Fear is a Four Letter Word

Several years ago I wrote a book on emotions and in that book wrote a chapter called, "Fear is a Four Letter Word:. In that chapter I shared that my earliest memories of fear are from my preschool years. My dad often watched old westerns with battles between cowboys and Native Americans. At the time we lived in west Texas and we drove from Salt Flats to El Paso to get groceries. I remember being hypervigilant and watching out of the car window afraid Natives would come riding over the mountains to attack us. My mind didn't grasp that the westerns my dad watched reflected a different time period than the one in which we were living. My fear was irrationally based on childish perceptions, not on facts.

Many believers think fear is a sin, but it is a protective, energizing emotion when it is operating in a healthy way. In fact, we can't display courage unless we are experiencing fear. We know fear is built into our emotional makeup from conception as babies jump in the womb in response to loud sudden sounds. God put fear in our emotional make up so it could motivate us to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. Fear warns us of potential danger and energizes us by speeding up blood flow so that we can think and act more quickly. It motivates us to flee, fight, or play dead.

Fear can sometimes help to bond people. This occurs when we embrace fears together, especially when we do it for fun's sake. I did this watching Alfred Hitchcock's shows with my family as a young child. We  snuggled close to our parents as the show built towards its climax. Sometimes my dad would growl or yell, "BOO!" just before am exciting part. We would scream, jump, and then all laugh. Our family felt close during those times. I also experienced this when I faced my fear of heights, riding rollercoasters with my kids and climbing a rock wall with our youth group. Even though I experienced fear in those situations, I knew I was with people I trusted and we bonded as we talked and joked about our fears, encouraged each other, and then debriefed afterwards. These things provided shared memories and these memories provide points of instant reconnection when one of us says, "Do you remember that time...?"

Because we live in a fallen world, fear can becomes irrational. If this happens, it can paralyze and control us to the point it becomes a stronghold in our lives. Irrational fear, can make us cowardly if we give into it. This occurred in the book of Numbers when the Israelites were to enter the Promise Land. God had instructed Moses to send a man from each tribe to check out the land. Forty days later, the men returned with pomegranates, figs, clusters of grapes so heavy they had to be carried by two men. All agreed they had found the land of "milk and honey" God described. Yet, only two of the twelve believed Israel could take the land with the Lord's help. They had all observed people of large stature living in the land and ten of them felt so intimidated that they refused to take the land, missing many years of blessing. In their fear, they forgot about God's power and His faithfulness to them. Our fear can make us forgetful, toe.

Irrational fear sometimes has a spiritual component to it as Satan is a master deceiver and can make routine battles look unbeatable, everyday trials look insurmountable, and daily temptations look undefeatable. If we buy into his lies, Satan can turn us into cowards, experiencing chronic fear and living mediocre lives. Cowardly fear can come out in the fear of rejection, which keeps us from reaching out to others, leaving us bound by loneliness. It can come out in the fear of failure, which keeps us from taking risks that would help us develop our talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts. It can come out in the fear of abandonment, which keeps us focused on self, instead of loving others well. Hence, irrational fears can cause us to miss out on relationships and opportunities in education, jobs, and ministry.

Unhealthy fear has the potential to cause confusion, which increases the fear we are experiencing. We see this in the book of Judges when God instructed Gideon to call 300 men to surround the Midianite camp, carrying trumpets and clay jars hiding lit torches. He told them to surround the camp, blow their trumpets, break their jars to reveal their torches and shout, "A sword for the Lord and Gideon!" This caused sudden fear among the Midianites and, in their subsequent confusion, the Midianites drew swords on each other. Kind of looks like what Satan and his legions do in our churches today, doesn't it? He knows each of our vulnerabilities and insecurities and attacks in a way that causes fear-fueled confusion. This confusion paralyzes us, keeps us stuck, misconstrues reality, stirs up strife, and causes us to attack each other. Every time I have experienced conflict in the church, there was a great amount of confusion concerning it and at the root of the conflicts was some sort of fear.

When fear becomes a stronghold, it draws our focus away from God and zaps our energy, leaving us with little power to obey. We see this when Saul and the Israelites were facing Goliath. Goliath was a large man with a big mouth. He stood on the mountainside taunting Saul and his army. God had told Israel He would defeat Goliath on their behalf, but they became so afraid that no one took action. Only young David believed God and had the courage to face down the giant. Sadly, Saul's fears became more irrational as time went on. He began to fear his faithful servant, David, tried to kill him and ultimately his fear led him to commit suicide. His fear had become an idol, one that he spent much of his life trying to appease, to no avail. Fear ruled his heart and drove him to carry out ugly, ungodly actions.

In his book, Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear, Ken Nichols pointed out that there are 366 "fear not's" in the Bible. Contrary to what many believe, these were not given to us to admonish us or to shame us. When God says not to fear, He follows it with sweet reminders of His presence, His faithfulness, and His power. Fear doesn't have to be a four letter word when we realize it gives us opportunities to be courageous and grow in faith. When we call fear sin, it is because we have forgotten the Bible is a book about a relationship between a God and the people He loves. It is not a list of do's and don'ts written from an angry God waiting to zap us. It is written with from a heart filled with love that desires to protect us and our relationship with Him. His telling us not to be afraid is similar to us lovingly telling our children not to be afraid because we are with them, have knowledge they don't have, will protect them, and can identify irrationality behind many of the fears they have. We can be thankful God won't obliterate our fear as it not only helps us stay safe, it is the very thing that drives us to Him.

(Ken Nichols, Harnessing the Incredible Power of Fear; Wendy J. Mahill, Embracing a Feeling Heart ) 

Overwhelming Fear

"For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 

"Fear not, I am the one who helps you.””

Isaiah 41:13

Fear is an interesting emotion in that it can be both rational and irrational. I have several fears I believe are rational and protective. I am terrified of rattle snakes and that fear kept me alive when we lived in an area where there was rattle snakes. I am also afraid of riding in a car with someone who has been drinking, walking alone after dark, and afraid of heights. Okay…as I am writing this I am also realizing that the fears I thought were rational aren’t always rational. My fear of rattle snakes has grown to include all snakes, even those that are harmless. My fear of riding in a car has grown to irrational proportions and I often brake my imaginary break and scream, “STOP!” at my husband. My fear of heights has become irrational after I suffered a broken ankle and a broken knee and have realized that I am not quite as stable on my feet. I have also had irrational fears of the dark and public speaking, but have worked on them some.

I’ve had other fears that were situational. One bout with fear occurred when one of our sons was in an accident and his spleen ruptured. There were no words to describe the fear that I felt when they wheeled him into surgery. I was afraid I wouldn’t see him again and afraid of the pain that would bring. I was afraid of the lowered resistance to infection that he would have without a spleen and afraid of seeing him in so much pain. But I prayed and faced those fears with God and He truly was with me. His presence was huge and looming even though the truth that His sovereignty determined the outcome, which thankfully was positive.

I was also overwhelmed with fear when our granddaughter came thirteen weeks early. I was afraid she wouldn’t make it and got on a plane not knowing if I would get to see her when I got there. I was afraid I would never know what her voice and laughter would sound like. I was afraid I would never have the privilege of seeing what her personality is like. I was afraid I would never know what could make her smile, cry, or jump for joy and I prayed and again experienced God’s overwhelming presence and again was blessed by joy of seeing her overcome the odds and had the joy of hearing her sing, laugh, cry, and wine. I had the joy of seeing her this last weekend play with her cousins, dance beautifully, draw, and run this last weekend as we celebrated her fifth birthday. Every time I look at our son or granddaughter I am reminded of a season of intense intimacy I experienced as I talked honestly to God about my fears, my belief, my unbelief, my desires, my hopes, and admitted the powerlessness that terrified me.

I was overwhelmed with fear when our sons faced deployments in war zones. To wake up daily knowing they were in harm’s way is different kind of scary for which no one prepared me. I think those who have had loved ones killed or wounded in the line of duty have even more fears to face than I can even imagine. The deployments and a few other situations have been what I have called, the fear of the what “ifs.” They loom, but they don’t seem valid, because we don’t know if we will have to face them or not. Sometimes it is hard to share those kinds of things, because people don’t get them and we feel alone. But the truth is God is with us and will help us face whatever the outcome is and it is okay to talk about them.

I have watched some precious people deal with huge fears when the outcomes weren’t so positive. They lost jobs, spouses, children, marriages they wanted to keep, and homes their families have lived in for years. I have wondered what kind of fears they face when they have to provide for their families on no income. What kinds of fears surface when a widow or widower enters the house for the first time without their loved one and have to face their first night alone in a bed they once shared? What kind of fear looms over the parents who have had to lay such tiny beings to rest? What kind of fears do those betrayed by divorce have to overcome to find their joy again? What kinds of fears do those who lose their homes face? What kinds of fears loom on the horizon while a person waits on a medical test or gets back a test that is positive for cancer?

I used to feel a great amount of shame for the fear that I experience and that shame drove me away from God when I needed to cling to Him the most. I have heard some people say that fear is a lack of faith. I don’t agree with that. I think that fear is an opportunity to exercise faith as we take Him at His word and choose to cling to the truth of verses like the one above. I think that fear is a normal part of life and an opportunity to develop rich intimacy with God as we tell Him the truth about our fears, longings, and desires, and learn to trust His sovereignty.

Fear is personal in that we all have different things that trigger fear and we all respond to it and feel it’s intensity in different ways. We can choose to stuff it and never learn from it or we can acknowledge it to God and to safe people and move through it and learn from it. We do have some power over the fear in that we can choose to intensify it or decompress it by what we think about in regard to the fearful situations. What a gracious God we have. He tells us so much in that one verse: He is our God! He holds our right hand! He speaks directly to our hearts! We don’t have to fear, because He is the one who helps us. There is not a fear too big for Him to handle. He doesn’t promise to rescue us from every fearful situation…but He does promise to help us. When I am faced with the next fearful situation, I close my eyes and focus on Him so I can feel His hand in mine and I will listen for His voice to say, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” May we never forget that it is God who holds our right hands and speaks hope into our hearts as we face fearful situations.

Prayer: Father, thank you for promising to be with us every moment of every day. Thank you for speaking hope into our lives when we are afraid. Thank you for promising to help us through everything that we face. We love you and want to honor you even in the midst of our fear. Amen.