Suffering Well Part 3--The Road Home (Ruth)

I love the story of Ruth because it contains characters both transparent and strong. It opens as Naomi and Elimelech move their family, which initiated a season of suffering for Naomi. She  left her home, her familiar God-worshipping community, and her extended family because the rains had ceased, thirsty plants were wilting, cows were starving, and her family  was experiencing  hunger they couldn't ease. They landed in Moab, a culture flooded by pagan worship. I imagine Naomi hoped the move was temporary, just until the rains began to fall again. While in Moab, her husband died and her two sons married Moabite women, killing her hopes of returning home.

After ten years Naomi had buried her husband and both of her sons. Her grief was unbearable and she wanted to move back to Judah. She told her daughters-in-law to return to their families so they could remarry. At first both protested, but she reminded them she was too old to bear sons to be their husbands. In her pain, she shared she believed the hand of her God had come against her. The three wept together and Orpah rose, kissing Naomi's cheek she returned to her family. But Ruth refused to leave, declaring allegiance to Naomi and her God. I love that in the pain of widowhood Ruth was willing to go with her husband's mother. Maybe by holding on to Naomi she held on to a bit of her husband. Maybe she had grown to love Naomi and didn't want her to leave her alone. Maybe she simply wanted to serve the older woman who had suffered even more loss that she had. What ever her reason, Ruth went even though she knew she might not be accepted.

The two women arrived in Bethlehem as barley fields were ready to harvest. Naomi was remembered and greeted and grieving deeply she asked to be called Bitter. I love her honesty. I have had friends who buried children and their were times their sadness was so deep and so raw they could barely breathe. There were times their anger felt like it would erupt like a volcano. There were times the anger and grief resolved into shame because they believed, as Christians, they shouldn't grieve so deeply. Naomi shows us the way out of the pain and the bitterness. It is to acknowledging it and walk through it with compassionate people who don't judge.

Ruth volunteered to glean the fields of Naomi's extended family to provide for Naomi, Boaz showed her favor by providing safety as she gleaned and by arranging for her to glean extra barley. Naomi realized Boaz had been gracious and devised a plan, seeking Boaz as a kinsman redeemer. He agreed and Boaz and Ruth married and had a son who was in the lineage of Christ.

I love this story because it is an honest account of real people like you and me. Naomi, had faced so much hard she had become bitter and openly acknowledged it. I understand bitterness. I've experienced it--it is that slow burning anger and pervasive negative point of view that clouds the ability to see good that resides with the bad. It takes crazy courage to acknowledge it aloud and it takes even more courage to admit we've lost our way in the midst of pain that taints our view of God.

I admire Ruth, because she chose to follow a bitter woman to a different culture, even though she herself had suffered huge losses. She didn't let Naomi's bitterness deter her and didn't let Naomi's tainted view of God deter her from trusting Him. She didn't let Naomi's desire to push others away deter her from loving her with a steadfast love.

I love Boaz and his great big heart. He treated the foreign woman with kindness and integrity. In the face of all the kindnesses being shown her, Naomi had a choices to make. She could remain bitter, deep complaining, and keep pushing people away, or she could acknowledge the  kindnesses, plan for the future, and trust the sovereignty of her God. Despite her pain, Naomi chose to acknowledge the love and grace she was receiving. And out of that she healed enough to remember she could initiate the kinsman-redeemer process. As a result of her choice, Naomi had the joy of bouncing a grandson on her knee. I can't help but think Naomi really took her first step out of the sea of bitterness back in Moab. She knew she was returning to a culture that worshiped the God by whom she felt abandoned. To go home meant she would be forced to deal with her feelings about God. Each step towards home was a step towards God.

When we face the loss of people we love, the loss of security, the loss of possessions, the loss of health, or the loss of dreams and our pain runs raw and threads of bitterness dig deep, we too can choose to suffer well by choosing to take a step towards the Savior. Maybe our step is going to be going to church when we least feel like it. Maybe it is attending home group where it is hard to conceal the truth of who and where we are. Maybe it is reaching out to a friend and telling her the truth about the negative mess running through our head, the hot feelings overwhelming us, and the desire to give up. Those things may be the path that leads to our suffering well. For bringing our darkness into His light allows His light to dissipate the darkness inside. Being honest about pain is not just a protest of our reality, it is a declaration that we believe our God is big enough to bear our pain, understanding  enough to show us His grace, and faithful enough to comfort us with His love. Being transparent  exposes the lies tainting our views and allows us to realign our thinking with His. Moving towards God allows God to insert His joy in the midst of our hard. Moving towards God keeps us on the road home.

Getting Rid of Bitterness

"And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, 

by whom you are sealed unto the day of redemption."

Ephesians 4:30--Part 4

Today I want to focus on the verses following the above verse – Ephesians 4:31-33. "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

I think I have always wanted to be a kind and compassionate person. That desire came out of knowing two very dear elderly ladies both of which had tremendously hard lives and suffered through some major grief. One was a very loving person in spite of a great deal of lingering anger and bitterness, while the other was loving and full of joy, displaying a deep abiding faith in the Lord. By having known them both, I was given the opportunity to see what God could do in me if I took my hurt and my anger to Him rather than holding on to it. I believe it is human to struggle with forgiving people when we experience deep hurt. It is normal to experience anger, which can feel like it is protecting us from further hurt. However, the big problem with unresolved anger is that it keeps us in bondage to the person who has hurt us and it hinders our love relationship with God and with others. Anger and bitterness also keeps us from enjoying having God work in us and through us.

It is helpful to identify and define the different words Paul used for anger. Bitterness is used to mean hostility that has settled into one’s soul poisoning a person’s whole being. Bitterness often leads to wrath, which is an outward explosion towards others. It is a volatile outward expression of the inward feelings. Wrath and anger can lead to physical fights or it can be expressed through evil speaking, which is purposely using words to damage another person’s soul.

Bitterness grieves the Holy Spirit. One of the reasons we lose our joy when we are bitter is because the Holy Spirit who indwells us is grieving. Why does it grieve the Holy Spirit? First, it reflects a lack of faith on our part. Loving God and loving people will at times cause us great pain. As we allow the Lord to turn our cold angry hearts into hearts filled with compassion, we will be able to see past a sin that has hurt us and see what it is doing to the person. Then we are able to forgive and return evil with kindness. Our whole basis for forgiving is based on the fact that Jesus bought our forgiveness when He died for us. He died when we didn't deserve it or show much promise. Yet, He knew how His Spirit could change us. We may never know what God can do in another person if we are not willing for Him to demonstrate His love and forgiveness through us. It could also grieve Him because it blocks us from loving God and others. It also keeps us from enjoying His love and blessing for us. Lastly, it keeps us from being able to experience God as he heals and gives us the strength to sacrificially love others.

Is it easy to forgive? Sometimes it is a cinch. At other, times when the offense is heinous and/or continuously being repeated it can be very difficult and we can only do it with the Lord's strength. One thing that has helped me learn to forgive is to realize that it is a faith issue. To forgive from the heart, I have to be willing to let go of my desire for revenge or change and trust that God will work in the person’s life and do what is best for me and the person who has hurt me. I have had to learn to be really honest with God about my feelings and face what is in my heart when I got hurt. I have to then choose to trust God to love me no matter how I am feeling when I present that hurt to Him. I then have to be willing to let God heal the hurt and be willing to give up the fear of being hurt again. I often ask God what Godly love looks like towards a person who has hurt me. It also requires faith in that I have to choose to trust God to be sufficient to heal any future hurts that I experience.

To be a compassionate and kind person, I can’t stuff anger and bitterness inside and pretend that it isn’t there, because it will either ooze out in sarcasm or it will erupt in explosive anger. This means I can't deny it, can't let it simmer, and can’t lie about it. I have to bring it to the throne of grace and let God's light expose it and melt it away. It may be an uncomfortable process but the joy that follows makes it worth it. May I ask you on a scale of 1 – 10, how are you doing in the area of forgiving others? Are you trying to protect yourself by holding on to some anger and hurt? Are you willing to develop a deeper intimacy with God by telling Him your hurts and letting Him heal them? Are you willing to let Him show you how to love those who hurt you with a bold godly love? It does not mean going back for more abuse, because godly love includes confrontation, with the hope of reconciliation and restoration. Godly love also includes consequences when others violate us. It is important for us to realize that as many times as another person hurts us with her actions, it will never be as many as we hurt the Lord. Our forgiveness cost the Lord His life – the question is are you and am I ready to forgive?

Prayer: Father, please teach each of us to be totally real and transparent with you. Help us to not bury hurts deep inside or let them fester. Help us to forgive as you did and to replace the feelings of hurt with your compassion and kindness. Most of all help us be people who love You and don't grieve you. Even the fact that you grieve over us is a reflection of your love for us. Thank you. Amen.