3 Trials--A PS to Unquenchable Thirst

I intended to blog about a different person from the Bible today, but a couple of things have prompted me to not move on so quickly. First, I notice anger is triggered when I read John 4:42. "They said to the woman, "It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world." It seems like a bit of a dig and it bothers me that those who had just received Christ couldn't just thank her for leading them to Him. But, to give them the benefit of the doubt, I realize I don't know with what the words were spoken. Nor do I know what their body language conveyed. They may have said it nicely, meaning it as a compliment or they may have said it with excitement, expressing gratefulness that it had been made personal. I do hope it wasn't with the snide voice I hear when I read the words. However, there is a truth here we want to grasp. Not one of us is birthed into the family of God through another's faith. Not our parents's, not siblings', not a bible teacher's, and not a pastor's. It is always through personal faith in Jesus Christ.

Second, last week something happened that reminded me of a period of time in which I found my self facing the hard stuff. First, there was the death of one of my closest friends. She was there when several of my kids were born, did Bible studies with me, and we had long conversations over meals cooked, socials planned, diapers folded, and diets failed. She challenged my faith, challenged lies I believed that fed self-contempt, and she loved on my kids. I was in her wedding and walked with her through a miscarriage two babies that died. Our experiences allowed our friendship to survive the miles caused by my move. One day we spent hours on the phone catching up and a couple of days later she died in her sleep from congestive heart failure. I sat at her funeral surrounded by people she loved well and who loved her well. How I longed to hear her cute southern accent, share with her another her belly laugh, and hear her sweet voice singing praises. I longed to tell her I regretted not making more opportunities to visit, that I wish I had handled the few rough spots we experienced in our relationship better, and that I was thankful her grace was bigger than my dysfunction and self-centeredness.

A couple of weeks later one of our sons had an ATV accident. He told the doctor he thought he was bleeding inside, but he discounted as radiating pain and a week later, we returned to the hospital with son with skin tones of gray to find out his spleen had ruptured. When they wheeled him to surgery, there were regrets for not having listened to my gut telling me he had more than a broken bone. That first night I was terrified and found myself facing the sovereignty of God in a way I never had before. I could feel God's presence looming big, inviting me to trust in His goodness! But I was afraid because I knew He could heal him, but didn't know if it was His will. After surgery, things were still serious as water collected around his heart like it had my friend's. They considered doing another surgery, but eventually figured out where to place tubes to drain what needed to be drained so his body could heal. We made it through it with the support of friends, but I sensed something different between me and God.

Not too long after that, a different son called to say his pregnant wife was put on bed rest in a hospital on the other side of the country. The pregnancy had high risks and lots of ups and downs. During that time I was reminded of how I felt those first few hours while our son was in surgery. I decided to push through my fear and run to God with all that I was. I prayed nonstop for the baby being carried and I prayed for the mom and dad to have the strength they needed for the days ahead. I also told God all of my longings and desires to know this little one, and at the end of the prayers I acknowledged my love for God, my acceptance of His sovereignty, and my faith in His goodness. I don't know how to explain the depth or the beauty of the relationship I had with God during those long hard weeks until she was born early and the long three months of waiting for her to grow big enough to go home.

Last week, the thing that happened that triggered my memories and feelings triggered a few other people whose children had suffered serious life-threatening events and illnesses. I had some neat conversations about those things. One of those chats was with one of our pastors who faced life threatening illnesses with a child first and then a grandchild, which I think is why his favorite book of the Bible is Philippians. As I was sharing with him what I remembered learning during that period of time, he pointed out it was exactly what Philippians says. I joked, "I hate it when pastors are right!" But then it hit me, the book of Philippians had become alive in me through those trials and I said to him the exact words we find in John, "Now, I know it to be true for myself!"

The enemy would have us believe suffering, especially suffering over time, proves God's doesn't care or listen to our prayers. But His ears are turned to those waiting on Him. The enemy would have us sink into shame of regrets or the despair of hope given up on instead of praising God in the midst of it all. He would have us flee or freeze in response to growing fear instead of running through it to God whose arms are open wide. He would have us reject the truth instead of wrestling with it, so our faith wains He would have us cower in the face of God's sovereignty over life and death situations and have us fail to understand that His perspective of a life no matter how long or short matters and fulfills purposes we may not understand.

What if we view the suffering we endure and the trials we face that stretch us tight like rubber bands ready to pop as opportunities to apply head knowledge of God and His word? What if we look at them as opportunities to wrestle with God and His truth in prayer until all doubts are purged, all lingering lies rebuked, and our shielded hearts are laid open and vulnerable to receive all that He has to reveal and give? What if we faced the hard with the firm belief that His intention is to make us fully alive, to soften calloused hearts, to strengthen weak faith, draw us deeper in to the very relationship for which we were created? What if we look at them as the means God may use to instill in us passions that help us fulfill the purposes for which we were designed. What if?

I believe all of this hard comes with living in a fallen world and being people broken by sin. It is also a part of living a redemption story where God's grace abounds and takes what we would label bad and uses it to transform hearts and minds and bring His Word fully alive in us.

When I adopt this perspective I won't find myself so anxious in the powerlessness of someone else's suffering. Nor, will I find myself wanting to talk someone out of their emotions, shame them out of their doubts, or draw them out of a life-transforming wrestling match that has the potential to strengthen their faith, ignite their passion, and give them a bigger more true view God that reaches all the way from the heavens down to their core of their being so they, too, can proclaim, "I have seen His truth for myself!"

Shame and Unquenchable Thirst

When I began dealing with pain of my past, I came face to face with a core of shame that ran deep, That core explained why, as a believer, I had struggled with the desperate desire to experience deep connection with God while, at the same time, trying to hide parts of myself from Him. I knew I believed and belonged to Him, but I was plagued with fear that if He really knew me He would realize what a mistake it was to extend grace to a mess like me. I had a lot of knowledge about God and could always believe His promises for others, but often wondered if He could or would fulfill them for me and in me. This fear and doubt stemmed from that core of shame that had taken root from an early age. The core that led me to believe I was a bunch of  "toos"-- --too dirty, too bad, too stupid, too needy, too messy, too weak, too defective, too invisible, and too inadequate, each "too" hidden by a great big smile. It also left me wondering if I could be loved the way I knew God loves others. Over the next few weeks I want to share some of how I began to heal shame that is no longer mine to claim.

First, I found someone safe to share about the things that caused my shame to take root. I learned to recognize and acknowledged it as well as the lies that formed its roots. Next, I began to believe there was value in stories--both His story and mine and the relationship between the two. As I did that I began to view my story as a redemption story instead of resenting that it wasn't a perfect fairy tale. That helped me begin to accept both the positive and the negative I had lived. It helped me accept both my weaknesses and strengths and to embrace a life made messy by being in the process of sanctification instead of striving for perfection. I became more comfortable with the confusion of living in a fallen world while I desperately longed for the beauty of heaven untouched by sin. I began to believe that the hard wasn't an indication of a lack of power or love on Jesus' part any more that it was proof that I was beyond redemption.

I also developed a strong curiosity about how God relates to His people and began reading about His encounters with people in both the Old and New Testaments. I read more carefully and meditated on the stories, penning questions and thoughts as I went. I realized people in the Bible were not super heroes, they were simple humans like me--humans that sinned, humans that felt, humans that struggled. So, I tried to put myself in their shoes so I could connect with their stories at a heart level. My view of God and my relationship with Him began to evolve from a fear base to a love based one.

Over the next few weeks I will share what I learned from some of the stories. The first story is found in John 4. It's the story of Christ's encounter with a Samaritan woman. I learned Jewish leaders at that time avoided Samaria because they despised the mixed race that had grown out of the Assyrian captivity, But, Jesus! He wasn't like other religious leaders. He entered Samaria and stopped beside a well to rest because He knew a very thirsty soul was in need. He watched as one lone woman approach the well during the hottest part of day--a time in which she could avoid others who came to draw water as well. I imagine her approaching the well with purpose in her step, hoping to get her water and quickly leave. I also imagine her growing more cautious as she realized He was sitting there.

He surprised her when He asked her to give Him a drink and she responded by pointing out the obvious culture breaches, knowing full well He, as a Jew, would not want to drink from the vessel of an unclean, Samaritan woman like her. Surprisingly He continues to respectfully dialogue with her, pointing out that she didn't know who He was, didn't know that He was offering her living water, and that she didn't understand how she could receive it. I love that Jesus never memorized a script. He presented truth in terms familiar to each. He knew she came to the well physically thirsty and He used that thirst to expose deeper thirsts of her heart. She tried to keep the conversation where it felt safe, so it didn't stir up painful longings, didn't expose her unmet needs, and allowed her to keep her secrets well hidden.

But He knew! He knew He had what she needed most. So, He continued to steer the conversation to the real and to the spiritual. He asked her to bring her husband. It seemed like an odd request, but I imagine with her history her eyes dropped and her voice either softened or bristled depending on which contempt she used to silence her shame.

But He knew that the truth she needed to face was in the words she didn't speak and He used that truth to draw the surface her painful, unrequited thirsts of the soul. He gently acknowledged she was right in saying she didn't have a husband, and let her know she had five husbands and was now living with a man to whom she wasn't married.

He knew! He knew that a woman married five times was looking for someone to fill soul-thirst. But each marriage she entered was like drinking caffeinated drinks to dowse physical thirst. No man, could meet all the unmet needs of childhood and the failed marriages before him.

He knew! He knew that she was living with a heart deeply wounded by the humiliation and shame of rejection that comes with being drug to the town and declared an unfit wife. He knew with each rejection she suffered, her soul had grown more thirsty. He knew with each rejection, parts of her heart grew calloused. He knew with each rejection the belief that she wasn't enough dug itself deeper into the core of her being, causing her to doubt but unable to totally kill the longings. He knew she was a woman whose physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual needs were crying out to be met and He saw her and He heard the cries of her heart.

Through the discourse, her knowledge of Him grew from being a  Jew, to a prophet, to the Messiah. And the words He said to her had to be balm to a thirsty soul: "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem...Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks." I can't imagine the power those words held for her. By those words He included her and told her she is sought by the Father--she, the woman, the Samaritan, the ostracized, the defective, the inadequate, the unloved, the invisible, the abandoned is being sought by Jehovah.  

Her encounter with Jesus changed her. She left her water jar in the dust, going to the very people she avoided by her noontime water runs. She told them about Jesus and invited them to come and see for themselves if He was the Messiah. The painful hard the woman had endured and the painful hard the community experienced as a mixed-race culture, rejected and scorned, had given them a soul thirst so deep they knew only the Messiah could quench it. Many of the Samaritans of that community came to know Jesus was the Savior of the world!

There is never a thirst so deep Jesus can't fill it, but we often have to come to the end of ourselves to fully believe and embrace this truth. I also know there is never a shame that can run so deep that the Spirit of God and His truth can't dissolve it, replacing it with pure joy. For when the King of kings seeks us and then meets us by the wells we have dug in an attempt to quench our parched souls, we can finally drop all the pesky "toos" and know that by His blood we have been accepted, made whole, and declared good enough.

No More Shame

Ten years ago, we started a support group ministry that serves women who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. Over time we expanded the ministry to serve those who have experienced other kinds of abuses, those struggling with dysfunctional and painful relationships, those trapped in the painful cycles of eating disordered thoughts and behaviors, and those struggling to manage their emotions. The women have ranged from age eighteen to 73. The women have come from all walks of life and from a variety of churches. Some are referred to us from counselors' offices and ministries that serve addicts and those rescued from sex trafficking. We've had women from different ethnic backgrounds and economic statuses. We have had some who are single, some who are married, and some who are divorced, and some who are moms and others who are longing to be. We've served those who could barely read and those with advanced degrees who work in various professions including teaching, nursing, counseling, journalists, and lawyers.

Though the women come from different backgrounds and experienced different kinds of abuse, they have a core of shame in common. A core that bubbles to the surface when they walk into our doors. For some their shame will manifest itself in downcast eyes, slumped shoulders, depression, and soft voices. For some shame will express through denial, passivity, and words that are dismissed with a shrug. For some shame will show as defiance, seeking offences anywhere and everywhere, and anger loudly projected on those closest to them. For some shame looks like strong, loud, angry voices that express contempt towards specific genders or people groups and for some it is contempt for self. For some shame looks like humor that attempts to silence serious discussions that could reveal their hearts or surface serious unspoken questions, sad memories, and painful feelings. For some shame looks like ambivalence with a draw to tell their story one day and a strong desire to run the next. For some shame looks like a body starved to the bone, for others a body cloaked in a protective abundance of curve-hiding fat. For some shame looks like baggy clothes and no makeup and for others it;s perfectly coiffed hair, perfectly manicured nails, face perfectly made up, and high-end, stylish clothing.

As they get comfortable and begin to share stories. they begin to talk the language of shame. It may come out in statements that assume blame for others's actions. Statements like: "It was my fault I was abused." "It was my fault that my Dad left when I was a baby." "It was my fault mom didn't help me." "It was my fault my mom suffered with depression." "It was my fault that my husband hit me." "It was my fault those hate-filled words were hurled at me." "It was my fault, I was raped." "It was my fault, my abuser went to jail." "If only I had been better, it might not have happened." "If only I had worn different clothes." "If only I hadn't gone to the store in the dark." "If only I hadn't burned his dinner." "It. Was. My. Fault." "If only I'd..."

Shame is also revealed in the words with which women describe themselves. Words many heard over and over as children, and some even into adulthood. Words they came to believe as a result of horrific trauma experienced at the hands of predators at the tender age their core beliefs about God, life, others, and themselves were being formed. Words they rarely speak aloud, yet, words they have assumed as their identity. Words that drive their actions, reactions, speech, their relationships, and their lack thereof. Words the Enemy continues to whisper until the day they walk into our groups. Words painful to hear, words painful to read, words painful to say aloud, and words painful to feel. Words that truly do not describe the beautiful women sitting across from our leaders--words like: unclean, dirty, defective, trashed, stupid, dumb, weak, slutty, unworthy, unlovable, unloved, cowardly, idiotic, confused, wrong, disgusting, failure, bad, nasty, horrible, ugly, overly dramatic, liar, victim, disappointment, weird, wrong, whore, freak, unneeded, unwanted, waste of space, undeserving, messed up, fat, mental, crazy, alone, humiliation, pathetic, repulsive, smelly, despicable, grotesque, bothersome, naughty, too broken, too needy, and not good enough. Words that they believe more strongly than they believe God's truth.

Even though the ladies come to our groups are believers, they struggle to trust Christ. It is not until they examine His trauma as the Sacrificial Lamb that they begin to trust Him more fully with their stories. As they begin to trust Him, they begin to examine what they believe about themselves in light of what God says in His Word. They come to understand they are fearfully and wonderfully made and the sin perpetrated is about the heart of the perpetrators, not them. They begin to grasp that in Christ they have been made clean, whole, and deserving. In Christ, they are made honorable, respectable, and reputable. In Christ they have gained the ability to be successful, relying on Him to guide them. They begin to understand that, to Christ, they are beloved, cherished, and adopted daughters. In Christ, they are empowered, victorious, courageous, and strong. They grasp that they have been reconciled, restored, and redeemed, and their healing begins as they rebuke lies and begin to live out of God's truth. They even begin to believe that because of Christ they are beautiful, virtuous, significant, and always desired. In Christ they are sane because the Holy Spirit has given them the mind of Christ and can silence the voice when they take their thoughts captive. As they take the truth of their stories and lay them at the feet of the traumatized Savior, they end group knowing they were heard, they were seen, and they were believed.

God has always loved and chosen broken women women--women whose stories were told in His Word--Stories like Sarah's, the two Tamar's, Rahab's, Abigail's, Ruth's, Bathsheba's, Esther's, the woman caught in adultery, and the Samaritan woman at the well. The woman who touched the hem of His garment, Mary and Martha, and Mary Magdalene, All women who felt like outsiders, who were mistreated, rejected, and who suffered loss. Women who didn't handle life well, sinning to try to get their needs met. Women who felt invisible, unheard, and unappreciated. Women who believed the same stinking lies we did! Women who, like us, were adopted into His family, given access to His heart through His Word, who have received a new heritage with the saints that have gone before us.

I encourage you to take a listen to Natalie Grant's song Clean on iTunes: http://smarturl.it/BeOne or on her Facebook page. It was written after a friend of hers had shared the story of her abuse. The words are so appropriate for each one of us:

"Washed in the blood of your sacrifice

 Your blood flowed red and 

 Made me white

 My dirty rags are purified 

 I AM CLEAN"

Now What?

This election year has been a grueling year. The biased media, the name calling, the slander, the lies, and the spinning of opponents's words has been divisive as well as frustrating as we try to discern what candidates can represent us best. I'm even afraid I've even unknowingly born false witness by sharing some posts on social media. I don't know who to trust anymore for accurate information about candidates and issues. There is so much conflicting info that I took the bait in the moment and passed on false information and, as a believer, that hurts my heart. Some of the stuff being written by believers is unbelievable. But, I know God knows and He is not a God of confusion and contradiction. His Word is consistent and sufficient. Sadly some of the behavior of people saying they are believers makes us look crazy to the very people God called us to love and to witness. There has also been Christians who used guilt, shame, fear, and intimidation to get people to vote for their candidates. This is a subtle form of spiritual abuse.

I realized yesterday the unease I've been feeling isn't new. It is fear--a fear that I first felt as a little girl living in Arizona when Barry Goldwater ran for president. I met him and thought he was nice and I was excited someone from Arizona was in the race. I told my my great aunt that I wish I could vote for him. She told me if he won we would go to war and my Dad would be drafted and killed. She triggered fear and shame in me that I didn't know how to express. So, learned to keep my mouth shut during election years.

Then when I got married a lot of churches were teaching out of Revelation and I was feeling uneasy. In addition, my in-laws happened to be legalistic and my father-in-law freely shared his opinions and his judgments. Just about every candidate was demonized by him or someone like him and the chief insult at the time was to label a candidate as the "anti-christ." I remember walking away from those conversations full of fear and dread and expecting a catastrophe to follow every election. Yet, the sun rose the next day and I went to work just like any other day and I didn't see horns growing out of the presidents's heads. I really doubt that this is what our founding fathers had in mind.

I have some very wise friends who do a lot of research on current events and laws and I have felt safe asking some of them questions. Some told me nicely who they were voting for and why. Some have simply conveyed all the options there are without revealing their candidate of choice to me. I knew these friends will value me both as a person and a believer regardless of how I voted. Today, I am mostly wondering how we as a nation begin to heal from all the craziness and hate-filled speech that has transpired in the name of elections.

Last night as I was praying several things came to mind. First, the church is still the church, no matter who wins. The church is a body of believers that knows no borders. The church is not, nor ever has it been the USA. I think some of the frustration I've felt is because I forget that and I begin to expect non-believers to think like I do and that is wrong. I have realized I was looking for a president like I would look for a pastor and maybe next time I will approach it differently. I have four years to pray about that.

Second, I desire my religious freedoms to be respected and protected. But if they aren't, that doesn't end my responsibility as God's ambassador. If persecution comes and religious freedoms are threatened, I don't want to cower in fear or be driven by bitter anger. I want to live godly just like Daniel did in Persia. Just like Joseph did in Egypt. Just like Esther in the king's court. Just like the Apostles did in the early church. And just like the cloud of witnesses found in Hebrews 11, who both lived and died by faith in God who is good both in life and in death.

I can't be like them if I respond to the world with ungodly tactics. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Though that verse was written to Israel, not to the USA, I believe we, as a church, can apply it. God wants us, as a church, to be humble, to pray, to seek His face, and to turn away from sinful patterns. We don't have to think exactly alike to be unified around our mission. We can't carry out our mission if we hurl insults and hateful words at each other and those to whom we are called to go. We certainly can't expect a non-believing culture to respond to Christ unless we love like He loves and live in a way that draws the unsaved to Him.

I wonder what will happen if we responded to elections, no matter who wins, by putting on humility and confessing our sin both individually and corporately. What if our men  become known for their godly behavior in the church, in the work place, and in the home. What if their tongues show honor to their wives and other women and to those in power. What if our women become known for respecting their spouses and showing strength, modesty, and integrity in the workplace. What if those who are parents and grandparents raise children who walk with integrity, strength, humility, and passion about God and people? And what if every church acknowledged and confronted its own sin, and did its best to mend relationships harmed in the fallout of sin. What if we extend both grace and truth to those who are searching so hard for answers that really won't be found in any other than God?

Third, maybe we need to get more comfortable with the concept of loving enemies. We are all feeling like we've made a few enemies both in the church and outside the church during this election season. I used to think I was good at loving people--that is until September of 2011. I remember right after 9/11 watching the news and seeing people scream, "Death to America," while facing an enemy much more personal here at home. I was at our church when some of the conflict rose its ugly head and I stepped outside to just breathe. I looked up to the sky and cried out from the depth of my heart, "You say to love our enemies, Lord, and I really want to do that. I just don't know what love looks like in the face of hate! And it hurts so much to be hated! Please help!"

The Lord brought to mind Jesus, and how He wrestled with the Father's will in the Garden and how He determined to do His Father's will. And in that will He heard the words, "Crucify Him!" chanted in the same way I heard "Death to America." He faced false accusations repeatedly just as I had and then He laid down His life, was beaten, was humiliated, and was nailed to a cross with all of our shame and guilt placed upon Him...and the cry of His heart in the middle of it all, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." For me that became the first step in learning to love my enemies.

Loving may also require us to forgive believers who've bullied and insulted us in their zeal to get their candidate elected, which, to be honest, is hard for this survivor to do. It means we let go of our unreasonable expectations of non-believers and love them where they are at and treat them with the respect that any human created by God should be treated. It means putting on humility and honoring the leader God chooses for us today. It means praying for them and living above reproof and doing our best to be at peace with all men. Maybe if I, if we, do our part it will open doors for conversations the Holy Spirit might use to turn people's hearts towards the God who created them and loved them enough to die for them. We need to remember hatred will never bring about repentance. It is the goodness of God that does. I just want to make sure that His goodness is visible in and through me. Maybe, just maybe if it is, it will begin a movement back to church unity and the healing of the hatred that flowed through our land in the name of the election.

So, now what? Maybe it is as simple as keeping our eyes are on Jesus even in election years and maybe it is as simple as making sure our hearts are seeking His so our Words reflect His Words and our actions reflect His heart to a world in need of a Savior.

Now What?

This election year has been a grueling year. The biased media, the name calling, the slander, the lies, and the spinning of opponents's words has been divisive and frustrating as we try to discern what candidates represent us best. I'm even afraid I've unknowingly born false witness by sharing some posts on social media. I don't know who to trust anymore for accurate information. There is so much conflicting info that I am sure some lied and I took the bait in the moment and, as a believer, that hurts my heart. Some of the stuff being written by believers is unbelievable. Bit I know God knows and He is not a God of confusion and contradictions. His Word is consistent and sufficient. Sadly all of the junk out there makes us look crazy to the people to whom God called us to love and to witness. In addition there have been Christians who used guilt, shame, fear, and intimidation to get people to vote for their candidates. This is a subtle form of spiritual abuse.

I realized yesterday the unease I've been feeling isn't new. It is fear I am well acquainted with--a fear that I first felt as a little girl living in Arizona when Barry Goldwater ran for president. I saw him in person and thought he was nice and I was excited someone from Arizona was in the race. I happened to tell my my great aunt that I wish I could vote for him. She told me if he won we would go to war and my Dad would be drafted and killed. She triggered both fear and shame in me that I didn't know how to express. So I learned to keep my mouth shut during election years.

Then when I got married a lot of churches were teaching out of Revelation and I was feeling very uneasy. In addition, my in-laws happened to be very legalistic and my father-in-law very free with opinions and judgments. Many candidates were demonized by him or someone like him and the chief insult at the time was to label a candidate as the "anti-christ." I remember walking away from those conversations full of fear and dread and expecting a catastrophe to follow elections. Yet surprisingly the sun rose and I went to work the next day and no horns grew out of the presidents's heads. I doubt that this is what our founding fathers had in mind.

I want to say I have some very wise friends who do a lot of research on current events and laws and have felt safe asking some of them questions. Some told me nicely who they were voting for and why. Some have simply conveyed all the options there are without revealing their candidate of choice to me. I knew these friends will value me both as a person and a believer regardless of how I voted. Today, I am mostly wondering how we as a nation begin to heal from all the craziness and hate-filled speech that has transpired in the name of elections.

Last night as I was praying several things came to mind. First, the church is still going to be the church tomorrow, no matter who wins. The true church is a body of believers that knows no borders. The church is not, nor ever has it been the USA. I think some of the frustration I've felt is because I forget that and I begin to expect non-believers to think like I do. I don't have a right to expect that. I have also realized I was looking for a president like I would look for a godly pastor and maybe next time I will approach it differently. I have four years to pray about that.

Second, I desire my religious freedoms to be both respected and protected. But if they aren't that doesn't end my witness and my responsibility. If persecution comes and religious freedoms are threatened, I don't want to cower in fear or be driven by bitter anger. I want to live godly just like Daniel. Just like Joseph. Just like Esther. Just like the Apostles. And just like the cloud of witnesses found in Hebrews 11, who both lived and died by faith in God who is good both in life and in death.

I can't be like them if I respond to the world with ungodly tactics. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." Though that verse was written to Israel, not to the USA, I believe we, as a church, can apply it. God wants us, as a church, to be humble, to pray, to seek His face, and to turn away from sinful patterns. We don't have to think exactly alike to be unified around our mission. We can't carry out our mission if we hurl insults and hateful words at each other and those to whom we are called to go. We certainly can't expect a non-believing culture to respond to Christ unless we love like He loves and live in a way that draws people to Him.

I wonder what will happen if we respond to the election, no matter how it turns out, by putting on humility and confessing our sins both individually and corporately. What if our men  become known for their godly behavior in the church, in the work place, and in the home. What if their tongues show honor to their wives and other women in their lives. What if our women become known for respecting their spouses and showing strength, modesty, and integrity in the workplace. What if those who are parents and grandparents raise children who walk with integrity, strength, and passion about God and people? And what if every church acknowledged and confronted its own sin, and did its best to mend relationships harmed in the fallout of such sin. What if we extend both grace and truth to those who are really out there searching so hard for answers that really won't be found in any other than God?

Third, maybe we need to get more comfortable with the concept of loving enemies. We are all feeling like we've made a few enemies both in the church and definitely outside the church during this election season. I used to think I was good at loving people--that is until September of 2011. I remember right after 9/11 watching the news and seeing people scream, "Death to America," while facing an enemy much more personal here at home. I was at our church when some of the conflict rose its ugly head and I stepped outside to just breathe. I looked up to the sky and cried out from the depth of my heart, "You say to love our enemies, Lord, and I really want to do that. I just don't know what love looks like in the face of hatred! And it hurts so much to be hated! Please help me!"

The Lord brought to mind Jesus, and how He wrestled with the Father's will in the Garden and how HE determined to do His Father's will. And in that will He heard the words, "Crucify Him!" chanted in the same way I heard "Death to America." He faced false accusations repeatedly just as I had and then He laid down His life, was beaten, was humiliated, and was nailed to a cross with all of our shame and guilt placed upon Him...and the cry of His heart in the middle of it all, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." For me that became the first step in learning to love my enemies.

Loving enemies may also mean we forgive believers who've bullied and insulted us in their zeal to get their candidate elected, which, to be honest, is hard this survivor to do. It means we let go of our unreasonable expectations of non-believers and love them where they are at and treat them with the respect that any human created by God should be treated. It means putting on humility and honoring the leader God chooses for us today. It means praying for them and living above reproof and doing our best to be at peace with all men. Maybe if I, if we, do our part it will open doors for conversations the Holy Spirit might use to turn people's hearts towards the God who created them and loved them enough to die for them. We need to remember hatred will never bring about repentance. It is the goodness of God that does. I just want to make sure that His goodness is visible in and through me. Maybe, just maybe if it is, it will begin a movement back to church unity and the healing of the hatred that flowed in the name of the elections.

So, now what? Maybe it is as simple as keeping our eyes are on Jesus even in election years and maybe it is as simple as making sure our hearts are seeking His so our Words reflect His Words and our actions reflect His heart to a world in need of a Savior.

Faith that Sees Beyond Circumstances

Sometimes I forget that as a believer I am called to live life from an eternal perspective. When I forget, I'm prone to take my eyes off God, putting them on circumstances--circumstances that overwhelm, circumstances that terrify, and circumstances that out right confuse me. And when my eyes are on circumstances, my doubts diminishes my faith and I find myself responding to my circumstances from a place of doubt-induced fear instead of a place of faith-built courage.

As I was reading Romans 4 and I came across some verses about Abraham I found intriguing. Verses 18-21 say, "In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, "So shall your offspring be." He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body which was as good as dead (since he was a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." (The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). Wheaton: Standard Bible Society.

I've grown to love Abraham and Sarah's story. When God first spoke to them, they were old and barren, living in the midst of a culture that worshiped fertility gods. Because of the value their culture placed on fertility, barren women like Sarah were disgraced in the eyes of others and their infertility viewed as proof the gods found them defective and/or sinful. Then God called Abraham and Sarah out of that culture, promising them a new land and a son who would be the first of many heirs.

I can't imagine being in their shoes. Having lived with the pain and the shame induced by infertility, they had already passed through years that should have been fertile and had come to the age that they could begin to accept the finality of dreams lost and longings unfulfilled. But, God stirred the proverbial pot. He promised an heir and planted another seed of hope in the heart of a wife whose whose dead  womb was now menopausal and in the heart of a husband so aged he was as good as dead in a reproductive sense. What could they have thought when God began to speak to them of offspring?

Abraham, the one called the father of faith, had a choice to make when God spoke. He could keep his eyes on what he could see--two wrinkly worn out bodies that even in their prime had never conceived or he could focus on what God said and believe God could and would renew their bodies to fulfill His promise. He chose to exercise faith in God and His ability to fulfill the promises He makes. Over time he became more and more certain that what God said was more true than the facts that lay before him. He made a decision to place full his confidence in God--the God who spoke the world into place. The God who hung the stars in space. The God who filled the oceans with fish , the sky with birds, and the land with vegetation and animals. The God who had breathed life into dust to form Adam, and the same God who had now called Abraham by name. He became certain that what God spoke would come to be.

Ten years passed from the time the promise was given. And in that ten years Abraham's faith was strengthened until he was fully persuaded God could and God would do what He promised. God used the moments doubt crept into to Abraham's mind to strengthen his faith. The word waver in the verses above means to act as a judge and to pass judgement on something. When Abraham was tempted to look at his or Sarah's bodies or ponder their ages, he had to choose again and again whether to judge God's ability with God's Words and God's power by what he knew of the Creator. Had Abraham judged God's ability only by what he saw, he would have concluded the chance of God fulfilling the promise was slim. After all they were beyond childbearing years, they had never seen God do anything like this before, and they knew no human being in their right mind would believe they could conceive. He had many human reasons not to take God at His Word, but he chose to not judge God's ability by what he could see. He chose to judge it based on God's character. Abraham's faith was strengthened when He focused on God's power. The more he saw the truth of who he and Sarah were and the truth of who God was, the more persuaded he became.

Faith can either be strong or weak, depending on how we view God. If we view Him as weak and impotent in comparison to our circumstances our faith will be weak. But if we view Him as the Word describes Him--all-powerful, all-knowing, sovereign, and loving--our faith will grow exponentially until we are fully convinced He can and will do what He says He will do.

There was nothing in their aged bodies, their experiences, and their strong desire for a child that could strengthen their faith. All of those things had left them childless. It was only Abraham's choosing to trust in God that gave him a strong faith--faith that was counted to him as righteousness, faith that resurrected their dead bodies to reproduce. Every little wrinkle and every little ache that of their joints that comes with age during the ten years of waiting for a promise fulfilled was an opportunity to purged every doubt that they tore at their God-confidence. Abraham came to understand that he and Sarah were powerless and God was not. And in that truth, he rested.

I think God was very purposeful in choosing a barren, centurion couple to bless with a baby. In choosing them, He revealed Himself as the Creator of life, the giver of hope, and the mighty God who brings dead bodies to life. God had delayed Isaac's birth so He could reveal Himself and His power to two hurting people in the middle of a pagan world. Maybe he delayed it for our benefit as well. To walk by faith, we must say, "Lord, I believe You! I refuse to live life from a perspective of what I see. I choose to live in light of what You say and what You have shown yourself to be. I choose to take every thought captive when I become confused as Your Words are truth and wisdom. I am weak and powerless, but You are mighty and have all things under control. I choose see life through Your eternal perspective."

I choose faith in Christ because it's a faith that sees beyond the circumstances to what God can do.      

Navigating Disgusting Times in a Godly Way

I was going to blog more on things God never said. But last week Trump's video stirred my heart in another direction. I've been victimized by that type of behavior. To get to my locker in high school, I had to pass a line of boys leaning against the wall looking girls over as they passed. And as the girl's PE teacher's assistant I was left alone in her office and several football players came in to talk. At first the conversation was fun, but it turned ugly as they crudely discussed someone's sexual conquest in graphic terms. I tried to take a stand, but the talk continued. I finally looked at one of the guys I respected who had a girlfriend who was beautiful inside and out and asked, "How would you feel if they were talking about your girlfriend like this?" He hung his head. So, I shook my head and went to the library. The teacher told my mom I disappeared and my mom told me not to leave like that. What my parents and teacher didn't know is I had already experienced sexual assault--the first time at the age of four and the guy's comments fed the shame birthed through abuse and fueled the hatred I felt toward my body. That shame that hindered me from feeling righteous anger that could have enabled me to more assertively confront the "Locker Room Talk."

Then during college our campus had several rapes reported and I was nervous when I left class after dark and walked to my dorm alone. One night when I got near the cafeteria, a group of athletes had gathered and one whistled and I started walking faster. Then the whole group started whistling and calling out things I didn't want to hear so I didn't respond and they began to curse me, getting louder and more verbally aggressive. During that time dates also ended in wrestling matches where "no's" weren't respected and shaming words were spewed when I wanted to go home. Guys exposed themselves and girls were groped in cafeteria lines. I didn't invite unwanted attention. I didn't give consent for touch. I didn't ask to hear the crude things spewed at me. I know women who have experienced this in work places and in churches as well. For awhile, I believed being born woman meant I had to bear with men's bad behavior and assume partial or full responsibility for it.

Even after marriage my husband's dad made comments about women's bodies and about my body in particular. His were along the line of breast size, booty size, and being too fat--too fat at 120, too fat pregnant, and too fat post pregnancy. People said it was no big deal, just to forgive him. But it never stopped and the problem was that he was constantly looking at my body, leaving me uncomfortable being a woman. That is not okay! I also had a male doctor grope a breast as he commented about the milk that size breast could produce. I had another male doctor whose time was more valuable than my comfort who sewed me up after childbirth without numbing me. He ignored my pleas to stop as he caused more traumatizing pain to an area of my body already hurting. A year later I had a panic attack as I walked in for my yearly check up and left. I avoided doctors for years until friends helped me find compassionate men and women and counselors taught me how to change doctors when doctors didn't listen to my voice.

Please hear my words! 

EVERY LEER, EVERY WORD INAPPROPRIATELY SPOKEN, EVERY ACT OF ABUSE, AND EVERY ACT AND ATTITUDE THAT SHOWED A LACK OF COMPASSION BY PROFESSIONAL MEN MATTERED. 

It mattered because it shaped my view of God, others, and myself in negative ways. It impacted my ability to give and receive love. It impaired my ability to trust even good men and women who meant no harm. The rape culture took away my voice and made me feel unsafe in my own skin. It hindered my ability to embrace the beauty of being created a woman and all of the joy that comes with that.    

I for one am not surprised by Trump's tape; it totally fits with the character he has had on display over the years. We must remember Trump's words were more than words; they were a revelation of sexual assault. He is either lying now or he in some sick way thought he would look better in another man's eyes if he bragged about assaulting women. Either is sick. I find myself wondering why a guy like him and a man like my father-in-law think they are qualified to judge the value and worth of women by appearance.

We've had a lot of bad behavior from presidents over the years. So, I get why some think its okay to vote for him. But I become enraged when people, especially believers, negate what he said to justify voting for him. I get even more enraged when they try to guilt, manipulate, and shame others into voting for him as well, especially when throw in that Trump claims he is against abortion. As a survivor, I will not let anyone emotionally or spiritually abuse me by using guilt, shame, fear, or manipulation to get me to vote for any candidate.

I will pray and I will seek God's wisdom and I will vote as He leads me. I wish we could have healthy, godly  conversations about political issues so we can solve horrible problems like abortion, illegal immigration, terrorism, and refugees in need. I wish we could share information without coloring it and misquoting people and spinning the truth to get votes. Yesterday I listened to two videos side by side of Trump and Clinton speaking on immigration and the truth is they agree on that issue when they are not misquoting each other or putting words into each others mouths!

There is a high correlation between abortion and sexual abuse, rape, and the demeaning of women. I hate abortion with a passion. I held my granddaughter when she weighed two pounds and was fighting for her life, wondering how anyone could believe a baby at six months gestation is only tissue. Her gold-spun hair, her precious personality, her expressions, and her fight to live were proof she was human, not tissue. Her coming out of the womb didn't change her from a blob to a baby and I hate it that women are being lied to about that. There are a lot of things we need to change to change our abortion culture. One of them is the rape culture in which we live.

We desperately need men who passionately love God to rise up with integrity and pursue purity to say no more to this rape culture! We need men to understand the rape culture is not harmless! We need them to commit to treating women with kindness, respect, and care. We need them to hold themselves and each other accountable to godly character, behavior, and conversations. We need them to obey the Scriptures and speak words that build up those who hear. We need them to realize it is more manly to respect women than it is to participate in vulgar speech. We need them to realize they are never more attractive than when they teach their sons to respect their moms, sisters, daughters, grandmothers, and granddaughters. We need men to rise up and teach their sons that they aren't victims to their bodies and they can be attracted to women and still treat them with respect and remain pure. Believers don't have the right to ask for sex before marriage and sure don't have the right to touch without consent. As God's image bearers, men do not have the right to look women up and down and leer at them and make lewd comments. We need men to show their daughters how good men act so they don't settle for anything less than a good man.

We women are not off the hook either. We are buying into the rape culture when we get our value and worth from the attention of men. We need to go against culture and carry ourselves in ways that commands respect. We need to guard our hearts and be sure our behavior and words gives a clear messages for our desire for pure, godly relationships. We need to rise up and teach out daughters to find their worth and value in Christ, not in boys who aren't mature enough to always make the best decisions. We need to protect them from abuse. We need to believe them when abuse occurs and care for them even if it exposes family, church, friends, or teachers so they can move past it and not let it define them. We need to teach our daughters that it is okay for girls to say, "No!" It is okay for girls to break up with a boy who is pressuring them. It is okay to ask to be taken home if boundaries aren't respected. We need to teach daughters that no job and no man is worth selling out our integrity. We need to teach our daughters that it is not rude to disengage from conversation that aren't safe and godly. We need to teach our daughters to not to contribute to the tearing down of women by participating in bullying. We need to teach our daughters to respect their fathers, grandfathers, brothers and sons. We need to teach our daughters that it is more godly to work together at changing the rape culture than finding power over it by becoming abusers.

We need to teach our sons and our daughters that men and women were created to complement each other in function and in relationship, but that we were created to find our completion only in Christ.

So, how do we navigate these disgusting times? We stand for truth--all of it! We seek God's wisdom. We don't guilt or shame others into voting our way and we don't let others guilt or shame us into voting in a way that violates our conscience. Finally, we choose to trust God's sovereignty.

As Max Lucaddo said in a recent post, on November 9 God will still be in charge and His throne will still be occupied. His providence never has, doesn't now, and never will depend on the president of the United States. God has used pagan kings in the past and can certainly use pagan presidents in ways we can't even imagine. He has already used Trump's own words to help scores of women find their voice and tell their stories of abuse for the first time. God can humble prideful leaders as he did Nebuchadnezzar.

Resting in God's sovereignty restores a sense of peace. It restores peace in our relationships when we accept that God is sovereign no matter how you or I vote and that neither of our votes will dethrone the King of kings. God is the only being worth trusting and maybe, just maybe, one of the reasons we're stuck with two immoral people vying for office is that God wants us to see His goodness, wants to see where our lack of integrity can take us, and wants us to recognize He is God and they are not. We do have the responsibility to educate ourselves best we can, but the bottom line is: God is still in control! To live like I believe that truth is the way for me to navigate these disgusting times in a godly way.