grace!

God Meets us in our Faith

 "These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were stranger and exiles on the earth." --Hebrew 11:13

I have been mulling over the third chapter of Daniel this week. The events in the chapter take place shortly after Daniel had interpreted a dream the king of Babylon had in which he saw a great statue made of different elements. Unsettled by the dream, he had called in his wise men to both recount the dream and tell him of its meaning. Sounds impossible and it was! Instead of listening to his advisors, the prideful king ordered them to be executed.

When they came to get Daniel for execution, he asked to have a meeting with the king to explain the meaning. In the meantime he had an emergency prayer meeting with his three friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, asking God to reveal the dream and its meaning. Daniel was shown the dream and its meaning by God and was able to explain to the king that each element in the statue represented different kingdoms which would come to power. The head of the statue was made of gold, representing Babylon. The other parts of the statue made of different elements represented subsequent kingdoms that would come to be after Babylon fell.

The King seemed thankful, declaring Daniel's God to be the God of gods and the Lord of kings. Daniel remained in the king's court, requesting that his prayer partners be appointed over the affairs of the province of Babylon. It even looked like the king had a change of heart towards Daniel's God.

However, the more the king thought about the dream, the less he liked the outcome. He was not willing to accept Jehovah 's sovereignty over the beginnings and endings of kingdoms. So he took matters into his own hands in an effort to thwart the plans of God. He built a huge statue, but unlike the statue of his dream, he made the statue entirely of gold -- the element depicting Babylon in the dream.

What happened to the truth he had previously stated, "Daniel's God was the Lord of kings?" Did he not mean it? What a bold statement of rebellion the statue was! He then commanded all the leaders of all the provinces in Babylon to bow down and worship the statue every time they heard music, making the consequence of noncompliance death in a fiery furnace.

That's one way to win loyal friends and weed out potential enemies! Just have them worship a god of your own making and vow to kill them when they fail. That is one way to thumb your nose at Jehovah and His sovereignty over nations. Make your own statue in defiance of the vision he had been given. The king's religion, like pagan religions tend to do, used fear to manipulate compliance. I bet the smoke of the ever-ready furnace motivated many people to bow down to the stone idol. But not everyone! Daniel's prayer partners refused to bow to the statue and were brought to the king by some manipulative men and the king enraged demanded the soldiers throw them into the fiery furnace. And just to be sure they were punished well, the furnace was overheated, instantly killing the soldiers, but to the kings surprise it did not kill the prayer partners.

The king was the first to see it. As he smugly gazed into the furnace he saw the three men who had been bound standing with their God, the God who Himself is a consuming fire. They stood unharmed. The king called the men out. The once bound men climbed out of the fire -- their skin unburned, their hair  not singed, their clothes in tack and free of the smell of smoke! Astonished the king promotes them and declares that no one would be allowed to speak evil of their God.

What I find interesting is that the king only called the men out of the furnace. Why didn't he call the Lord out as well? Was it because he didn't want to face the Lord of kings? Was it fear because of his own defiance? Was it because he expects God to react like he does?

There are several things that come to mind when I think about this story.

The king's pride kept him from accepting the sovereignty of the Lord of kings.

The king's pride drove him to openly rebel and assert his own will over the Lord's.

The king's pride kept him from listening to wise advisors.

The king's pride drove him to lash out in anger when people didn't comply with his edicts.

And in the end, God put the prideful king in his place.

Oh, that God will continually expose my pride...pride that refuses to listen to wisdom, pride that wants my own will more that His, pride that get enraged when I am challenged by another, pride that too quickly writes off others when they have an opinion differing from my own.

The self absorption of the king makes me sick. But that only is because it exposes my own. Oh, my pride doesn't look just like the kings, it looks a whole lot more like self-contempt...but to be perfectly honest it is just as consuming and just as seeped in unbelief.

Oh, that I would be faithful like Daniel's three friends. Faithful in prayer. Faithful in the small decisions. Faithful in seeking God's face every day no matter where I am at. Faithful in the face of the hard, fiery things. Faithful even when the outcome isn't climbing out of the fire. Faithful enough to look for him in the fiery places.

 

I have had a few fiery experiences in which prayers were graciously answered my way -- a child who survived a ruptured spleen, a grandchild born way to early who survived and thrived, two sons and a daughter-in-law who have survived military deployments and returned home in one piece. But I have also seen others far more faithful than I who didn't get the results prayed for. One dear friend who, like me, had five children, but three of hers were living with Jesus from infanthood. A week before she died she told me she was blessed beyond measure with her two living children, knowing without a doubt that God has been good to her. I have watched faithful, praying parents stand at the grave's of their children fully believing God could heal but He had every right to chose how he healed . They at times did wish it had been here, not in heaven. But in the midst of grief trusted God's sovereignty over their lives. And I have friends who attend our church and who have a solid faith whose child didn't make it home from the same war my sons fought. We grieved, but we grieved with hope.  

 

Hebrews chapter 11 makes it so clear to us that what is important is that we be found faithful and that God honors faith in different ways. Sometimes He honors it through miracles, promises fulfilled, and in answered prayer and sometimes not.

 

I have got to remember the key verse today..."These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth."

 

Oh that I would hold, loosely the things of this earth. Understanding that verse frees me from the irrational guilt of wondering if I prayed hard enough, often enough, or sincerely enough when God answers prayers differently than I asked. Maybe the key to accepting God's sovereignty is accepting the truth that my real home is heaven and that the here and now is, well, essentially living in exile and to be His child means living with the desire for a better country, while being contented in the here and now. 

 

Our God is so different than the king in the story. He didn't throw us away when we have failed to worship Him with our words, our actions, or our lifestyles. Instead, He sent His son to bear His wrath for our sin by having Jesus die in our place on the cross. He didn't draw us to Himself by instilling fear in us. Instead, He used His perfect love fulfilled in the cross to cast out our fear of judgment. This enables us to worship in adoration instead of fear! And that, in a nutshell, is the grace and the mercy that flowed from the heart of our God.