Acceptance the Road to Perseverance

In September I had the privilege of attending a world conference for counselors. The workshops are amazing, but I think for me the conversations about what we are learning are just as important for growth as both a person and a people helper. Brent, the pastor we were with, said that he believed acceptance played a huge part in peoples healing, I nodded in agreement and have continued to ruminate on the concept of acceptance these last couple of months. I wondered where I learned that concept and realized I had observed it both in others and in my own healing journey. 

Over the years I have been a person that people have confided in. And there have been several times as someone has shared their story with me, that I found myself silently asking, "Lord, do you not see how much this person has already suffered and now they are facing this, too?" My question isn't an angry "how dare You" question, it is a plea for His compassion and love to be poured out on the suffering person speaking to me. I am going to share a couple of examples of people I have admired and learned from.  

The first person was my dear friend, Millie, whom I met over forty years ago. She had already lost her parents when we met, and we quickly became family even though we initially were at different life stages--she was single and longing for a husband and I was married and popping out babies every 20 months. 

After she got married, she was so excited when she got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. A couple of years later, she helped us move several states away, just as she found out she was pregnant again. When her baby was about six months old, he passed away. I went and stayed with her, and we grieved hard, and then I returned home knowing her grief would go on for some time. She got pregnant soon with twins and later in her pregnancy, she called to tell me she had lost one of the twins and was on bed rest in every effort to save the live baby. So, as she gave birth to twins, she was both celebrating the birth of a daughter and grieving hard the loss of her other daughter. She went on and had another little boy. 

They came to see us when the kids were around five and three. The five-year-old, realized I had five kids and when her mom went to the bathroom, she came up to me and asked me if I knew her mama had five children, too. I told her I did and that I had met her older brother before he passed away and that he was funny, loved music like his mama, and that her parents loved all of their babies, even those in heaven. I sensed her mama in the hall listening and when she came out, she mouthed the words, "Thank you." 

Because they were open with their kids about their story, we were able to have awesome eternal conversations about life and death and trusting God in the hard. Millie and I were graced with a four-hour phone conversation two days before she passed away. And one of the things she told me was, "I need you to know how much I have been blessed and how much I have enjoyed my kids. I believe that was partly because she embraced grief and reached acceptance and was free to love and experience joy even when she thought of her losses. Not going to sugar coat it...her grief was complicated and hard, but she moved through it, and it allowed her to persevere in her faith until the day she died. 

The next person I am telling you about was a professor and a counselor, named Norm Wright. I took his Biola grief and trauma class, at our church a couple of times and then I had the privilege of assisting him in the class for several years. He and his first wife Joyce had two children. One was a boy who was born with severe mental handicap and health problems. Through acceptance he, could see Matthew's "little" accomplishments and enjoy him. Matthew lived several years and eventually passed away. Norm leaned into grief and learned all he could about it and before long he was a chaplain that went to places like New York after 9/11, churches or schools that had experienced mass shootings, and banks that had experienced robberies, debriefing people who had experienced trauma. He took his therapy dogs and served people well. His wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor and eventually passed away as a result. Then he lost his daughter and his son-in-law as well. He continued to show up and serve people in the face of so much loss. He went to GriefShare with us all and continued to go long after he probably needed it just so he could serve those who were suffering loss. I believe his acceptance of his story filled with losses caused him to persevere and to serve out of what he learned through his own grief. He, too, persevered in his faith until the day he died.   

During the time I first met Norm, I was working with a therapist because I had not dealt with some trauma I had experienced early in life. I was afraid of strong emotions was using an eating disorder to avoid painful emotions that sometimes surfaced with memories. Several times she had me discuss a trauma and visualize the time and place as I closed my eyes. She would quietly count to a hundred so I would know I wasn't alone and if I started feeling intense emotions, I would know by the number how much longer I would sit in it. I think it was the third time that we did it, that I was committed to fulling sitting in all of the emotion and not running from it. About halfway through the exercise, I realized this memory we were processing was my story and I was okay. 

As soon as we were through with the exercise, she asked me what happened at a certain number. I explained the best I could at the time, but realized later that what I had experienced was acceptance of the hard things I had experienced. I had not realized the fear of facing the real story had kept me stuck. Until then, I had not realized the fear of feeling was actually bigger than the grief and the righteous anger that was normal for what I experienced. Because I was able to experience acceptance of my story, I was able to persevere in my faith even when it was hard. Because of acceptance, I was able to experience God as a healer. Because of acceptance, I was able to write curriculum to help others navigate their trauma, work and to develop and run a ministry I had never ever imagined running.

God has been good to me, as there are many other stories I could have shared. There are many people he put in my path to teach me about trauma and its impact on us as humans and as believers. He put people in my life to model Jesus' compassion and others to speak or write out truths I needed to hear. One of the most significant things I have learned recently was penned by a speaker/counselor named Phil Monroe who said that one of the myths we face as sufferers or healers is, "Suffering is God's way of strengthening me." That myth is simply a minimization of the suffering we have experienced. It is true that God will be glorified when we seek Him in the face of suffering, and if we do the work necessary, we may even gain some strength as we process our trauma and its impact on us. But the truth is God's heart for the hurting tells us that suffering is not His master plan for growth. As Phil put it, "When suffering entered the world, God's master plan was to pursue lost people (Gen. 3:9, 21) and to care for them. Suffering is the result of evil and of living in a fallen world. And our God is not evil! HE is GOOD! 

When I had the first conversation about acceptance at the conference, I sensed there was something missing that we weren't addressing. Then this week it hit me, the truth that a part of healing is acceptance was for me an incomplete thought. For me acceptance has also been the path to perseverance that has been what deepened my faith in Jesus and has given me rest in the Abba's arms.         

   

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The Purest Praise of All--Job

I have struggled the sermons and the thoughts others have expressed in regard to the story of Job. Especially when the sermons and thoughts judge Job and/or His wife harshly for the way that acted in the aftermath of the many losses they experienced. The Bible tells us Job was a blameless and righteous man who feared God. He was wealthy and had ten children for whom he continually offered burnt offerings. Job walked so uprightly that even God even viewed him as a blameless man. Because Satan claimed Job only feared God because of the God's blessings, God permitted Satan to test Job to prove Job's faith ran deeper than the blessings he received. To be honest, I still wrestle with this part of the story. I tend to get so focused on the here and now I can forget there is a battle being fought in the spiritual realm. Today I am focusing on the lessons we can learn from Job about grief.

When I first read the book of Job, I couldn't wrap my mind around the kind of loss Job and his wife faced. So, I read it from an intellectual viewpoint, focusing on the questions that arose over Satan and God's conversation, the conversations Job had with his friends, and the conversations Job had with God. It was not until one of closest friends suffered three losses--a miscarriage, a six month old, and a twin girls at six months in the womb, that I began to look more at the losses and emotions described in the book of Job.

I remember sitting with my friend during the funeral and seeing the anguish my friend experienced as the music began. I remember sensing her spirit calm when the pastor spoke, only to realize the tears were still streaming down her cheeks. I also remember her meeting me at the drive way a few days later and falling in to my arms as sobs racked her body. After her tears were spent and we were walking back into her house she said, "I know they mean well, but some of the things people say in the cards they send don't help!" At the time, we concluded that some people just don't know what to say, so they say churchy things and quote verses, some of which were taken out of context and most of which was truth my friend already knew.

It was after her loss that I began to challenge people when they put Job or his wife down. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose one child, much less ten children in one day. I can't imagine what it would be like to also lose all my servants (coworkers) and our lively hood in the same day. In addition, Job lost his health and was covered in sore's and boils as he sat in an ash pile grieving. Because he was the one plagued with boils, his hurting wife assumed some hidden sin in Job's life had brought this devastation upon them which was a common belief in their day. Her words, as   biting as they were, were spoken in the anger of deep grief of a mom who had to stand over the graves of ten children on the same day.

Walking through grief with my friend who viewed me as a safe friend, allowed me to see raw grief in it's many forms. Sometimes the grief was expressed as a quiet sigh. Sometimes it came out in an uncomfortable laugh. Sometimes it was expressed through quiet tears gently streaming down the face, sometimes in tears shed only on the inside, and sometimes tears accompanied by shaking shoulders and sobs that could be heard throughout the house. Sometimes grief came out in loud angry words of protests followed by irrational bartering. And, sometimes grief came out in a declaration of God's goodness and love in the face of unbearable pain.

It has been over thirty years since I watched my friend bury her child. I have experienced some losses of my own and watched others bury husbands, children, siblings, parents, and grandparents. I also have learned that death is not the only cause of grief. Friends have grieved as they learned to care for their daughter who has suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. Friends who have lived courageously, grieve the health they once had as they repeatedly deal with cancer and chemo. Friends and family members are grieving as they continually deal with invisible autoimmune diseases and wake up tired to experience unexplainable pain everyday, These people whether they grief is the loss of a person or health or wealth, have had platitudes or unsolicited advice thrown at them.

I came to realize those who do this, do it for three reasons. First , they are uncomfortable with the pain they are observing in someone they love. Second, they say those things and offer advice because they are uncomfortable sitting in the powerlessness they feel in not having the ability to alleviate the suffering of others. Third, they offer advice like Job's friends did, because it gives them a false sense of security that by living right they could head off the kind of suffering they are observing.

Yesterday I was watching a Facebook Live by Todd Smith of Selah. He mentioned his song Broken Praise. I wasn't familiar with it, so I looked it up and found a video of Job set to the words of Broken Praise. It gave me chills, because for the first time ever I felt like someone had given honor to Job and the suffering he endured. The first two stanza's describe what my friend went through as she read the cards people sent her:

"If one more person takes my hand
And tries to say they understand
And tells me there's a bigger plan
That I'm not meant to see

If one more person dares to suggest
That I held something unconfessed
And tries to make the dots connect
From righteousness to easy street."

He goes on to say that he (Job) had the same assumptions that a man's honest life entitled him to an easy life. Then he askes God if He would hold him and stay with him so he can raise the broken praise to Him. Job also asks who else will see his suffering as an opportunity to educate and expose flawed theology and who would come along and try to tie up loose ends, hoping to sweep awkward moments from the room. Todd ends the song with acknowledging that God filled Job's cup and God emptied it and telling God that even if He never filled his cup and his story ends to just give him one more breath to sing Hallelujah.

I encourage you to go to one of the links below to see the video, hear the song, and read the words in their entirety. This song could help us all to learn to better respond to suffering. You and I will have to choose at some point how we want to respond to the suffering of others. We can either be like Job's friends, whose response was to debate and accuse, or we can do the more vulnerable thing of simply sitting with someone in their pain, holding them when they cry, and listening to their words as they grapple to make sense of the goodness of God in light of the pain they are feeling until their heart can offer praise from it's broken state. For broken praise is the purest praise of all.  

Links to Broken Praise by Todd Smith:
https://www.worshiphousemedia.com/mini-movies/34529/broken-praise-the-story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6PP-YS-FqU&list=RDl2zHk95UnsE&index=1&fbclid=IwAR0ANn9RwhUunhSQBN4Dalv_6y-mESvCJM6XN

When Faith Confronts What we Believe about Pain

When I was growing up, televangelism was just beginning to become popular. Many TV evangelists promised health and wealth in exchange for obedience and pledges of money. This prompted me, as a baby Christian, to begin to barter with God, saying things like, "I will do this, if you will do that." The "this" was things like tithing, never missing church, or telling friends about Jesus. Ironically, the things I promised God were things He had already instructed us to do. The "that" might be a healing I wanted for someone, a job for which I had interviewed, or provisions needed to for tuition. The things I asked for weren't bad, but the way I asked implied I was asking God to prove His existence and His love to me over and over again. As I grew in my faith, I began to do things simply because I loved Him, not to gain His benefits.

I remember televangelists saying if one had a problem, all they had to do was come to Jesus and He would fix it. Many even gave the impression the abundant life was a pain-free life. For a while I bought into that lie and ended up obsessively looking for hidden sin that caused my pain. I lost sleep, replaying each day in my head, examining words spoken and actions taken that might have been sinful. Every trial and temptation I faced were proof that I had messed up in some unknown way. I began to think even others' unkind words or hurtful actions indicated some darkness in me. The lie I had accepted as truth lead to some pretty stinking thinking.

As I spent more time in the Word, I realized God never promised a picture-perfect, painless, or sorrow-free life. The author of Hebrews says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." These verses and many others make it clear that the Christian life is not trouble-free. Pastor Brent Van Elswyk shared in a sermon that the original word for race implies struggles, pain, and suffering. It’s the word from which we derive our word "agony." I love that! It is more in line with what we see from Eden on.

Abel's race included offering a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain's. But it also resulted in Cain going into a jealous rage and striking Him dead. His faith that led him to worship in God's way is still speaking to us today.

Noah's race included being born at a time when every thought and intention of man was evil. It included years of reverent fear motivating him to build the ark on a bone-dry land to save his household from an impending flood. It included the knowledge that his obedient faith condemned the world and the world included people he knew. His faith that saw God as Savior is still speaking to us today.

Sarah's race included years of infertility while living in a culture that worshipped fertility gods. It included living with a fearful husband who put her in compromising situations to save his own skin. It included trying to help God fulfill His promise and the messiness of giving her servant to her man to bear the children she could not bear. It included a long wait between the giving of God's covenant and its fulfillment in little "Laughter." Her faith that matured beyond her doubts and allowed her to see Jehovah as God of life is still speaking to us today.

Jacob's race included his own deceitful heart and the resulting shame and consequences. It included a deceitful father-in-law who substituted the bride of his choice with her less desirable sister. It included the conflict between two wives who competed for his affection. It included the long trek home with large family in tow to meet a brother who may or may not kill him. It included a long night of wrestling with the Lord over His sovereign plans, resulting in his walking with a limp for the rest of his life. It included the humbling that comes with repentance and the need of forgiveness. His faith that is balm to all who have stepped out of God's will for a season is still speaking to us today. 

Joseph's race included being sold by brothers, being falsely accused of rape, and being cast into prison and forgotten. It included coming face to face with the brothers who had betrayed him and facing the painful grief he had buried deep. It included having to struggle through the practical side of forgiveness to help the very brothers who had hurt him so deeply. His faith that said, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good," is still speaking to each of our wounded hearts today.  

Moses's race included a lonely ride in a river as an infant that resulted in him being raised by an Egyptian princess. It included being called to lead a nation of stiff-necked people out of Egypt. It included a steady diet of manna and a dry walk through a riverbed, waters heaped high on either side. It included forty years of desert wandering because others didn’t believe. His race included harsh, unwarranted criticism by the people God called him to rescue. His faith that shows us how to persevere when the race gets tough is still speaking to us today.

Daniel and his friends had races that included being taken captive and carried to a foreign land. It included having their identity changed by captors training them to be leaders in a foreign land. Daniel's faithfulness landed him in a lions' den and his friends' faith landed them in a blazing-hot furnace. They didn't enter these races knowing the results you and I know. They entered them only knowing in Whom they believed. The faith that preserved their lives is still speaking to us today.

And there were others who ran similar races that resulted in premature deaths. Because they faced death in faith, their deaths were not in vain. Their faith that said I am willing to die because I believe speaks just as loudly as those who believed and lived. Their dying faith is still speaking volumes to those of us who know death is imminent.

Even the disciples who walked and rubbed shoulders with Jesus ran hard races. They lost their lives, were disowned by families, and suffered under brutal persecution. Some were run out of the villages they evangelized. Paul, in Second Corinthians, tells us he endured countless beatings, hard labor, being stoned, being shipwrecked three times, and being adrift at sea for a day and a night. He tells us on his frequent journeys he was in danger from rivers, robbers, Jews, Gentiles, city dwellers, wildlife, exposure, and people posing as believers. He endured poverty, got little sleep, and was often hungry, thirsty, and cold. He endured anxiety as he felt burdened for the churches he started. He suffered with an affliction he called a thorn in his side. And his faith that kept him going is still for those of us that take  great effort to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

As Pastor Brent put it, the diagnoses just received, the struggle with pornography, the addictions slowly killing us, the broken marriages we want fixed, the struggles we have with "extra-grace-required" people, the besetting sin that cloaks us in shame, the abuses experienced in the past that are still impacting us in the present, the chronic illnesses that leave us exhausted and dealing with constant pain, the memories of bloody wars served in, and the grief experienced over the loss of dreams, possessions, health, and loved ones are the races you and I have been called to run. As Brent said, "Welcome to the race!"

As believers, we need to understand how we see the Christian life will determine how we run the race set before us. Satan wants us to believe hard races prove God has forgotten us or doesn’t care about us. But the Word tells us God is a God who sees, a God who hears our cries, and a God who understands pain. We know because Jesus left glory to take on flesh to endure rejection, hatred, being misunderstood, being called crazy, being accused of being demon possessed, being arrested, being betrayed, being deserted by friends, being beaten beyond recognition, being mocked, being spat upon, being stripped of clothing, being crowned with thorns, and being nailed to a tree. His race included having the weight of all of our sin placed on His shoulders. It included experiencing the wrath of God we deserved for sin. God never promised us easy, He promised to never leave us and forsake us.

It is important to understand pain we experience is a tool in the hands of a loving God who desires to strengthen faith and mold character, which in all honesty needs molding. We respond by complaining about the unfairness of the race we’ve been called to run or about our God not doing what we want, or by going to Him to complain the “not-fair.”

I wonder what might be different if we choose to trust God and look at the race we’re running as an opportunity for God to do His perfect work in us. It is important to remember suffering came through sin, it is not the work of God! Our faith grows as we stand on His promises in the face of the hard--promises like He will work all things for our good, He will never leave us or forsake us, He will return for us, and He will ultimately destroy all sin and death and will wipe away every tear we have shed. The hard we live is being used by Him to mature us.

Our God desires us to confront our pain with faith because that gives us the opportunity to see His faithfulness and allows Him to weed out sin and turn unbelief into a firm confidence that He will do what He says He will do. When pain is met by faith, God accomplishes His perfect work, preparing us for the eternal weight of glory that far outshine the painfulness of the races run now. We grow the most when faith confronts what we believe about our pain.

Was That Fun?

When our kids were young, we decided to treat them to a day at Disney Land. Our youngest child was four, but so tall he could get on any ride the older children could. As we entered the gates of the park, the older children led us to Space Mountain because their friends had said it was the best ride there. So we got on and all of a sudden me and the littlest were hurling through the dark space on a crazy roller coaster. The little guy suddenly seemed so tiny and I held him tight, fearing he could fly out of the car, all the while wondering what had possessed me to traumatize him. He didn't whimper or cry. He just pressed his little body harder and harder into my side. As soon as we stepped out of the car, the other kids came running up, excitedly declaring how fun the ride was. I looked down at the littlest's sweet face and he looked back at me with eyes wide open and asked, "Was was that fun?" The other kids of course responded that it was and as I glanced up another mom locked my eyes and we shared a knowing look of sympathy for the little who wasn't sure he would define that experience as fun. He asked repeatedly through the day if rides were going to be fun?"

It reminded me of the early years of my marriage when I was having our babies. For about 8 years, it was not uncommon for me to be awakened by a child to either nurse or who needed comfort following nightmares. This was many years ago and at the time, there wasn't much on TV after midnight. So, I watched a Christian station. I was just learning to study the Bible and I wasn't super grounded in the Scriptures yet. There were some pastors on the station that taught that if life was hard, all one needed to do was come to Jesus and life would be happy and problem free.

Well, I had Jesus, but those years were really tough years. I loved being a mom, but I went through really difficult things during those years. My parents divorced and no one told me about it until my dad called to tell me he had remarried. We had a furnace that blew and just about burned down our home. Then I awoke one night with a strange man standing over me during a pregnancy, surfacing old traumas and PTSD. Next we purchased a home with a certain kind of loan and the government froze the funding for those loans and we sat in limbo, waiting to see if we would be allowed to continue living in the home. On top of that, the lack of sleep because of the break resulted in a postpartum depression that darkened my life and my thoughts and deepened the loneliness I experienced as a grad student's wife. And then there was the add the normal kids fighting, the stress of baby sitting additional children to help make ends meet, extended family dysfunction, and broken relationships I grieved. All the while I had a past  crying out to be healed, but I didn't have the resources for the help I needed.

However, the worst thing about it all wasn't the things I went through, but the feeling of failure and the toxic shame that dug its roots down deep into my soul because I wasn't feeling happy as a believer. I experienced happy moments, but I was struggling to keep my head above water and feeling overwhelmed by dark thoughts and feelings I didn't understand.

I found myself asking the question our son asked--Is this fun? When I reached the end of my proverbial rope, I found the courage to talk to our pastor and there was several things he and God did that were helpful. First, he cleared up my misconceptions about the Christian life. He did this through his teachings and he did this through a crash course on the Bible verses dealing with suffering, making sure I understood the things and feelings I was experiencing were simply apart of life; not a reflection on me, my salvation, or a reflection of what God thought of me.

And God, He provided a spiritual mom, spiritual sisters, and such sweet Christian friends that loved, supported me, and cared about the things I was going through. Sadly, the shame had caused me to hide what I was experiencing and at first no one knew what I needed. But once they knew, they helped in many ways. Friends came by often. They either brought food or came and cooked dinner for my family as I caught up on chores. Friends came and read to my children so I could fold the mountain of laundry that accumulated over the week. Friends kept me company as my husband studied. Friends loved on my babies so I could rest, breathe, and just laugh. My spiritual mom called me every morning before she went to work, listening, advising, encouraging, and evoking at least one belly laugh before she'd hang up. There were other ladies whose kids were older who visited both by phone and in person, helping me learn to be a better mom and to trust God in the hard. And there were peers who threw pot lucks and discussed Scriptures and those conversations helped me fall in love with the Savior.

On top of that someone told me about a ministry called Bible Believer Cassette Ministry and I listened to all sorts of great teachers as I washed dishes including, Jill Briscoe, Elizabeth Elliot, James Dobson, Charles Stanley, and Chuck Swindoll, As I write this I can still hear Jill's voice echoing in my head like it was yesterday.

I think sometimes even us strong believers take verses out of context and slap hurting people with them. I think of one woman who shared her fear of facing her second round of cancer and chemo, being told she was sinning as they quoted the first part of Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious for anything..." As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I know it is sometimes hard to settle the mind and go to prayer and I wonder why the person didn't acknowledge the fear being confessed with grace and and offer in the moment to go to prayer with her. I also wonder why she didn't do as my friends in Mississippi did and check on her repeatedly as she walked that life-and-death journey.

I remember being told in a conversation over a broken relationship that the tears I was shedding were proof I wasn't as close to God as she was. I was shamed at the time, but now I know those tears were a sign of God's heart actively working in me. He is a God grieved by children struggling to love well.

There are those who have dealt with miscarriages, infertility, infidelity, and kids with heart defects and cancer who have been told to just trust God more, when what they needed was someone to cry with them in their grief and to walk with them in their long season of suffering. There are those who have been told their child isn't healed because their faith wasn't strong enough. Maybe what they needed instead of judgment was someone to pray with them for the endurance, the courage, and the hope that needed to get through the next day, the next week, the next year, or even the next decade.

I have come to believe God wants His people to not just do acts of service, but to emotionally connect. That means we have to be willing to feel and to love as He loves, which includes weeping with those who weep, and rejoicing with those who rejoice! That means being willing to emotionally enter the mire of others' lives, sharing in their suffering. It means letting them empty their minds of the questions, dark thoughts, and doubts so that God can renew their strength and we can earn the right to gently remind them of what is true, honorable, just, pure, and lovely.

Suffering with Jesus is always redemptive, especially when we don't shame those who are suffering. Suffering allows us to know Him. The Bible tells us there are crowns given for remaining steadfast in trials and I know if I earned crowns it was with the help of friends and I want to do that for others so we can all lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus!

Paul talked about the importance of suffering in Romans 5:3-5, "...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." We want to be sure our responses to others suffering do not add additional suffering or get in the way of God producing His endurance, His character, and His hope through their suffering.

I recently had a conversation with a friend from a former church who had gone through a year of severe suffering. He told me that he never felt so close or so blessed by God in his whole life. He and his family were loved well through the long year, making it possible for God to complete His work in that season of His life. What a testimony he, his lovely wife, his children, and his grandchildren are to the faithfulness of a great big God who did His loving work in our friends' time of suffering suffering.

"Was that fun?" Maybe that isn't the best question for us Christians to be asking. A better one might be, "Is there joy in the journey?" Joy comes from knowing Him and from the fellowship of suffering as He suffered.

3 Trials--A PS to Unquenchable Thirst

I intended to blog about a different person from the Bible today, but a couple of things have prompted me to not move on so quickly. First, I notice anger is triggered when I read John 4:42. "They said to the woman, "It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world." It seems like a bit of a dig and it bothers me that those who had just received Christ couldn't just thank her for leading them to Him. But, to give them the benefit of the doubt, I realize I don't know with what the words were spoken. Nor do I know what their body language conveyed. They may have said it nicely, meaning it as a compliment or they may have said it with excitement, expressing gratefulness that it had been made personal. I do hope it wasn't with the snide voice I hear when I read the words. However, there is a truth here we want to grasp. Not one of us is birthed into the family of God through another's faith. Not our parents's, not siblings', not a bible teacher's, and not a pastor's. It is always through personal faith in Jesus Christ.

Second, last week something happened that reminded me of a period of time in which I found my self facing the hard stuff. First, there was the death of one of my closest friends. She was there when several of my kids were born, did Bible studies with me, and we had long conversations over meals cooked, socials planned, diapers folded, and diets failed. She challenged my faith, challenged lies I believed that fed self-contempt, and she loved on my kids. I was in her wedding and walked with her through a miscarriage two babies that died. Our experiences allowed our friendship to survive the miles caused by my move. One day we spent hours on the phone catching up and a couple of days later she died in her sleep from congestive heart failure. I sat at her funeral surrounded by people she loved well and who loved her well. How I longed to hear her cute southern accent, share with her another her belly laugh, and hear her sweet voice singing praises. I longed to tell her I regretted not making more opportunities to visit, that I wish I had handled the few rough spots we experienced in our relationship better, and that I was thankful her grace was bigger than my dysfunction and self-centeredness.

A couple of weeks later one of our sons had an ATV accident. He told the doctor he thought he was bleeding inside, but he discounted as radiating pain and a week later, we returned to the hospital with son with skin tones of gray to find out his spleen had ruptured. When they wheeled him to surgery, there were regrets for not having listened to my gut telling me he had more than a broken bone. That first night I was terrified and found myself facing the sovereignty of God in a way I never had before. I could feel God's presence looming big, inviting me to trust in His goodness! But I was afraid because I knew He could heal him, but didn't know if it was His will. After surgery, things were still serious as water collected around his heart like it had my friend's. They considered doing another surgery, but eventually figured out where to place tubes to drain what needed to be drained so his body could heal. We made it through it with the support of friends, but I sensed something different between me and God.

Not too long after that, a different son called to say his pregnant wife was put on bed rest in a hospital on the other side of the country. The pregnancy had high risks and lots of ups and downs. During that time I was reminded of how I felt those first few hours while our son was in surgery. I decided to push through my fear and run to God with all that I was. I prayed nonstop for the baby being carried and I prayed for the mom and dad to have the strength they needed for the days ahead. I also told God all of my longings and desires to know this little one, and at the end of the prayers I acknowledged my love for God, my acceptance of His sovereignty, and my faith in His goodness. I don't know how to explain the depth or the beauty of the relationship I had with God during those long hard weeks until she was born early and the long three months of waiting for her to grow big enough to go home.

Last week, the thing that happened that triggered my memories and feelings triggered a few other people whose children had suffered serious life-threatening events and illnesses. I had some neat conversations about those things. One of those chats was with one of our pastors who faced life threatening illnesses with a child first and then a grandchild, which I think is why his favorite book of the Bible is Philippians. As I was sharing with him what I remembered learning during that period of time, he pointed out it was exactly what Philippians says. I joked, "I hate it when pastors are right!" But then it hit me, the book of Philippians had become alive in me through those trials and I said to him the exact words we find in John, "Now, I know it to be true for myself!"

The enemy would have us believe suffering, especially suffering over time, proves God's doesn't care or listen to our prayers. But His ears are turned to those waiting on Him. The enemy would have us sink into shame of regrets or the despair of hope given up on instead of praising God in the midst of it all. He would have us flee or freeze in response to growing fear instead of running through it to God whose arms are open wide. He would have us reject the truth instead of wrestling with it, so our faith wains He would have us cower in the face of God's sovereignty over life and death situations and have us fail to understand that His perspective of a life no matter how long or short matters and fulfills purposes we may not understand.

What if we view the suffering we endure and the trials we face that stretch us tight like rubber bands ready to pop as opportunities to apply head knowledge of God and His word? What if we look at them as opportunities to wrestle with God and His truth in prayer until all doubts are purged, all lingering lies rebuked, and our shielded hearts are laid open and vulnerable to receive all that He has to reveal and give? What if we faced the hard with the firm belief that His intention is to make us fully alive, to soften calloused hearts, to strengthen weak faith, draw us deeper in to the very relationship for which we were created? What if we look at them as the means God may use to instill in us passions that help us fulfill the purposes for which we were designed. What if?

I believe all of this hard comes with living in a fallen world and being people broken by sin. It is also a part of living a redemption story where God's grace abounds and takes what we would label bad and uses it to transform hearts and minds and bring His Word fully alive in us.

When I adopt this perspective I won't find myself so anxious in the powerlessness of someone else's suffering. Nor, will I find myself wanting to talk someone out of their emotions, shame them out of their doubts, or draw them out of a life-transforming wrestling match that has the potential to strengthen their faith, ignite their passion, and give them a bigger more true view God that reaches all the way from the heavens down to their core of their being so they, too, can proclaim, "I have seen His truth for myself!"

Finding Purpose in Pain

I was an adult when I realized there is purpose in pain. I first noticed it in the physical realm when one of our little ones had an ear infection. I picked him up from the church nursery and he was his usual cheerful self. But, then I noticed this ugly mess oozing from his ear. The doctor said the membrane holding his ear drum had ruptured and the infection was oozing from behind it. I told her I didn't even realize he was in pain and she said she believed me because his other ear was ready to rupture and most kids with ears like his were screaming in pain. Yet, he acted like he wasn't experiencing pain. I realized then that physical pain could be good. It can signal an infection or a wound that needs treatment. The pain of a slight cut can keep us from slicing off a whole finger and an irritated  eye can keep us from permanently damaging a cornea.

Over time I also came to realize emotional pain can also be good. I went through several years of recovery work for an eating disorder and during that time I visited many painful memories. As I journaled letters to God about pain uncovered, I realized the same God who had allowed the deep pain was the same God who was loving me with a love deep enough to heal it. I also learned a lot about my heart and my sin and my God in that place. Since that time I've reread many stories in the Bible and become more aware of the painful places in which the people lived and the began to look for His purpose in the pain they experienced.

For example, There was Sarai and Abram who suffered the heart-wrenching pain of infertility while living in the midst of a pagan culture that worshiped false gods of fertility. Even after God called them out and promised them a son, they lived with their pain of longing--longing so painful they devised plans to help God fulfill His promise. But God had them live in their place of longing until they fully believed God was who He said He was--the life-giving God, the Keeper of promises. At the right time God resurrected their aged bodies to conceive, carry, and nurse a tiny man child called, "Laughter." God wanted them to know Him and He wanted their hearts undivided. So, He had them sitting in the pain long enough for their unbelief  buried deep to bubble up, allowing a firm belief to take root. He had them sit in the pain long enough that His power could be displayed, proving stone-cold idols don't give life--He does!

And there was the deceiver, Jacob, who had to flee after his deceiving enraged his brother. God said his brother would serve him and, like Abram, Jacob wanted to help God make it happen. He ended up in a painful place, working for seven years for a bride he loved only to have his father-in-law give him a taste of deceit by substituting his older daughter as a bride. So, Jacob worked another seven years for the daughter he loved and another six for a flock to call his own while he lived in the messiness of a two wife family. The deceit he experienced was a mirror of his own deceitfulness, revealing to him the pain he inflicted on his brother. God let Jacob sit in that painful place, dealing with a difficult person to show him something about his sin and his heart and to prepare him for the long journey home. His painful place was not proof of God's desertion, it was proof of His love. God wanted him to experience the beauty that comes with humility. He wanted him to draw near to Him in faith, see that God could fulfill His Words without his help. God is good and it is His goodness that led Jacob to repent and in this case the goodness that would draw Jacob to His heart and the center of His will came in the form of the discomfort of seeing his sin mirrored.

And there was a lady I've come to love--the precious Samaritan lady Jesus met at the well. She was living in a pain-filled place, having been married five times and having each marriage end as she was dragged to the middle of town and declared unfit. Five times she'd been crushed by rejection and five times publicly labeled "not good enough." She'd was unable to live down her reputation and her loneliness ran deep, being ostracized by a community who judged her and made her the focus of gossip to deflect from shortcomings of their own. But Jesus sought her out at the right time when she was at the end of herself and the pain of her unmet needs ran so deep that she knew He and only He could meet her there.

I am thankful the Bible is honest about the stories people lived, especially the painful places in which they landed. The enemy wants us to believe pain is proof that God doesn't care. But, His Word shows repeatedly He sees us and He walks with us us through those tough places. He witnesses every tear spilled and every tear choked back. He's listening to every word cried out and every silent prayer our hearts can't find words to express. It is His goodness that allows us to come and to sit in the painful places--

    --places designed to expose unbelief and mature faith
    --places designed to allow His character and power to shine
    --places designed to expose and excise sin
    --places designed to bring us to the end of ourselves
    --places designed to surface longings etched deeply in hearts by God
    --places designed to show us the purpose of our pain
    --places designed to draw us to the center of His will and His heart.

Maybe one of the reasons God chose not to remove pain from this life is so that you and I can understand the love of God through the pain of the cross. It was at Calvary that Christ was beaten for us. It was at Calvary that He bore the shame for the sin we commit and the pain that that sin inflicts on Him and others. It was at Calvary that Christ died so that He could exchange our filthy rags for His righteousness. God is the author of redemption stories, not fairy tales. Every redemption story leads us back to Christ, where we have the joy of finding purpose in pain.

Suffering Well--A Savior Acquainted with Suffering

I have the privilege of serving in a ministry which provides help for women who, as children, suffered verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, and/or spiritual abuse. Because of the abuse they endured, many come to us struggling in their relationship with God. This is especially true if the abuse occurred in families who attended church.

Imagine what it would be like for a little girl who suffered frequent beatings and had to sit by her abuser in church with her scars and bruises carefully covered. Imagine what it would be like for a young girl whose view of herself was shredded by harsh words she heard at home and then had to sing songs about the love of God she believed she would never be good enough to possess. Imagine what it is like for a young girl who sits in church with parents who refuse to meet her basic needs causing her to feel invisible and overlooked even by the God to which she prayed who didn't provide either. Imagine what it would be like for a little girl who sits in a pew, knowing she will go home with a parent who will threaten her life again and again while the other parent stands idly by. Imagine what it would be like for a young teen who is forced to sit in church, listening to sermons taught by a pastor who robbed her of her innocence. Imagine what it is like for a little girl to be shamed by parents so legalistic grace was nonexistent in the home.

When we are dealing with women who've suffered greatly, we don't offer meaningless platitudes, because those sayings may make us feel better while rubbing grains of salt into deeply wounded hearts. We also don't shame them for struggling to trust God, because their ability to trust authority figures was broken when parents tainted their view of God through their actions and their inaction, their words and their lack of words. We don't tell them to simply get over it, because to do so would inhibit them from ever developing intimacy with the Savior who so wants to have a deep, meaningful relationship with them.

When we begin working with victims, we often have them draw a picture of where God was when they were being traumatized. Those pictures often reveal how they feel about God, but are too afraid and too ashamed to say it aloud. Some draw God without ears revealing that in their heart of hearts they believe He turned a deaf ear to their cry for help. Some who have taken on the shame that belonged to a perpetrator often draw God without eyes because as much as they wanted Him to rescue them, they didn't want Him to see them in their shame. Some draw God without arms, because He didn't stop the painful events and, as children, they wondered if God was less powerful than those wounding them. We give the ladies many opportunities to express feelings, ask hard questions, share their dark thoughts about God, and the confusing emotions that come with life that doesn't seem to matching what they think the Scriptures say. We don't try to answer their hard questions because we don't really know the answers. Nor do we rush them to trust, because they first have to acknowledge and express their unbelief, their misunderstandings, and their mistrust of God before they can change. We know the enemy has done everything he can to distort the image of God and he has done everything he can to destroy the hearts of children when God was calling them to Himself.

After they've had time to express their pain and their confusion, we begin to talk about Jesus and His life here on earth. Because of their pain and confusion, many never spent time processing what it would have been like to be the Savior who Isaiah called a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. They haven't taken the time to think about Him being a Savior who left glory, taking on the limitations of a human body that experienced human physical hunger and physical pain and who walked among people, experiencing hatred and sin perpetrated against Him. They haven't taken the time to realize that He, like them, was harshly and unfairly criticized for crossing social barriers to minister to Gentiles, to women, to children, to the ill, to the poor, to those broken by sin, and to those captured by demonic spirits. Many haven't thought about Him as being a Savior that was, like them, accused of being crazy. Many have never considered how Jesus might have been emotionally impacted when He, like them, was misunderstood, lied about, mocked, and hated.

Many haven't put much thought into Jesus' time in the Garden, where He withdrew with three of His closest disciples to pray. Many didn't realize He told His friends His sorrow was so deep He felt like He could die, only to have the words fall on ears that didn't seem to comprehend what He was saying to them. They haven't contemplated the anguish He experienced that was so deep He sweat big drops tinged with blood, a feeling they experienced to some degree growing up in a home filled with rage, chaos, terror, and abuse. Many hadn't considered how alone He might have felt when He found His closest friends couldn't even stay awake to pray with Him, much like they felt when they told and no one helped. Many hadn't truly realized He, too, had experienced betrayal as a disciple lead authorities to Him. Nor, had they considered what Jesus might have felt when all of His friends deserted Him and His closest denied Him thrice. Many hadn't reflected on what it would have felt like for Jesus to bear the sin of all of mankind--each and every ugly, hurtful, and hateful sin in His body. 

 Even though many know in their heads Jesus was beaten and crucified, they haven't considered the impact of this truth on their lives. As we meditate together on the Story of Calvary, they begin to understand Jesus gets their pain, because He went through similar pain for them. They begin to realize the love He had drove Him to take on their sin as He bore God's wrath against it. They begin to understand He gets the feeling of being degraded because He was stripped of His clothing and hung on the cross, naked and exposed. They begin to grasp that He understands the pain of being physically wounded through violence and the emotional pain of having others blame them for things for which they weren't responsible. They begin to hold onto the fact that the Lord understands the heart-wrenching grief and the sorrow of being rejected by those who were supposed to love us the most. They begin to accept that He knows what it feels like to have those closest to them turn their backs on them when they were facing horrible pain and great fear. They begin to see He understands their feelings associated with being oppressed and the feelings associated with suffering the pain and consequences of others' sin. They begin to trust when they realize Jesus even understands the feeling of feeling forsaken by the God who could have protected, but didn't, for He cried out, “My God, why have you forsaken me?”    

Over the years I, like them, have come to realize Jesus is the ultimate example of what it means to suffer well. He never lost sight of the fact He was loved by His Father even though people hated Him. He stopped believing His life had godly purpose even though others declared it didn't. He always fulfilled His God-given purpose even when others tried to stop Him. He always chose to obey His Father even when it meant He would greatly suffer. He always maintained integrity, even though others around Him lost theirs. He always lived out of His true identity as God's Son even though others claimed He was a son of Satan. He chose to put aside temporary comfort for eternal good and He chose to endure the pain of the cross for the joy set before Him.

I have also come to realize that it was His eternal perspective that allowed His suffering to reveal to us the width, the breadth, the heights, and the depths of God's great love. We are living in perilous times and Christ told us we would suffer if  we followed Him. Because of this we want to remember in our suffering others may be drawn to the Savior. When we keep our eyes on Jesus, our suffering fulfills its purpose and accomplishes sanctifying work as it draws us into a deeper relationship with God who can meet our deepest needs.

Even victims who come face to face with the traumatized Savior can truly grasp that His trauma was the ultimate expression of God's love for them and that kind of love cries out for a response of deep abiding trust which allows wounded souls to find healing and deeply thirsty hearts to be satisfied by the love of God. A Savior who has suffered much understands pain. A Savior who has suffered much is a Savior deeply wounded souls can trust.

Suffering Well--Paul, the Man who Suffered Well

One of the most influential people in the early church was Paul. He was a Jewish man who was devoted to the Jewish faith. As a leader of the Jews, he defended the Jewish faith against Christianity and was responsible for persecuting members of the early church. He approved the execution of Stephen and ravaged churches, dragging both men and women from them and throwing them into prison. When Paul was on his way to Damascus, he could be heard was breathing threats and murder against the believer--so strong was he hatred of believers.

On that journey to Damascus God revealed Himself to Paul and confronted him for persecuting His church. God struck Paul with blindness so he couldn't continue his journey and then sent Ananias to lay hands on Paul so he could receive his sight. Ananias was reluctant to go because Paul had a reputation for harming and murdering believers. But God assured Ananias because He had chosen Paul to become  an instrument to carry the gospel to Gentiles,to kings, and to Israel. He also told him that he was going to show Paul how much he would suffer for His name's sake.

The first way Paul suffered was in facing the truth that he had been responsible for brutally persecuting Christ's church and born responsibility for stoning Stephen. We often think grace is easy, but to fully experience it we must fully acknowledge sin and grieve the harm we have done to others. When Paul fell in love with Jesus, He also came to the realization he harmed the people Jesus loved. Because of the depth of his sin, Paul experienced heights of grace and that grace motivated him to lay aside everything to serve God with His whole life. He suffered well by choosing not to wallow in shame and grief, but to embrace God's grace, drawing joy from doing what God called him to do.

There were many other ways Paul suffered. He would go to one community and share the gospel and be received and invited to stay. He would build relationships and teach those who were saved and then he would prepare to leave and the painful goodbyes caused great grief. Then were other communities he entered only to be rejected and cast out. The call to the missionary life required him to love well even with the possibility of rejection. It required that he love well and not let his heart grow cold with the many goodbyes he faced. He suffered well by choosing to keep his heart open to all people.

Paul's testimony even landed him jail with Silas. They were  arrested, stripped of clothing, beaten with rods and thrown into prison because they shared the gospel. Paul and Silas chose to suffer well by spending their time in prison praying and singing hymns to God. While they were singing, there was a great earthquake which shook the foundations of the prison causing the doors to open and the bonds to fall off. When the jailer woke up and saw the doors open, he was going to kill himself, but Paul intervened and led him and his family to the Lord. The magistrates ordered the city to let Paul and Silas go, and it would have been easy for Paul to just leave, but he chose not to leave. Instead, he asked, as a Roman citizen, to be given a public apology.

Paul also was caught in a horrible two week storm on a ship. The sailors wanted to abandon ship and escape on the life boats, but Paul told them they would survive if they stayed with him because God had told him he would speak to Caesar. Food ran low and they went without food for two weeks. They were cold and hungry when their ship wrecked on Malta. While building a fire, Paul was bitten by an asp, causing many to believe he was a sinful man. But when he didn't die, they changed their minds and he held a healing ministry and out of gratitude they provided their needed supplies for the rest of the journey.

To share the gospel Paul endured affliction, hardship, calamity, beatings, imprisonment, riots, labor, sleeplessness, poverty, hunger, and cold. To share the gospel Paul faced slander, being treated as an impostor, being beaten and left for dead, being stranded in the sea. To share the gospel Paul faced both the humility of having others provide his needs and at other times he worked all day and preached all night because no one funded his mission.

Paul faced a life of service with full knowledge that he would suffer and he suffered well by facing it with patience, kindness, and love. He suffered well by speaking truth in every circumstance no matter the risk. He suffered well by depending on the Holy Spirit to empower him. He suffered well by being obedient to share the gospel whether it was received or not. Paul chose to suffer well by dying to self and living to God. He suffered well by accepting the sorrow that came with being God's instrument of grace. He suffered well by learning to rejoice and keeping his heart open. Paul gave the reason that he suffered well, "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

I think one of the reasons we don't suffer well is that we believe we deserve a life of ease, but we haven't been promised ease. We've been called to be his ambassadors and the greater the darkness the brighter we can shine. No matter where we live and what we experience, we can choose to suffer well by remembering these things:

• Nothing happens in our lives that hasn't been filtered through His love scarred hands.  
• God cares more about sanctification and grow than He cares about comfort. 
• We are called to love like Jesus loves and loving like Him can hurt, but God will comfort us as we lean into Him.
• God may have us suffer so others will be drawn to Him through our testimonies. 
• The suffering we endure now is nothing compared to what we will experience in glory.
• Suffering is never proof that God has deserted us. 

I wonder what impact we would have on our world if we became more like Paul and quit valuing comfort over obedience and the suffering that may come with it. I wonder what impact we would have if we choose to focus on Jesus and stay the course He's plotted for our lives instead of running from discomfort. I wonder what would happen if we ceased being surprised by hardship and embraced the work it does in our lives. I wonder how differently we would approach life if we kept in mind Peter's warning, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Oh, that we would choose to suffer well by facing trials with faith and allow God to walk us through them. Oh, that we would trust the work that suffering does in our hearts and in the hearts of those we love.

Suffering Well-- Part 2: A Man Like Joseph

There is a man named Jacob whose family was one hot mess. To start with he had fallen in love with a woman and worked seven years to marry her. But his father-in-law substituted his older daughter for the bride and he had to work another seven years for the one he loved. For several years the loved was barren and the unloved wife was birthing sons to earn love. Eventually there were twelve sons in all--two from the loved and 10 from the unloved.

So the family had two wives vying for one man's affection and Jacob who himself made some serious parenting mistakes. He loved one son, Joseph, more than his other sons and he made him a colorful coat, conveying his favoritism. Second, when Jacob sent his older sons out to tend sheep, he sent
Joseph to check on them and the reports he gave Jacob weren't always favorable and who likes a  tattle tale?.

Then there was a matter of dreams. God gave Joseph dreams, indicating his brothers would all bow in submission to him. Being 17, he did what teens would do--he bragged. In the midst of a family with two wives competing, a dad with rotten parenting skills, a son prone to bragging, and slew of sinful natures smoldering, the sibling rivalry grew into a great big, ugly hatred. 

After the coat giving, the dream bragging, and the hatred growing, Jacob sent Joseph once again to check on his brothers. When they saw him coming, they plotted to kill him and planned to tell their dad he was killed by an animal. But one brother with a smidgen  of integrity left suggested they  throw him in a pit instead. When Joseph arrived, they stripped him of his identity as the favored one when they stole his coat. They threw him into a pit and sat down to eat, which showed just how hard their hearts had become and how deeply rooted their hatred was When a caravan traveling to Egypt came, they pulled Joseph from the pit and sold him as a slave, showing his bloodied coat to their dad and Jacob grieved the grief parents grieve on losing a child.

That seems like enough hurt for one person to go through for a lifetime. But, there was more suffering in the story God penned. Joseph was bought by Potiphar, the captain of the guard and  Potiphar realized God was with Joseph and put him over his whole house. Potiphar's wife tries to seduce him and he runs away as she grabs his outer garment. Angered by  rejection,  she claimed he  attacked her and her lie lands Joseph in prison. He rose to leadership in the prison and ruled with integrity over other prisoners. Two prisoners dreamed dreams Joseph interpreted. One was released and promised to remember him, but didn't. Not until Pharaoh dreamed dreams no one in Egypt could  interpret. The freed prisoner tells about Joseph and Joseph is summoned to interprets the dreams that revealed seven years of plenty would be followed by seven years of famine. Pharaoh makes Joseph a ruler and tells him to prepare Egypt for the famine and he does.

As I read, I wished the story were written by a woman because a woman would have told us what Joseph thought and what he felt. But the story makes Joseph seem super human. Initially, we aren't told about his grief and I wonder if his grief  was overshadowed by his need to survive. We aren't told about anger that would kindle in a human heart betrayed by one's own flesh, that was falsely accused of rape, and that was forgotten and left in prison. Maybe it was because he focused on the steadfast love of God and His blessings that were poured out on him in each circumstance he faced.

As a human, Joseph had choices to make. He could put his eyes on the injustices he experienced and the suffering he endured or He could put them on God who was at work in His life. He could choose to focus on people who did him wrong and grow a hatred of his own or he could focus on God who is sovereign and in control of what appeared a mess. He could choose to lie in bed at night and plot the revenge his brothers deserved or allow God to fill him with peace and grace freeing him to be who God created him to be. He could focus on the mistakes his dad made, showing favoritism and asking him to tattle or he could choose to forgive. He could focus on his dream-bragging ways and hate himself or he could focus on Gods grace and allow Him to grow humility that could dissipate the pride that had dwelled in his young heart. 

We eventually get a glimpse of the pain Joseph endured. During the famine his brothers knocked on his  door to buy grain. He recognized them, but they didn't know him. Joseph devised a plan to get them to bring his youngest brother to him. When they returned he invited them to a feast. When Joseph saw Benjamin, he was overcome by emotion and ran from the room to weep. When he decided to tell his brothers, he was so overcome with emotion that he wept so loud the whole household of pharaoh heard him. He revealed his identity and his brothers returned home to bring their dad and their families to live in Egypt under Joseph's rule. Joseph extended them grace, telling them what they meant for evil, God meant for good.  

There are several things we can  take from Joseph's story. First, God's plans will not be thwarted by man's schemes. The brothers bowed to the bother they sold. A modern story that also reflects this truth  is the Jim Elliot and Steve Saint story. God sent them to people as His witness and the people  murdered them. But God wanted these people's hearts and sent their wives and families back and  used them and their grace to win the people's heart. That abuser. That user. That slanderer. That betrayer. That murderer. They cannot stop God's plans.

Second, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in God is a God who blesses. God blessed Joseph in Egypt. He blessed him in Potiphar's house. He blessed him in prison. When we take our eyes off of our circumstances, off those who wrong us, off those who hate us, off of the disease we have, off the broken relationship that stings, off the job we lost, and put them on God we will be able to see God's blessings.  

Third, God may take us to some places we don't want to go, so He can bless people as He blesses us. Potiphar was blessed. The jailor was blessed. Joseph's family was blessed--all because God blessed Joseph. My friend Mary Esther was taken through a cancer battle with her two year old son and she kept her eyes on Jesus and experienced His blessings daily. As they sat with their son after surgery and through chemo, the medical staff, their friends, their church family also experienced the blessings with which God was blessing them. In addition, someone gave her a journaling Bible and she share the pictures she began drawing during that dark time and her journaling has gone viral. More and more people are being blessed by their story and just as Joseph's trust in God saved people, her trust is showing people the way they can be saved.    

Fourth, there is nothing wrong with grieving losses and expressing pain. Joseph held his pain close until he could contain it no more and he grieved long and hard right in front of this brothers. I have a hunch his pain did a lot more convicting than anger ever could have. His pain, the grief their father experienced, and their fear of retaliation may well have been the chisels God used to soften their stone cold hearts. 

Finally, there is  no offense so big that a heart in the hand of God can't forgive it. Joseph was hated. Joseph was thrown into a pit. Joseph was stripped of his identity. Joseph was taken from the pit only to be sold as a slave. Joseph taken to a foreign land, falsely accused of rape, cast into prison, and forgotten by someone he helped. Yet, he worked hard, rose to power, and saved lives, preserving the line of Jesus.

Suffering well allows God to do his work in us, in our families, in our church, in our community, and even in our nation. Suffering well allows us to experience God's love and blessing even in the hard. Suffering well allows us to see how God works in and through us. Suffering well produces patience, which endurance, which produces hope.

Suffering Well -- Part 1

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings,

knowing that suffering produces endurance,

and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope,

and hope does not put us to shame,

because God's love has been poured in to our hearts

through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5:3-5



We've had an increase in terrorists' attacks this last couple of years. At the end of last year a Russian plane was blown up, a violent attack occurred in Paris, and then one just a few hours away from me in San Bernardino. I happened to turn on the TV just as the last attack was being announced and watched the story unfold. I thought I was fine until I was driving to church and a large planed flew over me. It seemed to be flying lower than usual and all of a sudden I felt like that child growing up during the Cuban crisis. I remember the drills at school that were supposed to keep us safe in the wake of a nuclear attack and I remember sitting at the dinner table feeling the terror rising within as I heard jets flying over. I never said anything, but I always looked at my dad to see if he looked scared, but when he seemed calm I assumed we were safe. I recently talked to a counselor friend about the fear I was experiencing and asked him if he were experiencing fear as well. In the course of the conversation he said something that resonated with my heart. He said his prayer wasn't the avoidance of suffering, but that if he had to suffer, He would suffer well.

The thought resonated with me because I realized had prayed that same prayer during different  circumstances. I prayed that prayer when friends buried young children, finding comfort and hope in Christ. If I were to lose one of my children, I want to suffer well and find my hope in Jesus. That doesn't mean I would not grieve, but that I would grieve with hope as someone fully assured of life eternal. I have prayed that prayer as I watched people suffering an illness like cancer as they  found  comfort and hope in God in the midst of the pain they experienced and the very real possibility of  dying grew. If I were to become terminally ill, I want to suffer well so that nothing in my suffering would cause another to turn away from God. I have prayed that prayer when I saw others living with chronic pain, I prayed it because I tend to get angry when I experience bouts of arthritis and desire to be a person who can find comfort in Jesus and I want to reflect my Jesus to others even in the midst of discomfort and the exhaustion that comes from living with pain. I have prayed that prayer when I watched others go through a season of financial insecurity. If that happens to us, I want to suffer well, maintain integrity, and cling to God who promises to provide. I don't want my fears, my reactions, my actions, or my bouts with unbelief to keep others from coming to my Jesus.

I've read a lot about the refugees and people's reactions to them being placed in our country and I confess the idea scares me. How will we know who is a believer in need of shelter and who is a person planning carry out an attack. After praying about it, I did not come up with the solution, but I did come up with a conviction--I don't want my fear to govern my actions and responses to those seeking asylum. I want Jesus, His will for me, His will for our country, and His will for refuges to be what prevails. That means if He calls me to witness to someone who may or may not be a terrorist, I want to obey rather than giving into my fear. I pray that if I or someone I love is tortured or killed that I would suffer well that others would come to know Christ through the suffering. Others coming to Christ is really what matters and it doesn't matter if it is by my life or my death. I don't want to treat another human being with hatred because of the fear that dwells in this human heart of mine. I want to overcome the fear and extend compassion and love to whom ever God will it. I am not by nature a bold person. I have loads of fear and voice many "buts" and "what if's" to God--What if a culture of men who has not been raised to honor women do harm to wives and daughters here? What if the person claiming to be a refugee is a terrorist who plans to blow up a community? What if a terrorist in disguise as a refugee kills my kids or grandkids? Then I realized the alternative is to allow the slaughtering of other people's children because they have declare the name of Jesus and I want to live brave and moving beyond the fears that dwell deep! All I know to do right now is pray that God will make His will clear, that He will give me the courage to obey, and that if suffering occurs He would enable me to suffer well so others believe.

I fear we're a culture who wants easy. We don't share Christ because we're afraid to offend or afraid of persecution. We don't stay in difficult marriages, because it's hard work and often painful. We don't want to work on the painful baggage we carry from the past because facing the stories we've lived causes exposes the pain we avoid through denial, addictions, eating disorders, pornography use, and business. Yet, we really are suffering silently as we are governed by our efforts to forget. We change friends often because we don't like working through the painful parts that come with loving well.

There are times we even blame God for our suffering when it is really is because of choices we've made. Sarah was such a person. She experienced suffering not of her own doing as a barren woman living in a culture that worshipped fertility. After God promised her and Abraham a baby, she grew weary of waiting and gave her Egyptian handmaiden to her husband to have a baby in her place. The suffering she endured because of the situation was her own doing, not God's. I've heard single pregnant women ask how God could do "this" to them. The "this" they were referring to is an unplanned pregnancy. God didn't do it to them, it was a consequence of the choices they made. Some illnesses we suffer with are the result of being in a fallen world and others are the result of the choices we make--aides, venereal diseases, cirrhosis, and some forms of skin cancer. 

The Word makes it clear that God knows the suffering of His people. It makes it clear that sometimes He even allows suffering to draw us to Him. We also know that Jesus responded with compassion to those who suffered and in response He healed bodies, cast out demons, fed multitudes, and raised Lazarus from the dead. He even confronted religious leaders who burdened people with unnecessary laws and kept them from coming to Him. He even suffered a painful death for us so we wouldn't bear the wrath of God for our sin. The suffering we experience now is nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed in the future. Paul made it clear that there will be suffering when the Gospel is lived. The verses above tell us we should even rejoice in suffering because it produces endurance which produces character which produces hope because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit. As we go through fearful times, I can't help but wonder if the way to navigate them is to sit in His presence and bask in His love so that we can be among those who suffer well as suffering does its work in us and those around us. Over the next few weeks I plan to study different people in the Bible who suffered well--Joseph, Ruth, Daniel, Stephen, Paul, and Jesus. I hope you will find it encouraging to look at their lives...in the mean time be strong and of good courage, our God is always with us and He is mighty to save!

 

Holy Potholes

"And we know that for those who love God

all things work together for good,

for those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28



I hate to admit it, but I am a friend of potholes. I first became acquainted with them when I had my learner's permit. It was usually my mom who rode with me and she would often tell me to watch out for the potholes in the road. But, to me, the road looked smooth and I would invariably hit the ones she was warning me about. We were both frustrated but I wasn't seeing what she was seeing. Then one day it became obvious that I was having trouble seeing the black board at school. After being fitted with glasses, my mom let me drive home. That day as we pulled away from the curb, I  verbalized my experience of seeing through lenses. I admitted I didn't realize I should be able to actually read the names of streets on street signs, read license plates,  or see the chrome on the backs of cars. Then when I pulled off of the main street to go to our house, she reminded me to watch out for potholes and I could actually see what she was talking about as I navigated a much smoother ride home.

Over time I've realized there are all sorts of potholes. There are small ones we can barely see that don't cause any damage. There are larger potholes that aren't very deep that may jar us , but leave the car intact. In California we have earthquake damaged roads riddled with many little potholes that are barely discernible. Yet, when we drive on them we can feel the car vibrating as we hit pothole after pothole. I am also very familiar with potholes that are of the deeper variety caused by semi's. These  do quite a bit of damage to tires, throw off the alignment, and can rip oil pans in two. We hit one of these while driving on a country road. Suddenly, we saw the large pothole in our lane, but with oncoming traffic and our speed, we were unable to safely move to the shoulder to avoid it. It did quite a bit of damage that required us to replace the oil pan.

Many times I've heard people using the analogy of a journey to explain life. I think potholes is a good addition to this analogy. We bump into some potholes because we are spiritually blind. Perhaps we grew up in a home or in a culture that had certain practices that aren't healthy or godly even though they are generally accepted by society or our family group. We experience bumps and bruises with these potholes without realizing it because the potholes are so familiar and because we are blind to the fact that the potholes are doing damage to relationships and causing pain. Consider a family where lying is a pattern as it was in Jacob's family. We may want to be trusted and respected, but when we are given to lying that makes it difficult to get what we desire most. We may desire a healthy rich marriage, but if we grew up in a home riddled with gender contempt, we may be prone to do things or display attitudes that prevents the very thing we desire most. I have had other point out behaviors and/or attitudes that were a blind spot for me. I didn't even realize I did or said things until they were pointed out to me.  

Then there are the small spiritual potholes we face daily from simply living in a sinful world. We experience minor and major abuses and sometimes we are abusive as we allow the sinful flesh to drive behavior or speech. We experiences some pretty big bumps and deeper emotional bruises from these types potholes. In a fallen world we may also experience weather interrupting plans, cashiers being rude, a teacher yelling in frustration, mom's snapping because they're stressed, and a friend hastily speaking unkind words. We can often navigate these things unless we are tired or too many of them happen in a short amount of time and we get our eyes off of Jesus and begin to judge others and/or ourselves, resulting in our responding in ways that only dig the potholes deeper.

There are spiritual potholes that resemble the ones caused by earthquakes. The are usually potholes that are the aftermath of some kind of early childhood trauma or life altering event that was swept under the carpet and never dealt with. We look like everyone else and yet, the journey we are on now is full of little pits and holes that continue to shake our lives, make our relationships more difficult, and make it more difficult to fully trust God. We appear normal and look like we are navigating life pretty well but there is just this underlying knowledge that the tiny pits are there and they make us feel unsafe, unstable, and wear us out as we navigate life. It is frustrating because we know we are different, but are often unaware as why.. 

There are also those huge Spiritual potholes we may see up a head. Sometimes, we can navigate around them. This might be as we recognize the devastating affects of sinful behavior and turn away from the behaviors. This might be when we recognize unhealthy, hurtful relationships and establish boundaries that prevent us from experiencing unnecessary pain. This might occur as we make financial decisions and recognize there are spiritual principals we can adopt that will lead us to financial freedom. This might occur as we recognize we do things that have the potential to destroy relationships we really value and we choose to change the way we relate. It may occur as we recognize a pattern in ourselves that is hindering the growth of our relationship with the Lord and choose to practice spiritual disciplines instead.

Then there are those more devastating potholes. Some we see coming and others we do not. These are the potholes that tend to be life altering--a spouse walking after twenty years married, a wife choosing an addiction over her family, a son succumbing to the dark voice of depression as he takes his life, a daughter starving herself too thin, and a parent being lost in the fog of Alzheimer's. It could also be the stock market crashing as retirement funds disappear, jobs are lost, and no one feels financially secure. These could also be oncoming hurricanes, tsunamis, or major earthquakes destroying homes, taking lives, and squashing a sense of safety. These could be a loved ones dying in accidents, a young father disabled by brain bleeds, and a soldier returning home without his limbs. It could be a woman raped, pornography found on spouses' phones, and children being preyed upon. It could be mass shootings in schools, malls, churches, or theaters--destroying hearts that once felt safe and causing minds to be forever riddled with flashbacks of horror.  

This journey called life has lots and lots of potholes. Because of this, we run the risk of remembering that they are not just potholes, they are spiritual potholes because they either draw us to or drive us away from God. We don't realize those pesky little potholes are moments of grace that slightly disrupt life so we can examine what we really believe about God, life, and love. We forget they are opportunities to make adjustments and grow as we practice loving in the face of irritation, trusting in the face of interruption, and releasing our will and our ways to His.

Those spiritual potholes caused by childhood trauma are potholes that feel unjust because life, loving, and trusting is harder for victims. But they are grace because God has promised us that His grace is sufficient--sufficient enough to allow us to wrestle with His sovereignty over trauma, sufficient enough to allow us to wrestle hard with the concept of forgiving the unforgiveable, and sufficient enough to allow us to connect to the heart of God in a way that provides deep healing and power we never knew we had. No matter how deep the wounding from trauma, His love is bigger still. If we lean into Him in our pain, we will experience healing and a deeper intimacy that can only come from fellowship of suffering abuse similar to His own.

The potholes we experience because of living in a fallen world offer us grace by giving us the drive to seek God's wisdom to solve life's problems. It is grace because it affords us the opportunity to examine ourselves and confess our sin, removing all barriers to the sanctification to which God has called us. They give us the opportunity to see His face on every page of His Word as we dig deep for His wisdom. They give us the opportunity to experience and express grace as His image bearers who were ultimately saved by grace through faith and who have been changed to become grace givers.

Even those large potholes that leave us feeling breathless and unstable ground are graces that have been filtered by the love-scarred hands of a traumatized Savior. Our losses create in us a homesickness for our heavenly home where there will be no more death, no more sin, no more sickness, and no more sorrow. Our losses tend to reveal to us the idols we have held onto without knowing it. Spouses, children, jobs, friends, money, bodies, culture, churches, or our health can all be false sources of security and pride. Without meaning to, we often find our selves looking to these to find our worth, value, and significance. When we lose them, we are stripped bare and all we have left in the pain is God--the God who created us and who can sustain us when we are assailed by devastation. Sometimes it takes major life altering potholes to reveal to us our tendency to look for God's benefits instead of God Himself.

As the new year begins, I want to confess my own sense of entitlement to an easy smooth life and embrace the truth that this journey is going to be chock full of potholes. I want to look at the journey through the lens of His truth so that I can avoid all avoidable potholes that cause unnecessary suffering. I want to navigate the journey in such a way that when I am faced with those big potholes I can't avoid, I will do it with grace and an ever growing faith that seeks the One who can wisely be my navigator, who can be my stability, and be my sense of safety when jolted. I want to know the One who was hated and still loved, who was abused and still healed, who was betrayed and remained faithful, who was crucified for sin and rose victoriously to give life.  

And This is Christmas -- Christmas 4

In a Garden long ago, the crafty serpent made his entrance known
By enticing the woman Eve through his lies sown.   
Pride took hold of her heart, birthing in her the desire for more.
The fruit was beautiful to see and promised more...so she bit.
She turned to her man, handing him the God-forbidden fruit and he joined her in her sin.
The Serpent smiled as dark shame permeated their souls.
His wicked chuckle could still be heard as they hid from their God.
But God came near with arms of grace, stitching animal skins to cover their disgrace.

After that day, the darkness grew and perpetrated the whole earth,
And every thought and intention of mankind was governed by sin.
And the violence grew rampant on the earth,
And human blood was being continuously spilt.
But Noah, he found favor with God and built Him and Ark on dry desert land.
The winds blew, a cataclysmic storm brewed, and animals accumulated two by two. 
And God came near, shutting the door, sheltering them from the raging storm.

And then there was a time that men worshiped fertility gods made of stone.  
It was in that culture that Sarai grew old, suffering the shame of her infertility, 
The man who had taken her as his bride remained both faithful and true. 
He chose to love her in spite of  her empty arms,
As he lived with his own unmet desire for a son.
God called them away, promising them longed-for son, but they laughed continued to wait.  
But God came near and she birthed and nursed while holding little "Laughter" close to the heart.

Then there came a day when Israel sinned and Babylon took her captive.
The finest young men were taken and groomed to serve the foreign king. 
In a fit of pride, the king built a statue demanding all to fall and worship at its feet.
Three young captives chose to remain loyal to their God,
And they courageously refused to bow.
They were bound and cast into burning hot flames, facing a certain death. 
But God came near and stood with them in the heat, honoring their public display of faith. 

There came a day when Rome ruled, prophets were silent, and Israel desperately longed for her Messiah. 
An angel came in the middle of the night, awakening a young teen with glorious news,
She was betrothed to a man who held integrity in his heart, 
The angel said God had chosen her to bear His Son and, by faith, Mary worshiped God.
By faith Joseph remained committed as he chose to raise the Babe as his own.
At the right time the baby was born and placed in a manger as shepherds bowed and angels sang.
And God came near in human form, born a Savior, a Shepherd, and a King. 

There came a time when Jesus walked among mankind, inviting all to experience God's love. 
A woman caught in adultery was cast at His feet and experienced both mercy and grace.
A woman was rejected by five men and found that only God's love could satisfy the unquenchable thirst.
A woman had suffered long as blood continuously flowed long from her body, 
Rose up and by faith reached for the hem of the garments He wore and was healed. 
And a man born blind was given sight; lepers were cleansed, and demons cast out.
And God came near with a missions of grace, offering love and a solution for sin. 

There came a time when religious rulers felt threatened by this God wearing flesh.
And a greedy disciple fulfilled prophecy by betraying the Master with a single kiss. 
The Messiah who was taken and illegally tried throughout the long night was found guiltless,
And He remained silent as He was sentenced to die. 
Stripped, beaten, mocked and scorned, He was hammered to a tree.
The world grew dark, His blood was spilled, our shame was covered, and God's wrath was satisfied. 
And God came near, love conquering hate, trampling the Enemy beneath His feet.

And there came this time when God dwells  in the hearts of those He calls His own. 
And people work, people play, people watch, and people pray.
And God's people find themselves longing for their King's return,
As couples grieve the babies lost, husbands watch as cancer claims their spouse's life,   
And Soldiers fight for our freedom, while people here at home are senselessly killing each other.  
Parents pray for runaways, addictions exert control, marriages crumble, and boys girls are preyed upon. 
Yet, God remains near, carefully mending each heart ripped in two, one love-stitch at a time.

There will come a time when the heavens open, revealing our King called Faithful and True.
And we will live with Him in the dwelling place He is now preparing. 
And God will forever be our God, the victorious Christmas story finally complete. 
He will be the wiper of tears, the destroyer of death, the eraser of pain, the remover of grief!
But today He is the purifier of hearts, the satisfier of longings, the giver of Life, and lover of souls. 
And God came near, He is the Alpha and Omega--the Beginning and the End,   
And He is completing redemption stories, one life, one heart, one victory at a time.