Sometimes Life is Hard -- Revisited

I'm planning to write a mini series on the topic of forgiveness and am in the process of praying, researching, and organizing the million thoughts that are running through my head on this topic. So I've been in a quandary. I don't like to let too much time pass before I share a post, but I want to very carefully handle the Word while sharing from my heart with pure motives. Because of this I am not quire ready to share what I am learning about forgiveness. Generally, I share what I am currently learning and what applies to my own life. This month marks the eighth anniversary of Passionate Heart Ministry and we graduated 37 women from our support groups this week. These beautiful women had the courage to feel deep pain, come out of denial about their relationship with food, examine their painfully dysfunctional families, or explore the confusion they had in dealing with their emotions. These courageous women stayed the course so we planed a graduation ceremony. I shared some thoughts with them that were originally from a post I wrote last year. I made some changes for the talk and thought I might post the talk even though it is similar to last year's post. We have added a lot of readers this year and hopefully it will bless you if you are new. I will share some thoughts on forgiveness in the next couple of weeks but for those who were reading last year, I hope you will revisit with me and maybe even leave your thoughts below on how God sees you through the hard. 

"Sometimes life is hard. Life is hard because we experience losses—the loss of loved ones to death; the loss of relationships to conflict; loss of marriages to divorce; loss of things stolen, loss of homes stripped by floods, fires, or wars; loss of sentimental items, representing loved ones no longer here. 

Life is hard due to loneliness we experience. Maybe we married someone who is unwilling or unable to connect at a heart level. Maybe we took a risk and asked for changes in a friendship and the friend ignored us, leaving us feeling more invisible and unheard. Maybe we are dealing with painful issues that must remain private, leaving us feeling so alone. Life is hard when we lose jobs or struggle with poverty face the loss of a home or the fear of not being able to feed our family. Life is hard when we end relationships to preserve our integrity or because a relationship causes pain too deep to bear. Life is hard when we experience abuse. It doesn’t matter if the abuse is sexual, physical, emotional, or spiritual—all abuse robs us of innocence, causes us to feel unsafe in our homes, community, church or our own bodies. Abuse leaves us struggling with injustices and judgments—sometimes others and sometimes our own. Life is hard when we realize we can't fulfill dreams or we face limitations because our bodies or our emotions are wounded. Life is hard because we sin and hurt others. We say unkind words we can’t retract and they hang between us and the person we love like a heavy, dark curtain. We hurt others’ reputations through gossip and slander. We say things in haste that deeply wound the hearts of our children. We lose friendships because we are selfish, self-centered, or hurtful. We may regret it, we may repent, and may apologize many times, but sometimes forgiveness isn’t granted and restoration never takes place.

Ironically, the more we love, the more we will experience hard. But, the hard is not always bad. Pain can create a thirst for change. It can create a humility that leads to repentance. It can create a thirst for our heavenly home where there will be no more death, no injustice, no sin, no abuse, and no more tears. The question we need to contemplate in the here and now is, “How do I live in the hard and remain faithful to God?”

There are a couple of things we can do that will help us remain faithful in the hard. First, though simple, is very powerful. We can choose to look for God’s daily blessings and acknowledge them and give thanks to God for those even in the midst of the hard

Second, we can follow the Old Testament example of building monuments. When Israel experienced the hard followed by God’s miraculous intervention, they were instructed to build monuments so that they wouldn’t forget what He had done. When they crossed the Red Sea, they built stone monuments and when their children asked what the stones were about, they told them the history behind them and what God did for them. Each of our monuments might look different. One of my friend has monuments. She planted plants when her four children were born to mark the gifts God had given her. After one child, she planted a sprig of bamboo that grew into a grove. She recently lost the son that the bamboo represented in an accident and she has survived the great pain of grief by praising God and by remembering the gifts God gave her through her son. She can see the grove of bamboo from her window and will someday be able to share with her grandchildren about the son she lost, the lessons she learned through grief, and about his faith in Jesus.

When our granddaughter was born 12 weeks too early, our women’s director gave me a prayer quilt for her. It covered her incubator as she slept and grew. In my mind the quilt is a monument to the God who created this beautiful little girl and saw her through a rocky start. I also planted a yellow rose to celebrate the life of one of the most precious friends I have ever had. She was a woman of grace and humility and a very giving and loyal friend. Its growing rampant by my front door, and every time I see it I think of her and the friendship God gave us and how that friendship created a hunger to know the God she knew so well. 

But most of my monuments are found in my writing. Not only do I keep a running lists of things, I am thankful for, I have published curriculum for support groups that testify to the work God has done in my life. I also publish this blog, sharing the lessons God teaches me so I won't forget and so others can learn from what I have learned.

One monument I wrote about started being built when a counselor asked me to give her one word that described what I felt growing up. Without hesitation, I said, “Invisible.” Several months later I was going through a healing prayer and the prayer director told me she sensed God wanted me to renounce something she had never heard of. I asked her what it was and she said it was “the spirit of invisibility.” I had not told her I felt invisible and was overwhelmed by God’s love in telling her to have me renounce that spiritual stronghold. God then reminded me of the story of Hagar who was Sarai’s servant. After she had become pregnant by her mistress’s husband at her mistress’s request, she developed contempt for Sarai. Sarai became enraged and sent her away. Pregnant and alone in that desert, life was hard for Hagar. She sat down and wept. Genesis 16 tells us the angel of the Lord responded to her. 

“And He said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going/” She said, “I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” The angle of the LORD also said to her, “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.”…so she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “El Roi”—You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.”

God saw Hagar and met her in the hard. Hagar called God “El Roi,” the God who Sees! The God of Hagar let me know that He also saw me even when others didn’t. El Roi has many implications for us. He sees children abandoned by parents—either physically or emotionally. He sees a child, belittled and abused at school. He sees a girl trying to scrub away the shame of the perverted sexual violations perpetrated against her. He sees a girl trafficked for sex—drugged and held against her will. He sees a family displaced by war, earthquakes, and floods. He sees those grieving the violent deaths of loved ones. He sees parents whose children are starving, sick, or dying. He sees moms struggling with lost babies and those who couldn’t conceive. He sees babies born so small they fit in the palm, struggling to breathe while parents beg God for the life of one out of the womb too soon. He sees those saying good bye to loved ones as they slip into eternity and those grieving because they didn’t get to say goodbye. El Roi! What hope there is in our God who sees.

God gave me another monument through a Bible study I attended. The pastor asked what was difficult about waiting on God. I wasn’t sure why it was hard for me until the pastor shared a verse that pricked my heart. The verse said that God has His ears turned towards those who wait on Him. I was such a compliant child, that when I spoke someone’s name and they didn’t respond, I gave up. I assumed that when God wanted me to wait, that he wasn’t going to respond either and would withdraw from Him. That night I realized God’s silence didn’t mean He didn’t want to hear me. It meant that His ears were turned toward me and it was an invitation to keep talking to Him:

• Talking until the buried pain in my heart was healed and replaced with joy
• Talking until the compassion that had been stifled was resurrected and my heart grew passionate again
• Talking until the lies I believed were exposed and replaced with His truth
• Talking until my unbelief grew into faith
• Talking until my hidden sin was exposed and I cried out for His mercy to be fulfilled in me
• Talking until the desire to know Him became bigger than my desire to experience His gifts
• Talking until He fully had my heart, God is my Jehovah Shama--the God who hears.

God hears the cries of those facing injustice. He hears the cries of those abandoned or betrayed by parents, spouses, or friends. He hears the cries of those disappointed and those with deep wounds left by those who should have loved them, but didn’t. He hears the cries of those beaten down and trod upon. He hears the cries of those who have been lead to believe they’re never good enough, never smart enough, or never pretty enough and too much at the same time. He hears the cries of those who have born burdens way too big for their shoulders. He hears the cries of those who long for peace and freedom from abuses, freedom from pain, freedom from guilt and shame, freedom from addictions, and freedom from hatred. He hears the cries of those who hate their sin and want to be forgiven.

He hears the cries and the questions that rise from the depths of grieving souls and understands that those questions reveal broken hearts. He hears every prayer spoken aloud and every prayer muttered deep within the heart—even the prayers so full of anguish they are heard as nothing more than a groan. Oh, what hope there is in Jehovah Shama who is the God whose ears are always turned toward us.

God is not only a God who sees and hears, He is a God who acts! In response to the cries of the people He created and the pain He saw them in, He came to earth to reveal His great love. He took on a body of flesh and lived among people just like us---people in bondage to sin and people paralyzed by deeply wounded hearts. He spent time with those who had overwhelming needs no person could fill. He chose to die a horrible cruel death—suspended between heaven and earth to bear our shame, our guilt, and our ugly sin. We must never lose sight of the fact that our sin wasn’t placed on a cross, It was placed on the LORD Jesus Himself! He was the One who faced the wrath of God in our place. He died so that God’s unending grace, precious peace, unimaginable goodness, and extravagant love could be poured out upon us. He bore unspeakable abuse so that He could exchange His perfect righteousness for our sin. He came so that we could truly know that God is a God who understands when life is hard.

In the moments when we are overwhelmed by the hard, we can look to the monuments we have built and believe in a God who sees and who hears and who will act in ways that show us His love and His faithfulness.

We must always remember that the painful cross preceded the glory of the empty grave. We must remember to embrace the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, who leads us to repentance and to a deeper connection with our Savior. Jesus took our sin away and He is the One and only one who can heal our hearts and give us hope. Remembering what He has done will help us remain faithful in the hard.

We are blessed that the hard causes us to long for the completion of our salvation that occurs when we are face to face with our Jesus--when our pain and suffering will end and the tug of sin on our hearts will dissipate. We want to live in such a way that we can be used by God to reach people who are lost in the hard! We want to show them that His resurrection speaks of hop, power, and joy. We can only do this by remaining faithful and trusting Him in the hard. Do you believe in your heart of hearts that God sees you? Do you believe that He hears you? Can you trust Him in the Hard? I hope so, because He faced the hard for you and He faced the hard for me."   

God Meets us When our Faith is Small

He said to them, "Because of your little faith.

For truly, I say to you, if you have faith
like a grain of mustard seed,

you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,'

and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." 

Matthew 17:20



The last few weeks I have been writing about spiritual abuse for a big project I am doing and it's been tough to do research on this topic. One of the most vulnerable places in this world is the church. There are several reasons for this. First, when most people seek out a church they are really looking for God. They may not realize that they are equating the church with God but they most often are. Second, it is also vulnerable because most people know believers are supposed to love and they come into church expecting the church to love better than the world, but. Sadly, that isn't always the case. Third, we are called to live transparent lives and to confess sin to one another. But not every church member is trust worthy and the information we share isn't always treated with respect. Fourth, we are called to confront and to forgive one another. Many people in the church find it hard to forgive, hard to apologize, and most of us hate to confront. These are very vulnerable actions that come with risk. After all, we can't control others and can't force them to repent, apologize, forgive, or hear our criticism even when it is bathed in love. In fact, the church is just full of growing people, not perfect people as we often expect.

Out of all the kinds of abuses I have studied, spiritual abuse has made me the most angry, because it strikes at our most vulnerable need--the need to know our Creator. Spiritual abuse has been around for a very long time. It was addressed in the Old Testament and it was addressed strongly by Jesus. Spiritual abuse takes place when churches aren't structured correctly and leaders place themselves between people and God. It takes place when legalism is present and people add stuff to the finished work of Jesus. It takes place when leaders or church members misuse the Scriptures to shame and humiliate others.

One of the things I read in my research brought back memories of being a young adult and trying to figure out what this thing called the Christian life was all about. I went to pretty good churches, but I was so spiritually hungry that I would watch religious programing and didn't realize that some of it was not true to the Word and some of the teaching was a breeding ground for spiritual abuse. One of the things I hate most about spiritual abuse is that it tends to bind people to shame rather than to show them the heart of God. One type of abuse that occurs is the misuse of the promises found in God's Word. I remember seeing some of that on the television programs, but have also heard stories from people first hand who have had some pretty ugly things said to them concerning promises. The verse above is one of those verses that gets misused and thrown into people's faces. Some people teach that you can ask for anything and, if your faith is strong enough, you will get it. A reading of Hebrews 11 should help us see that isn't always so. Many people in that chapter received great blessings for their faith, but others who were commended for their great faith died waiting for promises to be fulfilled.

I've heard several stories of people who were either struggling with cancer or had children that did. I have heard of a case where a person was prayed for and by the time he got to the specialist no cancer was found and I have no problem believing God chose to do that. But, I have also known people who prayed hard and believed hard and their bodies or their children weren't healed. Some of them received notes or visits from friends who said they must not have believed hard enough or were told that they must have sin in their lives preventing a healing. I get angry just thinking about those comments. Who are we, to judge people for the ways that God chooses to work? The above verse indicates it only takes a little faith to see God work. A story found in Mark 9:14-29 has some interesting things in it.

In this story, Jesus came found His disciples in a debate with scribes. Jesus asks what they are arguing about and it wasn't the disciples or the scribes who answer, it was a father. He had brought his
deaf and mute son to the disciples to be healed of a demonic spirit who had tortured him most of his life. When the demon manifested, it would cause the boy to seize and would cause him to fall--sometimes he had even fallen into fire and into water. I cannot even imagine what this father had gone through in trying to protect his son and to find healing for him. He had asked the disciples to cast the demon out and they couldn't so he says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us!" Interestingly, Jesus doesn't immediately turn to the son and heal him as I expected him to. He deals with the father and the issue in his heart first. He does this by reflecting the mans words back to him, "If you can!" Then he tells the man, "All things are possible for one who believes." The desperate man cries so honestly, "I believe, help my unbelief!" and Jesus heals his son by casting out the destructive demon.

Jesus was kind and compassionate towards the hurting. He is omniscient and He knew how long the man had suffered with his son. He knew the man has spent years watching the demon torment and destroy the son he loved. He knew the man had even just witnessed the failure of his own disciples to cast the demon out. Because of this, I don't believe, like some might, that his tone was harsh. His purpose in talking with the man was to help him see that with all that he had been through his view of Jesus had become tainted. He wanted the man to see that the long suffering he had watched his son endure had become a stumbling block to his faith. Jesus lovingly was drawing the man to Himself. He was not just healing the son, he was healing the heart of the father so that his faith would be restored and strengthened. 

If we are really honest, most of us would have to admit that we all have had things that have hindered our ability to fully trust God and His ways. Maybe it was years of praying for a mom to give up her drugs so she could love and care for children. Maybe it was years of praying for safety from a sexual predator that never seemed to be heard. Maybe it was years of watching a child be eaten with cancer that medicine couldn't stop. Maybe  it's the longing for a husbands safe return from battle, but being presented with a flag at his grave instead. Maybe its watching a beautiful young daughter starve herself to death because she believes she's defective, too much, not enough, unredeemable, and a host of other lies. Maybe it's besetting sin for which we repeatedly seek God's help, but find the tentacles of the stronghold of sin draining our hope away. Maybe its our own intellect combined with our inability to accept that God's ways are not our ways, so we choose to hold on to what we think is reasonable and be come skeptical.

The possible hindrances to faith are many and Jesus knows that and he knows each of us individually. Maybe, what we might perceive as a lack of response or inactivity on God's part have really been His grace and His love in action. Maybe He's waits to answer the obvious so He can deal with the underlying issues of our wavering hearts. Maybe He hesitates to answer so that we will be brought face to face with the doubts that lie hidden under masks that belie our unbelief. Maybe He waits to respond until we are desperate enough to become radically honest with Him and with ourselves so that we cry out to Him as honestly as this man did. Then He begins to act in ways we see and His plans fully unfold--plans that may fulfill our desires or plans that may not. But, plans that will allow us to witness the richness of His love, His glory, and His grace--His grace that whispers into wounded, wavering hearts, "Your mustard-seed-sized faith has always been enough." 

Meeting God in the Face of Rejection

"For I am sure that neither death nor life,

not angels nor rulers,

nor things present nor things to come,

not powers, nor height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from

the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

 



My church has been covering a series on fear and yesterday the topic was the fear of rejection. It covered the story of Jacob found in Genesis 32:22-32. I loved the sermon because I have never met a person who hasn't been hurt deeply by rejection at some point in their lives. Some of us have experienced rejection when a friend quit being a friend. Some can relate to rejection by being left off the invitation list of an important party. Some can relate because we had a boy friend or girl friend decide the relationship was no longer working even though love was expressed and commitments were made.  Some could relate to rejection because a bully rallied a class full of kids to ostracize one.   

 

As adults we relate when we experience rejection when bosses over look us or women excluded us from girls night out. We relate when those in our church overlook our giftedness or choose to victimize us through gossip or slander. Some have experienced rejection when marriages ended and it wasn't just the rejection of a spouse that hurt. It was the rejection of friends choosing sides. Sometimes there have been rejections due to changes in life stages. Maybe friends without kids no longer wanted to socialize after our babies came or friends turned away when we were overwhelmed with a special needs child. 

 

There are also those pesky little everyday rejections where spouses don't "feel like" loving or  communicating. There are rejections experienced when children rebel or reject our values.   

 

There are also some experiences in life that may be perceived or interpreted as rejections. They may be real rejections or may be we experienced them as rejections because of the way we interpreted them. Some of these types of rejections are when a parent, grandparent, or teacher seem to favor one child over another...something that could be true or something that could be a perception.  Maybe it was being the last child chosen for sports teams. Those choosing may have simply wanted to win and chose those who played the best, but it feels like a rejection to the child who isn't best. Maybe it felt like rejection when a friend chose to go shopping with another friend for the day. In our heads we know it is okay and not rejection, but in our neediness it feels like that. 

 

There is another type of rejection...where one feels rejected as a person. It may have been a parent silencing a talkative child or punishing a creative child for coloring outside the box, causing the child to believe the person they were created to be was not acceptable. It may have also been a parent withholding love as discipline or a parent not meeting the basic needs of time and affection that caused the child to believe they weren't good enough or were too much.     

 

As I was listening to the sermon yesterday three other stories came to mind of people who had suffered rejection and how God met their needs in the face of that rejection. The first woman that came to mind was Hagar. She was the handmaiden of Sarah. As such she didn't have a lot of power or control over her own life. God had promised Sarah and Abraham a baby in their old age and it didn't happen right away, prompting Sarah to "help" God fulfill His promise. By following the customs of the day, she had Abraham lay with Hagar who conceived a child in her place. When it happened the women understandably have all sorts of feelings and attitudes towards each other and Sarah sends Hagar away. God sends Hagar back. After Sarah births her own child, she sends Hagar away again. Alone in the desert with the child she had born at her mistress's request, she sits down and weeps. God meets her there, speaking hope into her rejected heart and assures her that He will make her son into a great nation. Hagar ascribes to God the name El Roi, which means the God who sees me! God saw Hagar in the pain she was experiencing from rejection and He met her there. 

 

The second woman who came to mind was the Samaritan woman who came to get water from a well. She came in the heat of the day, indicating she was avoiding social contact and Jesus surprised her by asking her for a cup of water. She was surprised because Jewish men didn't relate to Samaritans, especially those who were women. He engages her in a conversation as a way of revealing who He is to and in an effort to get her to own who she is. At some point Jesus asks her to bring her husband and she says that she doesn't have one. He tells her she was right in saying she had no husband and reveals that He knows she had been married five times and was now living with a man who was not her husband. We need to understand some things about the culture of her day. To be divorced she would have been taken to a public place where judgments happened and declared her unfit as a wife.  She wasn't just rejected one time, she experienced the shame of this rejection five times. In addition, living with someone who chose not to marry her left her scandalized. Jesus met her where she was. I am not sure how much choice a woman had in those days, but today when women go through serial marriages, they are often looking for someone to fulfill the void left by rejection they have experienced. God revealed to her the love, acceptance, and validation humans show will always pale and always fail in comparison to the love, acceptance, and validation of our Great God. I remember one lady telling me that if she knew in her first marriage what she knew about God now, she would not be divorced for the third time. 

 

Rejection hurts! It hurts enough when it is private and only know to a select few. But it has to hurt even more when it is so public and so shaming. Notice, Jesus sought her out and met her where she was at, just like God had done with Hagar. This is really significant, because sometimes when we are experiencing rejection by a human, the enemy does all he can to convince us that we are unlovable and rejected by God as well. It strikes at the very core of our heart where we wonder if we were too much, not enough, or both. But, rejections is mostly about the heart of the rejector and their inability to love well. When we fail to remember that God seeks out the rejected, we may be prone to seek out relationships independently of God to numb our wounded hearts. But, we, as hurting people, don't make  wise decisions. In fact, we may choose relationships that set us up for a whole lot of rejection and pain. 

 

The third story that came to mind was the story of Joseph. First, He was thrown into a pit by ten of his brothers.and then taken out of the pit and sold as a slave to some Egyptian men. We aren't told of a face to face reckoning meeting like Hagar and the woman at the well had, but as we read the story of Joseph, we see God had His hand on Joseph's life and Joseph remained faithful to God no matter what came his way. He was raised to a high place in the government and provided a plan that saved the nation from famine. He ultimately saved the lives his family and when they sought his forgiveness, he was able to grant it and tell them that even though they meant what they did for evil, God had meant it for good.     

 

So, how do we live in the face of rejection? First, we want to remember that God meets us there. We cannot listen to the lies of the enemy that would tell us different. Sometimes, we'll experience Him  directly and sometimes we'll sense Him through faith. Sometimes we'll experience Him through others sent to encourage us and at other times we experience Him through solitude and wrestling as we expose grieving hearts to His healing love. 

 

Second, we want to remember that rejection by another person isn't proof that we have been neglected or rejected by God. He is ever faithful, no matter what others do. He has promised that nothing can separate us from His love, so by faith we can look to Him trusting His goodness.  

 

Third, it is wise to take time to grieve and to ask God to teach us what we need to learn to grow through the pain of rejection. He may want to show us a fault we need to correct that drives others away. I believe Joseph resolved a pride issue, growing into a humble man who waited on God to fulfill His plans. God may even want to do a deeper healing of pain a current rejection surfaced, which I suspect was the case for the lady at the well. 

 

Finally, when we look at Jesus, we can't forget that He was well acquainted with rejection. John 1:10-11 says, "He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, yet the world did not know Him. He came to His own people and His own people did not receive Him." His own family didn't recognize Him. the nation rejected Him. A disciple betrayed Him while His friends denied Him. His heavenly Father even forsook Him as our sin was laid on Him. 

 

Surely we can trust a God who willing experienced such rejection for us. Surely, we can and look to Him to minister to our rejected hearts and remember that His love is big enough to fill every void and to see us through the emotional pain of rejection. He is the One who will never, ever desert us. With Him we don't have to ever worry about being too much or not enough. He loves us at our worst and draws us to the center of His heart, freeing us to be our best. Maybe the journey of rejection is a journey that leads us to the love that never fails.     

 

 

 

 

Putting on the Proper Attire

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness,

and patience bearing with one another..."

Colossians 3:12-13a

I am fascinated that the writers used by God to pen His Word often used word pictures to convey important Biblical truths. The key verse above is a great example of this. Sanctification is considered an important doctrine of our Christian faith. Yet, Paul used words like taking off and putting on to describe the process of sanctification. When I was a new believer, I often felt shame and guilt when I read passages like this because the analogy seemed to make it sound like the sanctification process was as easy as taking off old clothes and putting on new ones. 

However, more recently I've been thinking about this analogy and realize it is a good analogy. When we become believers we are translated from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. We are made joint heirs with Christ and all the Saints who have gone before us, including Noah, Abraham, Peter, John, Paul, Mary, and a host of other people. We enter into a close relationship with the King of kings. The clothing is a good analogy because clothing is what people usually see first. Spiritually speaking, they will see Christ or they will see the old Wendy before she was redeemed?  

Now if I were marrying a prince and moving into a castle I would accept there are responsibilities that come with that position. I would want to put on clothes that would be appropriate as well as learn the behaviors that are appropriate for the position I was marrying into. As a young bride, I would not want to bring shame to my prince. I would want to know what was considered polite and I would want to avoid behavior that is considered rude or inappropriate for a princess. When I think along those lines, it just seems like the reasonable thing to do. At the same time, I have to admit that in my heart of hearts I know I am a blue jean gal and would find it difficult to wear dresses and fancy shoes. I also know I have the tendency to jiggle my leg, and don't typically care about using the right fork and would have to work at staying present in the moment rather than longing to get home and kick off the shoes, put on comfy slacks and wiggle and jiggle my leg to my hearts contentment.  

When I contemplate the clothing picture I realize what a good picture it is for me of how difficult sanctification is. For I don't have that perfect body that can just go to any rack and pick up something to wear. As a result I have always had a love-hate relationship with clothing. I love to walk into a clothing store and see the colors and feel the textures of the fabrics. When I see the clothing on a model or someone else trying on the clothes, I get excited about how the clothing looks on them. But when I put on new clothes, I don't automatically feel pretty or comfortable. This is because the clothing doesn't feel familiar, and familiar is important to me. I experience this weird phenomenon familiar to women who struggle with eating disorders where I feel like a can of biscuits exploding and in my mind's eye I see my body in a distorted way. Every where the clothing touches me is proof it must not fit. I can't wait to get out of the new clothes and put on old clothes that feel familiar. For me to dress up is so far out of my comfort zone that it is painful. I would rather stay at home in my comfortable clothes. Old clothes are comfortable and feel familiar.  

In the above verse Paul wants us to put on clothing of a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. To be honest my old "clothes," the comfortable "clothes," the clothes of my flesh, don't really look a lot like his list. When I think about compassion, I must admit it is much more natural for me to tell someone to pick themselves up by their boot straps or to bury myself in my writing so I don't have to feel the pain that comes with compassion. Over the years God has helped me become more compassionate by giving me the opportunity to deal with my own pain.

As far as the clothing of kindness I wish I had that one nailed. But in my heart of hearts I know my kindness is often missing, because I just don't think about taking the time to show kindness. It is also often conditional and based on other people's behavior and attitudes. Kind people bring out my kindness, but when I am dealing with difficult people, they don't. Yet, I know when I am struggling and behaving out of my flesh, what I most long for is for another person to show me the kindness of God, to love me out of my anger and frustration I feel. I know God wants me to wear that kind of kindness for others, a kindness that is intentional and unmerited. 

As far as the clothing of humility goes, that, too, has been a bit of a struggle because my stinking pride keeps getting in the way. And my pride has so many stinking faces! It is kind of like finding a comfortable tee-shirt and buying it in several colors--the red one representing the rising of anger of indignation when I believe I've been wronged, the blue one representing the pride that surfaces because I feel like I deserve something better, the green one representing the pride of believing I don't deserve to be mistreated, the gray shirt representing the other side of pride that looks like shame and self-contempt, the black shirt representing the pride of feeling invisible and overlooked which comes from believing old lies. It is a strong one because it was developed out of a need to protect a very wounded heart.

The clothing of meekness has been a hard one because meekness is really strength under control. There were times I didn't believe I had strength and then there were times that righteous anger rose up so fast in me that it felt like it was impossible to control the strength behind it. Yet, over time I am learning to listen to anger's message, dealing with emotions in private so I can use its energy to make the needed changes. 

Finally, the clothing of patience. That is a hard one to put on, because I not only have the flesh to deal with, I live in a culture that has taught me to expect and demand instant gratification! I want what I want when I want it. I wanted to climb to the top quickly when I worked rather than work my way up. I want instant food without cooking it. I want quick transportation and hate stop lights. I want  instant intimacy without doing the hard work of building trust and listening to another's heart. I want instant apologies without giving God time to work in a person's heart. I want to demand instant forgiveness, without allowing another the grace and the time needed to open and treat their wounds  so that they might actually know what they are forgiving.

Yet, as a believer I really do want to put on all those things that Paul is talking about. It is just hard. I find Romans 7:21-24 comforting in that it shows that my struggle to put on is shared by others. "So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members."

One of the reasons that I felt shamed by the "take off" and "put on" lists in the Scriptures was because in my tendency to be a Martha I would gloss over what was prior to the lists. Before he tells the Colossians what to put on, Paul reminds them that they are chosen, holy, set apart, and beloved children of God. Those words would have been noted by Mary and would be what motivated her to don the proper clothing. Skipping those important words can create frantic, busy bee efforts rather than action and attitudes driven by love. Those truths of who we are stir up gratitude and puts the lists in a proper perspective. Paul often used this technique in his epistles. He didn't just stop at the cross, he taught what the cross meant for us, including important truths like reconciliation, redemption, a new identity, and a new relationship with both God and man. Paul reminded them that they are chosen, holy, and beloved before he told them what to put on. 

Paul also often penned the prayers that he was praying for the people he was writing to. He prayed they would be empowered and they would know the love of God. They knew his prayer when they read his lists concerning sanctification. They knew they were being passionately prayed for.

Third, Paul often expressed his own love towards them. He had developed relationships with them and he cared about their growth, cared about their pain, and cared deeply about their relationships with God and with others. His instructions were given from a pure heart and given out of motive of love, not out of a desire to shame. 

When I began to really see Christianity as a love relationship with God, I found the lists created less shame. When I realized the epistles were written by a transparent man who deeply loved people he wrote to, I understood his lists were written out of a desire for others to grow in Christ so those characteristics of love would be manifested in them, making Christ known. I still don't think it's easy, but I don't feel shame about the lists now. I think the lists of what we are to put on are only possible as we relate to God on a daily basis and depend on Him to help us put them on. .

As we keep putting on those characteristics daily, they become more familiar and more natural.  When we put on those characteristics, we experience God in the practice of loving because we choose to live chosen, holy, and loved. When we put on those characteristics we get to see healing in others as a result of the  compassion we donned. We get to see anger melted by our kindness, see pride calmed by our humility, and see conflict deescalated by our meekness. We also get to see souls saved and relationships healed by patience. God is so gracious that even in our imperfect attempts to put on behaviors befitting His children, we are given the opportunities to experience Him as we see Him work in and through us. 

The lists tend to remind me there will be a day when my sanctification is complete and I will no longer have the struggle between my old clothes of the flesh and my new clothes of the Spirit, a day when I will be forever fully clothed in His righteousness! That thought brings such joy to this messy heart...a heart relying so heavily on His grace. 

Outsider No More!

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off

have been brought near by the blood of Christ"

Ephesians 2:13

A few years ago I was a volunteer youth leader. I had been there for awhile so when  women would join the volunteer staff they would often come and ask me question. On more than one occasion I had women tell me they weren't sure they could do this type of ministry. When I asked why, it was never ever about the kids. They thought they were awesome! It was because when they walked into the room, all of the insecurities they had felt in junior high and high school came flooding back. I could so relate to them.  

I now work in support groups and many of the women, including myself think we have gotten over our "stuff" and then all of a sudden find ourselves in a situation that triggers deep feelings of our pasts. Sometimes the trigger reminds us of when we were new moms. Sometimes it reminds us of something we experienced in college. Sometimes it reminds us of something we experienced even earlier like high school, junior high, grade  school, or even preschool years. 

I recently experienced such a trigger. I am not a young thing and have grown children and grandchildren old enough to hold intelligent conversations and all of a sudden I had strong feelings a child would have. The feelings of wanting to be special to someone, to belong to an inner circle, to be a teacher's pet, to be valued, for someone to be glad they saw me. You know the feelings, don't you? Nobody was mistreating me, it was all stuff that was going on inside and caused me to shut down and to not be able to relate, which made me feel even more isolated. And a few times when I did try to express myself, I felt like no one got it. I have talked to enough women to know that many of them struggle with the same thing. Some express it a bit differently. Some say they are afraid of what others might think. Some say they feel like they often don't feel like they fit in. Some state that they are outsiders when no one else sees them that way.  

I have the privilege of picking up my grandsons once a week. One is a gregarious and outgoing guy who will probably seldom experience loneliness and if he does he will quickly initiate connection and it will dissipate. The other is a precious little Eeyore who will pull back if he is feeling a bit down and wait until someone asks him to play. If they don't he will have a very painful day. I so have his temperament and totally get where he is coming from when it happens and am thankful his parents are so wise in how they seek to understand and work with both boys.

But it is really hard when we are adults and these same feelings get triggered. The triggers expose a deep neediness that at our age seems abnormal because it causes emotional memories to rise up and it is as if that little child we were is once again an invisible child or a mute child, clamoring for attention, clamoring to be heard, clamoring to be loved, or clamoring for someone to notice. To be an adult and feel like an invisible, silenced child is hard. It exposes such a deep longings and hurt, causing us to want to run. So, we run, we isolate, we use drugs or alcohol, or we succumb to eating disorders, depression, social anxieties disorders, or simply lash out. If the trigger is strong enough, we vow to never put ourselves in that situation again. Sadly, with these feelings often comes shame which keeps us from talking about them. 

I have thought long and hard about where these feelings might come from. It could be because a child grew up in a home where parents played favorites or maybe a child grew up in a large family and there wasn't enough time and energy to give each child the attention needed. Maybe a child grew up in a home where an addiction or some kind of abuse was present and was zapping the energy out of the family. Maybe a parent was ill or absent. Maybe a child had experiences at church or at school in which they were either ostracized or bullied. Maybe a child had a learning disability that drew negative attention and caused shame. Maybe a child wasn't athletic and was always the last child chosen for a team. Maybe a child experienced trauma that made her feel different from other children, causing her to believe she couldn't relate to other kids. It could even be that a child perceived everyone else as fitting in better than her. Maybe it was true or maybe it was the child's perception. 

I think I have finally figured out for myself where the feelings came from. There was a starting point and then several different hurtful things that happened over the years that exposed those feelings again and each time I stuffed them down, making them more intense. I have learned to look at those feelings with curiosity which helps to figure out the root.

Now, that I understand where they came from I am really more interested in how I can silence those needy feelings. Today as I have contemplated those feelings I had a picture in my head of a little kid standing at the fence on the playground. A bunch of kids are playing and her little hands are intertwined in the fence, her little face pressed up against the chain links and everyone inside the fence is happy playing together. Everything inside of the little girl is crying out, "Please notice me!" But she is silent, believing no one wees her and wants her. It could just as easily been a woman walking into a new Bible study for the first time and sitting in the midst of a group of strangers where everyone knows everyone and seeing their history and feeling hurt because it triggers what she left behind at a previous church. It could just as easily been a woman wanting her husband to notice her and ask her how her day has gone. It could just as easily been a woman struggling with the loss of child or a best friend who wishes someone would ask her how she is really doing today with the pain. Hurts can make us feel isolated. And sometimes we tend to let our feelings become our truth and then we begin to live out that truth, sabotaging our connections with both God and other humans. 

But, the truth found in the verse above is true, not what we believe. Because of what Christ did on the Cross, we are absolutely and radically loved. We are no longer little children, on the outside of the fence looking in, powerless and speechless. When we accepted Christ, He took us from the kingdom of this world and placed us in His kingdom. He made us joint heirs with Christ. He calls us children. He calls us chosen. He calls us beloved. He calls us HIS!

The way out of those feelings is for all of us to choose to set aside shame and talk about them with safe people who understand the powers of the enemy who wants us to remain broken little children caught up in his lies. Te power of a lie power is broken only when we bring the lies to the light by speaking with others who won't shame us, but will allow us to process the lie until we come back to the truth of who we are in Christ. We know those things in our heads if we know the Word, but very often stressful situations we begin to respond emotionally out of old beliefs. Beliefs that were ingrained so deeply that we may not even be aware that we have them. Our work as believers is to take every thought captive and to take that truth from our head and replace the lies we began to believe as children, lies that are at our core.  

If we believe the truth of what God says about us, we will begin to react differently to the situations we are in. We will no longer carry ourselves as ragamuffins longing to be noticed, heard, or loved. We will carry ourselves as women who know we are--radically and unconditionally loved by the God, the God of the Universe, by the King of kings, by the God who chose to be an Abba--a daddy--to those who come to Him by faith. Maybe then we will be the ones who speak encouragement into our spouses' hearts. We will be the ones who enter a group curious about the others there and curious about why God had our paths cross. We will be the ones not missing a chance to connect at deep levels.  

This is an important part of what it means to be working out our salvation. It is an important part of taking our thoughts captive and allowing God's truth to heal wounded hearts and to transform painful emotions into joy. In God's economy, there is no chain link fence! In God's economy, when we experience deep painful neediness, we are welcomed with open arms, with joy, with glorious smile, and a heavenly love song sung by the Savior. We are never an interruption, never unwanted, never unloved, and never a bother. By faith, we are all beloved children. His character itself is love and it is eternal and there is enough to go around. It never ever runs out, doesn't require perfection, and doesn't require hard work. It simply requires we embrace His truth by faith--truth that tells each one of us that we are outsiders no more! 

The Desire of My Heart

"What is desired in a man is a steadfast love,

and a poor man is better than a liar."

Proverbs 19:13

Every year when I look at the Easter story different things stick out. Some times it is the sacrifice Christ made. Sometimes it is the suffering He endured. Sometimes it is the fact He bore my sin in His body. Sometimes it is the pain He faced in being deserted by friends and disciples. Sometimes the scene of Him praying in the garden grabs my heart. Sometimes it is the picture of Him on the cross with His mother was watching. This year the theme that keeps coming to mind is love--the love that He demonstrated. The love fulfilled on the cross actually began in Genesis when Adam and Eve chose to sin. Even as God laid out the consequences of their sin, His words were laced with grace as He replaced their inadequate attempts of covering their shame with adequate clothes of animal skins that pointed them to the coming Savior who loved them and would lay down His life to save them. 

As a child I went to church, but I didn't discuss sermons at home. As a result, I distorted some of God's words and believed things I've learned weren't true. First, even though I understood salvation was by grace through faith, I thought I had to become "a really good" girl to be close to God, which meant I had to be perfect. The harder I tried, the more sinful I felt. Even if I didn't cuss, my mind was filled with curse words that were like fire crackers going off in my head. I tried really hard to be kind, but often the motive behind kindness wasn't love. It was a selfish attempt to earn love from both God and others or to hear praises. I might act forgiving, but I knew there were times I either built walls around my heart that no one could penetrate with painful words or deeds (or loving ones either) or simply withdrew to avoid facing the truth that bitterness was slowly brewing in my heart and twisting life out of me. There was just no way I could be good enough to feel close to God. I knew what was going on inside of me.

I believed I had to just get over the pain I experienced so I could feel joy and that would allow God to move toward me. But the problem was, I didn't know how to remove the pain from my heart myself and, ironically, without intimacy with Him pain was there to stay. I also thought I had to give up certain sins to be close to Him. Sadly, all that did was stir up Pharisaical judgments in me along with self-contempt because of the strict bar with which I judged others and myself.   

I also thought I had go to church and serve others to become close to God. But, the times I experienced the deepest loneliness was when I left church and went home. I was seeking people in the church to fill this void in my heart and God seemed to meet me there, but it was temporary. The people didn't go home with me and somehow I didn't feel connected to Him at home. I couldn't go to church enough times in a week to have a feeling of connection with God that filled the vast God-shaped hole in my heart. I felt defective.

When I came across the above verse that states, "What is desired in a man is steadfast love!" I thought maybe this deep need of love I have in my heart was written on my heart by the Creator Himself. This need doesn't make me defective, less than others, or a bad person. My real problem was that after accepting salvation by grace, I was going back to legalism to try to create a deeper relationship with God and it wasn't working. A pastor showed me Colossians 2:6 years ago, but it was years before the truth of it began to permeate my heart. "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." I received Christ by grace through faith. The only way I could overcome sin, find healing, and serve and love others from a pure heart was to lean into Him just as I was so that I could become rooted built up in Him. I had to let go of my trying to earn a deeper relationship and walk by Faith that He was there always loving me with His steadfast love.  

I had been picturing God's love from a human standpoint. Based on feelings and based on how things are going between two people. His love is not like that. His love is steadfast. The love demonstrated by the cross is the nature of God. He doesn't change, therefore His love is steadfast. It didn't ever, doesn't now, and never will depend on me being sin free, joyful enough, or serving hard enough or loving enough people. 

His love is steadfast. Its big enough to love me at my worst for while I was in my sin Christ died for me and brought me to faith! He loves me always and as I draw near to Him and experience His love and Holiness He will expose my sin -- visible or invisible -- and give me the desire to confess and repent and the power to over come it. I can't do that apart from Him. Intimacy with Him will come in the wrestling with ambivalence of my will verses His will. It will come in the crying out to Him in the face of strong temptation that is so overwhelming that all I can do is fall on my knees and cry out to Him to help, finding that He meets me there and strengthens me to walk away from sin. It even comes in the failures in that it humbles my heart to know that I need His mercy and His grace daily and He is there just as He says to meet that need. I just have to remember to fall towards Him in humility when I fall, rather than crawling away in shame.

His steadfast love is big enough to meet me in my pain, my anger, my confusion, and my frustration. At times I've been so overwhelmed with emotion I wanted to climb a tall mountain and scream at the top of my lungs until someone sees and hears me. I have been good at hiding pain that few people would know I was experiencing it. When I broke my ankle, one of the elders from our church was pushing the wheel chair I was in so he could visit with my husband and I. He asked me if I was in physical pain and explained that he was asking because I was smiling so much he couldn't tell. It was a bad break and hurt a lot! I realized I hid emotional pain just as well, while longing for someone to notice I hurt. I came to realize even though I hid it, God noticed and was continually inviting me to express all the yucky, messy stuff to Him. After spending time in the Psalms reading David's honest cries, I began to picture God meeting me on that mountain top. I don't picture Him turning away from me in my tears, pain, anger and then coming back when I am done. I picture Him taking me in His arms and loving me until the pain is released. When I'm angry, I picture Him taking me in His arms as I lash out and holding me until the anger melts, exposing the pain underneath. His Word says He is our Healer, yet I had thought I had to come to Him already healed. So not true!  

The story of Mary and Martha helped me let go of my obsessive serving to get close to God. Sitting with Him in prayer and Bible reading and discussing the Word with others helped me begin to let go of one thing at a time to find out what it was He wanted me to do. Business didn't fulfill me, it depleted me. Business didn't fill my heart, Jesus did. Out of the full heart a different ministry began to take place--it's not a ministry about me doing anything, but simply being a part of something He is obviously doing in the lives of others. I can walk away from the nights of ministry full, because I have the privilege of seeing God at work in hearts and lives doing only what He can do and remembering He is doing that every single day for me, too!.

How gracious God is to write on our hearts the desire to experience steadfast love and then Himself step up and be the One to fulfill that in our lives. O that we would quit looking for it in the wrong places and quit trying to earn it. We just have to receive what He has already lavishly given and lean into Jesus in faith so we are rooted and built up and offer sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving. We will experience Him because we will be more prone recognize Him and His presence and activity in our lives. I am so thankful God not only writes that desire on our hearts, He desires to meet that need in ways we can't even imagine. 

Lessons from the Garden -- Lent #5

"And they went to a place called Gethsemane.

"And He said to His disciples,

"Sit here while I pray."

Mark 14:32

(Taken from Mark 14, Luke 22, and Matthew 26)

Jesus often escaped the crowds to spend time alone with His Father in prayer. It was no different the night before His death. After sharing the Passover meal, Judas left to betray Him. Then Jesus and His disciples walked to the Mount of Olives where Jesus and three of the disciples entered a private garden called Gethsemane to pray. Jesus tells the three His soul is so "sorrowful, even to death" and told them to wait and watch while He goes deeper in the garden to pray. The three soon asleep and He prays.  

It is easy to gloss over the words of His prayer! At first glance, they seem to be simply stated, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." However, Luke's account gives us some idea of the intensity of His prayer time and the emotions His disciples' are experiencing. The Lord tried to wake His friends a couple of times to pray, but Luke says they slept because of their sorrow. Luke also said as Christ was praying He was in such anguish He sweat big drops of sweat tinged with blood and the Lord sent an angel to minister to His beloved Son. 

I love Christ's prayers in the Garden for several reasons. First, it is a beautiful model of how we should handle the situations in which we experience anguish. I used to shut down when emotions rose and I couldn't even think of praying.  As I have grown in my relationship with God, I have learned to take things to Him. There were a couple of times I experienced the angst described in this passage--the push-pull of wanting my will and God's at the same time. One was when my son was hurt in an accident and His spleen ruptured. Before that night if any one asked if I wanted God's will for my children, I would have automatically said yes. That night as they rolled him away to surgery, I wanted my son to live and I wanted God's will and was terrified they might not be the same. Thankfully they were. Not long after that, our granddaughter was born three months early and I experienced the same angst. Thankfully, she survived and thrived. While we were waiting her arrival and while she was in the NIC unit, I patterned my prayers after Jesus' prayers in the garden and I did it with great emotion.   

Second, I love these passages because there are no other passage that shows both the humanity and the deity of Christ so clearly. I used to think He was wrestling with the idea of death and that it was His humanity that was struggling with dying. But a few years ago God helped me see it differently. I was out walking and listening to Christian music and praying. As I began to confess a habitual sin of which I was both ashamed and frustrated, a song about the cross started playing. In my mind I could clearly see Christ on the cross with the names of my sins etched into His body. In my mind I glanced at His face and saw Him looking at me in love. It hit me that my sins weren't just nailed to the cross They were put on Jesus Himself. As I think about that this week, I realize Christ didn't hide in the temple to avoid sin. He came face to face with sin in all of its ugly forms as He rubbed shoulders with people just like you and me. He became very familiar with the evil that dwelled in the hearts of humans. He saw the ugliness of the sins they committed against and each other and the ugliness of its impact on people and He saw the pain it caused.

He knew as He was praying that every sinful act of abuse would be placed on Him. That included every act of physical abuse, every act of sexual abuse, every act of emotional abuse, and every act of spiritual abuse. He knew that every murder committed would rest on His shoulders. He knew that every act of betrayal, whether it was physical or acts of adultery or spiritual adultery in which we allow other people or things to take the place of God in our lives. The sin placed on Him also included the sin of those who torture, control, and use others to satisfy sick needs for power and control. The sin placed on Him included addictions and all the other atrocious acts that people carry out to get their "substances" of choice. The sin placed on Him included every unkind name, every hateful word spoken both deliberately and in haste, and every lie told in the name of bullying which tears holes in human hearts and gossip which murders the reputation of people. It includes the trafficking of human beings.

The sin placed on Christ not only included sin of commissions, but sins of omission as well. Those things we know to do but fail to do. The sin of parents who fail to love, to bond with babies, to affirm with their words, to nourish hearts. feed bodies, adequately clothe, and teach them when they had the means to do so. It covers the sin of a husband failing to love his wife and a wife refusing to respect her husband. It cover the sin of not honoring parents. It covers the sins of those who have plenty selfishly refusing to feed the hungry, house the homeless, educate the needy, and even worse those of us who refuse to and share Christ with those who don't look "Christian."  It includes those who fail to witness, pray, praise, encourage, and confront cruel gossip and a believing brother or sister who is dabbling in the world. It even included Pharisees' sinful pride that kept those who were hungering and thirsting for God bound in legalism and bondage to rules and regulations that drove them away from God so the Pharisees could feel important and deflect attention away from their own evil hearts.

Christ not only knew that night He would bear the sin of man and experience the pain sin causes. He knew He was going to be facing His Father's wrath for sin He was to bear for us. He knew for the first time in eternity He would face separation from His Father. The perfect relationship would be severed. As He bore our sin, He would feel alone--so alone He would cry out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" .

I don't think Christ was wrestling with the concept of dying as much as He was wrestling with being both God and Man. As the perfect man He would bear the horrible burden of all the sin of the world-- the sin He, as a Holy God, hated and was repulsed by. He was also struggling because He knew He would soon experience the severing of the perfect relationship that had forever nourished and sustained Him. His love for man never wavered as He kept coming back to the will of His Father, but maybe He feared watching His Father's face turn away. His struggle tells us how much He cherished the relationship He had with His Father.

There are a couple of things we can take away from the Garden. First, love, real love, isn't easy! Love is sacrificial and sacrificing doesn't feel warm and fuzzy. It feels hard and it feels scary. It feels unjust and unfair. It requires delayed gratification and goes against what feels good. It requires we go to our own Gethsemane and fall on our knees, praying for His strength to obey when we are weak and incapable of doing His will. Sometimes it is only with His help that we can find the strength it takes to lay aside our wants and our desires to love God and to love others as He has loved us.

Second, we can remain faithful by keeping our eyes on Jesus who endured the cross for us even though He despised the shame and the sin that came with it. We must never forget He endured the hostility from sinners and faced the wrath of God in our place so we wouldn't. (Hebrews 12:3) We don't want to forget the price He paid. For there is not a one of us that doesn't face a struggle with sin or a struggle with obeying God's will at some point. There is not one of us that will have resisted the temptations we have faced to the point we shed blood like He shed in the Garden.. God doesn't take us through things to strengthen us, He takes us through things that reveals how weak we are so that we can learn to lean into Him through prayer so He can give us both the will and the strength to obey. Oh that I would reach a point in my own life I would want what He wants so bad I would wrestle as long and as hard as it takes to obey.