The Conqueror

Last week a song-writing friend asked her friends to fill in a blank describing God, "He is the___________," She got a lot of awesome responses from her friends, however, one response really grabbed my attention. It was written by Betty Noyes Smith. "'Conqueror' is the word that comes to mind. The Love that conquers hate, the Light that conquers darkness, the Life that Conquers death, the Truth that conquers falsehood...you get the idea." I loved Betty's answer because as I read it, my mind went directly to God's attributes and His power. I also liked it because I was convicted by its truth and began to wonder if my thoughts, words, attitudes, actions, and life reflect someone who believes in God as Conqueror. 

I think back on Israel's history. As they left Egypt, they had the privilege of seeing God conquer Pharaoh's hard heart through the plagues He brought about. They got to see God conquer the Egyptian armies when He split the Red Sea, giving Israel time to walk through it on dry land. God had caused confusion in the Egyptian armies. He caused their chariot wheels to become unstable and He caused the Red Sea water to flow back into place drowning Pharaoh's army. Yet, it wasn't long before they began to complain and to doubt God's goodness, love, and plans for them. It wasn't long before they openly rebelled against His instructions, delaying their entrance into the Promised Land. Years later, they learned as they walked in trust and obedience, God defeated armies in miraculous ways on their behalf and blessed them with abundance of goods and peace. Yet, Israel continued to spend years fluctuating between absolute trust and mistrust and between obedience and disobedience to Jehovah God! 

When Jesus came, Israel had been without a prophet and they were looking for the Messiah to rise up and defeat the Romans who were occupying their land because of their disobedience. They were so limited in their view of God that they failed to see that Jesus came to conquer so much more than just a human army. During the time He physically lived on earth, Jesus conquered all that ravaged human bodies. He healed diseases, eyes that were blind, ears that were deaf, and limbs that were crippled. He showed that He could conquer by raising dead people from the grave. He also conquered demons that were dwelling in the souls of men, as they sought to destroy people through their sin and self-destructive behaviors.

He conquered when He dissolved gender barriers, saving both men and women, calling both to ministry. He conquered when He dissolved the social and cultural barriers by sharing truth and offering salvation to the Samaritans and other Gentiles as well as to the Jews. He conquered by tearing down economic barriers as He ministered to both the wealthy and the poor. He conquered when He gave freedom to the poor to worship by chasing money hungry vendors from the Temple. He destroyed the false religion that had been created by legalistic Pharisees that had left people either living in terror or so filled with pride that they could no longer see their need of a Savior. 

In His death and Resurrection, Jesus conquered spiritual death for us when He faced God's wrath for our sin. In His Ascension and gifting of the Holy Spirit Jesus conquered the power that sin has over us. That is where many of us tend to forget that Jesus is a conqueror.  I say “us” because “US” is the alcoholic trying so hard not to give in to the craving for just one more drink, finding it hard to remember to call on God who is a conqueror over his addiction. “Us” is the drug addict who is trying hard to stay clean who finds herself driven by her compulsive need for a pleasurable high, forgetting that God is the conqueror over that self-destructive drive. “Us” is the compulsive eater trying hard not to binge again, the compulsive shopper trying hard not to blow her budget this month, and the compulsive talker trying hard to control her tongue; all forgetting in the battle with the flesh that Jesus is the conqueror when their compulsions grow strong. “Us” is also the individual committed to forming healthier relationships who struggles to remember God, with His everlasting love, is the Conqueror when something triggers his or her fear of abandonment. “Us” is the woman committed to developing godlier speech patterns who feels the ugly, angry words rising up in her in the middle of a heated conflict, forgetting in the moment that Jesus is the Conqueror over her tongue, her anger, and her pride that is the root behind the rage she spews. “Us” is the porn addict who promised his partner that he would not look at porn again but finds himself literally shaking with the craving that comes when his stress levels rise, forgetting that God is the conqueror over the fleshly desire. Any of “US” caught up in that battle between the flesh and the spirit tend to forget that God is the conqueror and in Him we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). We would do well to surround ourselves with humble, gracious, and truthful people who will help us remember God in the middle of the battles in which we find ourselves.

Several years ago, I was in counseling for an eating disorder with roots that ran deep. One night I had had a very long, hard struggle with the desire to use ugly behaviors, that I despised, but I eventually gave into them. The next morning, I went for my walk and was listening to praise music and praying about the struggle I had experienced the night before. I was so full of remorse and frustration and was so focused on the music and praying I didn't even realize I had passed a lady. She hollered at me, and I turned around. She came toward me and placed her hand on my shoulder as I took my ear buds out. She looked at me, square in the eyes, and said to me, "In Jesus the victory is already yours! Believe it and take a hold of it!" Then she turned on her heel and walked away. To this day, I’ve never seen her in my neighborhood again. She saw my struggle and had the courage to remind me that in Christ I was already a conqueror. I just needed to believe it and act on it.       

When I looked up the word conqueror I was excited to find that Revelation had a lot to say about us being conquerors in Christ. We conquer the evil one by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies! As we speak aloud we defeat the lies, the doubts, the fears, and the enemy behind them because we are living protected by the blood of Jesus. God will feed us from the tree of life, not allowing us to be hurt by the second death. He will feed us with His manna and give us a new name written on stone that no one knows except the receiver. To me, that indicates an intimacy that we have - a name, only He will call us. Maybe that name will be indicative of all that He created us to be. He will give us authority over nations and confess our names before his Father and his angels. He is our defender when the Enemy hurls his ugly accusations of not being good enough, not being worthy, not being obedient enough. He will refuse to blot our names from the book of life when the Enemy accuses us.

What hope we have when we worship the One who is the Conqueror. He has conquered sin with His righteousness, death with Life, darkness with Light, anxiousness with Peace, weakness with Strength, depression with Joy, despair with Hope. If we keep our eyes on Christ we can live the victorious lives to which we have been freed to live. He conquered the enemy at the cross and we strip the enemy of his power with God's truth and with our testimonies. When my old friend ED (eating disorder) comes knocking, I can have victory by defeating the enemy, attempting to entice me, by remembering the cross, by speaking Gods truth, and by giving testimony to what God has done for me. It doesn't matter what the besetting sin is, WE each can be conquerors in Christ by remembering, speaking, and testifying. 

No Empty Words

Most of us know what empty words are. Some had their first exposure to empty words in childhood when Dad frequently promised to attend school plays or soccer games, but never showed up. Sometimes his failure to show wasn't even acknowledged and when it was discussed, there was a promise to come next time or an admonition to not be a crybaby about his absences. Or maybe Mom repeatedly promised a trip to a favorite ice cream parlor after chores were done, but trips never materialized and when asked about them, she was too tired or claimed it was too close to dinner. And to add insult to injury she would usually add, "Maybe next week!" Some had their first exposure to empty words, when a noncustodial parent never showed up for visits. The excuses were many--new wife needed him, the dog was sick, got home too late from work, or maybe there was just silence with no excuses offered. Some had their first exposure to empty words when a parent's addiction was the root of broken promises. They promised repeatedly to stop drinking and to be a better parent, but the roots of addiction ran too deep and words--they were empty and couldn't be trusted. Some experienced empty words that were threats of disciplinary actions that never followed through and Mom and Dad still wonder why their kids are so unruly or got in trouble with the law. 

Some grew up in healthy homes where words were kept, but they were exposed to empty words outside the home. Maybe it occurred when a friend repeatedly failed to fulfill the plans you made together. Maybe she left you hanging at the Mall, the Basketball game, the movie theater, or just didn't show up for planned sleepovers. For some it occurred when they were dating a guy who repeatedly double booked or got caught up in the moment with his friends, failing to show up for dates, and promising to do better while expecting you to be "understanding." After all, isn't that what good girlfriends do? After all, don't Christians have to show grace? For some, it happened in a job when a boss promised a raise that never materialized. He was good at convincing workers to work until the project was finished so the company could make enough money to give you the raise you hoped for--the raise that never came to be.  

For many, empty words came in the form of apologies. Oh, the apologies rolled so easily off the tongue. "I am sorry I missed your game." "I am sorry I pushed you so hard to "do it," it won't happen again." "I am sorry, I didn't make it home in time for dinner again." "I am sorry I forgot to fix that leaky pipe this weekend, I'll do it next Saturday." "I am sorry I forgot to call you when I knew I was going to be late." "I am sorry I can't pick up the kids this weekend." "I am sorry I got drunk and made a fool of myself in front of the kids, it won't happen again." "I am sorry I was viewing porn again, I promise I won't do it again." But the apologies are made of empty words and the people saying them are saying the words only to alleviate his or her guilt and the behaviors, but they never change. 

But, with God, there are no empty words. In a world filled promises broken, vows not kept, pledges retracted, and assurances quickly given and even more quickly forgotten, God remains true to His Words. History proves it:

• "Thus the Lord gave to Israel all the land that he swore to give to their fathers." (Joshua 21:43a) 
•  "And the Lord gave them rest on every side just as he had sworn to their fathers." (Joshua 21:44a)
• "Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass." (Joshua 21:45} 

These verses are important verse because they show the partial fulfillment of the promise God made to Abraham in Gen. 12:2-3, "And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonor you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” 

And the complete fulfillment of them is found in Jesus. In Him, every person has the possibility of redemption. We have a truth-minding, promise-keeping, covenant-fulfilling God. And this is important as we live out our faith in a broken world filled with fear-inducing events, debilitating illnesses, broken promises, and sinful people who fail to love well. 

God's faithfulness is how the parents of a child who is suffering with heart defects or cancer makes it through the day. They hold on to the Psalmists words, "The LORD sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness You restore him to full health."  (Psalm 41:3)

Those grieving can find comfort and hope in Psalm 30:5b, "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." 

Those struggling with loneliness and fear of abandonment can hold onto the Lord's promise found in Hebrews 13:5, "I will never leave you or forsake you." 

Those wondering if the sin they just committed is one sin too many sins to be forgiven can hold on to 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Those afflicted from every side can hold onto the promise found in Psalm 34:19, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all."   

Those struggling with fearful hearts can trust the words of a prophet in Isaiah 41:10, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." 

Those facing death can hold on to the promise Jesus made in John 14:2, "In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?" 

And those feeling distraught over the immoral, hate-filled climate in which we live can hold onto   1 Thessalonians 4:16, "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and the sound of the trumpet of God." 

In this world filled with empty words, we can remember God speaks no empty words! Every word is trustworthy, powerful and life-sustaining. Our struggle with unbelief often has had its roots in man's failures, not God's. 

These Precarious Times

The last few weeks have been pretty unsettling. As I read articles, watched the news, and viewed the videos people that made to express their opinions and their rage, I searched for words to say. Over and over the word precarious came to mind, and to be honest I could use the word in a sentence, but I couldn't really concisely define it. So, I looked it up and google defines it as "not securely held or in position; dangerously likely to fall or collapse and the synonyms given were "uncertain, insecure, unpredictable, risky, hazardous, dangerous, unsafe, unsettled, unstable, unsteady, shaky." Yep, those words pretty much describe what this world feels like right now, especially from the view down here.

Cancer, diabetes, debilitating viruses, infections, and autoimmune diseases are making life tough for precious people and the medical system with delayed appointments, information and misinformation, and insurance battles add to the uncertainty people experience as they struggle with health issues.

PTSD, depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders and other mental illnesses rob people of peace, hope, and joy and a recent suicide left many of us wondering at what point her hope completely died and at what point did her ability to make choices that could lead to healing could no longer be made.

Family units, once haven's of stability, are radically changing as marriages break down due to long work hours that exhaust, isolate, and separate.

Marriages that were designed to be safe havens for two people doing life together crumble as porn allures men and women into false relationships with fake images that turn people into even more selfish, self -centered, demanding people instead of people trying to learn to love well as it normalizes the victimization of women and children and feeds the hatred of the rape culture.

And gender? It's now considered something to be assigned rather than Creator-designed. And marriage? Its been redefined to a contract between people rather than a life-long covenant between a man and a woman.  

Terrorists attacks both here and abroad make this world scary; Places once dreamed about now seem less inviting. And, while I've thought  the US to be a safe haven for people from all over, I am now finding myself fearfully contemplating the personal cost of welcoming the masses when the risk may be increased sexual violence of women and children as it was in Germany, increased risk of terrorists entering our country as it was in France and Turkey, and increased risk of the recruiting our own sons and daughters to do hateful deeds and even in just the writing of these things fear rises inside.

Mass shootings here at home make malls, theaters, schools, places of worship, and other places of social gatherings no longer feel safe, lending to the the break down of unity.

And gang violence, racial uprisings, and brutal attacks on our law enforcement have added to the insecurity felt as the ugly rhetoric on these things makes the stomach churn, especially when people evoke the name of Christ either verbally or through the jewelry they wear as they spout evil and hate, both so contrary to the character of the Savior.

I, like many others wonder how we are to live brave in a world that feels precarious and all I can do is come back to what I know to be more real than what I see. From the time Adam and Eve took the bite we have been living in a fallen world with a propensity to sin, a propensity to be driven by pride, a propensity to demand, and a tendency to clamor for some type of stability apart from God. The truth is Jesus warned us of precarious times, but we tend to forget His warnings. believing we deserve more, thinking He has abandoned us, doesn't really love us, is irrelevant, or doesn't even exist. But the truth is He was, He is and He is to come.

One of the stories we can draw wisdom from for days such as these is found in Luke 8:22-24. It is the story of Jesus getting into a boat with His disciples and saying, "Let's cross to the other side of the lake." As they sailed, He slept, and a strong wind arose, the waves grew, and the boat began to sink, causing great fear. The disciples frantically woke Him up and He rebuked the wind and raging waves and turned to His disciples and asked, "Where is your faith?" And they marveled at the One who could calmed the storm.

The storm they were facing wasn't a simple storm, it was hurricane-sized and even the seasoned fisherman were frightened because the boat was about to sink. The disciples fear moved from a healthy fear to frantic panic because they forgot one important thing--Jesus was in the boat with them! His question about their faith wasn't a judgement about their fear because God created them to feel this God-given, life-preserving emotion. It was a question as to why they waited to wake Him. They could have cried out to Him when the storm first started to become violent or when the stirring of fear began to rise. I wonder what kept them from crying out to the Lord sooner?

There are several reasons people wait to cry out to God in the face of storms. Sometimes it is because we are prideful, thinking we can handle storms by ourselves; but the truth is that some storms were never designed to be experienced alone.

Some of us fail to cry out, because we've been taught to ignore fear rising in the gut to warn us that something is growing dangerous--that fear that should be driving us to our knees on behalf of our families, our churches, our communities, our country, our world, and ourselves gets turned off or numbed when it is ignored.

Some of us have been taught that fear is sin, so we swallow it, we hide it, and we bury it deep and we feel so alone and so ashamed, weathering the storms through which Jesus wants to display both His peace that passes understanding and His magnificent power, and His heart loves us through through the storms.

Sometimes we don't cry out, because we're afraid of what others might think. This can be due to pride, but it is often because we've been shamed by believers for fear we experience, and the unbelief with which we struggle in face of huge storms. The fear one feels in the face of cancer, the loss of loved ones, debilitating accidents, acts of violence, growing terrorism, explosive hate groups, and the rising and falling nations is not sin. It is a call for the church to unite and encourage one another and to fall to its collective knees because the storms we are facing are not of this world; they are spiritual in nature and beyond our power to navigate. The unbelief we experience as we weather storms isn't sin; it is normal and it is healthy and it is being surfaced so it can be overcome. But sadly, Jesus image bearers often make it unsafe for unbelief to be expressed as was in Jesus day when the father of one sick child honestly cried out, "I believe, help my unbelief!"

We must not forget that we are people who are in the process of being transformed and we are all people who live with the reality of a faith that can be ambivalent. Ambivalent faith is faith that dwells first in head then moves to the heart where it can calm fear and anxiety and give peace. We must never forget that the movement from head to heart is sometimes a supernatural act that God performs, but at other times it is a process that takes place when the ambivalence is recognized, acknowledged, and confessed. To be like Jesus we are called to be people who allow each other the grace to be transparent with ambivalent faith and encourage one another to cry out to Him in our desperate need during these precarious times.

I am the Lame Begger

Sometimes when I am in church, I am blessed with two sermons at one time. One is  the  sermon  being given by the pastor and the other is the sermon the Lord presses on my heart. Last Sunday I had one of those experiences as one of our pastors was teaching through Acts 3:1-10.* My mind was completely engaged in the sermon and I was feeling excited as I heard the concepts Pastor Brent shared. His sermon in a nut shell was, "God interrupts the usual with the unusual to do the undeniable."

This Biblical account is centered around a man who had been born lame. Because of this defect, he was not allowed to worship in the temple and would have been ostracized by his  community because people believed birth defects, illnesses, or other afflictions were often a result of a person or his family's sin. He was unable to work and his needs were provided when people took mercy on him and carried him to the Beautiful Gate of the Temple so he could beg. Daily he sat.  begging  those who came to the temple to pray at the same time every day. The disciples came to pray as was their custom. And the man sat there day after day begging and begging...so used to people walking by that he no longer looked up as he begged. 

However, this day was different. The disciples stopped and Peter looked down at the man and asked him to look at them. The man looked up and they told him they had no money to give him, but would give him what they did had. Then Peter said, "In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!" He then took the lame beggar by the hands and raised him up. The man didn't just stumble up stiffly like someone who had not used his legs in a long time. He leapt up as his legs became strong. He took a few steps but his joy was so great that he couldn't contain it. He started leaping and praising God as he entered the temple for the first time ever to worship his God.

I love this man's response! I love his joy. I love it that God worked through the disciples to make this man whole. As I read through the gospels and Acts, I often find myself asking the same questions  Pastor Brent posed in his sermon, "Why him?" "Why here?" and "Why now?"

God may have chosen this man because He knew the man would rise up and praise Him unashamedly and many people would see the undeniable power of God and be drawn to the Savior. Maybe God wanted people to see the joy and praise that flowed out of the relationship that healed. Maybe when Christ had been by there before, the man's heart wasn't ready to receive healing or Him, but now he was. Or maybe it was just God's will for it to occur on this day, at this time, to this man.

During the sermon I was pondering the fact that Jesus didn't heal every person and was wondering why He chose who He chose. That is when the second sermon began to unfold in my mind. Every person Jesus touched is someone I can relate to and this time it was no different. Maybe, God chose to heal the lame beggar to show me and possibly you that we are all lame beggars.

We were all born spiritually dead and as a result were defective in the sense that the part of us that was to connect our hearts to the heart of God was unable to do its job, just as the man's legs couldn't do their job. In and of our selves we aren't good enough to enter the family of God and we needed Jesus to give us a way in, just as the beggar needed someone to make him whole so he could enter the Temple. So often, we feel defective as a result of our sin or the sin that was inflicted upon us by others and it is God who can free us from that feeling. 

We are also like the lame beggar, crying out for what we think we need, when what we really need is more understanding of Jesus. So many of us spend years asking God for things and we are asking amiss either because we don't recognize our true needs or we don't realize how big our God is.

We ask Him to make people love us, not realizing we already  possess a love so rich it fills the deepest holes in our hearts so we can become more about giving love than receiving it.

We ask Him for acceptance, not realizing He has taken us out of the Kingdom of Darkness and accepted us into His Kingdom of Light and we are now called  His chosen ones. We honestly can't be anymore accepted than that! All we have to do to feel accepted is to embrace the truth.

We ask for healing from addictions, eating disorders, and emotional pain, thinking if we could be set free that we could be close to God. But the truth is that by leaning in to Jesus and being close to Him we live out victory through His power being displayed through our weaknesses.

We ask for wisdom, not realizing that by having Jesus, we have been given the mind of Christ and we can tap into His wisdom by spending time with Him in His Word.

We ask God to free us from the crippling shame with which we are plagued, not realizing the way out of shame is bringing the shameful things to Jesus's light.

When we ask God for something, what we are often really needing is to draw near to Jesus and allow Him into the hidden parts of our lives so that our relationship with Him grows deeper, more powerful, and more satisfying. As believers, we have a God who takes the crippled and makes them whole. We have a God who can show us our true needs. We have a God who can help the unbelief that keeps us from seeing all that we already possess. Oh, that we would never ever forget that we have a  powerful God with a great big heart whose resources are infinitely enough to meet our every need. Oh, if we only believed the truth, then we would be filled with the same uncontainable joy the lame beggar had. After all, aren't we are all just different versions of him?

*This sermon can be heard by going to http://www.riverlakeschurch.org/index.php/watch-and-listen/sermons/the-lame-beggar-healed

How Long the Wait

I am reading the Sacred echo*, by Margret Feinberg. Her third chapter is titled "how long?" I love the chapter because it speaks to one of the struggles I've had with prayer--"the waits." For years it seemed like I would pray and then just wait and wait and wait to see if the prayer was answered. When the waiting got long, I found myself giving up because I felt invisible, unloved, ignored, and unworthy. I also found that unanswered prayer often left me filled with shame and guilt because I had heard pastors say unanswered prayers indicated that there was sin in our lives. I don't know how many times I would find myself waiting on God and find the shame and guilt rising in my soul leaving me obsessively searching my heart for the hidden sin. Over time I learned more about prayer, but occasionally the guilt would come flooding back--

• like it did when I prayed my parents' marriage would be healed, but it ended in divorce
• like it did when I had been praying for a friend to receive Christ and he died in unbelief
• like it did when I had been praying for a friend to conceive but she died with ever bearing a child
• like it did when I'd been  praying for a friend to find a mate and it never came to be 
• like it did the time I'd been praying for healing for a friend battling cancer, but it eventually took it toll and friends and family said good by 
• like it did when I prayed for God to heal a friend's sick heart, but she died of congestive heart failure
• like it did when I was praying for God to lift the fog of depression but it lingered for several years more
• like it did when I was praying a friendship would be restored only to realize it won't happen this side of heaven      

Don't get me wrong, I can fill pages with answered prayers--a son who survived a ruptured spleen, a thriving granddaughter who survived a traumatic birth three months early, a friend who shared how God had healed her grieving heart after losing three babies, allowing her to enjoy the two she had, infertile couples conceiving when they were told conception was impossible, our friends' grandson surviving leukemia, other friends' grandson surviving liver cancer, addicts walking in victory, victims finding voices, wounded souls finding deep joy, lost souls finding salvation, prodigals returning to serve, deep healing conversations at just the right time, and words of affirmation that have filled hungry souls and imputed God's hope just as souls were running dry.

Margret shares in her book that she has learned to look for themes that have played out in her life because they teach her things that God may be doing in her life. One of the themes she'd noticed was the theme of waiting and she began to ask the question "Why so much waiting?" As she searched the Scriptures she saw that it is a theme that was woven through out the Scriptures. God is waiting, Creation is waiting. We are waiting. One of the things that makes waiting hard is that we tend to forget that God is waiting with us. She also found that many before her asked, "How long must we wait?" In fact the first person to ask how long was God, Himself. In Exodus  10:3 God asks Pharaoh through Moses and Aaron, "How long will you refuse to humble yourself before Me? Let My people go, that they may serve Me."

After finishing the chapter, I have been thinking about the waiting and realized the waiting has done some significant transforming work in my life. First, it has exposed areas of unbelief that I didn't know existed. Sometimes the unbelief had to do with God's character. I could say God was good, but there were times in the waits God showed me I doubted His goodness. I could say God is love, but in the waits God showed me I was not believing He loved me in a real and personal way. I could say God is all powerful, but in the midst of the waits God showed me that at times I doubted He had the power to do what I was asking. If someone was really sick, I prayed half heartedly for healing, because it was the right thing to do, but in my heart of hearts I struggled to believe He could and/or would heal broken bodies.

Many years ago when we moved from Mississippi a friend called often to see how I was adjusting. We spent a good part of the time talking about God, His character, His power, and how He acted in the days the Bible was being written. I believe she had the spiritual gift of faith and I soaked up godly wisdom from those conversations. I began to pattern my prayers after her prayers and after the prayers found in the Scriptures and I began to see a difference in me as my eyes and heart became more open to what God was doing when He seemed active and when He seemed inactive.

A few years into the journey I realized I struggled with unbelief in that I didn't fully believe what God said about me in His word. This made it difficult for me to come boldly to the throne of grace. It made it hard for me to persist in prayer as God instructs us to. When I began to choose to embrace my God-given identity, I began to pray more often, more persistently, and more expectantly.  

Second, after my faith began to develop I realized the waiting stirred up passion in me that was new and exciting. The first time I became aware of this was on a short-term mission trip in Mexico. We had prepared our students to teach and minister to children in Mexico through a student lead Vacation Bible School. We helped the students prepare and we prayed with them that God would bring the children to the churches we would be at. The first day we went to the church we were assigned to and only a couple of children showed up where as in the past the church had been packed. Our students went back to base camp, defeated. At the worship service that night other sites were giving glowing reports of their day. Finally, a student stood up and said that she was glad they had had a good day, but then she began to cry and shared passionately how she longed to have a chance to shower the kids with love and to share Jesus with them. The more she shared, the more passionate and the more powerful her words were. When she sat down the leader looked over our team of hurting teens and gently said, "Your day was not wasted. God was still at work. He has used this day of waiting to grow a passion in you that was not there before." I don't think a student or an adult took a conversation, a teachable moment, or prayer request lightly the remainder of that week.

That was only a one day wait, but I have had other "waits" that went on much longer. In fact, I am still in the middle of some. As I continue to persist in prayer I find the passion still growing. I long for the lost to find God in ways I never have before. I don't just hope the prodigals will return, but passionately long for God to meet them on the horizon, bathing them in His lavish grace. I don't just kind of hope wounded hearts find healing, I crave it. I don't just hope married couples might be reconciled, I deeply long for it because in reconciliation they will see something of God they won't see any other way. I no longer just half heartedly lift up grieving souls who need God's comfort, I persistently and passionately pray they get to see His goodness in the pain of their grief, and will experience Him personally as the Comforter.

Third, I realize the "waits" help purify my heart. Before I prayed because it was the right thing to do. But when I pray during times of waiting, I find it builds compassion and love in a heart that was once numb and that drives me to pray more often. It purifies my motives because it brings me face to face with my pride and my desire to appear more Spiritual than I really am. The longer the wait the more the prayer becomes about God and the person for whom I am praying. I have realized that God has used the waits to help me learn to love the things He loves and to hate the things He hates. As He puts passion, Holy desires, and deep longings in my heart, I realize He is sharing His heart with me and I am longing for others to see His goodness in the darkness permeating this land. I am longing for His holiness to shine brightly in this sin-filled world. I am longing for His love to replace the hatred so prevalent today. 

Fourth, praying "during "the waits" have brought healing to my heart. I often share that in our home group that our pastor taught a lesson on waiting. He asked us at the beginning why waiting was so hard for us to do. I remember I couldn't answer the question for myself. When He shared that God has His hears turned towards those who wait upon Him, I realized why the waits were so hard for me. When I was waiting, I had this picture in my mind of God just walking right past me as I called out His name and requested something. I felt unheard, overlooked, and unloved. After I saw that He had his ears turned toward me, I began to picture the wait as an invitation to keep on talking to Him. And in those waits buried pain surfaced and was given to Him. In those waits doubts were expressed and cares were cast on Him. In those waits fear was faced and courage was found. And in those waits deep wounds were shared that only the Healer could heal. I think sometimes when we come to Christ and trust Him as Savior we get the idea that we are just to put on a happy face and pretend that life is perfect. But the reality is when we pretend we don't experience fully all that God is...the Healer, the Comforter, our source of strength, our source of power, our source of humility, our source of courage.

Finally, one of the best things I uncovered in the waits was intimacy with God. When my dear friend lost her babies and I lived far away, the only thing I could do was to pray for her and I did so daily. When a young friend walked away from God for a season, all could do for her was pray and I did so daily. When a couple in our Bible study struggled with infertility and longed for a child, all I could do was pray and I did so daily. When our granddaughter came early and was in the NICU for so long all I could do was pray. When far away friends were dying of cancer all I could do was pray so I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. As I write this another friend is terribly sick and has been in critical care for over twenty days and the passion I feel for him and his family overwhelms my soul and all I can do is pray--so I pray and pray and then pray some more. As I pray passion grows, doubts dissipate, pride melts and I find myself feeling closer to God, realizing as never before that God is just as much in the wait as He is in the activity. It reminds me most that we are all waiting for Christ to return so our redemption is complete. We are all waiting so there will be no more sickness, no more pain, no more death, and no more ungodly rulers for Jesus will reign perfectly. Sometimes God gives me glimpses of what He is doing during the waits, but other times the waits remain a mystery--a mystery with benefits--the benefit of transformation, of purification, of healing, of a growing faith, and a deeper sense of God's relational presence in our lives.

*the Sacred echo, Margaret Feinberg, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2008)

Meeting God in the Storms

Mark 4:35-41

     "On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, 'Let us go across to the other side.' And leaving the crowd, they took Him with them in the boat, just as He was. And other boats were with Him. And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. But He was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke Him and said to Him, 'Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?' And He awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, 'Peace! Be still!' And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, 'Why are you so afraid? have you still no faith?' And they were filled with great fear and said to one another who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"

     I love this encounter of Jesus with His disciples. First, Jesus tells them they will go to the other side of the sea. He gave them clear cut directions and then entered the boat with them. In His humanness, Jesus who was the Savior, the Teacher, the Healer was exhausted and promptly found a cushion, stretched out, and fell asleep. Before long a catastrophic wind arose. It wasn't just the city boys that were afraid, it was the seasoned fisherman who became terrified because the boat was filling with sea water. 

     I've never been in a storm at sea, but one time my husband and I were taking a turn in a rubber raft on a small lake in New Mexico. Our children were waiting with their grandparents on the shore hollering for us to hurry up so they could have a turn. All of a sudden small summer storm rose out of nowhere. First, the wind picked up and then a small band of dark clouds headed our way and covered the lake. We knew we needed to get out of the lake because of the lighting so we started rowing back to shore. But, the winds picked up and the harder we rowed towards the kids, the further away we got. In my nervousness, I began to giggle so hard I wasn't much use to my husband who was frantically rowing. All of a sudden he calmly instructed me to lift one of my paddles out of the water and he changed the direction of the boat and we began to work with the wind instead of against it. It seemed counter intuitive to me, but I trusted him and did as he said. Soon we were receiving warm hugs from our kids who had been frightened by the sight of their parents being carried away by the storm. 

     Even with that experience, I can't imagine being on a ship in a storm strong enough to scare grown men who lived and navigated the sea on a daily basis. They are so frustrated by Jesus' napping through the storm that they asked Him, "Do you not care that we are perishing?" Ouch! That statement convicts me! How often I've assumed my Jesus didn't care because I found myself in the middle of a life storms. And some of those life storms weren't nearly as cataclysmic as the one the disciples were facing. I weathered some storms in faith clinging tightly to the Savior, but there are many more that I weathered in fear and frustration with that question on my lips though I didn't have the guts to speak it aloud. I even weathered a few with Him fully inviting me to come to Him, but was too terrified to do so and amazingly He kept inviting me to come to Him.

     I love how Jesus orders the seas to calm and then confronts their unbelief. He didn't confront them for waking Him, but because they were so afraid they had forgotten His Words stating they would go to the other side. They forgot they could depend on His Words. Had they remembered what he said, they might have woken Him up and asked Him to help bail water. Had they remembered who He was, they could have woken Him up and asked Him to calm the Storm.

   Interestingly Jesus calming the sea redirects their fear. They no longer fear the storm, they have a healthy fear of their Creator who has power over both the sea and the flesh. The flesh in me wants to judge the disciples for their fear and lack of faith, but I have to admit I am them. God has blessed me repeatedly with gifted Bible teachers, a love and reasonable command of His word, and a thirst to know Him. But, then a storm hits and I find myself a doubting Thomas, an impetuous Peter and a Daughter of Thunder all rolled up in one, wanting to demand Jesus explain to me about that appears to be His lack of care? 

     But then I realize I really don't want my God, my Savior, the Lover of my Soul, to be a God who only lives in my comfort zone. I want to see Him and His power in the Storms. I want to Hear His voice say, "Peace be still!" Not just to the storm, but to my terrified heart as well. He graciously tells us in His Word that in this World we will have tribulation...why, then am I, are we, so often surprised by sudden storms. I have to remind myself that my Jesus doesn't have to enter my emotional drama because He has power over the storms of my life. He is calm because He enters them with me. He is confident because He uses them to reveal more of Himself to me, which strengthens my faith, humbles my heart, and causes me to depend on Him which in turn fosters the intimacy my heart craves. 

     Maybe, just maybe, the next time I face a sudden storm I will cling to Jesus in faith and if I listen hard enough, I will hear His voice calming my heart and silencing my questions, "Peace, be still! I will meet with You in the Storm."